Written in Stone
by OffMyHead
Summary: In the light of Panem:The New World, Katniss and Peeta start to rebuild their lives together despite the venom that persists on flowing within Peeta's veins The legacy of President Snow lives on. We know about the life they will live and the children they will have This story reveals the events that lead up to the moment in the meadow and further into the lives of the Victors of 12
1. Chapter 1

**:DISCLAMIER: I DO NOT OWN 'THE HUNGER GAMES':**

**:IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS:**

**ONE**

I clutch the sheets of my bed as my mind adjusts itself to reality. It's two in the morning. I need Peeta. I'm not even sure if he can stand to be in the same room with me after what happened at dinner.

After the rebellion ended and Haymitch, Peeta and I returned to Twelve, we would have dinner together every weekend. The food would consist of the meat from my hunting and the bread from Peeta's baking. Every single dinner would go smoothly, usually with Haymitch dead drunk on the couch in either Peeta's or my living room. This of course resulted to Peeta and I having time alone. I was grateful for the alcohol in Haymitch's bloodstream because it actually gave Peeta and me a chance to talk and reconcile. Last night though, Peeta crashed through the kitchen door and feel on the floor, causing the bread on the basket he was carrying to fly to the air. He clutched his ears and closed his eyes. He was muttering something under his breath. I flung myself to him to wrap him in my arms, Haymitch, thankfully sober that night, stopped me and said that it would be best to leave him and that my presence would only make it worse.

I urge myself to rise from my bed. I grab my coat and wear it over my shirt and pants. I made my way through my house and out the door to the only place I know I would be free of my nightmares.

I reached Peeta's front door and unlocked it with the key he gave me. I walked in the house and climb the stairs to Peeta's room. I find him asleep when I open the door. Without hesitation, I remove my coat, leave it on the floor and climb onto his bed and into the blankets. I rest my head on his right shoulder. Instantly, though he is still sleeping, his right arm shifts so that my head rests on it and his left arm brings me closer to his chest. He smells of cinnamon and dough. This is where I feel safe. I close my eyes and meet a dreamless sleep, accompanied with the soft hum of my Peeta's breathing.

When I wake again, Peeta is looking down at me, obviously just waking up too. I stifle a smile when I remember the incident during dinner.

"Hi" I say.

"Hi" he says back.

I start to back away from him and grab my coat, say thanks and leave when he says " Don't" barely audible even in the silence.

"Okay" I answer and tuck myself back into his arms. Everything went quiet after that. Both of us are fully awake now.

"You're here" says Peeta, braking the silence

"I am. I came in last night with the key. You know."

"Why?"

"Nightmares" another round of silence. After a while, it was me who spoke up.

"Peeta, last night when we were about to have dinner, what did you see in the flashback?" I whispered as though another person might here my question. It took him a while to answer, but when he did, it startled me.

"It wasn't a flashback."

"Then what was it?" I ask shocked.

"It was more like a memory. I was sure it was. There wasn't anything shiny in it." he paused "It was when we got out of Tigris's shop. When we split up. I was walking alone remember?" I nod. " Well you remember when everything went crazy. Then there was an explosion. Two explosions. I knew you were in that area. I thought you were dead." I quickly wipe my tears on my sleeves at the memory of the day Prim died. Peeta however was trapped in a trance. "I thought that I saw you for the last time in that shop. Then I went crazy too. Pushing everyone out of the way toward the place of the explosions. I didn't reach it you know. Thirteen's hovercraft came and picked me out of the streets. I didn't see you for so long. All the while I knew you to be dead. It was so hard." He continued. "Everything went better as soon as they told me when we landed that you were alive." he looks down at me again. "Everything's perfect now." I reached up to kiss him. There. I feel it again. The warmth in my stomach getting bigger and bigger, until I couldn't handle it anymore. My hands travel from his face to the soft curls on his head and I pull him closer to me. His hands move across my back and land on my waist. I release a tiny moan. I stop the kiss look into Peeta's eyes. The words leave my mouth as fast as it came in my mind.

"Marry me" I say to him.

Before he can answer, I pull him to me for another kiss. For one because I can't take that feeling of wanting more and another because I'm really honestly afraid of what he might say. That's stupid because I'm talking to Peeta! The one man, who I know, besides Gale, truthfully loves me more than himself! Still, I make the kiss last so long. He was the one to pull away this time. He just looks at me and I stare back at his blue eyes mentally willing him to speak.

"I always dreamt that I would be the one to ask." he answers with a laugh. I laugh too.

"Is that a yes?" I return

"Of course." he then pulls me to a short kiss. I rest my head back on his chest feeling relieved and happy. His hands find my hair and I count the beats of his heart. We stay like this for a while.

"You sure about this?" I ask him.

"Katniss," he lifts my chin so that we're facing each other again. "You're the only thing I'm sure about." he kisses me again.

That night, when we slept in each other's arms, I did have a dream, but not a nightmare. I see Peeta standing in the meadow carrying a small child in his arms, peacefully sleeping and his other hand clasped at another child, older than the one in his arms. Peeta sees me and points toward my direction so that the little girl beside him can find me too. Her blue eyes find me and her lips turn to a toothless smile. She runs towards me and I greet her with a hug, lifting her off her tiny feet.

"Hi Mommy!" she says. Her voice sounds like the sweet tinkling sound of bells.

"Hey, baby." I say. Peeta suddenly appears by our side and with one arm, engulfs us in a hug and plants a kiss on my forehead.

When I wake, I find the sunlight in my face. As I move through the blankets, I notice that it's become more spacious. Still half asleep, I whisper Peeta's name with a smile across my face. My eyes open wide as I receive no answer.


	2. Chapter 2

**:DISCLAMIER: I DO NOT OWN 'THE HUNGER GAMES':**

**:IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS:**

**TWO**

Immediately, I push the covers away from me and stagger to my feet. I collect my coat. I run through the door of Peeta's room and through the hallways shouting his name repeatedly. I give up on searching the second floor and move down to the first. I sweep through the first floor.

Nothing. I can't find Peeta.

Okay. I need to calm down and think. It's almost afternoon, and Peeta could've easily woken up earlier than me and decide to take a walk. Well, not with his leg. Which means, he couldn't have gotten too far from the house. The bakery. That's where he's gone off to.

I wear my coat over my sleeping clothes and close the door behind me. I glance over to Haymitch's house and see that the windows have gone foggy despite the spring weather. I make a mental note to check up on him as soon as I find Peeta. The Mellark Bakery is not very far from the Victor's Village. I pass through a handful of people who give me strange looks. I ignore them and focus on finding Peeta.

The bakery floor is covered with shattered glass and flour. The windows have been shattered. In the middle of all the shards and mess, I find Peeta sleeping. I refuse to believe otherwise because that is to say he is dead. His head is turned sideways, facing my direction, his eyes closed. His arms are spread across the floor. I see his wrists are flayed. Next to him is a pool of blood.

On impulse, I run toward him, stepping on the shards of glass that pierce through my thin slippers. The pain is excruciating and I fall to my knees and receive another round of pain. Then my hands catch my fall and they too are stabbed with the shards of glass. I am shivering as I hastily pull the pieces of glass from my hands legs and feet. A gush of blood trails on the floor as I, unsteadily, move to Peeta. When I reach him, I make sure to move all shards of glass away before I sit beside him. I rip my sleeves of my coat and quickly cover up the cuts on his wrists. The rivulets of blood running down his forearm only slows down but does not stop. I check his body and find other cuts but not ones that are in need of too much attention. I touch Peeta's cheek. He's so pale.

I'm starting to feeling dizzy. The bakery is spinning.

I keep my efforts to grip myself to reality and stay conscious. I grab Peeta's shoulders and shake him repeatedly. I shout his name. Tears fall from my eyes and stain his shirt.

"Peeta, wake up please. Please wake up. Please." I rest my ear to his chest and hear the slow beats of his heart. I lift my head and see that my hands have left blood all over his face and shirt. My pants are damp with blood. I see Peeta's wrists and the cloth is soaking wet. The last things I register are the steps that echo in the room and the scream that follows it. My head drops to Peeta's chest and I back again in the darkness.

When I open my eyes, I feel the light sheets over my body and a prick on my forearm. The lights of the room pierce through my eyes and send painful sensations through my brain. Someone comes to view. He wears a white coat with a patch attached to it that I cannot read. His hair is as thin as the grass during summer. He tells me something I don't understand. He pauses. He shakes his head and looks back to me as if he's expecting me to speak. I make an effort to keep my eyes open but they roll back and I'm back in solitude.

I breathe in the horrible smell of the hospital. When, again I open my eyes, the man is gone. I feel much better now than before. I stir in my bed, searching for warmth. There is a knock on the door, and when it opens, Haymitch enters.

"Wake up!" he cries.

"I am" I grumble, propping myself up on my elbows. It's so typical of Haymitch to scream in a hospital. "Why are you here?"

"Look, Katniss none of us is really happy about this arrangement of me playing your guardian all the time," he brings a wheelchair at the side of my bed. "So, to save both of our breaths, why don't you pick up the pace and get out of that bed, sweetheart" he winks at me.

Without another word, I struggle to get to the wheelchair. Both my hands are heavily bandaged and so are my legs and feet. I surely can't get to that chair on my own.

"Come on, sweetheart! You got through two Games!" I scow and show him my hands. With quick movements, Haymitch lifts me from my bed. I gasp in surprise. I can smell the alcohol on his shirt.

"You've been drinking" I say with another scowl.

"Honestly, when have I ever been _not_ drinking?" he answers and gently places me on the wheelchair. He takes my IV stand and starts to push my wheelchair outside of my room.

"Where are you taking me?"

"Home." We're silent for a while, going through the hallways of the hospital. I rest my head on my right shoulder. It's a long hall. Everything here reminds me of my mother and Prim.

"Where's Peeta?" I turn my head to look at him. I can tell he's trying hard not to look down at me. He doesn't answer.

"Haymitch! Where is Peeta?" I ask more forcefully. He sighs and stops pushing.

"He's not here."

"Where is he?" I'm shouting now. Nurses start to walk in our direction and Haymitch dismisses them with a wave of his hand. He walks from the back of the wheelchair to the front so that we're facing each other.

"Haymitch, please." I beg. "Please tell me where he is." I look back into his gray Seam eyes and brace myself for his response.

"Peeta is in District Thirteen." he answers.


	3. Chapter 3

**:DISCLAIMER:I DO NOT OWN 'THE HUNGER GAMES':**

**:IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS:**

**THREE**

My hands clutch on the thin cloth that covers his back and my head rests on his shoulder. He carries me with his strong arms but he walks with unstable feet. Haymitch reaches the foot of the stairs and slowly, we start to climb to my room.

It was Leevy who heard me screaming in the bakery. She saw Peeta and me both unconscious in our pool of blood. She called for help. Once again, I am in her debt. If she'd never found us there, Peeta and I would've bled dead.

They have sent Peeta back to Thirteen in Dr. Aurelius's care. They don't know when he'll be back. I asked Haymitch when I can visit Peeta and he said that I absolutely cannot visit him or even call him on the phone while he's in Thirteen. He's back in rehabilitation and is under observation. Peeta is, again, out of my reach. They're never going to give him back to me after what he's done to himself. He will never get over the flashbacks. It's going to kill him and when it does, it will also kill me.

I keep my eyes shut as Haymitch carries me up the staircase. We reach the door and he deposits me in my room and places me on my bed. He must think I'm sleeping because he doesn't bother to say goodbye.

"Haymitch, you have to bring him back to me. You have to," I whisper through the silence. I open my eyes and I find Haymitch at the door. He turns to me and sighs. "Get some sleep, sweetheart" he answers and closes the door behind him. Tears fill my eyes. He's not even going to try. Peeta and I are the closest thing he will ever have to family and he's given Peeta away.

I wipe the tears from my eyes on my sleeve. One thing I am ever going to be sure about is my wedding to my Peeta. Nothing will keep me from being with him. The injuries on my hands and legs are finally wearing me down and I close my eyes.

My body craves his touch. It is a restless night as I am left alone to defend myself from the nightmares that consistently come as I close my eyes.

I am in a dark hallway. When I look through to the end of it, I see Peeta. He is handcuffed like the way he was in Thirteen during the rebellion. His hands and feet are bound. He's screaming for me so I run. So, I run as fast as I can towards him. But I can't reach him. He starts crying now.

I see blood on the floor. When I look down, I see that my feet are bleeding. I don't stop running. My heart is racing. The hallway stretches and does not permit me to reach Peeta. My feet trip, and I fall to the ground. When I look back, I find Prim's body. Her face is charred from the explosion. Her gold hair singed. Her head twists and turns to my direction and her eyes open.

_Katniss why did you let them take me? _ _Why didn't you save me?_

No. No. No. No. I crawl to her and reach for her hand but as soon as I do so, she vanishes. I am left with the ringing of her voice in the air.

_Why didn't you save me?_

It goes on and on. And as if calling me back to reality, Peeta's voice is louder than ever, asking for me to take him away from this place. I stand up and when I look back towards Peeta's direction, Rue is lying on her side, with the spear through her stomach.

_You were too late, Katniss. You were too late to save me._

They're voices pierce through my heart until I cannot take it anymore. I fall and clutch my hands to my ears and close my eyes. Peeta's screams, and Prim and Rue's cries fill the air and bounce through the walls of the dark hall.

I wake up screaming. The sheets of my bed have fallen on the floor. Blood shows on the bandages that wrap around my injuries. I ignore them and run straight through the halls of my house and exit through the back door. I find the only patch of my garden that is tended only by Peeta's hands or mine.

Primrose.

I kneel on the soil and bury my face in the soft petals of the flowers. The scent calms me down. It brings me happy memories of Peeta and Prim. Buttercup's purrs startle me. Buttercup rarely comes home at night. He finds his way back from wherever he chooses to wander off to and stays for a few days and leave again. I stroke his forehead and carry him inside the house. When I enter, I find Haymitch in the kitchen. He's opening and closing drawers and cabinets, grumbling under his breath.

"What are you looking for?" I startle him.

"I need a drink." he says in a gruff voice. "I know you keep some somewhere in here."

I scowl. "Bottom left cabinet near the sink." he quickly retreats from the drawer he's been searching and move to the one I pointed. I know it might not be good for Haymitch to be drinking this early, but I tell him anyway. He brings out about 5 bottles and barbarically starts to empty one. He takes a seat in the living room and raises his feet and places it on the table in front of him.

I set Buttercup on the floor and open one of the cabinets to get a can of soup. I also grab a can of sardines for Buttercup. I open my can of soup and transfer it in a bowl and pop it in the microwave. Then I open the can of sardines and place it on the floor next to Buttercup and he starts to eat it hungrily.

"I'm going to see Peeta whether you like it or not." I say to him as I enter the living room.

"Okay, sweetheart you do that. I'll be here." he raises the bottle he's drinking to me and winks. "What did you do anyway to set him off so much?"

I don't answer.

"Darling, he dug glass through his arms and almost died! Surely you've got something to do with it! What with all the hijacking and all?" I flinch when he says hijacking. The alarm of the microwave sounds and I get up to get my soup. When I pass through Haymitch's seat, he clutches my wrist.

"Let me go!" I say.

"What happened, Katniss." he hisses. Still, I don't speak a word. He tightens his grip on my wrist in impatience.

"I asked him to marry me." Instantly, his hand releases me and the house is filled with his snorts and laughter.

I leave Haymitch and proceed to the kitchen, hot with anger. I take my soup from the microwave and start to eat it. Haymitch staggers to the kitchen, wiping his eyes with the collar of his shirt. Buttercup growls at him, flattening his ears and revealing his claws. Hamitch hears the growls but ignored Buttercup. He looks from me to Buttercup.

"You two related or something?" he says with a laugh.

"Go back to your geese Haymitch." I place my bowl in the sink, losing my appetite for breakfast. I make my way to the staircase to mend my wounds when Haymitch speaks again.

"What did he say?" sounding a bit more serious.

"He said yes." At the same moment I answer, the phone rings. The phone is located in the study room, where it sits on the oak table where President Snow sat. Haymitch and I exchange glances and then we both start to run. Though I know Haymitch isn't fit to be running and make it before I do, I ignore the complains of my injuries and dash to the room.

It might be Peeta. I hope its Peeta.

I make it on the third ring and grab the phone from its cradle. I bring it to my ears.

"Hello? Hello?" I say breathlessly.

"Hello, Katniss?" I hear the voice of a man and it is indisputably Gale's.


	4. Chapter 4

:**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN 'THE HUNGER GAMES':**

**:IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS:**

**FOUR**

"Gale!" I scream at the phone in surprise. Haymitch reaches the room and sighs with relief when he hears Gales name.

"Why are you panting?" he asks

"Nothing. Its nothing." Haymitch leaves the room and closes the door. A few moments later I hear a loud grunt and a meow. I regain my breath. "So how's District 2?"

"I heard about Peeta." He whispers. My heart skips a beat. I knew he would know soon. District Two has navy bases in all the districts including Thirteen. Since Gale is one of the head leaders, he is entitled to know all the news in all the districts. I don't speak.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

"Yes." My voice falters. "Just a few cuts." I pause again. He's waiting for me to say something more. "Is Peeta—" He knows me well enough to understand what I mean.

"They tell me he's fine. He lost a lot of blood. You're mother's gone to Thirteen to help." My mother is in Thirteen. Why hasn't she called? Wouldn't she want me to know? Unless— unless she thinks it would be too hard for me to handle.

"Gale, I can't leave Twelve to go to Thirteen. They won't let me see him." I beg desperately. "Gale, please. I know they'll let you go. You've got authority. Go to Thirteen. I just need to know he's okay. I just need to" my voice trails off. For a while there is silence. Asking for this, I know it hurts Gale. It shows him that I have chosen Peeta instead of him. I am choked with despair. I don't mean to choose anyone. I love them both.

"Okay." He says finally.

"Okay?" I test.

"Sure, Catnip. I'll check up on him then I'll come visit you."

"Hey Gale?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks" There's nothing really I could say to him anymore. We say goodbye and I place to phone back in its cradle. I open the door and outside of the room, I find that Greasy Sae replaces Haymitch. She hears my footsteps and turns around from the kitchen counter. Her granddaughter is playing with Buttercup on the floor.

"I let Haymitch out. I made sure he was set in his house and came back here to make breakfast but I guess you've covered that already." She says with a sigh. She lifted her granddaughter off the floor and sets her on one of the chairs. Then her eyes find mine and somehow, I know that she knows it was Gale on the phone.

"He still loves you." She says. She knows very well not to believe the lie that Gale and I are in relations.

"I know." I pause. "I know. Even after all this time." My chest tightens as I articulate the reality I have always refused to believe until now. Without another word, I grab my bow and arrows and my game bag near the door and dash out of the house.

I need to think. I need to escape from all this. My feet takes me to the meadow and crawl under the fence and enter the place that was and will always be my livelihood, Seam or not. Once I step on the soil, I notice the silence that takes over the forest. Slowly, my instincts take over. I shoot several squirrels and rabbits and catch some fish. I pick some fruits and berries as I go along, popping some in my mouth. I trek up the slope of the forest and I find myself standing on the doorstep of the small house where I met Bonnie and Twill and where I asked Gale to run away with me.

I walk to the house and enter through the door. Nothing has changed. The windows are still broken and only the cement, covered with moss holds the house together. I place the game on the hard floor. I start a fire and clean my hunt of its entrails. I choose to clean one of the rabbits first and proceed on cooking it. My mind drifts off to the times before the games. Gale and I would be hunting today. Both of us armed with our weapons, me with my bow and arrows and he with his snares. Skulking deeper in the woods, saying whatever we want, free from the prying eyes and ears of the district.

What's happened between us? We've lost the easy connection we shared with each other. The way our thoughts always seem to be identical. The Games have taken Gale away from me but gave me Peeta in return. They have asked me to choose Peeta over Gale, and for my life, I had to. It was unfair for Peeta because I did not share the same feelings he had for me. It was unfair for Gale because I hardly knew Peeta whereas I knew Gale all my life and still I choose Peeta over him.

_Katniss will pick whoever she thinks she can't live without_

His voice echoes through my head and I am jolted back in Tigris's cellar. I think about this for a moment I would not have survived hunger without Peeta or Gale before the Games. Peeta saved my family with the bread, risking a beating from his mother. Gale became my partner in the woods and my best friend at the same time. Peeta and I were thrust into a relationship to survive the Games. In those Games Peeta saved me from Cato, earning himself blood poisoning. I think about the nights I have without Peeta and the nights I don't have with Gale. Of how I crumble in fear caused by the nightmares and of how only Peeta's arms can calm me. I think of the night I asked him to marry me.

It's Peeta it's always been him but I can't just abandon my feelings for Gale either.

I allow myself to nibble on the rabbit leg I cooked as I exit the tiny house. I walk back to the fence and through the meadow. It's nearly noon now. The sun is high. It has been three days since the accident. I make my way through to the bakery and find that it's been fixed. The shattered glass has been swept and the windows are fixed. Still, I enter cautiously as if the shards of glass may reappear at any second. I drop my things near the door. Everything is strangely in place. I lurk inside the kitchen and find myself facing the back door where I first met Peeta. Slowly, I open the door. I am shocked when I find the place has completely transformed from a place for trash bins to a shrine with all the most beautiful flowers. Peeta has painted the faces of his older brothers and parents on the walls and has littered the floor with vast colors of roses and dandelions.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" Leevy's voice startles me.

"Oh! I didn't know you were here." I said turning towards the door where she stands. Leevy has that Seam look. Dark hair and gray eyes. Our ages are not that far from each other.

"It's okay. I hope I didn't scare you." She answers and gestures toward Peeta's painting of his older brothers. "He's really good at painting."

"I know. Leevy, I-" I wanted to thank her but again my words fail me. Leevy always so ready to help me and I think of how I do not even try to see if she needs help sometimes. Since the rebellion ended, Peeta and I were always together. I didn't realize until now that without Peeta, I have no one. I miss Madge so much. I have no friend in the world and here is Leevy who i didn't even acknowledge until now. "Leevy, I wanted to thank you." I say at last. She smiles at me and walks toward me to give me a hug. I don't resist to return her hug. We release each other and for some reason we laugh hysterically. I missed this. Having a friend. I lost Peeta and Gale but now at least I have Leevy.


	5. Chapter 5

**:DISCLAIMER:I DO NOT OWN ' THE HUNGER GAMES':**

**:IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS:**

**FIVE**

Over the past week since Gale made the call, the wounds on my hands and legs have finally healed. Leevy and I become fast friends. Though we never really talked about it, she and I would meet up at my house at exactly 12 noon. We go hunting. I teach her to shoot and she teaches me to turn stalks of flowers into bracelets. We spend most of our time in the woods or in the meadow. Everyday, we make time to go to Peeta's bakery and tend to the flowers.

I discover that Leevy is an only child. Her pregnant mother died during the bombing that forced the people of Twelve to flee. She and her father were both in the square, buying some food when the raid started. They ran for the Seam to find her mother but found it swallowed by the flames. Leevy had to pull her father away and run to the meadow where Gale was leading them.

I don't know why Leevy chooses to spend all her time with me instead of her father but I don't ask because this arrangement is doing me well too. We don't talk much about our family because we've lost so many loved ones that it is very painful to reminisce. Leevy lives in the town's new apartments. The only houses left in Twelve, are those in the Victor's Village and those who had enough money after the rebellion to build a new house. The remaining houses in the Victor's Village were sold to those who had enough money to pay the expensive price. Majority of the people from the Seam are either living in these apartments or working in different districts.

"You don't have to pull the string too hard. The apple's not that high up." I say. We are in the woods, accompanied by the songs of the mockingjays. Leevy aims the bow and arrow toward the tree bearing the apples. She nods and concentrates on shooting. I am sitting about three feet away from her with my own bow and arrows by my side, weaving a small basket and inserting flowers through the spaces in between. Leevy releases the arrow and it strikes directly at the center of an apple in the tree and falls to the ground, bouncing on the soil. We erupt in laughter and screams. Leevy runs to pick up the apple when suddenly, the mockingjays stop singing.

The bow clasp in her hands fall and the basket in mine drops and begins to unravel on the soil. We look at each other, our faces in terror and confusion as to what might have caused the silence of the mockingjays. At once, I stagger to reach my bow and arrows and point in various directions. The silence could've only been caused by danger.

"Pick up your bow and load it!" I scream at Leevy. Quickly, she reaches for it and hastily loads in with an arrow. She runs towards me and plants her back against mine. We stay like this for a while. I search the woods, willing my eyes to see further. I prepare to scale the trees.

"What's going to happen, Katniss?" She whispers. At the same time, a helicopter roars up in the sky, it's propellers spinning fast. It is flying considerably low for the usual height for flying. At one side, I see the number "2" painted in gold on the door. My arms lower the bow. The helicopter speeds out of view and once again, the mockingjays start to sing. I am frozen on the spot. I discover that I am all but prepared for the news Gale will bring. Seeing Gale himself, I am not prepared for.

"Go, Katniss!" Leevy's voice does not register in my mind until she's pushing me towards the meadow; bow still clutched at one hand and an arrow on the other. I stop right at the fence. I turn around and look into Leevy's eyes and without another word, I hug her.

"Say hi to him for me." She whispers to me.

"Of course." I say back.

I craw under the fence, through the meadow and run towards the Landing Station. All the while thinking of Peeta and of Gale. I burst through the station clearances, ignoring the guards and exit out in the open where the helicopter will land. As it lands I see a glimpse of Gale's figure in one of the windows. The place is barricaded, so I can't go any closer. The guards come crashing through the door.

"I'm Katniss Everdeen!" I scream at their panting faces. In sudden realization, they straighten their backs, put their guns to the side and salute me. Being the symbol of the revolution that rid Panem of President Snow has its perks. One comes forward and start to apologize but I ignore him and mumble a thank you because the helicopter lands and the door, marked with a gold "2", opens. I jump over the barricades and run to meet Gale.

"Miss Everdeen!" one of the guards screams. I keep running and stop only when I see him stepping out. He's still in the military uniform, covered with patches. We meet each other and he gives me a hug. "Not here, Katniss." his voice is so low I have to rethink if it was just something my brain conjured. I release him.

"Hey, Catnip" he greets with a jovial smile.

"Soldier Gale Hawthorne," I giggle and mimic the salutes of the guards. Some of the guards snicker others maintain a serious face.

"That's Private, Soldier Everdeen" he answers back barely holding back laughter.

After that, we are greeted with a car to take us to the luxurious apartment prepared for Gale. He refuses and asks me to walk with him instead. Once we are out of earshot from the guards, I immediately ask him "To the woods?" because I know it would be the safest place for us to talk once again of forbidden things.

We crawl under the fence and enter the woods. Leevy has left and has probably taken my hunting gear back home because it is no longer there.

"Why haven't they fixed that up yet?" Gale says looking at the fence.

"I don't know." Actually I do. Being the Mockingjay, whether I like it or not, I am to be updated about all the districts' improvements or— if ever, uprisings. Mr. Mellor, the new mayor of Twelve came to my house one evening to inform me that everything in Twelve has been renovated, renewed and fixed. That night after he left, I dashed to the Meadow to see if the fence was fixed and was buzzing with electricity but found it the same as I left it the day before. I figured that the mayor purposely left out the fence from renovation for me.

Gale faces away from the fence and back to me. Everything about him has changed over the years of our separation. His skin looks darker, his hair thinner. He's definitely grown more muscular compared to the thin man I knew, barely getting enough to eat everyday. I look into those gray eyes that seemed to have resisted change and still I know that I would trust him with my life. But the expression on his face tells me that everything he will say is anything but good news. We walk deeper into the woods in silence.

"How is he?" The words leave my mouth in a whisper. The palms of my hands are sweating and my heart palpitates in the silence between us. Gale's expression doesn't change. He reaches for the pocket on his left breast and produces a small box of mint and offers it to me. I open it and put one in my mouth but it doesn't help at all. I've gone as stiff as the trees around me.

"He's fine. They're trying to get most of the venom out of his blood. They're pumping in new blood. They said that he'd lost too much blood that they had to do it anyway to save him."

"Did you see him?"

"No ,Katniss. No one from Twelve is allowed to, you know that. Only a few from Thirteen, only Doctor Aurelius and his team. Not even your mother. You know the things he can do when he gets out of control." The tone of his voice shakes me. It's as if he is talking about an animal. Everything _has_ changed about Gale. He knows that I care about Peeta. He knows that I've been worried about him and still he talks about him like this?

"You have no right! No right!" I charge at him, fists curled. But instead of hitting Gale, my feet trip and I fall. Before I hit the ground, Gale catches my fall and we both tumble down the slope of the soil. When we both hit the shrubs, Gale reaches for me again.

"Are you okay?" he pants. But I can't answer because as soon as I open my mouth, words fail me and the tears start to flow from my eyes. Gale pulls me in his arms and I sob on his shoulders.

"He's fine Katniss, trust me." Gale whispers. "He'll be back soon." After all this time, he still has my back.

Then I realize that I'm not the only one in pain. Gale must be crumbling at the sight of me sobbing for Peeta. I have been ignorant. I have not thanked Mayor Mellor for leaving the fence for me. Numerous times for Leevy, saving Gale, Peeta and my life. Even for Haymitch who got me out of two arenas alive. And now for Gale comforting the person he loves who cries for some one else. Secretly, I count these acts of goodness in my head and slowly the tears disappear.


	6. Chapter 6

**:DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN 'THE HUNGER GAMES':**

**:IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS:**

**SIX**

"Haymitch!" I scream. He is sprawled on his living room floor, knife clutched on his right hand and an empty bottle on the other. It is midday. The room smells of sweat, alcohol and the stench of unwashed clothes. I kneel down beside him and pry the knife off his hand and set it on one of the tables far from us before I shake him.

"Haymitch, wake up!" But times never change and he is dead to the world. I make my way to the kitchen, careful not to step on bottles that are lying on the floor along with clothes. I fill a basin with water from the sink and while I wait, I open some windows to let fresh air in. The kitchen, like the living room, is a mess. Now that Hazel is in Two, there is no one left to care for Haymitch's home. Once the basin is filled, I carry it to the living room and dump the water directly on Haymitch's head. He wakes up with a jolt waving his, right hand, clutched but empty of its knife. After his fits, he looks for his attacker and he finds me. He stands up with unsteady feet.

"I'm starting to miss the boy already!" he tells me. He grabs on of the shirts on the floor and wipes his face and settles on one of the couches. I don't bother to respond to what he's said because it's too hurtful to think about him right now that I can't get him back.

"I know, I know." He says. He adopts my tone and continues. "We have to go to Thirteen and take him back here!" He tips the bottle in his hands and finds it empty. He throws the bottles across the room and it shatters on the wall and drops on a pile of shards. Just the sight of it makes me wince. I take a seat across Haymitch's and get right to business.

"Tell me why Prim was in the Capitol when she died." This is the first time I ever spoke about Prim since the day I called our mother. Haymitch doesn't show any surprise to what I've just said. He throws the shirt over his shoulders and it lands behind the couch. He sighs and rubs his temples.

"If you want to know," he starts with a rough voice. "It wasn't the boy's fault. His—"

I immediately cut him off because I didn't want to talk about who sent the bombs or whose bombs they were. "I didn't ask for this! Just tell my why she was there Haymi—"

This time, he cuts me off with a raised voice, speaking fast. "It wasn't the boy's fault. His bombs weren't scheduled to drop on that day. You know it was Coin. She made sure Prim knew about some Thirteen Medics who were _chosen _to leave for the Capitol."

A sudden pang of realization hits me. What else would she do? With a father who risked the woods for his family and took his eldest child with him, who in the future defied every order given to her? It was in her blood. That's why the uniform was too big for the frame of her body, her unmistakable golden hair tucked under her shirt.

"She snuck out." My eyes find Haymitch's and I know there is no other conclusion. "I wonder where she got it." He says with a smile that quickly disappears. He starts to say something but I leave before he can tell me more. I have never thought of the possibility of Prim sneaking out, of breaking rules. I should've been prepared. I should've warned her not to go following me. It's my fault. I wasn't taking care of her and I got her killed. Snow was right. I was too busy watching him when I should've been paying more attention to what Coin was up to.

I exit Haymitch's house when I hear a loud thud accompanied by grunt.

"I'm not done! I'm not done!" he shouts. I run to my house and find the one person I can't help but resent right at this moment. He wears a suit, buttoned down with a gorgeous tie that looks so foreign wrapped around his neck. His dark hair is blown to the side by the wind, and slowly as if we were hunting in the woods, his head turns and his grey eyes find mine.

"I'm needed back in Two." He takes something from his breast pocket and produces a card. I reach for it and see that it bears the calling number of District Two's navy base.

"Bye, Catnip." Suddenly all the feelings of hate and anger disappears and the realization that I may never again see Gale in a long time replaces it. I step closer to him and embrace him in my arms. He's different than I remember. His hair is no longer stiff from the lack of bathing. The layer of dust form his skin is gone. But when I feel his arms wrap around me, I know that Gale will never change. He will always have my back and I will always have his.

Without warning, his deep voice is caught in my ears "I love you, Katniss." Until this moment, I have never let myself think of Gale in this way. Especially not now that Peeta and I are engaged and he knows nothing about it. I decide that I will have to tell Gale this, not to hurt him even though I know in the process that I will, but because I owe him this information for everything he's done for me and for Prim. So, I let the words slip from my lips. "I'm engaged to Peeta."

His arms drop and I release him from mine. I stare into his eyes, waiting for his reaction but he only sighs and turn to leave. I hear every step he makes on the pavement, reminding me that when he leaves I can never get him back. But my feet stay rooted on the floor, and I watch another man who loves me, leave from my life, for possibly forever.

Soon after he's left, I make my feet move into my house. The phone is ringing but I ignore it. I go straight to my room, pull the drapes together and sink my head under my pillows. When I wake, it is 5 pm. Unmistakably; my ears pick up the ringing of the phone. Has it been ringing this whole time or am I just always in time for it? I make my way downstairs and pick up the phone from its cradle.  
>"Hello?"<br>"Finally, Soldier Everdeen." The voice of Paylor takes me off guard. I think of a reason for her call. Could it be that she heard about Gale sneaking out of Two to do my biddings? Luckily she does not wait for me to answer and continues. "I have received the news about Soldier Mellark and am hereby giving you permission to visit him in District Thirteen. I have contacted authorities and we have made agreements. You may come see him but you are to have district soldiers at your sides accompanying you at all times. If you wish to see him in private, you must keep with you your communication device and a tracker at all times. Any sign of violation toward these rules, we'll fly you back to Twelve. In the same manner, any violent action from Soldier Mellark towards you, will earn you the same circumstances. Do you agree?"

"I agree! I agree!" I scream at the receiver, afraid that she might not hear me.  
>"Alright. Your flight shall depart tomorrow at noon. Oh, and Soldier, I would like to congratulate you on your engagement."<p> 


	7. Chapter 6 and a half

**:DISCLAIMER I DO NOT OWN 'THE HUNGER GAMES':**

**:IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS:**

**Six and a Half**

"Tracker and earpiece." I show the guards my wrist and tuck the lose strands of hair behind my ear so that they can see that I am qualified to enter Peeta's room. Behind me is Boggs' son, William. He is my bodyguard in Thirteen. He has the same frame as his father, sturdy and firm; his face altogether did not come from his father. But when I hear him laugh, I need to remind myself that it's only his son.

"We may proceed, Ms. Everdeen." William leads the way to the elevator. Nothing much has resurfaced in Thirteen. Most of their facilities remain underground. The only thing up there is the landing station. The elevator stops and the doors open. We step outside and meet a door labeled: 001SPM. I clutch the door knob and push the door open. I am startled to be greeted by a toddler, sea green eyes pale skin and dark hair. A frantic Annie follows.

"Finnick, Finnick!" She mumbles. The little boy turns his head toward his mother's direction and lifts himself up with his tiny feet and walks. Annie picks him up and the boy rests his head on Annie's shoulders, sucks his thumb and returns his gaze at me. This is Finnick and Annie's son, the child who did not even get the chance to meet his father.

"Annie!" I exclaim.

"Katniss." She moves toward me and gives me a hug.

"What are you doing here?" I ask. If I was not allowed to visit, why was Annie? Suddenly, my ears catch the unmistakable voice of Johanna Mason. She looks younger. Her hair is no longer in the shaggy state it was during the Games and the rebellion.

"Well, well, well. I should've known you'd come soon enough." She snorts and turns her attention to William who has not left my side. "You can stay outside. Nothing is going happen to her." She turns to me "God, it's like their expecting Peeta to eat you." She faces William again "Go, go I can take care of her." Amazingly, William leaves the room without a word and Johanna makes sure that the door is closed. Something is definitely off about this situation. Why was Johanna trying so hard to make my bodyguard leave us alone and why did William abide so quickly? Secondly, why were Johanna, Annie and her son here?

"Johanna, I—" I start but she cuts me off.

"No." she simply says and opens another door. I look through the door and find Peeta, lying asleep on his bed, alive and safe.

* * *

><p>*I promise something better, soon. I will be having my quarter exams later this week and the next so I won't be posting that much. ~Trololol U mad<p> 


	8. Chapter 7

**:DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN 'THE HUNGER GAMES':**

**:IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS:**

**Seven**

I brush away the blond hair away from his forehead and am jolted back to the clock arena where I did the same thing and felt similar as well. Finnick had brought Peeta back from the dead when he hit the force field. I feel the rhythmic beats of his heart against my palm over his warm chest and he opens his eyes. His long eyelashes flutter and our eyes meet. I realize then that both of us will never be truly free from the Games. Nightmares will continue to terrify me at night, Peeta will never be free from the venom in his veins and his captivity traps me as well and the memories will haunt both our lives.

"You're here" Peeta whispers

"Yes" I answer

"But they told me you couldn't come; that you weren't allowed to" he tells me with confusion in his voice.

"They had to let me, I'm the Mockingjay after all" I say with a grin. He lifts his palms and cups my face and looks at me. His blue eyes seem to have faded somewhat but I still find home in them. I wonder if he sees the same in mine. That night as I sat next to Peeta's bed, I told him about my thoughts about the Games. He just received the pills he needed so that he can sleep throughout the night.  
>"We'll be fine. We have eachother." He says before he falls asleep.<p>

I crept out of the room and closed the door gently.

"Had enough of Lover-Boy, Girl on Fire?" I am stricken with the image of Clove pinning me down at the Cornucopia forcing a knife to my face. "Oops, didn't mean to startle you." Johanna's sarcastic voice brings me to my senses. "Good, you're awake, now I can sleep!" she says. Johanna disappears into another room and bring with her Annie's child.

"This is Finnick." She hands the child to me and I take him unsure of how to place the boy in my arms. "Well, Finnick Junior I suppose." Johanna continues. She turns to enter her room when I ask, "What am I supposed to do with him?" It's ridiculous I know; Katniss Everdeen can lead a revolution but does not know how to care for a baby.

"The milk is in the heater, diapers are in Annie's bag." She leaves with nothing more but those worlds. I look at the boy with his sea green eyes staring back at me. It's a quarter after one AM and I figure he shouldn't be awake so I sit on a couch and gently rock him to sleep.

It's around two AM and the child is still awake and alert. I stop rocking him though and feed him milk from the prepared bottles. His tiny hands clasp the bottle and I don't even have to hold it up for him. Annie starts to stir in her sleep and wakes up with a start. She is frantic and so confused. Finnick who is still in my arms drops his bottle as well and stretches his arms out to his mother. I bring the baby to Annie and once she sees him, she starts to calm down and I place her child in her arms. After a few minutes, they both fall asleep. It's amazing how only her child can calm her down so quickly just like her husband. I wonder if I had children like Annie's, will they calm me down like Finnick does with his mother? It doesn't matter. I am never having children. I have Peeta to keep me sane.

In the morning, I ask Johanna why they're here. They could be anywhere else in the now free Panem. "We're allies right? Someone has to take care of him if you can't." she says. After that, "Well I'm going out to find breakfast." I can't seem to place Johanna. Most of the time she's the fearless fighter even in the Rebellion, her weakness barely showed then she starts to be this caring friend who takes care of everyone. I remember in the arena during the jabberjay hour I tried to stop her from going in but she remarked with "They can't hurt me in there. There's no one left I love." I guess now there are plenty.

I go to Peeta's room and the moment I sit next to his bed, he wakes. The tubes have been removed earlier this morning. They want him to stay because he needs to be observed. Not many doctors come and go. The nurses though are here most of the time. Technically, Peeta is as well as he can be. We all know that the venom can never really be out of his system. President Snow as well lives even after his death.

Later that day we are surprised by the visit of Doctor Aurelius. It is evident that he just flew in from the Capitol.

"Everything is done." He says. It was only Peeta, myself and the nurse in the room. Doctor Aurelius turns to Peeta. "You're cured. Somewhat. There is at the most, only 8% of the venom left in your blood system. Attacks will come and go, but less frequent I guarantee. I recommend the 'Real or not Real' exercise again." He adjusts his glasses and reads the charts. "Nothing further. No more medications needed after this day. Ah, yes. I will call once a weak to check on _both_of you. Hovercraft leaves at three PM" He then hands the chart to the nurse and dismisses her. Peeta and I give a sigh of relief. Home is not really a home if you're all alone.

"Thank you, Doctor Aurelius." We both say simultaneously as the doctor leaves the room.

"All in the day's work." He says and closes the door. Peeta sits up from his bed and I sit close to him, our legs intertwined. He lightly kisses my forehead.

"We're going home, finally!" he says.

"I missed you there. Especially the smell of cooking bread." I say jokingly.

"Don't worry, cheesebuns will soon overflow from the kitchen." We share laughs. After that, we start to gather up our things. Nothing much was brought in Thirteen, a few sets of clothing and some toiletries. We move out from the room to tell Johanna and Annie the news. They are both glad and thankful. Johanna returns to District 7 and Annie and her baby, 4.

"Thank you so much for staying with Peeta when I couldn't." I say as we bid them goodbye at around two PM.

"See both of you soon." Johanna says, "For the wedding." Annie giggles and waves goodbye. How do they know?

We are ushered to the hovercraft by William. The doors close and we start to fly back to District 12.

We sit on a couch facing the window and watch the woods become smaller and smaller.

"Peeta, how do Johanna and Annie know we're engaged?" I ask contiously.

"I must have been muttering in my sleep." He answers. "Don't worry, I think they deserve to know anyway." The conversation drifts off for a while. Then I break the silence.

"Why is Annie's child named Finnick?" I would imagine that it would be too hurtful for Annie to name their child after what happened to the father. Too painful to be reminded of his death everytime she calls for her child. I think about it further. It is an honor too, to be named after your own father who served Panem well.

"When Annie was giving birth, the pain was too much. She was asking for Finnick all the time. The doctor asked the name of the child and she said, 'Finnick'. He is good for Annie, you know. He's just like Finnick, bringing her back whenever she gets lost. I don't know how a toddler does it. None of us can." His arm circle around my shoulders and I rest my head on his.

"A family can be good for anyone." He says taking my hands. I don't know what to do. I am never having children.


	9. Chapter 8

**:DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN 'THE HUNGER GAMES':**

**:IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS:**

**Eight**

We spend the remaining minutes of the flight in silence but our hands remain linked. When the hovercraft lands, we are ushered through the hangar and are driven back to my house in the Victor's Village. The moment the door closes behind us, Peeta drops the bags and pulls me close and kisses me full on the mouth. The kiss is overwhelming and that feeling of hunger for more rises in me again. He lets me go and touches my forehead where Clove's knife brushed past my eyebrow.

"I missed you." He says

"I have too— you." I mumble feeling like feathers on birds' wings; light and free. He takes my hand and leads me up to the second floor and into my bedroom. He closes the door even though we're alone in the house and lifts me off my feet and lands me on the bed.

I lie there silent as my hunger for him grows more and more, my yearning for him greater than ever before.

I sit up and pull on his shirt and bring my lips to his and kiss him hard. We collapse on the bed and images of his smiling face flashes in my mind.

A young Peeta when I caught a glimpse of him as I sang for the class during the first day of school. His tired smile when I found him near the lake in the first arena. His relief when the voice of Claudius Templesmith announced our victory. His eyes squinted in the sunlight when he offered me the pearl in the clock arena. When I asked him to marry me. And then, when he said, "A family can be good for anyone" suddenly, I realize what is happening.

I urge myself to stop kissing him and push him lightly off my body.

"Wait." I say fumbling to button my blouse. "Wait. Peeta, I know you want kids but—" I drift off, not knowing how I'm to say to him that I don't want to give him what he wants. Something only he will allow me to give to him. He looks back at me with such sadness and despondency.

"But I can't— I don't want to have children." I finally continue. "Not after the Games and the Rebellion and Prim. I can't." I turn away from his face afraid of what emotions they will show.

"Katniss," he says lifting my chin up so that I look at him. "Its okay."

Peeta lies next to me and pulls me closer to his body and kisses my shoulder. We both lie there, motionless. Then, all at once, I am angry with Peeta. The kind of anger that rises from humiliation and despair. I force myself out from his arms.

"Why, Peeta?" I exclaim. "Why do you let me get everything I want, while you let me give you nothing? Why did I have to be Mockingjay? Why did Snow and Coin have to ruin everything and everyone I loved? Why is it that I know I brought everyone freedom but I'm still in the mesh of what the Games created?" He takes me by my shoulders and brings me back into his arms. "I so sorry" I whisper.

"Why?" he asks.

"I'm so sorry you love me."

"Don't be," He says something else but my body starts to shut off. When I open my eyes, it is evening. Peeta has gone downstairs, I can tell because I smell bread wafting from the kitchen. When I come down the stairs, I notice Peeta in the living room, painting.

"What are you doing?" I ask him as I enter the living room.

"I'm painting." I look closer at the pad of paper and see that he's painting a rainbow but the colors have somehow mixed altogether and it looks more like a cloud of smoke rather than colors in the sky.

"Ugh" he says in disgust. He drops the brush on the table and pushes the paper away. The paper brushes past an old, worn book. I take it and realize that it's our family's plant book.

"Hey, I have an idea." I say as I leave the book on the couch. I go to the study room and take the small notebook from the drawer.

"What's that for?" says Peeta, who followed me.

"You can paint here." I say handing him the book. "We can make our own plant book."

And so we do. We spend all evening filling the pages of the book with images of the people we loved and lost. We paint the lives of those who lived and died for us; whose memory can never be trusted to the human mind.

First was the image of Prim and her goat, Lady.

"She gave me cheese on the day of the Reaping."

"She loved Buttercup so much."

"Little duck"

"She is a born healer."

"She loved eating berries when she was a baby."

"Dad always sang her to sleep."

"She finds the silver lining."

Peeta paints his father holding a tray of cookies. The tears come with smiles. He tells me everything I need to write.

"He loves making cakes."

"He had soft hands."

"He loved my mother."

"He taught me how to bake."

"He told me to find you in the Arena because he knew you will keep me alive."

"He hated squirrels."

This statement shocks me. "He hated squirrels?" I ask Peeta

"Yeah." He responds

"But he always traded bread for my squirrels."

"He wanted to give you bread but he couldn't just give it, so he took squirrels in exchange even if he didn't like them."

"Oh" is all I can say. This man who barely knew me was willing to give me part of his livelihood if only to keep me and my family alive. Peeta is so much like his father. I always believed that it would be impossible to find another like Peeta who would be so selfless to love a person like me who is the polar opposite of who he is. Little did I know that Peeta _is_ the other one; he takes after his father.

Peeta sketches my father laughing with the help of my descriptions.

"He loved to sing"

"He made my first bow and taught me how to shoot."

"He kept my mother sane."

"He tied our family together."

"He was smart."

"He was a hardworker."

"He hated it when ash would cover his toiletries."

"He loved me."

"We looked alike."

"He loved the woods."

Rue's tiny face lifted in the sunlight. She looks as if she's picking another branch to fly off to. Her arms slightly extended from her sides and her toes tipped, ready to jump.

"She loved to sing."

"She reminded everyone in Eleven when work time was over."

"She flew from tree to tree with such elegance and ease."

"She's strong."

"She's so much like Prim."

"She's a survivor."

"She saved me."

Cinna's golden eyeliner and his grin are on the page that follows Rue's.

"He made us radiant us the sun."

"He told us to hold hands."

"'Twirl for me.'"

"He would bet on me."

"He is a true friend."

"He asked for Twelve."

We continue all throughout the night. We paint Finnick's sea green eyes, Mags' smiles when we feasted on nuts and tree rat meat in the clock arena. Boggs reprogramming the Holo and navigating us through the Capitol. Annie and Finnick's son in a small cradle, yawning.

When I open my eyes, the first thing I see is Peeta's hands, stained with paint still clutching on his brush. We fell asleep in eachother's arms. I rise from the carpet, carful not to wake Peeta. I make my way to the powder room and freshen up. I check the time and it's 12 noon so I decide to wake Peeta anyway.

"Hey I'm going out." I tell him.

"Where are you going? I'll come." He answers and starts to stand up.

"No, no. You can't."

"Why not?"

"Wedding stuffs." His face lights up and I grin. "I'll be back soon." I kiss him on the forehead and leave the house.


	10. Chapter 9

**:DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN 'THE HUNGER GAMES':**

**:IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS:**

**Nine**

I have been walking for at least half an hour already and I still could not find the dress shop. The shop once stood about three blocks away from the Mellark Bakery. I remember, when my father and I would come across that store he would always stop and point at the dress in display in the far right of the window.

"That one." He would say.

"Its beautiful!" I would reply.

The dress is very long. Its sleeves are a thinner material than the rest of the dress, which makes the arms slightly visible. Even though numerous women have used it already, it's still as white as pearls. The veil is only as long as the length from the top of your head to your waist. The most amazing part of the dress is the way it shines and gives off light hues of orange and yellow when the sun touches the fabric.

"It is beautiful, but never as beautiful and beguiling as the woman who wears it." He would then lift me up from the ground so that I could see better.

"Who wore it?" I asked.

"Aurea." my mother.

I stand now, three blocks away from the bakery where the store used to stand. Instead, I am faced with gravel, scattered and destroyed. The store is gone and so is my mother's dress, my dress. I take more time to search for the owner of the store. It comes to mind that this search may be futile. The owner could have simply died, burned alive with the dresses which were the source of her livelihood when the Capitol hoverplanes destroyed Panem. The dress may as well have turned to ashes and I am searching for disappointment. Greasy Sae comes into view asking me what I am doing around the town at this time of day.

"I'm looking for the store where they rent dresses for weddings." She looks at me for a moment then shurgs.

"Esther hasn't been back in business since the Rebellion." she says.

"Where can I find her?"

I sit in her tiny home, watching her cough and turn in her mattress. She is sick obviously. It may have been brought by the food she eats or rather the lack of foods that gets in her system. It could've also been her environment. The place is surrounded my muck and trash. Her sickness, simply put, may have been brought by old age.

"To what do I owe the pleasure of having the Mockingjay as my company?" despite her situation, she speaks so clear and forthright.

"I'm looking for a wedding dress. A particular one." I say.

"Oh my sweet, many of the dresses were destroyed! I have saved only a couple." She coughs so loud, then. Literally making the tiny house shake. "They are in the cupboard." she continues and motions her index finger behind mg seat.

I carefully open the cupboard and find rows and rows of gowns that used to house themselves in the store. I breeze my hands through them and thankfully, find the one. It has turned yellow in some patches but nevertheless, it's the most beautiful of them all. I take it from the pole where the dresses hang and show it the Esther.

"Ah yes. If I recall perfectly, your mother wore the same." She says with a slight smile.

"Yes, she did." I answer in a low voice, almost a whisper. "I'd like to buy this if you would allow me. I know it is rent basis but I'd like to buy it, please."

"My dear, hardly anyone in Twelve follows the Rituals any longer! You can have that dress. No one else will wear it better." Esther replies.

"No, I insist." She wouldn't accept my money. She needs the money to get healthy. "At least let me give you some medicine." I say.

"You know my darling, I myself created the gowns I sell. Only a handful are created by others who fair talents; sometimes passers-by who share their skills during their stay here."

"Did you make this?" I ask.

"No. I only stitched the gown. This is not my masterpiece."

"Who designed it?" I feel like a child, sucked into the story of my grandmother.

"A young boy. He was traveling he said. He liked to see the world before he created clothing for its people. He went into the store and handed me the piece of paper where he drew his first gown. 'Stitch it for me please.' He spoke with such courtesy. So I did as he asked but when I finished, he was no longer in Twelve. The gown was the most beautiful one I have ever seen. I looked once more in the piece of paper he left and at the lower area, I saw the note 'Twirl in the sunlight' I did as the note instructed and saw something even more beautiful the gown itself. As I spun it around its hanger in the daylight, it created colors of orange and bright yellow that seemed to have been bouncing on and off the threads of the fabric. This boy was special, I knew. I never saw him again. He must be a man now. A successful man." Esther finished with a sigh.

"Thank you for that." I say intrigued by the history of this gown. And then I remember its payment. "If you would not like the money, I can give you medicine."

"I would like that." She said and closed her eyes and started breathing softly.


	11. Chapter 10

**:DISCLAMIER: I DO NOT OWN 'THE HUNGER GAMES':**

**:IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS:**

**Ten**

Before I return to my home, I decide to stop by Leevy's apartment. The new establishments are all the way across the square so it's a really long walk from what houses are left in the Seam, which is in the opposite direction. I take good care that the hem of the dress does not brush the hot pavement. It's around two in the afternoon and the sun is up high. The rays of light touch the dress and the colors spring up, making it look as if I am carrying stars. The people who pass by me eye my dress with such awe and shock and when they meet my eyes they simply smile, no doubt thinking about my future wedding.

I wonder if they knew all along that I'd end up with Peeta; if they believed that we were truly star-crossed lovers or if they saw that it was simply an act to evade the Capitol's torture. I myself could not anticipate such events. All my life, since my participation in the Games and my defiance with the berries, I knew I would soon marry the Boy with the Bread but not for the reasons I hold now. I never loved Peeta as a husband, I loved him as a friend; same goes with Gale. But now, something has changed; I love him. I really love him. I've never told anyone not even myself before this point. I guess that is something that I should be grateful for from the Games; it brought me Peeta.

I realize that I'm right at the doorstep of the apartment building so I bring my attention back to Leevy. The receptionist greets me and I ask for Leevy. She gives her a ring and tells me I can go right up.

Leevy's apartment room is in the fifth floor of thirty floors in all. I climb the stairs even though the elevator is vacant. I don't because the structure is similar to that of the elevator in the mines; and elevators, generally remind me too much of the Capitol.

When I reach the floor, I find Leevy already waiting for me across the staircase. Her dark hair is tucked in the collar of her shirt and her hands are inside the pockets of her pants.

"Long way up?" she greets me.

"You get used to it." I answer, smiling. She notices the dress and starts to walk toward me.

"I've seen this before." She says quietly. "In the Rent Store down the block in the square."

"The store's not there anymore, did you know? I tracked the lady who owned it and she let me buy it from her." She touches the fabric and smiles.

"I've always loved looking at this one."

"Me too. Listen, would you keep this for me? I can't keep it in the house because Peeta's always around."

"So its true?" she says with confusion and enthusiasm in her eyes.

"What?" I asked confused myself.

"That you're really getting married? Rumors been going around that you two are finally getting together again but no one really knows for sure especially when Gale visited." Suddenly I'm shocked. Even after all this time, Peeta and I are still the topic of gossips and news and the talks of everyone. We're still in some sort of way, in front of cameras. Now, I realize, every time I walk out of my house, I've received interested looks. People follow my every move with their sharp eyes! Peeta and I have never really been out of the spotlight. We're still entertainment for them.

"I don't care. You shouldn't either." I answer out of anger.

"I'm sorry, Katniss. I didn't mean to offend you." She says.

"That's okay. Please take care of the dress." I simply say and step forward to give her a hug.

"I'll see you soon." I tell her and leave. When I reach the streets I take my steps carefully now very aware of the looks everyone's giving me. I pay them no notice and walk straight home. When I open the door, the smell of baking wafts through the air.

"I'm back!" I call

"I'm in the kitchen." I remove my shoes and work my way into the kitchen. I didn't realize the mess Peeta and I created last night. Crumpled papers are everywhere and puddles of water, stained with paint surrounds the table in the living room area. I make a mental note to clean up later today.

"Hey, what's cooking?" I ask, hoping its cheesebuns.

"Definitely not buns in the oven, darling." Haymitch's voice answers. Instinctively, I scowl. How does he know everything? I enter the kitchen and surprisingly find him alone siting on the island next to a try of cheesebuns, gulping down a whole bottle of wine.

"I hope you don't mind me breaking and entering, sweetheart but I ran out of supply." He raises the bottle to me and drinks.

"What are you doing here." I demand.

"I'm your guardian, remember? Just checking in."

"A call would have sufficed." I signal for him to get off the island counter and he does, toppling over the seat next to it. "You're drunk."

"Anything new?" he says. I suppose not. I take one of the cheesebuns.

"Where's Peeta?" I ask even though I expect he wouldn't know.

"Gone out. Somethin' about a pearl. Or a ring, I don't know." He answers lousily. My ears catch the words like an explosion. A ring. I couldn't help but smile.

"What's with you?" Haymitch asks, staring at my face.

"Nothing." I say removing the smile off my face. "I think you should go."

He grabs a handful of cheesebuns from the try and starts to make his way to the back door.

"I'll stop drinking when you have tiny feet making loud rackets in this house." He said as he exited the house. A code for never.

For the next few minutes I try my best to keep my thoughts away from what Haymitch said about pearls and rings and buns in ovens. After I've eaten my fill of cheesebuns, I take some towels from the kitchen cupboard and start to wipe the puddles of water in the living room. It pick up the pieces of paper and throw them in the trash.

I settle myself on the couch and browse through the Book. I turn each page carefully. I'm on little Finnick's page when I hear the phone in the study ring.

I put the book down and go to the study.

"Hello?"

"Katniss, darling!" the Capitol accent is sharp and authentic. It's Effie. I can almost see her pink hair and painted nails.

"Effie!" I say. Up until now, Effie still serves as our escort. Everywhere and anywhere we go, she's behind all the planning. She calls every now and then to check that Haymitch is checking on us. I really have no idea what she does when Peeta and I have nothing going for us. Maybe she takes care of Paylor's schedule too. Maybe not.

"I heard Peeta's back in Twelve! How wonderful! And, timely; I might say."

"Why?"

"Oh, the Monuments, my dear! Your very first one, right here in the Capitol!" her voice rises up in such a high pitch that I have to remove the phone from my ears.

"Monuments?" I ask dubiously. Monuments for what?

"Yours, of course! Who else's? Alright, the hoverplane arrives tomorrow at noon and I'll pick the three of you up in your respective homes and we'll be on the go! Don't worry, Katniss, I've taken care of everything!"

"Who else will be there?" I ask her praying that Gale would not which is far from possible. If anything, his team would be assigned on protecting Peeta, Haymitch and I.

"Well, everyone who is anyone!" she simply says. "Now, remember, everyone will be there so put on your smiles and chin up! Don't you fuss, I've already gotten a Prep team to make sure of that." It's a miracle she's capable of that attitude over what Snow put her up to during the Rebellion.

"Thank you, Effie. We'll see you tomorrow at noon!" I tell her and we end the conversation. I put the phone back in its cradle and close the study room door behind me.

When I leave the room, the house is still quiet. No sign of Peeta. I wonder where he's gone. Where he could go. I don't really know anyone who makes rings in District Twelve. _No_. I tell myself. _I mustn't think about it. It's supposed to be Peeta's surprise. I hope it's what I think it is. Stop thinking about it. _

It's almost seven pm so I try my best to fix up some dinner. I cook some beef soup and heat up some leftovers Greasy Sae left in the refrigerator the other day. I sit on the kitchen table and impatiently tap my fingers on the counter, waiting for Peeta. After maybe half an hour, he appears through the front door. He meets me in the kitchen and sits by me.

"I'm sorry I'm late. You should've eaten without me." He says as he scoops some soup into the bowl and hands it to me.

"Thanks. It's okay. Where have you been all day?" I ask repressing a grin.

"Wedding stuffs." He answers cleverly.


	12. Chapter 11

**:DISCLAMIER: I DO NOT OWN 'THE HUNGER GAMES':**

**:IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS:**

**ELEVEN**

"Up, up, up! Everyone's is up and ready, Katniss! We've got a very big, big day ahead of us!" Effie knocks on my door continuously for about ten minutes when I decide to stand up and pull up my robe. I wonder how she managed to unlock my front door. I open my door and see Effie's get up.

Her yellow hair is tied up in what seems to be vines. Her golden eyelashes extend two inches from her eyes. Her floral dress drapes from her shoulders down to the floor.

"Finally, I have been trying to wake you up for thirty minute now!" Effie says as she turns to go back down stairs. Her shoes knock on the wood paneling.

"I'm sorry, Effie." I say even though I'm not. I go back into my room and freshen up and dress myself for the trip.

"I'll have an alarm installed in your home system soon" she says right before she goes down the stairs. What I wouldn't give to avoid that.

I make my way downstairs for a bit of breakfast where I find the whole clan around my dining table.

"Everyone's here." I say when they see me enter.

"I let Effie in." Haymitch says, waving his keys and sets them on the table.

"And I think we live together now." Peeta continues with a grin.

"That is fantastic!" Effie remarks. I sit myself next to Peeta and he hands me a slice of bread.

"What?" Haymitch asks Effie.

"Well, well. I have got some news for all of you." She says, standing up. Suddenly, she produces a feathered fan in her hands and points its tip right in Peeta's face. "The people of the Capitol believe that this boy is a traitor of the Rebellion! They simply loathe him still. They love Katniss, no doubt but have believed that the late President Snow was Peeta's partner in preventing the success of the Rebellion!" She finishes and spreads her fan and starts waving it across her face as if she's just finished telling her monologue.

Confusion and shame sets into Peeta's face and I set the bread down on the plate and take Peeta's hands in mine.

"What should we do?" I plant my eyes on Haymitch's and see that he's quite shocked too.

"It's not 'we' sweetheart, it's you." He takes a breath and continues "Believe it or not, you are the most influential person in this era. If you want them to love Peeta, you're going to have to show them they can too. That they should. This Monument Premier is your chance." He ruffles his hair back and waits for my response. Effie sits back down and sigh deeply.

I look at Peeta and see in the way he avoids everyone's looks that all he needs is the affirmation that he can get through Snow's legacy.

"How hard can it be? It's so easy to fall in love with Peeta!" I exclaim. Effie clasps her hands together in delight and looks at both of us in a way similar to a mother on her daughter's wedding day.

"We better get going." Haymitch stands and all of us follow. Suddenly I'm pulled to a stop by the hands that clutch mine. Effie and Haymitch go ahead, not noticing that their two tributes have fallen behind.

"Peeta, what?" I turn and see his desolate face. I look back and see that we're left alone.

"Remember when Dr. Aurelius said that we should get around the Real or Not Real thing?" I nod, concerned at his pensive face. "Let's start right now. No lies, just the truth. None of what Panem wants you to say; just what _you_ want to say." He let's go of my hand and steps back and takes a breath.

"You love me. Real or not real?" he says it so softly that my ears barely catch the words. My heartbeat quickens. I hadn't anticipated that the moment I would be saying this would be right now. But then again, I've already known the answer to this question for some time and when is the best time to tell him but now? He asks and I answer,

"Real." I say the word with such confidence and certainty. My voice echoes through the house previously filled with silence. I don't let my eyes steer away from his. His emotions changed from sadness to complete euphoria. I step closer to him and we embrace.

"I've known for a while now. You've probably known since forever." I whisper as I take his curls in my palms.

"Why didn't you choose Gale?" he asks. The sadness creeping into his voice once more.

"He doesn't understand me, not really. Not anymore." I tell him

"He's your best friend what could possibly be the detail he doesn't understand about you? You've known him for more years than you've known me. He's spent more time with you than me." He says dubiously.

"He doesn't understand that the Games, the Capitol and the Rebellion have changed me. He fell in love with the girl he found in the woods. That's not me anymore." I kiss him lightly on the lips, avoiding the feeling of hunger because our time is limited. I seem to have left Peeta speechless.

"We better move fast. Effie and Haymitch would notice that we're not following anymore." I say with a smile and grab Peeta's hand and we close the door behind us and try to catch up with the two. When we're close, I hear that they're talking about the flow of the whole premier.

"Katniss will sit next to President Paylor on the stage. The president gives her speech and then they show the Monument, Katniss says thank you and then photos will be taken." Effie says simply

"Where will the boy sit?" Haymitch asks

"Well," Effie starts to tap her fingers on her chin and looks at Haymitch "They've arranged a seat for him with the other Victor's in the audience."

"You mean to say he won't be on the stage." He responds with a ring of annoyance in his voice.

"I couldn't do anything about it, Haymitch! Believe me, I have tried. President Paylor ordered it, said that it would be better for all of us and the people to tone down a bit on Peeta. Oh this is completely dreadful." She says in distress "I don't think they know Peeta was hijacked."

"The girl has her job cut out for her." He says in a soft voice no doubt, avoiding our prying ears. He turns around and speeks to us.

"Both of you." He says pointing is middle and index finger towards Peeta and I "Make sure they notice that you two are still united and are happy to be so but not so much. We wouldn't want to directly disobey the President. Keep your eys locked when no one's talking to either of you. When you're together, hold hands. I'm pretty sure you know these things more or less." I don't think Haymitch believes that we truly are in love. Maybe he's just paranoid that Peeta and I will be to conservative. He knows we're engaged.

Peeta and I say nothing but nod to show we're on board. Suddenly, I think of what the purpose of this whole thing is. Why should we care what the Capitol people think? It doesn't matter to me! I don't care if they think that Peeta's a traitor. I don't care if they think less of me if I marry a 'traitor'. Since when did I cater to what those people thought of me?

Then I put myself in Peeta's shoes. If I were he, less stubborn, kinder, I'd probably want people know me for who I am and not for who President Snow turned me into.

"I want to still be me." Peeta's voice rings and echoes in my memory.

That's why. That is why I will do this. Peeta needs his old self back and he can't have that when everyone around him thinking he's some kind of schizophrenic maniac.

Dr. Aurelius said the attacks will come less and less but they will come. I wonder how he survives it. He's the strongest person I know. Strong enough to survive the evil that threatens to make itself real. I think about how weak I am. How I crumble at the slight image of my nightmares and how only his arms calm me. I grip his hands tighter, fearing the day that I would have to let go of him.

We reach the hoverplane and see Mayor Mellor accompanied by his own security and escorts.

"Afternoon, Soldiers, Ms. Trinket and Mr. Abernathy." He shakes each of our hands and ushers us to the entrance of the plane.

"We bid you well! District pride!" he calls as we enter.

The moment the doors close, a group of people rush over me and start undoing my braid and measuring my waist and shoulders.

"Effie!" I scream.

"I'm sorry, dear but we have to move quickly! The flight lasts only half an hour! Alright everybody lets move fast!" she claps her hands and all of a sudden, another group of people rush into Peeta and takes his measurements as well and sweeps him away to the opposite side of the plane's wing. Four or five people cluster around Haymitch brush his hair back and shave his face with such accuracy the knife barely brushes past his skin. Haymitch starts to push them away when my people bring me to a room and close the door.

They ask me to remove my clothes and so, I do. The months spent in prep for the Games and the Quell have relieved me of my reserve for nudity. They work fast. Their fingers go over my skin and leave it clean and smooth. They wash my hair and sponge my body. They dress me in a golden outfit and do my make up. Barely fifteen minutes have passed and I am all done, head to toe dressed in bright gold and my eyes painted silver, my lips a light shade of pink.

"We are done." one of them says. The other opens the door and the third ushers me outside and leads me to Effie. The dress the put me in is surprisingly comfortable. The hem is long but does not touch the floor so it doesn't interfere my walking. They've braided my hair again and let it fall past my shoulders.

"You look remarkable! And in record time, too!" Effie greets me with a smile and surveys my look. She goes around me and inspects my make up. She let me sit next to her. Soon after Haymitch and Peeta come into the room too, ushered by their own prep team.

Haymitch wears a black vest that goes over his golden polo; at the neck is a black bowtie. Peeta is dressed in a full black suit; the coat and pants are sleek black, his shirt as well. The only colored clothing he wears is the golden tie around his neck. Once more, we are dressed identically and I feel a pang of sadness for the loss of Cinna. He would have loved to see how beautiful we all look.

"Alright, we have about twenty minutes before this lands and the show begins!" Effie exclaims, bringing me back to the present. She then produces an earpiece and hands it to me.

"Now, Katniss, I will be feeding you your speech when it's your turn to speak. Don't worry, I will speak slow and clear." I take the earpiece and attach it to my left. Effie tests the sounds and that's about it. We sit there and nibble on the fruit on the table and watch the clouds go past our windows.

When the hoverplane lands, I take Peeta's hands, bracing myself for the cameras but when doors open, none of them are there. The door leads to two tubes.

Effie separate Peeta and I, she ushers me to the left tube. Peeta and Haymitch, to the right. Effie accompanies me through the tube and speaks through a mic hidden in her dress.

"The Mockingjay is in the tubes, we are close to the opening. Play the music and queue President Paylor." As soon as she says this, music start to boom from the outside and I hear the sound of cheering crowds fill the air. Suddenly I'm nervous. How will I convince these people that Peeta is not a traitor? I've got nothing to work with!

It's too late for that.

Effie leads me to a door and presses some buttons on the dial next to it and the door opens and the sunlight flashes.

"Remember Katniss, I'll be feeding you your speech. Make them love Peeta. Heads up! You will absolutely love the Monument!"

I step up the stairs and plaster a smile across my face. My eyes adjust to the light and I see the crowd is filled with different versions of Effie Trinket. I search the front row and find the faces of Enobaria, Beetee, Plutarch, Johanna, Annie, Haymitch and Peeta. I nod in their direction.

I am lead to a throne next to a much more grand one where the President sits. Before I sit down, President Paylor stands and we shake hands. Both of us take our seats and Ceasar Flickerman appears and stands in front of us. He introduces me, tells them why I am here and acknowledges the presence of the other Victors seated in the audience. When introductions end, he asks for silence and welcomes President Paylor for her speech. And silence spreads through the crowd like wild fire.


	13. Chapter 12

**:DISCLAMIER: I DO NOT OWN 'THE HUNGER GAMES':**

**:IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS:**

**TWELVE**

"A year has passed since the death of Coriolanus Snow. A year has passed since the end of The Rebellion. A year since our victory!" Everyone cheers in delight; they raise their hands waving the new flag of Panem. President Paylor waits for silence and continues.

"I stand here before you to give tribute to our hero. A child from Twelve who rose from the clutches of poverty and injustice. A woman of eighteen years who showed great bravery and determination; who entered the Arena with the fire of freedom in her spirit. Who awoke us from the slumber that kept us prisoner of Coriolanus Snow!" The cameras zoom into my face and I see myself in the screen with a face so shocked almost in confusion. I pull myself together and bow my head slightly and give a smile to show my thanks. President Paylor turns to me and asks me to stand. I stand, questioning the strength of my knees to hold me up when I don't have Peeta's hand to keep me still. I smooth my gown down and slowly walk towards President Paylor. I search the crowd for Peeta and when I see him, he gives a small grin and I smile back.

"Soldier Katniss Everdeen, to you before anyone else, we owe our freedom!" I hear her say the words. They linger in my thoughts as the faces of the dead flash through my memory. Those who have died to give these people their freedom. These people are giving their thanks to the wrong person. What did I do? I looked pretty in front of cameras. I shot some arrows and killed some children. I said words that were not mine; I fooled them and lied to Peeta when I said that I loved him then. I disobeyed orders given to me. I played sick when I refused to attend meetings. Yes, I have taken action in this Rebellion but others did much more than I! If anything, I should be the last person to thank.

Suddenly, I notice the silence. The crowd no longer cheers and the president no longer speaks. They are all looking at me as if expecting me to do something. I can hear Effie talking in my ear.

Then I realize it's my turn to speak!

I rip of the earpiece and abandon Effie's plan. I've missed the first few lines anyway. I am once more at the mercy of my emotions both confident and fearful of the words they will bear.

"Many others have died in our fight for freedom. From the most important to the least but all of them lost their lives just the same. We fought valiantly, sacrificed everything and promised ourselves redemption. Today, I give you my gratitude. Thank you for fighting alongside me. Thank you for trusting me." I pause collecting my thoughts so that I won't forget a word.

"Today I give you my promise as well. I vow that each and every person who lost his life at the expense of liberty will never be forgotten. Their memory will live on and their legacy, immortal. Their sacrifice will not be overlooked; their death will not be ignored." The crowd explodes in cheer they've stood up, throwing their hats up in the air. Their flags wave from left to right. I take a small bow and step back from the microphone and President Paylor takes my hand and raises it into the air. A figure in the center of the crowd starts to appear. It begins to materialize pixel by pixel as if it's hologram. At first I only see my feet, slowly, it rises up to my torso and soon reveals my face.

I see myself wearing the Mockingjay suit Cinna created for me during the Rebellion. My arms are raised holding a loaded arrow and my braid falls on my chest. From where I stand, I notice the golden monument materialize about eighty feet from what seemed to be nothing and turn into something solid. My eyes are fixed in the direction of the east. My face in brutal concentration and my feet, planted as if ready to spring into action when the need arises. At the bottom of my feet, where I stand, is where the words are engraved:

_The Symbol of the Rebellion,_

_The Hero of Panem,_

_Katniss Everdeen,_

_The Mockingjay_

The light plays on my golden body and for a moment, as the light reflects the surface, a flash of real color appears. I can see the dark black color of my suit, the color of my skin and even the light gray of my eyes. When the cloud covers the sun, the monument is once more golden. The audience is silenced in awe and I see the cameras turn to me and project my face in the screens as well. Ceasar says some closing remarks and once more, the crowd goes wild.

The new anthem plays and once it finishes, the crowd is directed to the exit and Effie comes out from backstage to collect me.

"I'm sorry I didn't go with the plan Effie." I say immediately. Undoubtedly, she must be upset but I gather that after so long she'd be used to me.

"All is well, dear. You did a good job. Isn't the monument just so precious? They really got everything right down to the last detail of your face!" She starts. Somehow I notice that something has changed in Effie. Not with the way she plans things or reacts to events of course. But more in the way she walks. I let myself fall back slightly so that she would not notice. I look at the way her legs rise and fall; the way her knees bend. There is an irregularity in the rhythm of the way she walks. Her legs wobble a bit but not enough to give notice to the untamed eyes. The wind brushes past us and her dress is blown ever so lightly. She quickly pulls her dress down almost as if she's hiding something. Her hands moved so fast but not fast enough. I've seen it on both her legs. From her knees down her ankles is a scar the same color of the sky of the Clock Arena.

"Quickly now Katniss, they will be assembling for your interview!" I catch up with her and walk by her side still wondering if those were the scars the torture left her. Then finally her words sink into me. Interview.

"Interview?" I ask her, dumbfounded.

"Get used to it, darling. This is but one of the dozen monuments they will build you. One monument, at least one interview." She says as she fixes my braid. "Remember what you have to do." She says sternly.

"I know." I answer. _I just don't know how to do it, Effie. _I say only in my thoughts.


	14. Chapter 13

**:DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN 'THE HUNGER GAMES':**

**:IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS:**

**Thirteen**

"Katniss Everdeen, everybody!" Caesar bellows on the microphone. I walk out form the backstage and face the crowd as I have faced them during my first interview in the Games. We were directed to a different building, close to the monument. The audience is seated before the stage, the Victors together with President Paylor on the first row. Caesar takes my hand and together we sit.

"Many things have changed!" he says.

"Yes" I agree.

"The Capitol no longer lies with the power of a dictator. The Games have stopped entirely and the arenas are to be demolished! Monuments will be built in your honor! District Two, now the capital of security and District Thirteen rises from below. All thanks to you!"

"It was a joint success." I answer.

"Of course!"

"Caesar, do you mind if I tell you the real story? My story." I ask. I glance at Peeta and he smiles at me and gives me a slight nod.

"By all means!" Caesar says with a smile across his face.

And so I do. The audience is in silence now, anticipating my words, eager to hold on to every last bit of what I will tell them. I start in the Clock Arena.

"The Quarter Quell came to everyone as a surprise but we were expecting something like it. We knew that Snow would never really allow us to live happily ever after. He would never allow a representation of defiance live as he does. In the Arena, my goal was to die. I would die to save Peeta though I knew he would never allow me to. All of you believed I was pregnant then; that was a lie. A strategy to play with the hearts of sponsors who would keep us alive. So yes, a great number of bread was sent to us almost everyday. Little did Peeta and I know that the numbers meant something; a date or time when the escape would take place." I look at the faces of the Victors. Most of them avoid my eyes, Beetee cries silently and Johanna with such anger in her expression.

"So the plan was executed. Peeta and I were separated; he at the top of the jungle, Johanna and I, uncoiling the wire down to the ocean. When chaos broke free, I looked for Peeta and came across Beetee. I saw the plan in his hands. The knife that failed to hit the forcefield. I rolled the wire onto my arrow and shot straight. The last thing I saw were the hands of Plutarch closing my own eyes. My last hope was that I was able to kill enough to get Peeta back home." I breeze through the hoverplane incident where Haymitch tells me the plan. The medication I received in Thirteen and proceed to the Mockingjay parts.

"Peeta was not saved from the Arena. So were Johanna and Annie. I was to assume the title Soldier in Thirteen and soon, the Mockingjay if I chose to. But I did not do so without an agreement. Coin was to save and give immunity to all the living Victors including those who were captured especially Peeta; else I will not be the Mockingjay. Such was done and when I finally had Peeta, he clamped his hands around my neck. He was returned to me drugged and poisoned."

"You are to make them love Peeta! Not hate him more, Katniss! What are you trying to do?"Effie's voice comes from the earpiece. _Just wait, Effie, I'll get there. Somehow. _I think in reply.

"We were sent to a mission to kill President Snow. Peeta among us. He begged us to kill him but I would not. He didn't want to hurt me anymore, you see but I forced him to grip on life."

"Why would you? Snow changed Peeta to a man who wants to hurt—kill you. He was a threat." Caesar says frankly. For the first time, Caesar does not search for the words that will satisfy the audience or bring out the beauty of his guest; he searches for the truth. I look for Peeta, pained by what he had to hear. It's hard for him to bear this from Caesar but necessary for him to know what I have to answer. I sit up straight, put my feet together and rest my hands on my lap. I look straight at the camera and speak.

"No one can take Peeta away from me. I stay with Peeta because no one else loves me like he does. I hold on to Peeta because I love him. No amount of tracker jacker venom will make me love him any less. In his heart of hearts, he fights to love me. He fights the fear and terror the venom brings every day, for me. He is no traitor of Panem. He was but a pawn, just as we all were, of Snow. If all of you trusted me enough to lead you into a Rebellion, trust me now."

Caesars takes my hand and we rise. "Katniss Everdeen, The Girl who was on Fire! The audience cheers and roars.

I am directed backstage where Effie waits for me.

"You did it again, Katniss! The audience simply loved you! I thought for a while you'd lost sight of our plan!" She pinches my cheek slightly and starts to walk and I follow.

"Where are we going now, Effie?" I ask as another round of prep team comes toward me and adjusts my make up and unties my braid.

"Up the highest floor for the private dinner!" she says and stops walking and so I do too. One of the ladies from the team places a metal ring around my feet and I start to step out of it when another says,

"Better dress in there than out here sweetpea." Smoke rises from the circle and something in it shines in the light backstage.

"Keep your arms close to you, Ms Everdeen." I hear her say. I tuck my arms close to my sides, not daring to move a muscle. The crystals that shine in the smoke start to form into a circular tube similar to those in the Games. They harden immediately and produce a black tint. On the glass hangs a simple white dress, much shorter than the one I wear now. I strip off my dress and the moment it drops on the floor, the dress disappears as if I stand on water. I take the dress and slip through it. The glass shifts and I see my reflection. The team did a good job with my face. They've managed to make me look simple but hide the scars as well. As I look closer on the dress, I notice that it is lined with golden thread and I see why I did not need a change of shoes. My face suddenly disappears and I'm looking at Effie who taps her feet impatiently on the floor. I step out of the circle and the team fixes up while Effie and I continue. I look back and say thank you to the three and they smile and bow their heads.

"Everything's rushed Katniss! I'm sorry to make you dress in the tube." Effie says as we reach the elevator.

"It's okay. It was quite fun really." She presses the button and the elevator shoots up so quickly that I have to grip the walls. I look at Effie and she doesn't seem to be shaken. After a few seconds, the elevator slows down and the doors open on the 70th floor. I bring my hair to my back and walk out.

The guards open the wooden doors and I see that everyone's already in. I wonder how they could have possibly made it before Effie and I did. She leads me to a table with all the Victors.

They serve wonderful food as usual and we eat our fill. Soon the table starts to empty. Annie is by the window pointing at stars for her son to see. Johanna's off dancing somewhere. Peeta's by the pastry table. Effie has gone who knows where. Haymitch and I are left. I take this chance to ask about Effie's scars.

"Haymitch." I say, moving a seat closer so that we're next to each other.

"What?" he says.

"What happened to Effie during the Rebellion? I heard that she had a hard time but I don't really know what happened." I say. One of the waiters passes by and I take two drinks. I offer the other one to Haymitch and he finished it with one gulp.

"I thought you'd ask soon enough. Nothing gets past that braided knot of yours."

"Tell me."


	15. Chapter 14

**:DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN 'THE HUNGER GAMES':**

**:IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS:**

**Fourteen**

"I told her everything. I wasn't supposed to but I did." He starts off. He pushes the empty wine glass away and it topples across the table.

"You told Effie what?"

"The plan, everything. She knew it because I told her. I should have known better. I wasn't even drunk when I said everything. I needed to unload and she was there. She didn't like the plan of course. Not one bit but she promised not to repeat my words. It didn't matter. They still came for her. They took so many including Effie and we couldn't do anything about it." A waiter comes and places two glasses of wine on the table. Haymitch starts to reach for it when a pull his wrist down.

"Why not? You saved Peeta and the others, how is it possible that you can't get Effie?" I ask him. He picks the glass up again and I force his hand down.

"Why not?" I ask again, this time, demanding an answer.

"When the Games start, all Mentors go into this Hovercraft the flies over the Arena. We stay in there until our Tribute either dies or wins. In there, well, ideally, we're out of reach of communication in the outside world. We need to focus. So I was up there, arranging everything and making sure the plan was followed. A few hours into the Games, we get word that every team working with Twelve was captured. We didn't know where they were taken. They might have been separated and taken to different areas or all together in one place. We had no clue. That's why we couldn't save them, not right away. Plutarch said that they'd soon figure out that their captives didn't know much and soon release them but he never thought that I told Effie; she was the only person in there who knew everything. Most of them must know that we're planning to rebel but that's about it. She knew how we were going to do it, who were involved, where and when we were going to do it. And so I confess to Plutarch and he nearly beats me dead." Haymitch stops and drinks his wine and I let him. I am staring at Haymitch. I never anticipated how much more complicated things became. The glass empties and he continues.

"I tell him that I'd personally search for those who were captured and he agreed. The plans changed and we needed to cut it short. We sent the numbers in the Arena saying what day we'd break all of you out. We needed _you_ out of there before Snow knew the whole plot. We didn't know how long Effie would last. So we got you out and I moved onto saving Effie and the others. It was hard, I tell you, to find where they were taken prisoner and surely tortured for information. The whole exhibition of plans around Panem was on edge. We couldn't figure out if they knew the whole strategy or not. If they've wringed it out of Effie or not. The whole time, the whole Rebellion, I was looking for them through computers in Thirteen. Useless. I decided that they weren't in Panem only after we'd combed the whole country. Beetee created a radar; he said it should help us and it did. We flew out of Panem and searched. We found them somewhere south a place covered with ice and cold to the bone." He buries his hands in his hair and raises his wine glass in the air. Almost immediately, a waiter comes to refill it. He offers to fill mine but I refuse. Haymitch gulps it down and starts again.

"There weren't many Capitol soldiers there and it seemed that they've lost connection with Panem long before we arrived. We rounded them up and held them captive in the craft. Into the small building we went. It was lined with prison cells and at the end of the hall stood two magnetic poles. The cells were filled with blue bodies, their eyes frozen at a stare. We found her in one of the cells. She was among the avoxes. None of them survived. She did; only because she was wearing thermal clothes when she was taken; built for the cold but not as extreme as the one in the south but enough to keep her alive. The floor was covered in iced blood, but hers trickled in rivulets from both her legs. She was crunched up in a corner shivering, facing away from the bodies. Her wrists were bound by metal shackles that froze around her tiny frame. When she heard us come, she flinched as if she was afraid; I thought maybe she figured that it might have been the Capitol people there to finish her off. We broke the door down and I carried her out. She didn't say a word; maybe she couldn't, her tongue frozen in the icy wind. We wrapped her in thermal blankets and I handed her to the doctors. When they laid her down, she said only one thing: 'I didn't tell them anything.' That day was two days before Snow's trial." He finished with a sigh. He buries his head in his arms and I hear him weep silently; but his story isn't done yet. Somehow I know that after this moment, Haymitch wouldn't speak of this anymore. That no amount of begging will make him tell the story again.

"How did they torture her?" I ask silently.

"They turned on the magnetic poles so that their shackles would chain them. They'd ask their questions and if they didn't like their answers they'd burn both their legs and pour an acid solution afterwards. Effie's wounds burned to the bone." He whispered. His tears soaked the tablecloth and there was no more I could do but try to keep my tears away and console Haymitch.

I am grateful for Effie and her bravery and loyalty. She saved my life at the cost of her own. The Rebellion was made possible by her sacrifice. I look out the glass windows and see my own face on the monument and I feel guilty. The guilt should not be mine to bear but its there. Effie nearly lost her life for the Rebellion and they call me their hero. They know my story but not Effie's. Here I am with an eighty-foot monument and what does Effie have? An earpiece and mic pinned on her dress.

"What's wrong with Haymitch?" Peeta's voice startles me and I nearly fall off my seat. He grips my shoulder and I fix myself neatly on the chair. "A little woozy?" he asks, eying my empty wine glass.

"You could say the same for the both of us." I answer. He offers me his glass of water and I drink it. Haymitch stands, not facing either of us and leaves the table without another word.

"He'll come round in the morning." I cover for Haymitch.

"You look beautiful." Peeta says taking both my hands. The last thing I need is another appraisal.

"Everyone seems to be head over heels about me today." I answer weakly.

"I couldn't blame them." He stands up and offers his hand. "Would you like to dance?"

"You know I can't." I say but still take his offer and stand as well.

"Just follow my lead." And so we dance the way we were taught as children; simple but still quite beautiful. We glide through the dance floor and Peeta hold me close to his body but I feel distant from everything else. My mind is with Effie.

As if I had conjured her, she enters through the double doors and walks toward Peeta and I, her wobbling more evident in my eyes than ever. She takes us away from the dance floor and says that its nearly time to leave.

"Say your goodbyes, we must be in the hovercraft in five minutes!" She amazes me. She becomes the embodiment of Peeta's words: 'I want to still be me.' We do as she says. Everyone sends us off with hugs and kisses and tight hand shakes. True enough in five minutes time; we're on the craft, flying back to Twelve. Haymitch didn't come out of his room the whole trip. Peeta and I dress in the clothes we wore when we came in and we sit next to Effie on one of the tables.

"Thanks, Effie." I say out loud.

"For what?" she asks. I was going to say for her sacrifice and her trust and courage when I realize maybe something like that shouldn't be talked about so freely. It's a topic like our Games. Not for the spoken words but only for the memories and nightmares if we cant escape them.

"For taking care of everything. For taking care of us, I mean." I say instead, which is still true but can never really express the thanks she deserves.

"Oh, Katniss, I don't do it because its my job, I do it because I love all of you!" she says and gives me and Peeta a hug. I nearly lose it there. I wanted to cry and tell her how much sorry I was because she needed to go through everything she did because of me. I swallow my tears and grit my teeth; thanking her should be more than just words. Peeta catches my eyes and sqeezes my hand, silently asking if I'm alright. I shake my head ever so slightly to tell him I'd say later.

The hovercraft lands and we say goodbye again to Effie and help Haymitch to his home. We tuck him in and lock his door behind us. I tell Peeta that I'd tell him everything tomorrow because I'm too tired. We climb into bed and he cradles me to sleep.

In my dreams, I'm in place of Effie, imprisoned in the cells. The bodies around me pile over my freezing body and their faces show Prim, Cinna, Portia, Snow, Coin, Boggs, Finnick, every single person who died for me, staring back at me with blank stares. There is a loud sound outside and when I peer through the bars, I find Effie chained to the magnetic poles, being tortured. Her screams bounce on the walls and echoes in my ears. A man in white who stands in front of her looks back and sees me.

_Katniss Everdeen, you are next._

I scramble free from the piles of frozen bodies but the moment I move them, they start to shatter. The building shakes and starts to cave in.

"Katniss! Wake up! It's just a dream!" Peeta's voice is loud against my ears. He grips my shoulders and shakes me, I notice lightning and thunder outside. I wake fully and grab Peeta close to me afraid still of the man who came to torture me.

"I think maybe you should tell me why you were upset." Peeta whispers. And so I do.


	16. Chapter 15

**:DICLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN 'THE HUNGER GAMES':**

**:IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS:**

**Fifteen**

A few months have passed since the day of the first Monument and the night Haymitch told me Effie's story. Since then, we have been to seven more Momunent Premiers in the Capitol, Thirteen, Eight, Twleve, Eleven, Four and somewhere west of the globe where my first Game was held. Peeta and I live together, officially. Haymitch drinks.

"Katniss, its nearly three in the afternoon." Peeta's voice rouses me and I wake. He's holding something in his hands. A parcel. "Look what came in the mail. It's form Dr. Aurelius." We open it together and I see a case filled with red pills. We eye it uncertainly when Peeta finds a note and reads it quietly.

"Effie says these pills were made by Dr. Aurelius himself, for me especially." He says raising his eyebrows.

"What for?" I ask as I get out of the covers.

"It's supposed to help with the hijack, he said. Once a day, everyday if I want but he says that I can take it only when I feel like losing it." He opens the box and takes one pill. He brings it at eye level and I see that the tiny red pill is not solid through and through its center is liquid, almost like jell. He brings it to his mouth and swallows.

"Do you feel any different?"

"Not really." He shrugs and puts the box on the end table next to our bed. "Maybe it takes a while to kick in."

"Maybe." I answer. Peeta goes downstairs to fix a meal for me and I take to shower to freshen up. I hear some clatters downstairs but I ignore it and leave it to Peeta to deal with. I step out and dry myself. I put on my clothes and search my drawer for the pearl he gave me. I find the pouch and open it to see the pearl sitting where I had left it. It's not like Peeta to forget we're engaged. I make my way down and see him fixing seats into place.

"Peeta." I call.

"Just cleaning up." He tells me. I raise my eyebrows, since when did Peeta care for how the chairs looked? Anyway,

"I was thinking Effie should arrange the wedding." I continue

"That's a good idea." We sit and he hands me a plate of eggs and bread. "She'd love that." He takes a napkin and wipes his forehead.

"Peeta? Are you okay? You look tired." I stop eating and offer him my glass of water.

"No, I'm fine." He brushes me aside and goes back in the kitchen. I follow him.

"What's wrong?" I ask again

"Nothing!" he pushes a bowl aside and it topples on the floor, spilling its contents.

"Something is wrong, why aren't you telling me?" I insist with irritation. He starts to clean the mess but I pull on his arm to make him look at me. The moment I touch his skin, I feel his muscles tense and he pulls away. He was like that in the Rebellion; when he hadn't gotten any treatment for his hijacking. His breathing turns heavy and he drops the bowl again. I let him go and step back a few paces. He sits on the floor and covers his eyes, grunting and sweating even more.

I don't know what to do. I can't leave him here for fear that he might try to kill himself again. I can't comfort him because I'm the reason he's like this and so, I stand there in the kitchen, just watching him, waiting until it's over and hoping that he doesn't hurt me.

Why is this happening? He hasn't had any attacks this big since the night I proposed. Wasn't he supposed to be treated in Thirteen? Isn't this the very situation they told me we'd be in if he didn't go back for rehabilitation? He took the pill and it seems to have worked the other way around.

We stay like that for a few minutes before Peeta starts to stand and looks at me. His hair is damp with sweat. He starts to walk toward me and I take another step back, hitting the counters behind me.

"I'm okay now, Katniss. I'm sorry I scared you." And just like that he was back to normal but his kind soothing voice doesn't work. These things weren't supposed to go on. He stopped moving forward when he saw me retreat.

"What did you see?" I ask, unmoving.

"I'd rather not tell you." He turns away and busies himself with the mess he made.

"Peeta, I'm not playing around—"

"And you think I am?" he bursts out.

"No! I just—"

"Do you think I like being this way?" He drops the bowl into the sink and gawks at me.

"I didn't say that. You have to let me help you! This wasn't supposed to go on!" I start again.

"How will telling you what I saw help? They never said this was going to stop! They said it would lessen but never stop and I—"

"You're not being fair! How do you think it is for me when you're like that? To see you hate me so much that you cringe ever time I touch you; when I can't help but love you! Its hard for me too!"

"Are you sure you know what you're marrying into, Katniss?" he starts to leave,

"Don't forget who got us engaged in the first place! I try to help and you shove me away! How will we ever work this through?"

"I will always be like this and I can't help it! I'm sorry that you feel that way but it doesn't help if you're on the edge too!" He storms out the kitchen and goes up the stairs.

"You're being unreasonable! We're not done here! Peeta!" I call after him but he doesn't even look back. In my frustration, I hurl the bowl across the room and slam the door behind me.

I put on my boots and take my bow and arrow; I take for the woods, scowling at every person I meet along the way. The woods is all but the same, birds in the trees, singing their melodies and the animals on the ground waiting for the tip of my arrows. I shoot and kill every animal that comes across my path until my quiver is empty. I stomp on the soft soil and crush crawlers beneath my feet. When I look back at the path I traveled, animals lay dead and flinching. The soil, a dark scarlet color from the blood of my victims. My arrows found their way through eyes, necks and chests. I fling my arrow at a tree and throw my quiver to a bird that made a mistake at crossing my path. It falls with a thud. I step over it and scream obscenities at the damp afternoon air.

My feet take me to the pond I shared with my father and without another thought, I strip off my clothes, all but my underwear and dive into the cold water. I lose myself in the water and swim with my eyes closed. I rise and sink back into the water again and again. The water is sweet and the fishes glide with me.

When finally, I resurface, the sky is tinged with deep purple and the air, cold as ice. I pull myself out of the water and wear my clothes over my damp body. I wring the water out of my hair that is when my ears pick up crunching of leaves, indicating that something or someone is coming. My hands reach for my arrows but my back is empty and then I realize that I threw it away somewhere in the woods. So, I evade what I cannot fight. I pick the nearest tree and climb as high as I can and wait.

He comes wearing a black shirt and cargo pants, he seems to be tired from the walking because I can see his breath in the cold night air. I see him holding something in his hands and notice that it's my bow but he holds no arrows. I wonder how he found me and why he's here. I sink deeper into the shadows of the branches. It takes a while for him to reach the pond. When he does though, he looks at the water as if he's waiting for something to rise, or maybe someone. And then, I know who the man is. While his back is turned I swing myself from branch to branch until I reach the ground. He turns around, and I see Haymitch.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him

"I could ask you the same thing, sweetheart."

"This is my woods."

"Really? I must have missed the sign saying 'Katniss Everdeen's Woods' when I walked through the fence. This is illegal you know." he walks toward a rock and sits.

"Mayor Mellor left this place untouched by Reconstruction for me. This really isn't the time to play with me." I tell him and stretch my arm to ask for my bow but he doesn't hand it over. "Haymitch."

"I'm holding this hostage until you we're done talking." He brushes his hands past my bow and I hear it purr.

"How did you find me?" I ask

"Easy. I followed the dead animals." I scowl at him.

"Let's get on with it shall we?" he puts my bow around his shoulders and lets it hang there. "You need to do something with your life."

"For a twenty-year-old I think I've achieved fairly much." I say, crossing my arms. Haymitch doesn't say anything but just raises his eyebrows at me and nods mockingly.

"Get a job, start a hobby, anything that doesn't involve killing animals for no reason when you need to blow off some steam. I think the woodland creatures would appreciate it greatly."

"You're not my father, Haymitch. You don't get to tell me to get a job and—"

"Then the odds _are_ in my favor. Now you listen. I don't think you understand who you are to these people. You were the Mockingjay, you are the Mockingjay, whether you like it or not, you're a celebrity to them. Frankly, I don't like the way you've been behaving. You run around Twelve looking like you hate the world and when you're indoors, you scream at Peeta who, if I need to remind you, are engaged to. And might I say that you're supposed to make them love him. How does hating him make them love him? Get your act together, girl, stop running around with a scowl on your face as if the world isn't just good enough for you're pretty little life." he throws the bow toward me and I catch it. He stands and starts to leave. In a few moments, he's out of sight. The bow comes alive in my hands and it get's warmer as if anticipating another round of shooting.

"Goodnight" I say and sling it over my back.

I take my first step toward the fence when I realize I don't have the heart to face Peeta again and the strength to please Twelve. I tune everything Haymitch said; everything I said to Peeta; everything he said to me. I don't want to deal with this again. I can't and I won't. Not ever. Maybe I can live out here. I can stay in the concrete house and eat squirrels. I gather some wood and start a fire because it's getting too dark and too cold. I hug my knees close to my chest and just watch the fire.

_Maybe we shouldn't get married at all. I don't know if I can handle that again. But I love him…_

If there's one thing Haymitch made clear, it was that we're still in the Arena. Well at least, I am. The moon is high in the clouds and the air is cold. My damp clothes do not help and I shiver. The fire is small and I realize how hungry I am. I haven't eaten anything since this afternoon. I stand, planning to take one of the animals I killed and try to cook them over the flame, but as soon as I do, I see Peeta standing not too far away from where I sat. He walks toward me and takes both my hands. He doesn't say anything and neither do I; we just stand there, looking at each other. He gives my hands a quick squeeze and reaches in his pocket and produces a small red box. He opens it to reveal a silver ring. The jewels engraved around the ring catch the moonlight and emits colors of blue, green and purple. Peeta kneels down on one knee and looks back up at me.

"I thought you deserved this." He takes the ring out of the box and offers it to me. "If you still want to be my wife."


	17. Chapter 16

**:DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN 'THE HUNGER GAMES':**

**:IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS:**

**Sixteen**

"Lovers' Leap!" Annie's voice startles me and I almost fall from the branch I sit on. I look down and there she is holding little Finnick who sleeps quietly. I quickly swing myself down and meet her.

"Annie! I didn't know you were here already." I say giving her an awkward hug with the infant between us. She shifts the child to one arm and takes my hands.

"You shouldn't be too close to the edge and on top of that tree." She leads me away from the edge of the cliff and we sit on a boulder and stare at the afternoon sun.

"How did you find me?" I ask her. Lover's Leap is at the edge of District Twelve's woods. I only found this place recently when I was taking my walks. It was a long way up this peak. From then on I always came here when I needed time alone because I knew no one else would find me, until Annie appeared.

"There are many things you don't know about me, Katniss. Like my love for geography. I studied geography before my Reaping; afterwards, well, Victors aren't usually welcomed back to school." It's true. Young Victors were not expected to go back to school when they came home. Everybody assumes that we have all the money we need that what else would we do with education? The schools in Twelve are usually crowded and I thought that they'd rather give my spot to some other child who needed it.

"There used to be legends about Lover's Leap." I say in a whisper. I was told never to repeat the story. It was one of my father's. One night, he came home and everybody was sleeping but I stayed up to wait for him. He scooped me up and told me the story to help me fall asleep.

"There was a child who came up to the peak. It was her wedding day the next morning. She didn't love the boy. Their family needed the money and the boy wanted her. In the darkness of the night, she snuck out and stood on the edge and..." Annie looked away from the sky then and held her baby boy closer to her. She ruffles his hair and the child stirs but remains asleep.

"She jumped." She says quietly.

"She jumped." I say after her. "The boy really did love her. The morning of the wedding, when his bride did not appear, he jumped off the same peak."

I see Annie shut her eyes, her shoulders tense and she starts to mutter something very softly. I knew then that she's starting to lose herself. I panic; I don't know if I should take the child away from her arms but I remember that the child of two years, is the only person who can bring her back.

It's like clockwork. The boy wakes up and starts to reach for his mother's hair and tugs at it like a child would normally do. Annie opens her eyes and I see them dilate just as Peeta's does when the flashbacks stop. She sighs and relaxes.

"Annie, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to set you off." I tell her.

"It's alright, Katniss. I'm alright." She laughs slightly. "We need to go back now! I almost forgot why I came here." I give her a skeptical look and she gestures to start walking back. "Effie is getting frantic down there! We need to get you dressed she said, so I decided to look for you myself. Finnick _did_ need a walk to be put to sleep anyway."

I had almost forgotten. Everyone came from all over Panem for this day. Annie and I walk in silence. Along the walk, Finnick squirms from her arms and walks ahead of us, picking leaves up and throwing them as hard as he can only for the wind to blow it back to his feet.

When we near the fence, I help Annie through the hole in the fence and she coaxes Finnick to follow through. The moment, we're near District Twelve, Effie comes rushing in with the same group of people who made me up for monument premiers. Behind her is one cameraman taking videos. I forced Effie to only have two sets of cameras one for me, another for Peeta. That was the only thing I let myself do for this day. I let Effie do the rest to her heart's desire.

They swarm over me and untie my braid and take my jacket off. They wipe my face and clean my hands. They do this all while walking me back to my house. When I can finally see three meters ahead of me, we're at my doorstep. The place is how I left it; breakfast still on the kitchen counters, Buttercup—who found his way back here last night, is curled up in the living room couch. The only thing missing is Peeta. He won't be here of course. He's probably in his own house being dressed.

"Where have you been?" Effie confronts me with her hands on her hips. "We have been looking everywhere! Thank goodness, Annie found you up there! We are simply out of schedule!" I give her my usual apologies and she tells me not to fret. They take me upstairs to get into a bath already prepared. They wash my hair and soap me up then dry me. These things have become a routine for me. All my reserve for nudity disappears. In a few moments, I sit in front of a mirror, covered in my robes with four different people making me up. Two people braid my hair into the way my mother does it. The other two make my fingernails shine. I tell them to leave my face because I wanted to do that myself. I want Peeta to look at me and not some mask they would've put on. When they're done, I take some powder and put on some eyeliner the way I remember Cinna used to do it. I put on a light shade of lipstick and stand up to tell them that I'm ready for the dress.

Leevy comes in and hangs the dress somewhere in the room and the prep team quickly swarms over it. They stitch over some small holes and repair loose strands. I give Leevy a quick embrace and Effie calls her over saying something about getting ready.

"I'll see you soon. Thanks for keeping my dress." I tell her before she leaves.

"You're welcome" I give her another hug and she leaves the room.

It takes a moment for me to get into the dress because I have never worn it before. They help me in and pull it over my waist and slip my arms into the sleeves. The prep team arranges the hem of the long dress and readjusts my braid. They make tiny stitches on lose pearls and strands of thread. I stand still until they finish. They attach the veil and fix it so it falls right on my waist without getting caught on my hair or the dress. I step into my shoes, which are surprisingly high but very comfortable. They tell me to face the mirror and when I do I gawk at my reflection.

For the first time, I see my mother in my own reflection. I have never noticed it before; my dark hair and Seam gray eyes always overshadowed it. But I see now that my lips form the same smile my mother's did and my shoulders slightly slouch the way hers did when she would come to my bed at night after a long and tiring day. As if I have conjured her, she appears at my doorframe looking quite as shocked as I am.

"You're beautiful." She steps back and looks at me from head to toe.

"You came." I reply.

"It's my daughter's wedding day, after all!" She meets me with an embrace and suddenly, I feel like a child again. I was never the kind of daughter who followed her mother around and copied whatever she did. I was more of the kind who avoided mothers entirely. But only for this moment, I allow myself to become that little girl who I would forever leave behind once I sign those papers.


	18. Chapter 17

**:DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN 'THE HUNGER GAMES':**

**:IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS:**

**Seventeen**

Effie ruffles my dress a bit and adjusts my veil. We are behind the front doors of my house and once we open these doors, the wedding will begin.

"This one is all you, Katniss." She says quietly. It's true. Effie doesn't know anything about how marriages go here in Twelve. When I asked, she babbled on and on and on about big white cakes and throwing of flowers; and so she let me handle this part. This time, she was watching the show instead of being part of it.

"This is all me." I agree. She steps aside and signals for the doors to open. The afternoon light streams into the house and the lights play on my gown. I can hear my prep team as well as Effie gasp as they finally see the totality of what my gown has to offer. The doors open wide and my family stands in their lines, making a pathway for me as the tradition dictates.

I take my step through the doors and I see each of their faces transform into either shock or complete joy. Peeta walks through and offers me his hand and I take it. Everyone starts to applaud, a sign of their happiness for our future union. We lead the crowd to the Justice Building as we should; as all the married couples in Twelve did.

It is part of the tradition of Marriage that only the couple enter the building to sign the papers in individual rooms while the family waits outside. Absolutely no one is allowed to follow but for Effie's sake, I allowed the two cameramen to follow Peeta and I in.

They gather in front of the Justice Building as Peeta and I enter. And once the doors behind us close we're led to our own separate rooms. I enter my room and there sits a desk with the paper and pen. And so it is written,

_I, _, take _, to be my wedded husband. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, 'till death do us part. And hereto I pledge to him my faithfulness in the name of **Panem: The New World** and the reigning leader,** President Cora Z. Paylor**._

It has been said that these words have been so old that it was what is it now even in the time when the world was more than just Panem. Our ancestors have signed such a paper to confirm their unity with their loved one. Twelve is the only District left in Panem with these words and this tradition.

I take the pen and sign my name through the first line and write Peeta's name on the second. There is no fear in my hands; no sign of regret.

I rush through the door and see that Peeta's waiting for me outside the hall. We meet halfway and almost at the same time say, "Yes."

The 'Yes' had meant that we signed the papers and are now married. There have been times, I know, that the one of the couples had said no and their tale had ended before it had the chance to begin. But right now, I couldn't be happier. My feet feel light as I take Peeta closer to me and give him a kiss, full on the lips. He lets go of his cane and it's as if we are dancing on air. I notice the room get brighter and the sound of cheering fills the Justice Building.

The doors have opened on Peeta and I kissing. I examine Twelve and notice that it is not only my family: my mother, Annie, her son, Johanna, Haymitch, Effie who stand before us but most of the people of Panem as well. So many people have gathered here in a matter of minutes! There is no place for sadness or irritation for such a day. So, when Peeta takes my hand, we glide down the stairs to greet our family.

"Good job, boy." Haymitch envelopes Peeta in great embrace as my mother comes toward me and gives me her hug as well. She kisses Peeta on both cheeks and welcomes him to our small family. Annie comes over with a crying Finnick in her arms and gives me a hug; she cradles her child and tries to calm him. Johanna pushes herself in and faces me with her hands on her waist.

"That's the way to make them pay."

* * *

><p>Effie changed the venue for the Dance because of the quick increase of guests. She managed to find a place in Twelve that was large enough to compensate. We take our seats and eat our fill. Soon, the music is played. We dance and dance all afternoon. After a while, Peeta takes me away for a while and we sit at our table.<p>

"Mrs. Mellark," he says to me as someone comes over with a tray. Peeta and I look over and see that there is a piece of bread and a box of matches on top.

We lead everyone to my home in the Victor's Village. Peeta and I come in and together, we cross the living room and sit next to each other and light the fireplace. The fire starts small and suddenly it bursts, bright and spreads warmth across the room. We take the bread and put it close to the flame. As of this moment I am Mrs. Katniss E. Mellark and there is no other name I will ever take than this. We break the bread and eat. The Toasting has been done, from the moment until my end, I will forever be Mrs. Katniss E. Mellark.

We say our goodbyes to the people of Panem and to Annie and Johanna. The sun has set and the moon rises. Haymitch returns to his home and my mother bids us well and promises to visit when she can. Effie is the last to leave, her make-up, already messed up by the tears she had shed. She gives us both hugs and says that she is but a phone call away if ever we need her. We say our thanks and then she leaves. When I finally get out of the gown, I find Peeta, waiting for me putside the bathroom with a bunch of flowers in his hands.

"Come on." He extends his hands towards me and I take it reluctantly.

"Where are we going?" I ask.

"To the Bakery."

We walk to the shop and go through the kitchen and open the back door. I hadn't told Peeta that I had been in this place already. But nonetheless I am shocked at what I see. The walls show not only the faces of his brother and his parents but also Prim's, Madge's and my father's.

"They would have loved to see the Toasting." He whispers.

"I think they did see it." I tell him.

We separate the bunch of flowers and place them in front of their images and when we are done, we close the door behind us.


	19. Chapter 18

**:DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN 'THE HUNGER GAMES':**

**:IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS:**

**Eighteen**

"I love you." He tells me as the door locks into place. He brushes the back of my hand across my face and I hold it in place.

"I love you too." I take his hands and we start to walk out of the bakery

"Don't you want to know?" He whispers.

"Know what?" I ask back.

"Why I was on the floor that morning when you found me here." I stop walking and face him. I had almost forgotten about that day. The reason he needed to leave for so long. I let go of his hand then.

"I don't need to know." I say quietly. We are outside the bakery now and the moonlight is so dim that we can hardly see a thing. The fog begins to form and I feel cold.

"You were on my bed and it flashed in my—" he starts slowly.

"Peeta stop. I don't think now is the time. We just got married for goodness sake." He starts to protest but I make him listen. "I don't care about what you saw. It doesn't matter to me so long as you're here. Now, it's getting darker and colder and I'd like to get back home." I look him the eyes, begging him to drop the topic.

"Alright." He answers. I take the lead back home but he grabs my arm forcing me to turn back. He takes my hand and traces the scars that the shards of glass left.

"Thank you." He whispers.

"For what?" I ask dumbfounded by his mysterious attitude.

"For marrying me. I know I'm far from the perfect man and so flawed too. I love you so much, Katniss. No matter what I become I need you to know that I love you."

"If you think that the Hijacking will get in the way of our marriage then _you _don't know that I love you." I kiss him lightly. I am shivering now because of the cold.

"Let's go home, Mrs. Mellark." He says finally.

We go inside our home and climb into our bed. We hold each other close and fall asleep. In the middle of the night, I wake to the sound of heavy rain hitting the window. Peeta is roused too.

"It's pouring out." He says

"It is." I answer. Peeta pulls me closer and wraps me in his arms.

It feels good to be so close to him and to feel nothing but unworried freedom. As if reading my thoughts, he plants a kiss on the back of my head and I turn to face him. I kiss him full on the mouth and let my hands travel to his face, feeling the light stubble on his jaw. He pulls me even closer, his hands pressing on my back. We stay like this for a long time. My hunger for him is never satisfied, if anything it grows greater and greater every moment we spend our time together like this. I feel his need too. He moves on top of me and balances his weight. He brushes my hair with his fingers and I grab him close and kiss him again. He falls on top of me and we laugh in between kisses.

Outside, I notice that the rain has stopped but rivulets of water continue to fall from the window. Peeta kisses me again, his eyes closed and I push him down and climb over him. I let my weight fall because I know he won't mind. We hold each other close. He fondles my hair and I gently grab his face closer to mine. Slowly, his hands move from my hair, down to my back. He starts to pull my nightgown over and I let him. I help him pull his shirt over and we continue on kissing. He brings himself on top of me and starts to bring his pants down and I stop him. I move away from under him and pull the sheets over my bare body.

"Not tonight." I say so embarrassed at myself. "I'm so sorry, Peeta I, I just can't. Not yet." I pull the covers and wrap it around myself and escape to the bathroom in humiliation.

"Katniss!" Peeta calls after me.

I lock the bathroom door behind me and sit by the door, burying my face in the sheets. I am a married woman and I refuse to lie in bed with my husband. What kind of wife am I?

"Katniss." Peeta forces the knob to turn. "Katniss please come out of the bathroom." He knocks lightly. I feel like a child avoiding a series of spanking.

"I'm so, so sorry." I whisper.

"Katniss, it's okay. It's okay." He says more calmly now. I feel his hands pressed on the door. "Please come out so we can talk. I promise no more until you're ready. I promise."

It's not the promise that breaks me. I know Peeta would never make me do anything I don't want to. What breaks me is that I can't give myself to Peeta because I'm too afraid; too fearful for the realities that I myself killed and started a war to prevent; so that they never become real for _my_ children. I open the door because I know that the only person that can help me is the person I had locked out.

"There you are." He says. He hands me my nightgown. I take it and pull the sleeves up my shoulders and zip the zipper. I clutch the sheets close to my chest, still embarrassed with myself. I let Peeta hug me and finally, I let go of the sheets and let the tears fall.

"I'm so sorry, I know we're married and this is what married people do. I know you want kids but Peeta I—" he brushes his hands over my hair.

"It's okay, I understand. We don't have to if you're not ready." We go back to bed and I fall asleep instantly.

When I wake, Peeta's not in the bed. I have a sick feeling down my gut. The last time I woke up like this, he was bleeding on the Bakery floor. I am calmed by the smell of breakfast wafting from the first floor. I take my robe and go downstairs. I enter the kitchen and there he is, cooking away.

"Good morning!" he greets me.

"Morning! Hey, Peeta, about last night, maybe I just need some time." I tell him

"I understand, take all the time you need. I'll always be here." He brings a plate of pancakes and bacon over the table and we eat from the same plate.

"Speaking of all the time we have, now that we're married, we've got too much money." He says and we laugh so hard we nearly fall off our seats. Its so ironic to be sitting here having breakfast when we spent days of our childhood hungry fearing death the moment we closed our eyes to sleep. It is even more ironic because we, the children of the Seam, never had a coin to our name and now we have far too much to count.

"You're right!" I reply at last.

"What do you want to do with it?" he asks. Then I remember Esther, the woman who sold me my wedding dress. How I promised to help her as payment for the gown.

"Charity." I answer.


	20. Chapter 19

**:DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN 'THE HUNGER GAMES'':**

**:IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS:**

**Nineteen**

The sun persists on shining despite the heavy winds and cold weather. Peeta and I have agreed to make use of half of each of our winnings from the Games to rebuild the Seam and provide food and clothing for the poor still. The planning took most of the year. We shake hands with the sick and give assistance to the lame. Effie has sent us our very own team so that we have manpower. They came in uniforms of green with the number 12 stamped on their backs; all of them trained to build houses, treat the sick, smooth gravel and even cook!

"I'll be around the south of the Seam. I'll see you soon." Peeta gives me a light kiss on the cheek and proceeds southbound of the area. Half of the team follows after him and half stays with me. The people of the Seam gather just at the edge of the area, watching us with great interest and anticipation.

"We are ready to go, Mrs. Mellark." Denver tells me. Denver acts as the leader of the team. Back in the Capitol, they have hundreds of these teams of at least 300 people prepared to defend Panem if ever needed; each and every one of them, we have funded to fly to all districts with the same directives. Peeta and I start at home, and then we travel around Panem to oversee the work.

I give Denver a nod and address my team.

"Alright, listen up! First order of business is to clear each house of all families and their belongings and then, we inspect the Seam. Next up is to demolish the area and clear the ground. We start building from there. Mr. Mellark is down south. Our area is north."

The team moves quickly and in a matter of minutes, all the people have gathered their children and their belongings on the way to the temporary holding center near the apartments. Denver comes along my side and we go into the Seam so that we can inspect if any person has been left behind. We come across Peeta, doing his rounds as well and continue on. I lead Denver to Esther's house to check whether she brought with her the gowns she made and rented. I open the cupboard and find all the gowns still hanging. She mustn't have been strong enough to carry all these. I take them one by one and hand them to Denver. When his hands are full, I take the remaining and we count thirty-four in all.

"Are you sure, we need to take this, Mrs. Mellark?" he asks

"Yes." I answer. Denver gives a word to the team and immediately, five people come rushing in and they take the gowns. "Take these to the holding center and look for a woman named Esther, she's an old lady. She'd be wanting to keep these."

We continue the inspection and find no one and nothing else we need to bring. Peeta and I meet halfway and we exit the area through the north. We give the orders to start and they do. Wrecking balls swing and destroy and the men start working. Peeta and I move to the center to be with the people and see how they're doing.

"How long do these thing usually take?" I ask Peeta as we walk together.

"A few months or so. But with the team we have, maybe a few weeks!" He says.

"That's good. We're doing good." I let my fingers intertwine with his and I rest my head on his shoulder. We go through the doors of the building and are greeted by cheering crowds of people. We make our way to the stage and put on the microphones.

"Good afternoon, District Twelve!" Peeta greets them. Another round of cheering and then silence.

"At the rate of labor and the number of men who are at work, we foresee that this project will take only about few weeks. Nevertheless, make yourselves comfortable in this center that Mayor Mellor provided temporarily. Rooms will be assigned to you and schedules will be posted on when meals will be served." I inform them.

"Take good care of yourselves while we make sure your houses are built sturdy and strong." Peeta continues. We remove the microphones and move on to being with the people. We go separate ways so we can cover more people. Peeta and I thought that this interaction with them will be good for both parties.

I'm quite nervous because speaking with people who I don't know has never been my forte. I look for Peeta and see that he's already seated with a family, cradling a laughing child in his arms. I continue on moving forward and see an old man who sits alone and decide to start with him.

"Hi, sir." I start.

"Hello, Ms. Everdee— uh, Mrs. Mellark." He answers awkwardly. I take a seat next to him. "Just so you know, we're very grateful." He says with a gruff voice.

"It's our pleasure." I answer. After that, we stay quiet. My eyes drift off to Peeta who's now with a different group of people, being taught how to fold clothes. I don't know how he does it. How he is able to transform from one situation to another. He's good with this; he's good with people.

"You better be careful with that one." The old man's voice startles me.

"With who?" I ask him.

"Your husband." He tells me, wiping his nose with the back of his hand.

"What do_ you_ know about Peeta?" I ask with slight anger in my voice. I can't help but think about the things he believes in. The things he's heard about him; about us. I can't stand his nerve.

"Just sayin', madame. I saw him in the bakery one night, talking to himself, throwing chairs around, breaking them windows. Next thing I know, he's got his arms bleeding and he falls to the floor and keeps on mutterin' 'bout some murderer. You were there the next mornin' and I remember you hurt yourself and the little lady comes in screamin' and callin' for help." He starts to clean the in betweens of his toes.

"What do you mean talking to himself?" This was the night. The night that brought him to Thirteen and brought me to an empty home. I knew what 'murderer' meant. That was me, who else? But Peeta never talked to himself during his flashbacks. Well, not in conversations at least.

"He was in quite a fit, that man. First he's angry the next he's cryin. I'm just sayin', Girl on Fire, be careful with that one." He collects all of his belongings and starts to move away. "Thanks, you know, for doin' this for us Seam folk."

"I was part of the Seam once. I know how it is." I say silently.

"We all are." He replies and leaves. It takes me a while to comprehend what he said. We're all part of the Seam, one way or another we're poor of something or someone. I realize that I'm sitting all alone so I look for Peeta and tell him that I'm going to Haymitch's for a while.

"Haymitch!" I say as I knock at his door.

"What? Its too early in the morning for your racket!" He says, with a bottle of drinking alcohol in his hands.

"It's two in the afternoon. Let me in." He steps aside and I enter the house. "I see your drinking again."

"I see you're still not pregnant." He says and laughs.

"I'm not here for that."

"Then what are you here for, sweetheart?" Haymitch tips the now empty bottle then drops it into the trash.

"What is Peeta sick of?" I ask.

"Hijacking." He says, taking a seat on one of the couches.

"No. What is he sick of?" I ask again.

"Have you lost it, Katniss? He's sick of hijacking!" I know he's lying. Peeta's not sick of hijacking, at least not anymore.

"Stop this. You're lying to both Peeta and me. We both know Dr. Aurelius treated that already. There's something else. Something he can't fix about Peeta." Haymitch rubs his forehead and sighs heavily.

"Multiple Personality Syndrome." My knees buckle and I fall to the couch. "Does that mean that sometimes he's Peeta, sometimes he's not?" I whisper, devastated.

"You could say that." He tells me.

"That night in the bakery…"

"Yes."

"It doesn't end, does it? He manages to slither into my life even after he died." The hijacking Snow did to Peeta made this happen. I'm sure of it.

"Listen. Dr. Aurelius sent him pills, right?" I look at Haymitch and nod to answer. "Well, just make sure he drinks it and Peeta will stay Peeta." Haymitch takes my hand and I stand.

"You better go on out there. You've got houses to build." He leads me out.

"Why didn't you tell us?" I ask

"I thought you had too much on your plate already." He gives me a quick and awkward hug. "Go on, Katniss. Remember, the pills." I leave his house and make my way back to the holding center. It's not the hijacking, not anymore. There's a new enemy to destroy before it destroys both of us.


	21. Chapter 20

**:DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ' THE HUNGER GAMES':**

**:IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS:**

**Twenty**

"Katniss, time to go!" Peeta calls downstairs. It's half an hour until the hovercraft flies and I'm gathering the last things we might have forgotten to pack.

"I'll be right down." I call after him. I take one last sweep through the room before I go down. I need to find those extra pills. When I told Peeta to pack pills, he put about four or five in his bag. I gather that he takes it one in a while rather than everyday. I feel my way through the top shelf of one of Peeta's cabinets and finally grip the box that contains the pills. I put it in my purse and come downstairs.

"Okay, let's go." He says. He pulls both our suitcases through the door where First Officer Dixon waits. He takes our stuff and hands it to the driver who will bring us to the hangar.

"Morning, Officer." Says Peeta as he shakes his hand.

"Good morning, Soldier Mellark." He answers.

"Good day, Soldier Mellark." He greats me and we shake as well.

We are lead into the car and its starts moving. Two days ago, the Seam was a pile of stones. Today, foundations are starting to sprout. We left Denver in charge of the team and put our trust in Haymitch that he will oversee the project if he has the time.

"How long is the flight?" asks Peeta when we are seated inside the car.

"About one and a half days, at the least." Dixon answers.

"The trip with Effie took at the most, half an hour!" I exclaim. More than a day to get to District One? How can that be when so little time was spent on flying to the Capitol?

"The route taken for Capitol events is exclusive to that only." He answers.

"Can't we change the route?" I ask

"No, ma'am. I am sorry, Mrs. Mellark but laws are set and followed strictly especially on air." He answers me.

I'm about to retort when Peeta squeezes my hand. "Alright." he answers for me and ends the conversation.

The car pulls to a stop and the driver gathers our belongings and Dixon leads us to the craft. We enter and I realize that the craft is the exact replica of the ones we rode when we were taken to the arena. I ignore those memories and hold on to Peeta's hand, willing myself not to fall over. We meet Captain Harren who will fly the craft alongside her first officer, Dixon. We share greetings and the doors close and the engines ignite.

There are only four people on the hovercraft. The Captain and her right hand man and Peeta and I. We go into our rooms and I lay on the bed. We don't bother unpacking even though the trip will be longer than expected. I make a mistake of tossing my purse to the couch and the pills shake.

"Are those my pills?" asks Peeta. I try to think of an excuse but I decide on just telling him the truth.

"I thought that it would be better if you took the pills daily." I say to him.

"Why?"

"It would be safer. For both of us." I can't tell him the real reason, I just can't. It might set him off and then get out of control. He doesn't need to know about his sickness, not now. Maybe not ever.

"Alright." He says with a sigh

"Alright?" I ask, testing him.

"Sure, Katniss. If you think it would be better then so be it. Dr. Aurelius _did _recommend it." He presses a button on the end table on his side of the bed and a bottle of water comes shooting up from the delivery tube. He reaches in his pockets and produces a bag and brings out one of the red pills. He pops it in his mouth and drinks it down with the water. He pours the pill from the bag into the box.

"Thanks." I tell him and put the box on one of the coffee tables.

"Its crazy isn't it?" he says laughing.

"What?" I ask

"Well, the last time we were in a hovercraft like this, we were heading to the Arena. And now, we're back but the difference is that we're married and we're not going to any sort of Arena." He laughs a little and sits next to me on the bed.

"I never thought we'd live this long." I tell him and laugh too. "I always thought I'd die of hunger or knife to the throat."

"I always thought I'd die of burning the bread or some sickness." When he says it, I take a hard grip on his shoulder as if Death was knocking on our room door.

"What is it?" he asks, hurting. I loosen my grip and shake my head.

"Nothing I, I just don't want you to die to soon." I say quietly. He rubs his shoulder. He smiles down at me at kisses my forehead.

"Don't worry, I won't be gone in a long time. I won't do that to you, not again." I hug him close and whisper, "Promise me you'll take the pills everyday. Just to be safe?"

"I promise."

We spend the rest of the day vegetating in our room since there's really nothing else to do. Everything we need and want is at the press of a button. We don't talk to Harren or Dixon since they don't really leave the cockpit, as they shouldn't.

During the night, we lay on the bed holding each other close we kiss once in a while but most of the time, we talk.

"Would you have done things differently if you knew I'd be sick forever?" He asks me in the darkness.

"No." I tell him. His arms are wrapped around my stomach and the back of my head rests on his chest as we both look out the window, watching the dark clouds swoop by the craft.

"I would have." He says. I turn and face Peeta, "Why would you say that?"

"I keep on thinking that you deserve better, some one who can take care of you. Some one you won't need to take care of."

"Stop this. We're a team, you and I, ever since the beginning. Remember? You took my hand in that carriage in our first games, since then, we've been unbeatable. We're supposed to take care of each other, not just you for me. You're the one I deserve, no one else." I give him a kiss and I feel him smile.

I rest my head back on his chest and count the beats of his heart. I fall asleep to the steady rhythm of the pounding that keeps Peeta alive and mine.

I am back in the meadow. The little girl has grown taller and her dark curls are longer. She sits next to me and she's telling a story but I can't hear her. The boy comes falling from the tree above us and falls lightly on his feet. He is laughing but I don't hear a single breath. He swipes his golden hair away from his eyes and calls out to me, but I don't hear my name.

Peeta comes to view and _his_ voice I can hear.

"Real or not real?" he asks.

My eyes suddenly open and I am greeted by the moonlight that streams through the window. Peeta is still sleeping soundly. I quietly move to the bathroom and splash my face with water. One question remains in my mind, "What would I have answered, real or not real?"


	22. Chapter 21

**:DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN 'THE HUNGER GAMES':**

**:IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS:**

**Twenty-One**

I lay back next to Peeta but I can't go back to sleep. Even my subconscious is telling me to have kids. Some day, I know Peeta will be able to talk me into it but what I fear the most is what these children will think about me when they learn how weak I really am. I can't help but imagine the life they will have. A life in front of cameras and burdened by the expectations of society as the children of the heroes who saved Panem. I realize that its no longer the Games that stops me from agreeing to have children, but myself and the status Peeta and I keep in this world. I remember the dream I had wanted for Peeta's children, a dream I had created when I was in the Clock Arena. I had wanted a world where their safety was assured a world where they can be happy. Isn't this that world? This world where the poor is heard and the rich extends their hands, a world where children are free to grow and not die in some cage at the hand of another. The children I will bear will all be safe from the Games.

I love Peeta with all my heart and being, shouldn't I allow this love to materialize as something or rather, someone else?

I look at Peeta, blissfully sleeping. I try to imagine both of us with a child. Peeta will be amazing. The perfect father who would always be ready for all the things the baby will need. In my case, I'd be breaking down, not knowing how to even carry a newborn child or feed it at the least. It's terrifying. His child deserves a better mother. Some one who wouldn't run away from responsibility.

_Peeta would do anything for you. _

The thought springs to mind. He's ready to do everything for me. Even in his hijacked state during the Rebellion, he wanted to die so he wouldn't kill me. So then, why can't I do this one thing for him? The one thing only he would let me do for him, no other one.

I hug my knees close to my chest and bring my face down. Peeta, wakes and touches my legs softly, afraid to shock me.

"Nightmares?" he asks me.

"Yes." I lie. I lift my head and spread my legs and Peeta pulls me to his arms.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he whispers

"Not tonight." I answer honestly. We spend the next few minutes in silence. As the time passes, I hear his breathing coming to a slow rhythm. He starts to fall asleep when I whisper ever so softly, "I'll do it, Peeta. I'll do it for you."

He mumbles something but nothing that is audible enough to understand. I pull the covers over our intertwined bodies and rest my head on his shoulder and gently tousle his golden hair, remembering the young boy in my dream. I fall asleep feeling the dread in the pit of my stomach but with excitement and anticipation in my heart.


	23. Chapter 22

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN "THE HUNGER GAMES"**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Twenty-Two**

"Peeta, wake up, we're going to land soon." I shake him lightly and his eyes flutter open. "Morning!" I say as he sits up and rubs his eyes.

"Morning?" He asks me. The moonlight still creeps through the windows and the stars still shine. The sun is yet to rise in a few hours

"But the moon's still up." He answers, stretching his limbs.

"Well, what was I supposed to say when I woke you up? 'Good evening!'?" We both laugh. Peeta goes to the restroom to freshen up. I start to clean up and pack up our things.

The whole trip from District One to Eleven and back home will take about one year. Designated residences have been reserved for Peeta and I on each District where we will stay for about one to two months. The Trip of the Century, they're calling it on the television. Where the Heroes of Panem save its people once more.

I pack the last of our belongings; the toiletries still sit in the restroom so I wait for Peeta to come out. It has been about half an hour and he still has not openned the door so I go right in and what I see startles me.

Peeta sits at the furthest corner of the shower area, naked and shaking. I look around and find bottles of shampoo and lotion, empty, its contents spelling a single word on the white tiles: Mutt.

My breathing turns heavy and I don't know what to do but my instincts have taken over. Peeta continues to whimper at his corner and the shower continues to rain water. I take the towel that hangs on one of the racks and slowly work my way to the shower. I turn off the tap and gently wrap the towel around him. I make him stand and maneuver him to the bed and sit him down. I force his luggage open and find the pills and fill a glass with water. I push the pill on his lips and he opens wide. I help him drink the water and dry him up with the towel.

I look at his face and see that his eyes have turned glassy and are staring blankly back at me. I take a shirt from the bag and pull it over his head and insert his arms in. I make him stand so that I can put his underwear and pants on; all the while, he says nothing and looks at the air.

"Stay here." I tell him gently as I make him sit back down. I take the towel back to the restroom and quickly wipe the floor. The letters disappear, leaving but tiny bubbles on the tiles. I leave the towel in the hamper and go back to Peeta.

I kneel down at his feet and touch his cheek and make him look at me.

"Peeta?" I say softly. His eyes focus on mine and I know he's back from wherever he disappeared to. "Peeta, can you tell me what happened?" he blinks at me in confusion.

"What?" he asks me.

"You were in the shower and you—you spilled the shampoo and lotion all over the floor."

"Did I really? I'm sorry." He rubs his temples and his eyebrows nit together. "I just can't remember a thing. I remember walking to the restroom and— thinking about…" He buries his face in his hands and starts to whimper again.

"It's okay. It'll be okay." I take him in my arms and let him calm down. "We'll work through this, I promise." He faces me with his eyes, pinkish and his tears streaming down his face.

"I just felt so angry. I don't know why or about what but I was so angry." He whispers. I brush away the damp hair over his forehead.

"Its going to be alright. Remember? We have each other." I kiss him on the forehead and finally stand to fix things up, still shaken about the events of dawn.

"I should drink my medicine." He says, still confused about his lapse of memory. I look back at him, perplexed.

"You already have. Don't you remember? I made you drink when I sat you down on the bed." He grunts in frustration and lies back on the bed with his feet dangling when a knock sounds on our door. I cross over our open luggage and open the door to find a very tired Dixon.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, madam. I just came to remind you that the hovercraft should be landing in fifteen minutes. Please do collect your belongings and be prepared to descend on District One soil." He informs me.

"Thank you, Dixon." He nods and turns to leave and I close the door.

I sit next to Peeta who still lies on the bed. "We're out in fifteen minutes."

"This Hijacking is really taking a toll on me." He tells me, taking my hand.

"There will be cameras, you know that. Wherever we go." I sigh.

"We'll go straight to the residency." He says.  
>"Yes." I agree.<p>

Fifteen minutes pass quickly and in no time at all, Peeta and I stand once more in front of flashing cameras and red dots, tapping our every move. Despite the early time of the day, so much have gathered to see the Star Crossed Lovers take their first steps on their District after so long since the Victory Tour.

Even though District One is known for its luxurious products, through our research, we have come to know that the Capitol too has destroyed this place in order to keep Snow shielded from the rebels. People's houses were raided of their jewels and treasures. Storeowners were killed and robbed of their goods. Most horrifying is that the children who shielded Snow's mansion were not from the Capitol, they were all from District One whose parents refused the entrance of Peacekeepers who came to take their belongings. The punishment they paid for their refusal to cooperate.

During the Rebellion, the District people lived on canned food and when that was scarce, they didn't eat anything at all. Afterwards, when aid arrived, life for them improved but was never the same. Like all of Panem, they had been through so much and lost so many they loved. Not even the rich are spared from despairs.

We are ushered into a vehicle and wave our last goodbyes and the doors close and we speed through the streets of District One. We arrive at the residence home and we bring our bags in and settle down in the living room. Peeta lies down on the couch and I make his head rest on my lap while I tousle his hair. He falls asleep in a matter of seconds, definitely drained from the trip to the District. He starts to shiver then I realize that there is no fire burning. I gently stand and quickly spark the fireplace and the flame exudes heat. I take my coat and place it over Peeta.

In a few hours, the sun will fully rise and he and I shall make our way to the constriction site. I take this chance to get my bearings around the new house. The place has two floors, the first is where the living room, dining room and office are, the second, one master bedroom, a small room and a restroom. I look back at Peeta and make sure he's soundly sleeping and make my way to the office and ever so quietly, lift the phone from its cradle. I dial Haymitch's number and hope against hope that he's awake and sober. After so long, he finally answers.

"Don't you know it's 2 am?!" he screams and I muffle the sound by covering the phone with my palm. I sit on the chair behind the desk and face the windows, south of the room.

"Haymitch, this is Katniss." I say, in a whisper.

"What is it, girl?" he answers.

"It happened again, Peeta lost it earlier this morning, in the hovercraft." I tell him quickly.

"What did he do?" I hear the tension in his voice.

"I didn't see it happen but I got there after the whole incident. He was whimpering at the corner of the shower and the shampoo bottles were open, he squeezed it out on the floor and it spelled 'Mutt'"

"Mutt." He repeats.

"That's me, who else has he ever called mutt?" Outside, the sky turns to a dark shade of orange and blue.

"Did he hurt you?" he asks me.

"No. I made him drink the pills and I asked him what happened. He said he couldn't remember anything." I pull my legs up on the seat and rest my chin on my knees. "What am I going to do the next time he loses it again and he's not Peeta?"

"It's a coping mechanism. Peeta can't handle all of the tension he gets when the flashbacks come so he concentrated it all and made one other personality to deal with it for him. Peeta retreats every time he feels the flashbacks come and the other one resurfaces and takes over. That's why he can't remember anything because, technically, he wasn't there."

"Isn't there a sign or something? Somehow I know when Peeta decides to go away and let the other one take over? I'm on my toes every time I'm with him!"

"I don't know, Katniss. This is different, the venom makes it harder to know."

"Then how do I control him when he's around?" I ask him. Haymitch says something my ears hear but my brain does not understand because at the very same moment, another voice answers me.

"Control who, Katniss? Do you mean me? Control me? Do you think I'm dangerous?" he said it slow with a resonant and dark voice. I wheel my chair around and see Peeta standing by the doorframe, looking down at me with sharp eyes. I freeze at me seat, unable to answer Peeta's condescending questions.

I'm about to tell Haymitch that Peeta's gone but I am only greeted by the tone that tells me that Haymitch has hung up. I drop the phone and it clatters to the floor, and Peeta starts to walk toward me. This is moment is when what Haymitch told me finally, registers in my brain.

"You run away or else he will kill you."


	24. Chapter 23

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN "THE HUNGER GAMES"**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Twenty-Three**

"Peeta." I say as my hands quickly search the drawers of the table, hoping to find something sharp or heavy enough to protect me. The drawers are old and they squeak at the slightest movement, but Peeta seems to be oblivious to it. My hands tremble as I try to move quietly. I see a glimpse of a golden letter opener under the sheets of paper by the corner of the table. I take it swiftly and hide it under the table, held by my right hand.

"Do you think I'm dangerous?" he asks again, moving even closer to the desk.

"No, I don't—" my voice trembles as he cuts me off.

"Who was that you were talking to? Your special team to get rid of Peeta?!" He's right in front of me now, and he's resting his palms on the table and his face leans into mine. His eyes have gone dark, losing their light blue color. The veins on his neck protrude and pulsate. Rivulets of sweat trickle from his golden hair and drop onto the wood of the table. I hold my breath.

"No, I was just making the last arrangements for today." I lie but my voice falters. Hi hits the table with his fist and grabs my shirt and pulls me closer to his face until I feel the heat exude in anger. I grip the knife behind me now preparing to defend myself.

"You lie! Didn't I tell him? Didn't I warn him you were a mutt? A murderer?!" he pushes me back, so hard that the knife pierces the leather of the seat. I grunt in pain as the end of the handle hits my back. I try to pull it out but it seems to be stuck so I let go of the knife entirely.

He shuffles about in the room, mumbling under his breath, "Stay out of this. I told you if you won't do it I would!" "I told you not to go near her!" "You're weak!" "Get out!" "No!" he whimpers and starts to cry for a while then, as if nothing happened, he faces me again.

"Peeta, please fight him." I plead. He grabs my neck with one hand and screams, "He can't hear you!"

My hands fumble to release the knife but I'm loosing air. When he sees me struggle, he tightens his grip even more. Adrenaline takes over and I finally get the knife out and I strike his wrist and he lets me go.

"You bitch!" he yells in pain. I fall from my seat, gasping for air, still clutching the bloody knife in my hand.

"Peeta, help." I cough out, still hoping that this monster will disappear and leave me alive.

"You'd love this wouldn't you? To kill him and say it was self-defense or some other shit you always seem to make them believe. Well, my sweet, take a look at the sun, cause it's the last you will ever see!" he stomps on my hand and I scream in pain and release the knife. He bends down and picks it up. He grabs me by the hair and makes me sit back. A couple of strands slip from his fingers and fall to the floor. He rests his hand on my shoulders and points the end of the blade on my face.

"It's time you pay the price. Burning down Twelve, killing his family. Killing those children! I am doing Panem a favor." He brings the knife to my jaw. The blade cuts and my blood flows. My feet pull open one of the drawers and I kick it toward his back. He loses balance and falls to me and I push him back, forcing the knife from his hand. He lands on the table and I force him down with my forearm on his neck. This time, _I_ point the knife to his face.

"So it's come to this?" He says as I look down at him, prepared to stick the knife through his brain. "If you kill me, you kill Peeta too."

My grip on the knife loosens as I realize this. I can never kill him because by doing so, I also kill Peeta. He starts to laugh at me.

"You can't do it. You're as weak as Peeta. You can kill everyone except those who matter to you. President Snow was right." Anger surges through me and I push down at his neck even harder. He starts to shake uncontrollably but I dare not release my grip on him. When the shaking stops, he looks back at me with kinder eyes.

"Kill me or he'll kill you." He whimpers. I don't have time to respond because as soon as he finishes saying this, his body starts to shake again. He pushes me back and his hands wring my neck once more. The knife I hold is useless, a weapon I refuse to use. Not anymore, not on him. The room starts to darken when a storm of men in white uniforms, burst through the door of the office, carrying guns.

"Let her go!" one of them yells. Six or seven of them surround the room, the lasers of their weapons point at Peeta. He lets go of my neck and makes me stand with my back pressing on his chest. He grips my hand and makes the knife I hold, point to my neck.

"I knew you called for a team to get him killed!" he says to me. "I'll kill her before you kill me! She's a mutt!" He yells at them. They raise their weapons and I hear the click of the ammo being loaded.

"No! Stop!" I scream. "You'll kill Peeta too!" but I'm too late, their fingers curl around the trigger and they pull. Miraculously, the bullets miss me and land on various parts of Peeta's body. He lets me go as he drops and falls to the ground. I turn about to cradle his limp body but they pull me away and carry me out of the house.

"You killed him!" I scream at the person, my tears streaming down my face. The monster is dead and so is Peeta.

"Calm down, Catnip!" the man answers. Gale.


	25. Chapter 24

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN "THE HUNGER GAMES"**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Twenty-Four**

"Put me down." I order Gale, fighting back my tears. I can't be weak here, not now, not out in the open.

"No." he says and continues on carrying me further from the residency.

"How dare you? I told your men to stop but they shot him anyway! I had him under control!" I scream at him.

"You call that control?!" he argues. Two more of his guards show up and walk on either side of him.

"Put me down!" A car appears before us and the door opens and I see Haymitch inside. Gale brings me to my feet and I contemplate on making a run for it but Haymitch speaks up.

"Inside." He orders. Like a stubborn child, I step into the car. Gale enters too. The two men stand on both sides of the car and keep guard. The car won't take us anywhere; it's just a place of privacy. No one will hear or see us in here.

"I can't. I just can't do this anymore." I whisper in the silence among us. I burrow my face in my hand and begin to cry.

I've lost him.

Forever.

I won't ever again see the light shine in his blonde hair or see his hands tainted with paint. I will never hear his laugh or hear his voice saying he loves me. He was all that I wanted and now he's dead.

"Katniss." Gale's gentle voice reaches out to me and I push him away.

"Katniss, please." Haymitch urges. I don't answer either of them.

"Aside from being head of Two, I also have special responsibilities to accomplish." Gale continues on. "It's called Mockingjay Mission, Katniss," he pauses as if waiting for a reaction. "I've got a special to team of men to watch you."

"I need you to let me live my own life! I'm not a child! Didn't I start a rebellion because of exactly this?!" I glare at them.

"You have no choice! You're the Mockingjay, the people look up to _you_!" Gale is starting to get angry.

"They'll get over me. Just like they did the Fallen Victors and the rest of Panem."

"That's not yours to decide. Not anymore." Haymitch says.

"Why are you badgering me with this when you just let Peeta die! He died; he was killed right in front of me! Don't you understand! He's my husband and he's gone! He and I are probably all you've got and you don't even seem to notice he's dead! He's dead! He's dead!" I wail at Haymitch, crying.

"Don't you think that I—" he begins but Gale's voice cuts him off.

"He's alive!" Haymitch and I fall silent and my eyes meet Gale's. "The bullets only tranquilize him. He's not dead; he'll be awake in a few hours." My hands quickly fumble to get the doors open and they do. I start to frantically climb over Gale's huge body and step out but he catches my arm and pulls the door to a close.

"I have to be there when he wakes up." I tell him curtly. What does he expect from me?! Peeta's just been brought back from the dead! "You can tell me whatever you want but not now!" I squirm away from his grip but he pulls me back.

"This is no way you're—" I start and I hear Haymitch start to open his door too.

"Listen!" He orders. Haymitch closes the door and Gale continues. "No doctor in Panem will ever have the nerve to cure, Peeta, we know that."

"We have Doctor Aurelius." Haymitch answers.

"That's the problem." He says.

"What do you mean? He gave us the medicine." I tell him.

"Don't you think it's a bit odd? You give Peeta the medicine and the next few minutes, he's lost it. And the more you give him, the worse he gets." Gale looks into me.

"The medicine needs some more research I guess." I reply, shrugging, willing the conversation to end so I can run back to Peeta.

"Do you think Thirteen ever made anything that isn't fool-proof?" He urges.

"What are you implying, boy?" Haymitch says, probably starting to understand whatever Gale is trying to tell us. My mind however is elsewhere. I look through the window and see the Gale's team is bringing in various health kits, probably to treat Peeta. Try to treat him at the least. They also bring in exact replicas of the furniture that Peeta and I destroyed during the fight.

"Are you saying Doctor Aurelius is trying to get the boy to kill himself?!" Haymitch says and my mind snaps back into the conversation.

"Not exactly." Gale answers. "He wants Katniss dead and he wants Peeta to do it."


	26. Chapter 25

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN "THE HUNGER GAMES"**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Twenty–Five**

"That's ridiculous." Haymitch says, to Gale.

"Why would he? He doesn't have anything against us." I ask, still not believing what he's telling us.

"There have been sources. Researches and findings that lead to suspicion that he may be a threat to you." Gale answers us, rubbing his temples.

"Spit it out, boy." Haymitch orders Gale.

"The team discovered a falsification of documents; documents about who his birth parents and his family tree altogether. Doctor Aurelius is not who he claims to be." He pauses as if dismissing a thought and continues. "We can't continue this inside the car, District One citizens will be suspecting something. Let's move back in the residency."

We take our step out of the car and I notice that the morning sun is already high in the sky. Peeta and I should've already been in the construction sight hours ago. The team of men in white stands in a single file just in front of the porch of the residency and greets us with a salute as we pass and enter the house. One of them hands me a bottle and tells me that it will make the wound on my jaw better. I say thank you and quickly apply the jelly on my face.

Two men stand in front of the closed door of the mater bedroom, they must have put Peeta in there to rest. The three of us sit in the living room. My eyes are planted on the closed door and Haymitch notices.

"Not yet, sweetheart. We need to talk first. Besides, he should still be knocked out." He warns me and I scowl stubbornly in reply. He ignores me and nods in Gale's direction, signaling him to start.

"Doctor Aurelius belongs to the family of Mr. Reynard Thropp." He tells us.

"Who is that?" I ask Gale.

"Reynard Thropp was the first man who had the idea of starting the Hunger Games." Haymitch answers me.

"Exactly." Gale agrees. "Seventy-eight years ago, Thropp was the leading man who developed the whole concept. He died only two years after the Games were implemented and never got the recognition. Doctor Aurelius, or rather, Nathan Thropp, is his great grandson."

"How did Doctor Aurel—uh, Nathan Thropp land in Thirteen?" I ask.

"They were natives there. It was only Reynard Thropp who went to the Capitol." Gale answers.

"So Nathan Thropp is cross with Katniss for destroying his great grandfather's Games." Haymitch clarifies.

"That's the idea." Gale sighs.

"What will he get if he kills me? Vengeance? I didn't kill his great grandfather." I tell them.

"We believe that he's only using you and Peeta as a pawn. We are yet to discover the bigger plan. The problem is that we're too far behind, everything we I told you, took half a year to unfold. We can't report anything to the people, it will be considered treason, Nathan Thropp has built his name in Thirteen and in Panem for treating the Mockingjay."

"Then what will we do?!"

"We lay low and strike when we are strongest, Katniss." He tells me. "Tell none of these incidents to Doctor Aurelius if he calls. Tell him Peeta's flashbacks come and go but nothing too serious. We wouldn't want him to be suspicious."

"What of the cameras? They're everywhere." Haymitch reasons.

"We have ways of countering media men and we have damage control. That won't be a problem." Gale reassures us. "Do not give Peeta the pills anymore. The medication stops immediately. If he asks about it, tell him Doctor Aurelius called it back for more research." A soldier comes in the room and tells Gale that it's nearly time to fly back. He waves him out and continues. "I'm taking every pill with me back to Two for research. One last thing, Katniss, do not bring his flashbacks into your conversations. Pretend like everything's normal, like you never knew about his Dual Personality Syndrome. If we suppress the memory maybe he won't lose it as often as now."

"That's in theory. What happens if he does? I can't do it, I can't hurt him, and you know that!"

"My team is always close by."

"Your team didn't seem so close by today. I almost died, I almost killed him."

"I know, I'm sorry. They will be from now on." I'm about to argue when Haymitch places his hand on my shoulder to calm me down.

"Peeta's in a stable condition. I need to go now." Gale gets up and shakes hands with Haymitch and he gives me a light hug. "I'll be watching over."

"Thank you." I tell him quietly. His men gather around and they speed through the streets of District One until I can see them no more.

Haymitch and I make our way through the residency and open the door to the master bedroom. We find Peeta soundly sleeping on the bed, his wounds perfectly heeled as mine are. Haymitch and I stand by the doorframe.

"Why does this happen to us?" I whisper to him.

"Somethings just happen. It's inevitable, I guess, written on stone." He sighs.

"I'm just so tired." I tell him. The emotional strain never seems to end and the difficulty of keeping a good image will forever be a burden. From the moment Effie read Prim's name form that slip of paper, I've had this enormous weight on my shoulders that I can never shake off.

"We all are. Just keep your hair in a braid and I'll keep a bottle in my hand. We go through this hell called life and I'll be here. I _am_ your guardian after all." He tells me. I am grateful for Haymitch. I don't even know how he got here so fast when it took Peeta and I an overnight stay in the air to get here. I know then that he _will_ always be my guardian. I've got no one else. Someday I know, time forbid, he will be gone as will be the rest of us but for now, I am grateful.

Peeta starts to stir in his sleep and after a few moments he wakes up. I walk up to the bed and sit beside him. Haymitch quietly closes the door and leaves us alone.

"Morning!" I greet him as bright as I can.

"What time is it?" he asks

"Around 10 or 11." I sweep his hair away from his eyes and find them kind and loving again.

"It's been a long night for me. Nightmares." He sighs and sits up. I give him a light kiss on the forehead.

"We all have those nights." I whisper with a weak smile.

* * *

><p>I'm so sorry for the time lapse in between updates, it's been a busy month for me and it will continue to be. I promise to finish this story, don't worry. It will just take time. Thank you for your wonderful reviews! I really really appreciate them! ~OffMyHead<p> 


	27. Chapter 26

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN "THE HUNER GAMES"**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Twenty-Six**

I stare at myself in the mirror.

The woman I see is so different from the girl who stood in front of Cinna, during her first Games. Five years ago, I would never have imagined myself to be alive at this moment. Six years ago, I lived off the woods and battled hunger day and night. Ten years ago, I lost my father in the mines. Twelve years ago, I shot my first arrow. Thirteen years ago, my father brought me to the meadow to teach me how to swim. Fifteen years ago, my mother warned me to stop singing the song my father had taught me.

I am a married woman, who lost her sister, who won a war, who stands in defiance of those who led the nation before her.

I was once the poor girl who had to take care of her sister _and_ mother when her father died. I was the volunteer, sure to be killed in the Arena. I was the lover of the boy with the bread. I was the symbol of the Rebellion. I was the hero of Panem.

Who am I now?

How much must I endure?

"Ready, Mrs. Mellark?" the time manager asks as she peaks through the powder room of the residency.

"Yes." I stand smoothing my skirt and make my way through the door, out the hall. Peeta emerges from another room and we both exit the house. Outside the door, the sun shines bright above our heads and the cameras quickly find us and start flashing away. Microphones are shoved to our faces and reporters bombard us with questions.

"How does it feel to be back in District One?"

"Are you really married?"

"How long are you going to be here?"

"When are you having children? What will you name them?"

"Why are you doing this?"

Milla, the time manager, pushes through the crowd and tries to make way for us.

"No comment, no comment." She says repeatedly. We work our way slowly to the car and when the doors close, we speed through the streets. The construction site is, at the most half an hour away. Milla sits on the passenger seat and Peeta and I are at the back.

"The residents have been settled in the center. All that's left to do is examine the final blueprints and Mr. Philip will be ready to start construction." She says as we pass buildings and busy people on the sidewalk. Philip is the director stationed in District One.

"Of course, you will have official interviews, if you're still up for it." She continues. I look over to Peeta silently asking if we should still push through.

"We'll see." He says.

"Cancelation shouldn't be too difficult, there's always time in another day. Feel free to decide any time." She informs us. "Today's activities will end at around five in the afternoon."

_The show must go on. _

I hear Effie in my mind. She of all people would never let an interview pass us by. But then is this really the time? Should we open ourselves once more to the public when we are already so vulnerable privately?

"Not tonight." I hear Peeta say. I turn to him; "We'll need our rest after the long flight and today's agenda." He continues. Milla turns to me to confer and I nod to answer. Just like that, our evening is free.

The vehicle pulls to a stop and our door opens to a wonderful view of the construction site. Everything is in order and Philip waves us on. He tells us about the blueprints and the final adjustments. We take a look at the plan and approve it. With a single word into his earpiece, the wrecking balls start to swing. Peeta and I go about the rest of the activities of the agenda and by sunset, we have finished everything.

We close our door behind us and hang our coats. Peeta makes his way to the kitchen and in no time at all, I smell baking bread. I sit in the living room, resting my head on the couch. Today went by in a blur of movement. My head starts to ache as I try to remember the events of the day. The reporters were like vultures, always skulking by, waiting for a moment where Peeta and I aren't surrounded by the crew. Tomorrow will be another day. When the sun rises, Peeta and I will make the very last arrangements and by the time the sun sets, we'll be back in the air, flying to District Two.

I rest my feet on the round table in front of the couch and close my eyes. I hear Peeta start to walk over. I hear the clatter of the plate as he places it on the table. He sits beside me and I open my eyes to face him. I notice that he's fatigued too. He opens his arms to me, silently asking me to rest on his shoulder and so I do. He smells of bread and I can hear the familiar rhythm of his heart.

"It's been a long day." He sighs

"Too long." I agree. Peeta reaches for the plate and hands me a piece of fresh cheesebuns. I bite into it, only realizing my hunger after I've tasted the bread and I thank Peeta for it. We sit quietly finishing of the plate of cheesebuns. Gradually, my headache disappears. We sit there, watching the fire glow as the moon rises and the skies turn dark. It's so peaceful that I begin to forget the terror of the night before.

Peeta starts to doze off so I make him stand so that he won't have to sleep on the couch. He crawls under the blankets and falls asleep instantly. I go back to the living room and bring the empty plate of cheesebuns and leave it in the sink. I clean up the kitchen and as I am about to close the lights behind me, I glimpse the silhouette of two men far beyond the trees that surround the residency. They wear Gale's uniforms and constantly walk back and forth in their posts and occasionally, speak into a microphone. It's good to know that Gale did keep his promise. As if I've somehow conjured him, the phone rings. I immediately take it, if only to keep the noise from waking Peeta.

"Hello?" I answer

"Katniss." I hear Gale's voice.

"What is it?" I ask him. I take the phone into the living room and make my way to the front door. I walk through and sit on the porch.

"Good news—or bad. It depends on how you take it." He says quickly. "We've found a possible cure for Peeta's venom induced dual personality syndrome."

"Why do you sound like you're about to set a bomb?" I whisper to the receiver. "It's a cure! How could that be so bad!" I imagine myself finally feeling safe with Peeta again. I remember how I used to feel during in the cave during our first Games. How only he could tame my nightmares. This cure will fix everything, but, why does Gale sound so petrified?

"Katniss, it's only a possible cure." He sighs.

"Get on with it Gale." I say getting keyed up.

"Nightlock." He says, "Nightlock is the cure to Tracker jacker venom."


	28. Chapter 27

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN "THE HUNGER GAMES"  
>IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS<strong>

**Twenty-Seven**

"How is that even possible?!" I ask in shock.

"Ordinarily, the venom can be extracted by a combination of simple herbs but in Peeta's case it's different. Too much venom has poisoned him and too much got into his bloodstream _and_ his brain. The nightlock, we found, acts like an extinguisher to the fire." He explains.

"But its nightlock… death in minutes." I whisper, terrified. Could Gale be telling me that the only way for Peeta to be cured is to let him die? The images of my perceived future fade into a dark cascade of sorrow and regret and—anger. If there were a way to kill a man twice, I would have already done it to Snow.

"We've made a mixture, that, ideally, should only take effect on the venom and not on Peeta." He informs me.

"_Ideally?_ Gale, we're talking about a living person, not some lab rat!"

"What would you have me do? This is all we have and, trust me we've tried to find alternatives!"

"I can't. I won't let him have it." I decide. "I can put up with him than not at all."

"Alright." He sighs. "But, when you need it, I'm a call away." I hang up and go back into the house and leave the phone in its cradle.

Nightlock.

How ironic it would be if it turned out to be the cure. I climb up to the bed and lie next to Peeta. He stirs awake.

"Where were you?" he asks in a daze.

"Just cleaned up downstairs." I tell him and he falls back to sleep.

I find myself in the woods back in District Twelve. I feel the same relaxation the trees always bring. I walk around, feeling the cool soil under my bear feet. I encounter the same cliff Annie called Lover's Leap. Sitting down on a boulder I watch the sky darken into nighttime.

Across the cliff, my eye catches a flash of gold. I find Peeta standing there, his back facing me; his stance suggests that he's waiting for someone. I start to call for him, realizing that he must be waiting for me but just when I am about to shout his name, the two children emerge from the dark trees and fill the air with their smooth and innocent laugher. The little boy trips on the large roots of the trees but Peeta catches him. I watch the three of them quietly, afraid of destroying the moment of peace.

They sit together, against a tree stump. Peeta starts to reach for something in his pocket. He produces small berries—nightlock and starts to hand them to the children! I scream at them, holding my arms high, willing his attention to be turned to me. The night has turned dark and only moonlight illuminates the forest.

At first, they seem to be oblivious to my shouting but as Peeta starts to hand the last of the berries to the young girl, his head turns and his eyes meet mine. They're hollow and dark, as if he hasn't been sleeping for days. My voice escapes me and my hands fall to my side. This is not Peeta, he won't give the berries to those children, and he won't make that mistake again.

For a while, both of us stand there just staring at one another then, the children start to eat. They take the berries in the mouths and chew hungrily. I take for the trees and climb as fast as I can, planning to somehow jump from this cliff to reach them. A flash of red lands on a branch I'm about to reach for and I find Foxface looking down at me. She opens her mouth to speak but the voice is not hers, it's a man's, "Kill me before he kills them." Peeta's voice.

Foxface pulls my hands from my grip on the branches and I start to plummet towards the ground. The last thing I see are the children, falling to the ground as well, their small faces smeared with nightlock juice.

I wake up falling from the bed. I land with a loud thud as my back hits the floor. Peeta wakes and peers from the edge of the bed.

"Are you okay?" he said, reaching out to help me up. I grab his hand and climb back. "Nightmares?" he asks.

"What else?" I sigh. He wraps his arms around me and rubs my back to help me calm down.

"What time is it?" I ask quietly.

"Almost dawn." He tells me. He stops massaging me and just keeps me close to his body.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asks and I suddenly remember him asking me the same question. We were in the hovercraft, making our way to One when I woke up from my dream where Peeta asked me if the children were real or not real.

I remember, as Peeta drifted back to sleep, I had promised him I would; that I would have kids for him. But that can't be anymore. I can't have children running around with a time bomb sitting on the dinner table. I know he would want that too, if he knew he was sick. Only this time, its not only he who wants kids, I want them too.

I turn to face Peeta, our faces only inches away from each other, our legs intertwining.

"Haymitch really has some big problems with his drinking." I smile at him.

"I think we all know that." He answers "We ought to do something about it before he becomes a walking bag of liquor."

"We tried, remember? Right before the Quell." We laugh, remembering how uncoordinated Haymitch was without his daily bottle of alcohol.

"He did promise me something, though."

"What's that?" he asks. My stomach start to twist and I feel nervous.

"He said that he'll give up drinking all together when we have kids." Peeta stares at me blankly and I wait for a response. He raises his eyebrows and waits for me to talk.

"I think we should help Haymitch quit drinking." I say and Peeta brings me to his lips and I forget about his sickness and Gale's nightlock cure; all that matters is the night is dark, the stars will shine and tomorrow will bring better and brighter days, and I will leave behind the dark shade of the past.


	29. Chapter 28

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN "THE HUNGER GAMES"**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Twenty-Eight**

I let my arms stretch to the other side of the bed and reach for Peeta. His skin is warm as the summer breeze and as I turn to face him, he catches my cheek and he kisses me lightly on the forehead. The light that streams from the curtains lingers on his bright blue eyes. I let him pull me close to his bare body and I wrap my arms around the crown of his golden curls.

"Do you think we'll do okay?" I whisper as he kisses me again. "Peeta, Peeta, wait." I say as he leaned close for another kiss.

"Hmm?" he asks as he opens his eyes to meet mine.

"Do you think we'll do okay?" I ask again. "With a baby, I mean." He lets me rest on his chest and he fondles my messy hair. I pull the covers over our body.

"I don't know." He says honestly.

"What if we can't love it?" I ask him, letting my thoughts and fears go.

"Katniss, we already do." He tells me.

District Two is so different from One. The place has hardly changed since the Rebellion. The military force is as evident as ever and is even stronger. The people who walk down the street do so as if they're following such a strict schedule that they haven't the time to look at their surroundings. The great part of being in Two is the cameras, or rather, the lack of cameras. The only lights that flash on our eyes are a handful of cameras that are scheduled to greet us when we step down from the train. We allow them to take more pictures and answer some questions from the reporters but we don't stay more than ten minutes until we are ushered into another vehicle to be brought to our reserved residence. The sun is setting and the moon is rising. Tomorrow will be a day in the construction site of Two.

We're rebuilding the Nut. Most of the people of District Two are already so well off so Peeta and I decided that what they needed, what Panem needed would be another military base to start better training so, the Nut became our project.

"Be careful." Peeta says as he helps me down from the car. Ever since last night, he's been extra careful with me, as if I was already pregnant for sure. I take his hand and let him guide me down the step even though I am fully capable.

At the door of our temporary home, is Gale in his suit and tie. Two other men stand by his sides, standing guard.

"Soldier Gale Hawthorne." I joke and salute as he walks up to me.

"Catnip." He says and gives me a light hug. "Peeta." He greets and awkwardly, hugs him too. He and Peeta take our bags and we get into the house. In the study, Peeta finds an easel and a dozen bottles of paint. Gale and I leave him there to enjoy the colors on his brush. We make our way to the living room and he releases a sigh.

"I'm sorry." I tell him a quietly as I can.

"Why?" he asks, not looking at me. He tucks his hands in the pockets of his pants and I take a seat on one of the couches.

"I may as well threw a whole month's research in the water when I said I wouldn't let him have the nightlock." Gale sits on the couch across form mine.

"I'm sure you'll push through." He says.

"You don't understand. No amount of persuasion will let me say yes to that. " I tell him, making him look at me. "I will never let him drink it."

"Then you don't love him enough." He says

"How dare you?" I snarl at him. "I have killed to let him live, risked my own life even and you have the nerve to say this to me?!" I rise to my feet ready to strike when two officers enter the room, their hands reaching for the gun strapped under their coats. Gale waves his hand and the two leave the room, speaking to some sort of microphone on their sleeve.

"What was that?" I ask him, still steaming.

"I'm sorry, they shouldn't have drawn their weapons." He says and starts to stand too. "I'm sorry I said what I said, too. It was improper." He pulls his hand out of his pocket and hands me a small purple box. "If you ever change your mind or if you're out of sorts." He turns and leaves with his officers at his tail.

I open the small box and find a dozen of purple pills. Nightlock. I hurl the box into the garbage. I make my way back to the study where Peeta still paints and I try to forget that my best friend has totally changed. By the doorframe, I silently watch him paint. I knock on the open door and hug him from behind and see him painting the meadow from Twelve.

"Missing home?" I ask in a whisper. He puts the brush down and spins to face me. He lifts me to his arms and gives me a kiss, full on the mouth. "Hey, do you want to check if we've got a little one in here?" I ask because I've been dying to know too. He brings me to my feet gently.

"How?" he asks and I laugh.

"Well, there was an easel in this house there's bound to be a pregnancy checker somewhere too, maybe even a bow and a couple of arrows." This, I honestly, believed: every person on Panem is waiting for our child and every District would want to have the pride of discovering this baby before anyone else. I take for the closest restroom and true enough; a drawer is reserved for the sticks. I call for Peeta who is in a different restroom and in a few seconds he's at my side, holding a similar stick.

"Should we?" I ask, both of us staring down at the restroom counter where several pregnancy checks rest. Peeta takes one and hands it to me and nods.

"Okay." I say, clutching the stick in my shaking hands. Peeta gives my hand a squeeze and closes the door behind him, leaving me in privacy. I take hold of the box and it says that a single line means that I'm not pregnant and two means I am. I bring down my pants and sit on the toilet with the stick in my hand between my legs. After I'm done, I call for Peeta and we sit on the rim of the tub waiting for the results. It seems like ages when it's only supposed to be a few minutes. When Peeta says its time he stands and helps me up. Together, we walk slowly to the restroom counter and I reach for the stick.

"Ready?" he asks, before we look.

"Ready." I say firmly even though my legs feel like jelly.  
>Both of us look down at the stick in my hand and I see it clearly: two lines cross from one side to the other, perfectly parallel to each other. Peeta and I face each other and I don't what to make of the expression in his eyes. Is he happy? Is he scared?<p>

"We're going to be parents." He whispers with a smile. He gives me kiss and hugs me tight. His voice still rings in my head. My mind says that I'm ecstatic, almost euphoric but my body freezes in fear, terrified for the life that it is in me right now.


	30. Chapter 29

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN "THE HUNGER GAMES"**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Twenty-Nine**

"It's my fault, you know." I tell Gale. He and I have spent half the day in this forest simulation in his training building. I sit on a boulder and rest my bow by my feet.

"What is?" he asks as he brings his snare from the river across from where I sit.

"I had a nightmare, the night Haymitch brought me home from the hospital when Peeta and I bled out in the Bakery. I dreamed Peeta was chained at the end of a dark hall, calling for me to get him and I couldn't. Just like I couldn't save Prim or Rue." I let out a heavy sigh. "If only I knew, then I would've been able to get him away from Dr. Aurelius for good."

"You couldn't have known, none of us did. For all we know, he may have started messing Peeta up, the moment we got him in Thirteen during the Rebellion." He shrugs and battles out fish from the net.

"_I _should have known." I say as I look up at the sky. It's amazing how the simulation works. Gale can manipulate it to look like anything he wants and it feels all real. Right now, I sit on a similar boulder I sat on so long ago when I had dreaded the Capitol trains because it meant that the Victory Tour would start. The simulation has brought me back to Twelve.

"Stop beating yourself about this. It's useless." he drops the net on the ground and hands me my bow and brings me an arrow to load. He takes a stone from the ground and throws it at a tree and a dozen birds fly high.

I shoot and birds rain.

We collect the dead birds but when one gets caught on a branch and falls, the arrow is forced across the belly of the bird and out come its insides. My mouth fills with digested fluid and I hurl into a bush. The liquid just keeps on spilling from inside of me and when I see it come, the more that I feel the need to vomit.  
>Everything around us starts to spark and, after a while, it blurs into a void of grey. The simulation is over and we're left inside a large grey dome, the woods are gone, all that's left is Gale and I, my arrows and the vomit all over the floor.<p>

"Are you…" Gale trails off as I struggle to wipe the slimy grime off my face and hair.  
>"I'm sorry for that." I gesture at the mess. Gale presses a button from the remote that dangles from his belt and the vomit falls into a dark pit; and then the floor reappears. He comes closer expecting and explanation that I can't bring my self to say. I move away from him and take my bow and start to collect my arrows that have fallen from simulated bodies of the animals I've shot.<p>

"Katniss." Gale calls after me and I stop collecting the arrows. "I don't recall you being squeamish with bird guts."

I turn to face him and try to imagine he and I when we were still young and it makes me sad how fast time flies and how cruel life can be. I try to remember that life has forced us to change but has reminded us to remain the same too, I remind myself that out of all the things we've been through, Gale at least deserves to know, after all, he is my best friend and he's got my back.

"I'm not squeamish." I tell him as he walk up to me.

"Then what was that?" He doesn't even wait for me to answer, "Do you think, it's the best idea to bring a child into this?! He's sick, Katniss!"

"What would you have me do?! Kill the baby before it's even gotten the chance to see daylight?"

"What? No! I just don't think it's safe for the kid to run around the house with that—"

"That what?" I demand. "Who even said you can had any say in this? This is my kid, not yours!"

"Give him the nightlock." He says calmly.

"We've talked about this, Gale, I said that I—" I start but he cuts me off.

"Listen. The pill is not lethal." Gale explains. "Do you think I'd let that get through if it was? I'm begging you to trust me."

"Why are you doing this anyway? You don't owe Peeta and if anything, he owes _you_."

"He's keeping you happy, I owe him for that." He takes a small purple box from his pocket and hands it to me. I open it up and it's filled with same pills he gave me the other day.

"You already gave me a box of these." I say innocently.

"I know but you probably threw that out somewhere." He says with a sly grin.

"I'm not promising anything. I still don't think he should have these; he's doing fine since we got him out of Dr. Aurelius's medicines. I'll give it to him the moment he starts… changing." I take Gale's hand and gives him a light smile.

"Congratulations." He tells me. "I'm sorry for losing my temper."

"Thanks. I'm sorry too." He gathers the rest of my arrows and hands them to me.

"Have you at least seen a doctor?" he asks.

"Not yet, I don't want Two exploding with the news when this baby's probably just a tiny blob somewhere in here." I hold my belly right where the child should be. "I should probably call Haymitch first before I get Effie to fix me up on some private appointments with a doctor."

"I shouldn't have taken you hunting." Gale realizes.

"I'm fine. Don't underestimate me." An image flashes in my mind of me with a large belly trying to get through the woods with my bow and arrows. I would soon have to give up hunting for this child. It's strange to know that I'd lose my own place of solitude but even more strange to find that I'm alright with it.

"What about your mother?" Gale asks.

"Maybe I'll call her too but it's not something you talk to your mother about over the phone." I tell him as we gather the last of my arrows.

"She'd be glad." He says as he hands me my bow.

"So will most of Panem." I sigh.

"I thought you'd be in the Nut today." He says and it is true; Peeta and I should have been in the Nut for at least three hours now, determining the best structure for a military training facility but instead, only Peeta is there and I am with Gale.

"Peeta's there. We thought I should take it slow for now." I sigh. We finally make our way out of the grey dome through the double doors at the far end of the room.

"Don't you think the people there would be suspicious, you two always come in tandem." He says as he opens the door for me.

"Peeta will come up with something. He has a way with words." I enter the room and sling my bow over my back. The room is resembles an artillery base, filled with guns and bombs that are made of plastic and shoot face bullets and false explosions.

"Do you think things might have been different?" I hear Gale whisper from behind. I turn to face him as he packs up the weapons we used.

"Different?" I ask quietly even if I already understand what he's implying.

"Different." He repeats. He drops the snare in the hamper and tucks his hands in his pockets.

"You can't ask that. You shouldn't." I tell him when my earpiece begins to beat signaling that someone is trying to reach me.

"Hello?" I say turning away from Gale.

"Katniss!" Her voice rings with joy and her accent is stronger than ever.

"Effie!" I greet her.

"I heard the news and I am so, so proud of the both of you! Congratulations!" she says

"News?" I ask dumbfounded.

"Honestly, Katniss, don't you think that I'd have known? I_ am_ your escort after all! I've got some baby names listed! I've sent them to you! Oh, you have to see all the nice—"

"Effie, Effie wait. Who told you?" I ask her.

"Peeta of course!" and she laughs. "Anyway, I've sent your mother from Four all the way to Two! Haymitch said you'd be there by this time, I was shocked he wasn't too drunk to answer!"

"My mother?"

"Yes! She's flying there and she'll land in a few hours, around sundown!"

"Did you tell her I was pregnant?" I ask

"Oh, no, no. I told her you had wanted to see her and she packed her things and flew!"

"But why?" I ask her

"I know how it is, Katniss. You need your mother even though you already are!" How would she know? I'm not some child to have her escort sending for her mother. I can handle myself. As far as I know I can be a better mother than she was to Prim and I. "Remember, darling, sundown." Effie says and the line is cut off.

"Look, I'm sorry if I've been out of line lately but I need you to understand that I care about you. I always have." Gale starts.

"Don't you think I already know that?" I say and lean up to give him a light kiss on the cheek. "We better go, Effie's sending my mother to be here at sundown."

Gale takes me from the artillery and leads me out of the building where his team waits. I forget that Gale is one of the most powerful men in Two now. He commands the District Army and is head of security. They lead us to our vehicle. The sun is beginning to sink; in a few minutes time, my mother will be here. I decide to take a trip to the Nut to fetch Peeta.

"Let's take a trip to the Nut and get Peeta." I say to Gale. We get into the car and in a matter of minutes we arrive at the Nut where Peeta is already waiting on us.

"Peeta!" I call and wave at him. He walks up to us.

"They told me you were coming!" He says.

"I need to go, nice work on the Nut." Gale says and turns to leave.

"Did you tell him already?" Peeta asks in a whisper.

"I gave it away with the nausea." I tell him.

"How was it? What did he say?" He asks.

"He said he was happy for us both." I lie. I take Peeta's hand and he turns to face me.

"My mother's coming at sundown."

"Here? today?"

"Guess who sent her." I raise an eyebrow at him.

"Effie. I had to tell her!" he admits, "I figured we needed someone to take care of the media."

"Then we better go! Sundown is in a few minutes." He goes to sign a few things and then we both get into the car.

"Guess what else Effie sent." I challenge him but he only shrugs. "Baby names."

"We've got a whole nine months to think about that." He says. I honestly have not considered any names yet. It hasn't even sunken in to me that I am pregnant! I try to hold my belly but it's the same as ever.

"Maybe we should see a doctor?" he says.

"Should we? I'm pretty sure I _am _pregnant. Can we risk breaking out the news this early?" I ask him.

"Sure as hell I can risk that than risk this kid's life." Peeta takes my hand and gives it a light squeeze.

"You're right. I'll call Effie tonight to help us find a good doctor here in Two." I tell him.

* * *

><p>"You look beautiful, Katniss." My mother greets me as she steps into the residency<p>

"Good evening, Aurea, nice to have you." Peeta says and takes her suitcase ang brings it to the guest room. "I'll be sleeping in, it's been a long day." He calls.

"Alright." I answer him and then face my mother. She wears her hair in a tight bun that gives the impression that she just came right out of the Hospital of Four. She looks so much older than I remember when she came to my wedding.

"Effie called, she said you were calling for me to be here." She says in a concerned voice.

"Mom, I'm pregnant." I go right on and say it. Her eyes gawk at me and her lips form a wide smile, she opens her arms and gives me a tight hug.

"I never thought we'd live this long to have this conversation." She whispers and I feel her tears land on my shoulders.

* * *

><p>I open my eyes and look for the clock in the darkness. It's seven in the morning. I called Effie last night and she settled an appointment for Peeta and I at eight in the morning today. I turn over and shake Peeta awake.<p>

"Mhm?" he mumbles

"It's time to get up. Effie set us up eight in the morning, today." I tell him.

He sits up and pulls me up next to him.

"Today's that day." He says and pulls me up and leans closer for a kiss. He starts to pull away but I pull him even closer just to make it a little bit longer.

"Your mother is just down the hall," he laughs when we separate.

* * *

><p>"So when did you find out you were pregnant?" the doctor asks, he adjusts his rimmed glasses and reads the chart he holds.<p>

"Two day ago." I tell him. I'm settled on the clinic bed with a thin pillow below my head. Peeta sits on the opposite side of the bed, across the doctor.

"Alright. Let's see it." He says and turns to reach for a small black square. He tells me to bring my shirt up and I do. He places the square on top of my belly and it starts to heat up.

"It will be a little warm." The doctor says as he turns to face the monitor. He touches the screen and an image of red appears. He flicks through the monitor and Peeta and I wait in silence. After a while of the doctor just surfing around the image, his brow starts to furrow.

"How did you find out you were pregnant?" he says still facing the monitor and surfing through the image.

"We used the pregnancy check sticks. Is something wrong?" Peeta asks him and reaches for my hand.

"Those are very, very outdated," the doctor comments. He removes the square from my stomach and repeats the whole procedure. He flicks through the new image and finally he turns to face Peeta and I. He removes his glasses and rubs his forehead and scribbles something on the chart.

"There have been some complications." Peeta's hand is cold and firm against my own. "You don't seem to be pregnant."

Peeta and I freeze. We stare at the doctor and silently asking, how can that be?

"It's called pseudocyesis or hysterical pregnancy. It's a psychological state caused by a woman's strong desire for a child that her brain mimics the symptoms of pregnancy." he continues.

"But we checked. We used the pregnancy check. It said positive. I've been sick every morning ever since." I tell him holding onto hope that he might have made a mistake.

"Those types of pregnancy checks aren't at all accurate. It's outdated, used during the very first years Panem was built but was abandoned because it was unreliable. Those symptoms are part of the hysterical pregnancy." He explains.

"Then what can we do?" Peeta ask, his voice shaking.

"Try again. The hysterical pregnancy doesn't suggest infertility. Both of you are young, there is time."

* * *

><p>Peeta and I sleep with swollen eyes. We cried in the car on the way to the residency, we did not bother calling to say we won't be in the Nut today. My mother manages to feed us broth in between sobs but nothing ever filled us. In our room, we held each other under the covers until we fell asleep.<p>

In the meadow, I'm running. I'm chasing a figure. The small child skips past me, her laughter echoes. She runs and runs and I race after her, my legs starting to give out because of the unusually heavy weight of my body. The moment I reach her, I grab for her tiny hand but I can't seem the touch her and my hand slips as if I were reaching for air. She starts to run again but I'm starting to get winded and I close my eyes, straining against the pain in my knees because of my weight. When I open my eyes, I am suddenly lighter and the child disappears as if I were chasing something that was never even there.

I wake up in the middle of the night wondering how it is possible to miss someone you have never even met.


	31. Chapter 30

**DICLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN "THE HUNGER GAMES"**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Thirty**

I hug my knees close to my chest and I start to feel the dark room engulf me. Peeta tosses and turns on his side of the bed, no doubt, suffering another nightmare. I reach for his shoulder and shake him lightly. He blinks his eyes open and stares back at me, letting his mind adjust to reality.

"It was a nightmare. Only a dream." I whisper the line both of us heard from each other countless times. Peeta sighs and his eyes roll back to sleep. I push the covers away from me and walk across the hall, leaving the door open behind me. I reach my mother's room door and knock on it ever so softly. The door opens and my mother, in her robes, greets me.

"Katniss." She says. I don't even know why I had come to her.

"Mom." I answer; she moves aside to let me in. The tears start to fall from my swollen eyes and I start to whimper. I sit on the edge of her bed. "I'm sorry." I whisper in between sobs. "I'm sorry I got angry at you for leaving Prim and me when Dad died. I'm sorry I didn't understand how different the hurt was for you. I understand now."

"Oh, Katniss." Is all she says. She lets me cry until I can't anymore. "You can't let that bother you. You're a strong girl you always have been. An episode of hysterical pregnancy shouldn't stop you." She tells me to go back to sleep because it's far too late for me to be awake like this in my situation. I work my way back to the master bedroom but I don't sleep. I take the phone from the cradle and call Haymitch. I tell him about the situation we were in and are in, looking for the next move in the battlefield.

"What do I do now?" I ask helplessly

"What you always have been doing. You get up and get what you want." He says rather sternly. "Stop crying and get moving. Like in most situations, you're the only one who can help yourself. Now, if you don't mind I have a conference meeting with the bed and a number of bottles of wine." Haymitch hangs up. I sit on the edge of my bed when Peeta says my name and I turn to face him. He's just woken up, again. I lie on the bed and I rest my head on his shoulder.

"What do we do now?" he whispers as if to throw the question back at me.

"We try again." I answer him but neither of us make a move.

* * *

><p>The sunlight is harsh and I squint while I overlook several men start to finish the Nut. I adjust my earpiece and try to contact Peeta. I haven't seen him since we parted ways when we arrived on site.<p>

"Peeta?" I call.

"Katniss." He says from somewhere.

"The departure is in a few minutes. I'm at the rooftop of the main building. Can you meet me here?" I ask.

"Sure." In a few minutes I see him zooming across the Nut, hanging on the zip line we had designed. He lands on the roof and straightens his shirt. We take one last round throughout the site, making sure that everything is in order. We consult with the team to get their reports about the area and in a matter of minutes we leave the site into Gale's hands, ready to travel to Three.

Peeta leaves last minute directions to the brain team of Two while I talk with Gale. I try to avoid talking about my hysterical pregnancy, which Peeta and I already informed him about earlier in the day. Gale and I face the Nut, squinting against the sun. We talk quietly afraid of prying ears.

"You have to keep me updated." I tell him.

"I know. I will." He says.

"We don't even know this master plan of Doctor Aurelius about why he needs to poison Peeta so that I can be murdered." I say stubbornly.

"I know. We're working on it." He answers.

"He's going to find out that we're not really letting Peeta have his pills."

"I know. The nightlock—"

"Not this again Gale."

"I can't help him if you won't let me."

"Find out what the master plan is and destroy it." I know my privileges. As the Mockingjay who freed Panem, my orders aren't to be taken lightly. I stand next to the president when I command officials even when my ranking is only a soldier. Peeta comes over and Gale and I, as if rehearsed, put on wide smile and pretend to hug each other to say goodbye.

"Hope to see you soon, Gale." Peeta says as he puts an arm across my shoulders.

"Same." Gale responds. Our car arrives and Peeta and I take one last look at the Nut. We say good bye to my mother who's flight will be later tonight. We promise to visit her in Four. She wishes us well and our luggage is loaded into the car and we are driven to the station.

District Three is a metropolis filled with nothing but flashing lights and the buzz of electricity that seems to flow through the air. The district is the center of flourishing technology that forces factories to scatter on every block of the city. Housing is the main issue that Peeta and I will address. We have found a spot in District Three that is not governed by factories. We bought the land from a businessman and arranged to transform it into a number of subdivisions.

Peeta and I are ushered through the flashing cameras and into our reserved residence. We settle down and since the sun is still well up in the sky, Peeta and I agree on getting started on the construction. Our time in District Three will be significantly shorter than other districts because they are more adjusted to building than most what with the advanced technology. We are scheduled to stay here for not more than three days.

"This will be quick." Peeta orders the team of about eight hundred. "Bring in the materials and start the prep." After they do so we continue on giving orders

"Surface the ground and set up on the foundations. Start with the dividing walls and then build houses simultaneously." I tell them. "Night shifts will start at eight sharp in the evening." Peeta and I oversee the job and approve blueprints. When the night shift starts, we take the car back to the residence. Peeta and I haven't really talked since we found out about the hysterical pregnancy. He reaches for my hand and I hold onto him tight.

"We'll get through this. I promise." He says. The romantic air has totally disappeared between us. The trip has worn us out and it has only started.

"Maybe tonight?" he says.

"I'm tired." I tell him even though I'm not. "How will we know if it's not just another hysterical pregnancy? What if I lose it for real?" I ask, my voice shaking. I watch the streetlights pass the car and Peeta sighs.

"We need to try trying." He says.

"Okay." I tell him but I release my hand from his.

We eat dinner together in the residency and then he leads me to the master bedroom.

* * *

><p>I wake up early in the morning and pick up the clothes from the floor. I wear Peeta's shirt over my bare body and put on my underwear. I work my way to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. When I go back to the room, I find Peeta pulling up his boxers. Last night was a mix of emotions and I hardly even remember what had taken place. I just hope we did it right this time.<p>

"We should get an appointment before we leave District Three tomorrow." He says.

"We should call Effie to find us a doctor who wouldn't spill the news to the media; whatever the news will be." I tell Peeta. We make our way to the kitchen to have some breakfast and Peeta heats the leftover food from dinner last night.

I put on my earpiece and call Effie to tell her to set us an appointment and she does.

"Today at noon." I tell Peeta when he sets my plate down in front of me.

"Are you ready?" he asks as he sits next to me with his own plate.

"Yes." I say as I eat.


	32. Chapter 31

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN "THE HUNGER GAMES"**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Thirty-One**

Peeta cleans out our plates and I put the leftover dinner back in the refrigerator. We both get ready for the day's activities. I put on a shirt and wear my jacket over it. I pull my jeans up and tie my shoelaces. We go through the morning, adjusting and re-adjusting designs. Over the night, all the foundations of all the houses of the three subdivisions have been built. The dividing walls have already been painted and are in the process of drying. After a couple of hours, half of each house is already built. When the sun is high in the sky I manage to call Peeta through my earpiece.

"Peeta, we should go, its noon." I tell him.

"Alright, let's meet in the parking lot." I get to the parking lot before he does and tell our driver to start the car. My earpiece starts to ring and I fumble to answer it.

"Peeta?" I ask, expecting his voice.

"Katniss." An old woman answers me.

"Greasy Sae?" I ask, dumbfounded.

"Yes. You need to come back home." She says her voice shaking as always.

"Why? Greasy Sae, Peeta and I can't come back yet we're only just in Three." I tell her as I get into the car.

"I think you'd want to come home, girl." In the background I can hear someone shouting profanities.

"What's going on in Twelve?" I ask. The voice in the background start to muffle until I can't hear it anymore. Greasy Sae comes back and she sounds winded.

"It's Haymitch, girl." She tells me. "He hasn't got much more in him. It's all the drinking I suppose. It's gone back to bite him right in the ass."

"I don't understand anything you're saying. What is the matter with Haymitch and why can't it wait until Peeta and I come home?" The door of the car opens and Peeta slides in next to me. He gives me a confused look and tells the driver to bring us to the doctor's clinic.

"Haymitch is sick, Katniss. He has been for more than a month, maybe longer."

"Take him to the hospital!" I almost scream.

"He doesn't want to. The best I can do is clean around him and _try_ to help him drink some water. He doesn't want to eat let alone drink anything anymore." Her voice starts to crack when we go through a tunnel.

"Bring the doctors to the Victor's Village then." I say trying not to sound too desperate.

"He swears to kill himself if I let anyone in the house to treat him." Greasy Sae sighs. "Katniss, I didn't call for your help even when I knew you can do anything for him. He doesn't want any help. I called because this might be your last chance to see the man."

"But I just spoke to Haymitch last night. He sounded fine. How can he be sick?!" Just a few months ago he was with Gale in District One. I leave that out because Peeta is listening.

"He's been keeping it from everyone. Using certain drugs to keep him up and going but for all I know it also contributed to his downfall." She sighs again and I know she's now crying. I feel my own tears roll down my face. The line ends and I press on my earpiece to turn it off. Peeta is still watching me, his eyes, even more concerned.

"We're going to the airport hangar. Take us there." I tell the driver. The car makes a turn to the left.

"Katniss, why are we going to the airport? Who was that on the phone? Why are you crying?" Peeta starts to ramble but I quiet him down and try to contact the airport using the phone in the car.

"I need an emergency flight back to Twelve."

"May we know the emergency, Mrs. Mellark?"

"No you may not. The reason for the flight is confidential. The hovercraft that you will prepare for Peeta and me shall take the Capitol route ensuring that we get to Twelve quickly. Send our luggage to Four using the same hovercraft once we have landed on Twelve. Tell authorities in our construction site to do as the blueprints order and Peeta and I will contact them when we are available. No one is to know we travelled back to Twelve. That is an order."

"Yes, ma'am." I put the phone down.

"Katniss. What is happening?" Peeta asks again.

"We need to go back to Twelve because Haymitch is dying." I tell him

"Why don't they take him to the hospital?!" Peeta starts to reach for the phone but I stop him.

"He doesn't want to be taken to the hospital, Peeta. He doesn't want help."

"That's no surprise."

"I'm sorry we're going to have to miss the appointment with the doctor." I say to Peeta

"We can wait but Haymitch can't." he says as he takes my hand into his. I remember all the times we've had with Haymitch. How he had vomited all over himself that night in the train during our first Games, the number of times he's blurted out ridiculous claims when he'd been drunk.

* * *

><p>The hovercraft lands and Peeta and I stand just in front of the door, waiting for it to open. Security is waiting on us when we get down the stairs and we are ushered into a car.<p>

"To the Victor's Village, Haymitch's house." Peeta says. The ride is quick, considering that Twelve is so small. We get out of the car and use the key Haymitch gave us to open the door. His house is no longer littered with clothes or bottles or anything at all. For the first time since I was allowed to go into his house, Haymitch's floor is not messy. The air does not smell of drinking alcohol but rather, rubbing alcohol. Peeta and I take for the stairs, up to Haymitch's room.

He is sprawled across his bed, his stomach is bloated and his skin is turning yellow. He coughs and groans. He turns to face Peeta and I, standing by his door frame.

"Ah! The star-crossed lovers! Back so soon?" he croaks out. I make my way to the chair beside his bed and through out the night, Peeta, Greasy Sae and I take turns on trying to calm his fever and force him to eat something. He was my anchor and now, he's being pushed away by the waves too.


	33. Chapter 32

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN "THE HUNGER GAMES"**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Thirty-Two**

"You have to eat something."

Peeta sits by Haymitch and brings a spoonful of soup to his mouth. Haymitch scowls and pushes Peeta's hand away from his face.

"I'm not a child." Haymitch growls. He pulls the covers of the bed to his chin and faces the other way. Peeta and I have been in and out of Haymitch's house for the past two days and for the longest time, only Peeta could convince Haymitch to eat but for some reason today, Haymitch refuses everybody.

Peeta sets down the bowl of soup on the end table beside the bed, "Alright just reach for the spoon when you're hungry." He says. He gets up and silently asks me if I could speak with him outside of the room. I follow him outside and close the door so Haymitch doesn't hear us.

"Greasy Sae said he didn't eat dinner last night either." I tell him. Greasy Sae took the night shifts while Peeta and I took the morning. We do have shifts afternoon even though most of the times the three of us are hovering around him day in and day out. "He didn't have breakfast or lunch and now he wouldn't eat anything for dinner."

"He's worse than when we got here. His skin is yellow, he's coughing all the time and he can't even get up to go to the bathroom anymore." Peeta says.

"He's getting worse" I sigh.

"We'll get through this." Peeta tells me.

"I know we will but will Haymitch?" Peeta takes me in his arms and kisses me on my forehead. Peeta opens the door and we both get back in.

"Somebody turn the lights down I—" he coughs violently. "Just turn the lights off." He continues. I turn the knob of the light switch to dim the room.

"You're going to have to eat sometime, Haymitch." I say as I take a seat on the couch in the room.

"I don't give a shit about what you think. I'm a grown man I'll eat when I want to." He says. Peeta and I have dismissed his attitude and just let him be considering his situation but I can't help but scowl.

"Why don't you two lovebirds go back to your nest and call Greasy Sae already. It's not your job to take care of me. It was supposed to be the other way around."

"We like it here." Peeta says instead and Haymitch doesn't answer.

We spent the rest of the night in Haymitch's house for fear of losing him in the morning. Greasy Sae cleans the room while Peeta and I just watch over Haymitch. Peeta gives him a bed bath and I prepare his clothes.

That night I sit on the floor by the foot of Haymitch's bed and start to doze off. When I close my eyes and start to dream, I feel myself being lifted. In a few moments I am rested on a bed and I fall asleep completely.

* * *

><p>"Katniss, Katniss." Peeta shakes my shoulder and I am pulled out of sleep. My eyes start to focus on his face and I see that he's worried. Peeta kneels on the floor still looking concerned.<p>

"Peeta?" I croak out. I start to feel fatigued and confused. I don't know when and how long I've been sleeping but the sun hasn't risen.

"Katniss, you're burning up and you're sweating. Are you alright?" He tells me as he places a palm on my forehead. Right at that moment, without any warning, I throw up all over the sheets of the bed and my head starts to throb.

"I'm sorry—" I start to say but then I vomit again and Peeta holds back my hair. I feel his cold hands against my burning skin. When I'm done, my vision starts to blur and a feel the need to vomit again.

"Katniss what's wrong?" Peeta says. I look around the room and I find out that I'm in the guest room of Haymitch's house. Moonlight enters through the crevices of the blinds. I start to crawl out of the dampened covers and I stagger to my feet. Peeta catches me before I fall back on the vomit soaked bed. He pulls on the hem of his shirt and wipes my face clean. He tucks the hair behind my ear and out of my face. Again, he places his palm on my forehead.

"You're sick." He says, something we both already knew. He sits me down on the couch near the bed and runs through the closet and brings a coat around my shoulders. He uses the phone to contact a hospital. In that moment, I feel myself slipping away, my body shutting down in an effort to subdue the pain.

"I'll take care of you." I hear Peeta say as he lifts me off the couch and into his arms.

"I'm taking you to a hospital." My head starts to pound and I close my eyes tight in the hopes of stopping the pain. My stomach joins in the round of pain and I curl forward, clutching my stomach. Cold sweat starts to trickle from my temples and I wonder if whatever Haymitch has is contagious. Peeta lifts me off my feet and I let my head dangle from his arm.

"What's the matter with her?" I hear Greasy Sae in the hall,

"We're going to the hospital." Is all Peeta says.

They roll me in through the emergency room. The lights on the ceiling blind me and make my head throb even more. I am brought to a hospital ward and they start to pull my shirt up and hook me up to a machine through cords on my chest down to my stomach. For a while they don't recognize who I am but when they do they are shocked to find me back in Twelve. They move even faster until all that I can register is a movement of colors going in and out of sight. My stomach and head pains take a toll on me and I start to blackout.

"You have to stay awake, Mrs. Mellark." a nurse orders and I strain to keep my eyes open.

"The pain." I murmur.

"Giver her something for the pain!" Peeta shouts at them.

"Not until we find out what's wrong." The nurse answers, "Mr. Mellark you need to stay outside for now. We need the space."

The machine starts to buzz and the doctor reads the results and gives orders. They unhook me from the machine and start to put a needle through the back of my hand.

"You can rest now." The doctor tells me but I stay conscious. The nurses cover me up with a blanket. They bring me to a private room and Peeta follows closely behind me. They settle me down on the bed in the room and Peeta looks down at me and takes my hand. The doctor comes in and Peeta sits down on the chair beside my bed. The fluid that comes from the needle that they put must be some sort of pain medication because I don't feel my head or stomach pains anymore.

"Good evening, I am Doctor Mavis." The doctor wears a white hospital gown and holds a chart in his hands. "Mrs. Mellark, you have a fatal case of food poisoning. Have you eaten anything unusual or spoiled lately?" he asks

"Not really." I confess and I realize that I haven't eaten a full meal since breakfast time when Peeta and I flew out from Three. The responsibility of keeping Haymitch fed distracted me from actually eating. "I haven't been eating much actually. Not since breakfast a few days ago."

"Food poisoning has evolved, it may or may not appear when it finds a host but it will. More and more we find that it is fatal when it does. It may or may not choose a single host but it happens. If you feel that you need to vomit, just go ahead." He puts a pan on the side table. "It will help get the toxins out of your system."

"How long will the medication last?" Peeta asks.

"Food poisoning is easier to cure nowadays. It should only take about an hour or so." He gestures to a tube connected to the needle that is pricked on my hand. "But of course I'd like you to stay the night just to make sure that both of you are alright."

"But I'm fine. I didn't seem to get the food poisoning." Peeta reassures.

"Oh I wasn't talking about you, Sir. I was talking about Mrs. Mellark and the baby." He adjusts his glasses and turns a page of the chart he's holding.

"I'm pregnant?!" I say shocked. I gawk at the doctor trying to make sense of what he's said to us. Doctor Mavis flips a page in his chart.

"Well, yes." He walks by the rails of my bed. "You mean to tell me that you were not aware?"

"No, we set an appointment a few days back but—something came up and we had to cancel." Peeta says.

"Well then, I am glad to report to both of you that you are expecting a child!" Doctor Mavis responds with a wide grin. "I'll set a sonogram for you tomorrow, first thing in the morning, before you leave."

"Is he—she— is the baby alright? With the food poisoning in my system…" I ask, my voice shaking.

"Right now everything's normal, heartbeat is strong. We're making sure but either way there's nothing to worry about; you're receiving treatment. It's good that you were taken here as fast as possible." He nods to Peeta. "Time to rest for tonight, we'll see you again tomorrow for the sonogram. I'll leave you two."

"Thank you, Doctor Mavis." Peeta says, getting up from his seat. Doctor Mavis nods and closes the door behind him.

As the door locks in place, I sit up on the bed and I am about to speak but Peeta stops me with a kiss right on the lips. We part and let our foreheads touch, he starts to laugh and I can't help but laugh too. Smiling alone seems to be a crime what with Haymitch's situation but what Doctor Mavis announced was the one light in the darkness.

"I love you—both of you." Peeta whispers as he lies down in the hospital bed with me.

I let my palm rest on my still flat stomach, suddenly remembering what Haymitch had promised when I finally got pregnant. I look back at Peeta and I watch how the trouble in his eyes starts to disappear even just for this moment and allow myself to smile back at him and be happy.


	34. Chapter 33

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN "THE HUNGER GAMES"**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Thirty-Three**

"This will get a little hot." Doctor Hail says. She puts the black square on my belly. She faces the monitor, similar to the one in District Two. A red image appears and starts to take form like a dome.

"Alright, there it is." she says and Peeta and I strain our eyes to see what she supposedly saw. "There's your baby." she points a gloved finger to the screen and I can see a line as thin as a thread and as long as a third of my index finger. Doctor Hail presses some buttons on the side of the monitor and the room is filled with the sound of thumping. "There's the heartbeat."

"Perfect." I hear myself say. Peeta takes my hand but his eyes are planted on the screen in front of us.

"Now, if you'd like to know the gender," Doctor Hail points at a corner of the screen. "It says here that there is a 67% chance of having a girl and a 33% chance of having a boy."

"A girl." Peeta whispers and I see a smile form in his expression. "We're having a girl!"

"Well, the sonogram bases the possibilities on the current way of development of the fetus, it may change through the course of pregnancy but more often than not, it doesn't." Doctor Hail tells us.

"This little black square," she points to the square on my belly "Can actually tell you how your child will look like; her hair color, her eyes, her skin, how tall she can get. Every possible detail you can know. It can give you a photo of every age your child will ever be even before she's born. Of course it's all based on current development and can change so we don't recommend it as much."

She gives us a moment to just watch the baby before she starts to turn off the monitor and removes the black square from my belly. "Everything is in order. You're a few weeks into you're pregnancy and you're baby is perfectly well." she smiles and at that moment I could've hugged her but instead I just smile back and say thank you.

"How often do we need to have a check up?" I ask her, pulling my shirt down.

"You can have a check up anytime but I recommend once or twice every trimester." She takes a card from her hospital gown pocket and hands it to me. "There's my professional contact number. Call if there's a problem."

"Is it alright for her to travel?" Peeta asks

"Yes, no problem." Doctor Hail says "Just be careful with what you eat. We can't risk another food poisoning scene."

"What about the vomiting? I recently had a case of hysterical pregnancy and I remember vomiting all the time. I haven't this time." I ask

"The nausea starts at around the sixth week, for most women." Doctor Hail tells me. "You're asking for it now but when you get it you won't" she laughs.

She stands up, wears a different set of gloves and opens a drawer just below the monitor and produces a small rectangular box. She opens it and out comes a silver stick about half a centimeter wide and an inch and a half long.

"This will tell you when you're due. It's like a count down. It's configured by touch, the moment it feels flesh it searches for the fetus in the body and displays the time left until the fetus is fully developed. When I place it on you it will be hot." She reaches out and I give her my hand. She carefully places the stick on my wrist and when she does the stick glows and it starts to really heat up. I flinch and Doctor Hail clutches my hand steady.

"It will embed under your skin just enough that it can look for the fetus but you can still read the time." The stick starts to sink in my wrist and Doctor Hail spreads ointment on the burned area of my wrist and it heals completely. The stick stops glowing except for the series of numbers and letters.

"Alright you see there the letters M, W, D, H, Mi and S. They mean month, week, day, hour, minute and second respectively. The numbers next to them tell how long. It's pretty simple and highly accurate. The data on the countdown is also saved in our records and is being monitored closely." Doctor Hail removes her gloves. "You're all set. Eat healthy and plenty, _be_ healthy and safe. Congratulations, you're baby is healthy." We thank her and we walk back to the private hospital room.

I look down at my wrist and the count down says: _M8 W1 D224 H7 Mi46 S52_

"We should celebrate." Peeta says as we walk down the hall. But I don't feel like celebrating. I know I should but there is this fear in the pit of me. How will I raise a baby when I can barely take care of myself? Eight months doesn't seem so long now.

"Are you okay?" Peeta looks down at me as we reach the door. I walk in before I answer him.

"I'm terrified." I whisper. "I don't know anything about babies."

"Neither do I." he says

"You're supposed to make me feel better." I say with a small grin.

"The thing is I don't think anyone ever goes into this for the first time and be some sort of master parent. We have each other." He takes both my hands, kneels on the floor and kisses my wrist where the count down is embedded.

"Will we let the public know?" I ask him. Peeta gets up and sits beside me.

"I think they're going to find out whether or not we tell them." He laughs and I nudge his side.

"I'm serious." I say stifling a laugh, "We should ask Haymi—" then I remember that Haymitch can't do much help for us now because its us he needs right at the moment.

"We'll ask Effie." He says instead and I sigh. We both had to accept the reality that Haymitch is unreachable to us now. He didn't want help so the most we can do is just have our time with him before he lets go completely.

Peeta gets up and starts to gather our things together when a nurse comes in. She gives us our discharge form and I sign it. She tells us that our security team is waiting by the elevator and she leaves. We gather our things which only consists of the coat Peeta threw over me the night he carried me out of the Haymitch's house and keys and wallets.

We leave the room and go to the elevators where five of our security team waits. One of them speaks to his earpiece and the elevator in far left opens. Two of them go in first then Peeta and I follow then the last three. Another speaks into his earpiece and the elevator starts to move down. The doors finally slide open and there we are lead by a total of nine men into the car that will take us to wherever we want to go. The strange thing I notice is that this security team is foreign to me; I don't know any of them. We ask to be taken to our house. When we get there I ask Peeta about our security team.

"The security team seems new." I say as I set down my key on the table by the door.

"Yeah. Haven't seen them 'till today. They're much more strict than before." He says as he heats up the bread in the oven. "Must be new reinforcements." He shrugs.

I wonder then if they have somehow already be informed that I'm pregnant and quickly brought in new and better people to guard us. I make my way to the kitchen and Peeta hands me the bread and we eat together.

"We haven't had a time like this since we left for District One." He says.

"I know. Cameras are everywhere except Twelve." I finish my bread and look out the window when I see a cat in the garden by the patch of primrose.

Buttercup.

I get up and open the kitchen door. Buttercup hears me and hisses.

"What is it?" Peeta asks.

"It's Buttercup, he's outside." I say as I go to the garden. I pick the cat up before he destroys the flowers. He's gotten thinner but he kept himself clean this time. I can smell the primrose on his fur and feel the tears stream.

_Prim would've loved to be aunt._

I sit down by the flowers of my sister and cry. Buttercup struggles in my arms and I let him go. He crawls back into the patch of flowers and I notice how gentle he walks as if he knows that the flowers were primrose.

"I miss her too." I tell the cat and he purrs. Peeta comes out and sits next to me.

"Hey, it's okay. She's okay." He says pulling me close to him. He wipes the tears away from my face and lets me cry on his shoulder.

* * *

><p>"The party's starting now!" Haymitch says when we open his door. He's on his bed. I sit next to him and I notice that his nails are yellow and brittle, his stomach is even more bloated and I can see spots starting to form when he turned to face me and his shirt shifted. "I hear you threw up all over my oh, so lovely guest room sheets." He coughs<p>

"I—" I start but of course he cuts me off.

"Is the bun in the oven?" he says, winking at Peeta.

"It was food poisoning." I tell him.

"Oh well then," he starts, "Greasy Sae bring in my vodka!" he shouts, his voice raspy. Greasy Sae isn't even in the house.

"Haymitch, we're expecting a girl." Peeta says.

"Finally! An egg in the mockingjay's nest." He says and turns to Peeta, "Good work, boy." Haymitch weekly raises his arm and pats me knee. "Do right by that kid, you hear me? Or I'll knock both of you out from the afterlife."

"We will." Another pact I will not break.


	35. Chapter 34

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN "THE HUNGER GAMES"**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Thirty-Four**

_M4 W0 D0 H2 Mi10 S43_

* * *

><p>"Effie, hi." I greet her when I open the door of Haymitch's house. She gives me a hug, my belly creating a bulge on her coat. The moon is small tonight, far from the Earth and in the dim light that the stars offer, I can see the tired faces of the Victors who stand behind my escort. I had called Effie last week to tell her about Haymitch. I asked if she can contact everyone else because I didn't want Haymitch to go without knowing how many people care about him. They're all here, Johanna, Annie with her child, Beetee even Enobaria.<p>

"How are you, darling?" She says as I let the group into the living room.

"I'm fine, I'm great. The baby is okay." I say, holding my belly.

"And Haymitch?" Joanna asks, her arms crossed but not in anger but more like defense. I only sigh in response. In the past few months Haymitch's stomach has grown so large that he couldn't even turn on the bed anymore. His nails are chipping off like its made of paper, his skin is even more yellow than the sun. He's so tired all the time that he refuses to talk or give any response to show us if he's comfortable or not.

"And he doesn't want medication?" Asks Beete. He sits down on the couch, his legs shaking.

"No, he made that clear to us." I say. "He didn't even want to get anything for the pain."

Effie clutches her purse and almost falls to the couch and sighs.

"Paylor will come in the morning along with the District Two soldiers." She says. Gale.

I gesture for them to go upstairs and they follow me through the hall. Before I open the door to the room, I tell them how Haymitch is, how he would look like or react so that they aren't shocked and so Haymitch won't be disturbed by their horror stricken faces. They all go in before me, Effie the last.

I sit in my usual corner, where I've spent countless nights watching Haymitch groan in pain. Peeta stands where he usually does, by the foot of the bed, just watching Haymitch too. Greasy Sae busies herself by trying to clean the room, chanting some prayer she claims to be able to heal.

"Hello, Haymitch." Annie speaks up. She bows slightly so that Haymitch can see her face instead of the ceiling he stares at all day and night. Her boy, now a small child starts tugging on the end of her skirt and she picks him up and let's Haymitch see. "This is Finnick. He's my baby boy. I don't think you ever got the chance to meet." She sets the boy down and his head hardly reaches the top of the bed. Annie holds Haymitch's hand and sits on the edge of the bed.

"Haymitch." Effie sighs as she takes her turn, "Oh dear, oh dear." She starts to cry and Johanna starts to pull her away to let her sit down but Effie insists on staying.

"I have told you," she starts, her sobs, making it hard for her words to be understandable, "I have told you _countless_ times to stop drinking!"

Peeta hands her a box of tissues and she takes a few sheets and wipes her face, smearing make up all over her cheeks. Effie has spent the most time with Haymitch among the six of us.

"You remember when they first assigned me to Twelve. Well, it was the _most_ terrible day of my life. You would understand, I had expected they bring me to Two or Three maybe _at least_ Four but no," she stops to wipe her tears. Johanna, Enobaria and Beetee have settled themselves on the couch near the bed. Annie sits on the floor, legs crossed with her child on her lap by the foot the bed where Peeta is.

"No, no, no, they sent me to Twelve year _in_ and year _out_. I absolutely dreaded those days you know. Karen of course was so so, _so_, old that time that it was only you and I on the Justice Building stage _and_ in the train with the Tributes." She stops for a while and just looks at Haymitch, even though he just stared up on the ceiling.

"I did. I dreaded those times. You were _always_ drinking, the children were always so afraid and _I _couldn't think about anything else except for the fact that the next time we get on the train the kids would be _gone_. Except of course for_ one _exception." In that moment I lose it, I start to sob, being reminded of how I owe my life and the life of my daughter to this man who is dying right in front of me and he wouldn't even let me help. Effie puts her purse down on the floor and sits right next to Haymitch on the bed.

"It was terrible but those were the times I liked the _most_. We weren't depressed because no one's died _yet_. We had _so much_ to talk about because we just spent so long apart." She pauses as if expecting him to talk, "I loved talking with _you_. I know I didn't show it but I did. _God forbid_ how many you've had to drink every night but you rarely remember what we talk about and you just end up bringing up the topic _again_ in the morning and I just laugh. I loved you so I just let you go _on and on_ about the things I've already heard. You over any person in Panem know the most things about me because you're the only person I've _ever_ told. Now I'm telling you to do one last thing. I _told_ you to stop drinking and I was _right_, it came right back to hit you in the ass." Effie reaches for her purse and brings out a cylindrical canister. She slides the lid on one side and produces an injection.

"You have to let us _take care _of you. _Too many_ people need you. You _can't_ just leave us here." She brings the injection along his line of sight. "This—this came from the Capitol. It should cure whatever you have. _Please_ let us help you. It wouldn't hurt, you wouldn't feel anything, _I promise_." Her tears are flowing down from her face, landing on Haymitch's blanket, she doesn't bother wiping them anymore. We all sit there in silence not quite sure how the night has led into this.

"Blink twice if you want it and blink once if you do not." Effie finally says, preparing to inject the medication into his intravenous line. I get up to my feet and slowly walk toward the bed.

When I get there I watch Haymitch slowly turn his head to Effie and blink. I desperately wait for another but it doesn't come. He just turns his head back to stare at the ceiling again. Effie starts to sob. She clumsily tries to bring the injection back to the canister but she drops it. Johanna quickly gets to her feet and catches it before it shatter on the floor and places it back in the canister. Effie is out of sorts and hugs Haymitch and crying into his shoulder whispering something only she and Haymitch can hear.

Peeta comes over to my side, his eyes welling up. I open my arms and this time I let him cry on my shoulder.

"He's going." Peeta says,

"He wants to go." I whisper.

"There isn't anyone like him. There's no one."

* * *

><p>We spend the rest of the night in the room, cleaning up after Haymitch who has fallen asleep. Annie settled little Finnick down on the couch, snoring ever so softly. It's only a quarter after two in the morning when I hear the doorbell ring.<p>

"That must be Paylor and Gale." Beetee says and starts to get up his limbs shaking uncontrollably.

"No," I say, "Let me answer the door."

Peeta lays a hand on my shoulder and tells me to sit and he'll go downstairs. I let him because my feet are aching. In a few moments I hear feet going up the stairs.

When I open the door, Paylor is the first to enter. She gives me a hug and congratulates me.

"He's sleeping." I tell her and she nods. Gale follows after her, holding his military hat.

"Gale" I say. We didn't leave with good words the last time we saw each other but he still gives me a warm hug and tells me that he's happy that we're finally expecting.

"I assume you're behind the strict security we've been having." I say.

"A gift form District Two. Thanks for rebuilding the Nut." He says.

Peeta and I lead Annie to one of the guest rooms in the house so that she and Finnick Jr. can sleep. Beetee has fallen asleep on the couch and Greasy Sae has left. Effie is still sitting with Haymitch on the bed and none of us would dare separate them. Johanna and Enobaria insisted on staying awake as if to keep guard. Gale and Paylor settle down with Johanna and Enobaria. Peeta and I excuse ourselves because I needed to rest. We go back to our little guest room and I lay on the bed, my back and my feet hurting.

"I shouldn't have let you stay up this late." Peeta says when he sees how tired I am.

"I'm fine." I tell him. He sits by my feet and he starts massaging me. "That feels good." I say as I start to drift off.

* * *

><p>When I wake up, it's late afternoon. I find everybody downstairs, having lunch. Peeta gets up and brings me a plate of food and lets me sit on his chair.<p>

"Where's Effie?" I notice, her accent is missing from the dining table

"She's still upstairs." Paylor answers.

"How's pregnancy treating you?" Johanna asks

"Okay, I feel fine. Just the occasional back and feet aches." I say.

"Just make sure this isn't some kind of joke like the last time you guys told us you were pregnant." She winks at Peeta, "Flickerman's hair nearly turned gray!"

Suddenly everything is happening so fast, Peeta who was standing behind the seat he offered to me, starts to shout. I feel my chair being pulled back and someone pulling my hair so hard that my head is forced onto the wood of the chair. His eyes start to align with mine as he looks down on me.

"I have you now." He says. I close my eyes in defeat and helplessly protect my belly. Time seemed to slow down as I wait for the pain, my palms are spread across my stomach when I feel the baby move.

_She moved!_

In that moment I can feel Gale climb over the table and push Peeta back, forcing a handful of strands of my hair to be pulled from my scalp. I cringe in pain and I quickly get up and find a way to move farther from Peeta. Johanna gets to me first and carefully pulls me away from the room. I watch Gale restrain him flat on the floor. Gale's hands are locked around Peeta wrists, he quickly makes a move and brings Peeta face down on the rug of the dining room. Gale's team moves in and picks Peeta up, putting him in handcuffs.

"He doesn't need that." I say as they lock his hands behind his back.

"Protocol." one of the men answer. They bring him to the living room and sit him down on one of the couches. Gale brings out a machine and brings it to Peeta's head and it starts beeping and sending out red lights.

"What is that?" I ask, still holing my belly.

"We use it to check his brainwaves. We learned that when he looses control, his brain sends out signals and the stronger it is the more likely he'll turn." The device starts to turn orange then yellow. When his team sees the yellow light, they take off the handcuffs but still restrain him. The light turns green and they let him go. Gale lets me move forward and I sit next to Peeta. I see his eyes start to adjust and he starts to get confused. Gale's team moves out of the view and cleans up in the dining table so Peeta wouldn't notice the mess that, for him, wasn't there a few seconds ago. Everybody takes a seat in the living room, watching Peeta like a hawk that is ready to dive.

"We're in the living room." He observes.

"Uh," I start. "You took a nap in the living room for a few minutes. When something amazing happened."

"Really? What is it?" he asks and I take his hand.

"The baby moved, Peeta." I say, letting myself smile, trying to create a happy moment for us both. "She kicked!"


	36. Chapter 35

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN "THE HUNGER GAMES"**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Thirty-Five**

_M0 W3 D1 H12 Mi5 S39  
><em>

* * *

><p>All of us stand in our black clothes and downcast faces under the bright sun that does not offer any joy. Peeta stands next to me, his hand in mine and the other, holding an umbrella over both of us. Beside me is Effie, she wears a long black gown that covers her from neck down, and the heat doesn't seem to bother her. In front of me I can see Paylor speaking but I can't hear anything she says, I can only see the sadness in her eyes. In the distance I can hear young Finnick squirming in his clothes and Annie trying to calm her child.<p>

"We send our love and gratitude to this hero who died." Paylor finishes. I feel Effie shaking next to me as we are called to finally close the coffin. Peeta, Effie and I are the last of what he can and did call family.

* * *

><p>Haymitch died three nights ago. I had told him about how I can feel the baby move inside me and how I knew she would hunt like me. I put his palm on my belly when I felt her moving and that was the very last moment I ever saw him smile. He didn't talk; he just looked up at the ceiling. Peeta would always tell him about what's on the news because we knew he liked that. Effie just sat next to him day and night, coaxing some food or water into his system but she never succeeded.<p>

After so long, we didn't try to save him even though we knew we could. Haymitch always gave the orders and this was his last. During those times I had always believed that somehow Haymitch always had some big master strategy planned out but I finally understood that he wanted to go because he was fed up with all of it. I often took his hand into mine when I knew that no one was in the room and that Haymitch was sleeping and told him how thankful I was that it was he who trained us and not some other person. I told him how he had made all the difference in my life and in the lives of the people I love. I told him that I loved him and when I did, I felt him squeeze my hand. That night was his last and in the morning, he took his last breath. In the end, Haymitch died with us hovering around him, Effie, Peeta, the baby and me. He just stopped breathing after one last exhale as if he let go of everything that made him who he was and that was what he wanted to happen.

* * *

><p>The three of us reach for the lid and for one last time look down at Haymitch.<p>

"He's going to be fine." I hear myself say.

"He had a good run." Peeta answers putting an arm around Effie who was silently sobbing.

"Safe and sound. He can drink to his desire wherever he's going." Effie says last. The ceremony ended with the goodbye Twelve gave to me in Prim's first Reaping. We held our three fingers up until his coffin rested beneath the ground.

_He's gone. Forever. _ _Haymitch Abernathy, District Twelve's very first male victor. My mentor. My friend. My father._

I look up to the monument of Haymitch, Peeta and me in the distance in the Square. The stone reveals a man so strong and firm, so different from the man who is laid to rest today.

"Let's go home." Peeta says and takes my arm. There's nothing else to do really. We need to come to terms with the reality that Haymitch is gone and we need to stand on our own feet without our mentor. He was a good man to us and to Panem especially. Peeta and I need to go one with our lives just as what we have been doing since the Games and everything else that came after.

"Hey." Peeta and I turn and we find Gale behind us. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry he had to go. I'm so sorry and I send my condolences."

"Thank you for that, Gale." I say and walk over to him. I give him a hug, my large belly in between us when I feel her move again. "I'll see you soon?"

"You bet. I'll be back when that little kid can hunt with us in the woods." He winks and kisses me on the cheek. "Haymitch would be proud of both of you." Gale says and shakes Peeta's hand.

Our security quickly surrounds us, making way for us to walk through the cameras that seem to have multiplied since the news spread that the famous mentor of the star-crossed lovers had passed. I shield my belly with a hand while I hold on to Peeta who is taking the lead. I take a quick glance back to where they had buried Haymitch and I could almost hear him coaching me. _Get a move on, sweetheart or the cameras will catch you._

We get back to the house and meet Johanna, Annie, Beetee, Enobaria and Effie. They will all be flying out today to live their separate lives. We say our goodbyes and share our sorrows and in a few moments they all get into their vehicles.

I take a seat in the living room, watching the seconds on the count down on my wrist tick by. Peeta is in the kitchen baking something for dinner. Our security surrounds the house while five of them stand in front of the house's possible entry spots. Two of them are in the house making sure everything is fine.

Peeta gets into the living room with a plate stacked with bread and sets it on the table in front of me. He sits next to me and we both watch the count down.

"She'll be here soon." I say, still watching the time go by.

"We've waited so long for her." Peeta says quietly.

"Haymitch would've wanted to meet her."


	37. Chapter 36

**DISCALIMER: I DO NOT OWN "THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY"**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Thirty-Six**

"Are we all settled?" The nurse calls as she enters the hospital room, her accent strongly suggest that she's from the Capitol. She must have been specially sent to Twelve to assist me.

"We're great." I lie on the bed, wearing a hospital gown so thin that I feel like I am wearing nothing but paper. Peeta sits on a chair beside my bed, his hand over my large belly. I squirm to sit up and tuck my hair away from my face.

She starts to open a drawer of the end table that stands opposite Peeta's side and takes out a vial filled with blue liquid.

"When the countdown marks zero, you will feel a burning sensation; the countdown will melt and the fluid will seep into your bloodstream." She takes my wrist and looks down at my countdown.

"It's supposed to act as a warning and the fluid can serve as a painkiller but it's hardly enough because its main purpose is to speed up dilation. When the liquid takes effect, contractions will immediately start. That is why when you feel like you can't handle it anymore, just say so and I'll run this through your IV line."

"How long do the contractions last?" Peeta asks,

"It varies with different women, others take hours, most in minutes. But don't you fret," she clasps my wrist. "I'll make it as easy as possible, if you'll let me." The nurse hands me the vial.

"The medication has a side effect. Most women who take it hardly recollect the moment they first hold their child but their memory is not permanently damaged. Through time, some of them claim to have flashes of the first time they see their child but none ever reported that they can recall the whole experience." I almost drop the vial but Peeta catches it and hands it back to the nurse. She sets the vial back in the drawer and leaves the room as she reminds us that we can press the button on the bedside if we needed her.

When the door locks in place, I turn to Peeta.

"Whatever I say out of pain, do not ever let her put that in my IV line." I tell him sternly.

"Don't worry, I won't." Peeta takes my hand and gives it a squeeze. Together, we watch the countdown tick by. Only a few minutes left now.

"Peeta, can you call my mom? She's supposed to come two days from now but I guess she'll want to be here before then." I tell him as I take his hand. "You can send orders for her to be sent through the Capitol route so she'll get here sooner."

"Sure, Katniss." He says and searches for his earpiece in his pockets.

So long ago, I only imagined living through a day in the Arena but now I lie on a hospital bed, waiting for a human to pop out of me. I hear Peeta press the earpiece and set it down on the table.

"You're mom's boarding the hover craft. How will we start travelling after the baby comes?" Peeta asks, as I pull the covers over my bouldering belly.

"We can take her with us." I reply halfheartedly.

"You know we can't do that, they'll hound her." He says, implying the cameras that follow us everywhere. I sink into the pillows and Peeta scoots next to me.

"We can't leave her here, no one will take care of her." I pause. "What about names first?" I ask as he lets my head rest on his shoulder.

"We haven't talked about that," Peeta notices. "We've been so busy with…"

"Haymitch." We say together.

"I was thinking about Al—" but his voice is muffled in my scream as I feel the countdown melt beneath my skin. My wrist turns bloody red and suddenly, the countdown dissolves into a clear liquid and I can feel it create a cold path in my vessels. My scream echoes through the room and is quickly followed by another as I feel my muscles clench in pain because of the contraction.

The doors open with a bang as our security team rushes into the room, their weapons drawn. I pain subsides and I take my breath and wave them away but they remain by the doorframe anyway. Peeta looks down at me his face concerned. Doctor Hail and the nurse rush into my room.

"Do you want me to inject this into your IV line?" the nurse approaches me, preparing to fill the tube with the substance

"No." I say while shaking my head and letting my grip over Peeta's hands relax. "I want to remember this day."

"I'm assuming the countdown has melted away." Doctor Hail says as she sits and the foot of my bed, signaling me to raise my legs and I do. Metal rings are adjusted for my feet to rest on. "Dilation is happening quickly. Be ready to push in a few minutes."

"Minutes?!" I grit my teeth as my back arches in pain through another contraction, much stronger than the one that came before. I can feel my sweat run down my temples, my toes curl on the metal rings and my hands grip on the sheets of the bed. The contractions come and never go and all I can do is scream. I feel as though I have been lowered in a tomb that persists on closing in on me, crushing me inside of it. I can feel Peeta whipping my face whispering words I cannot understand. Doctor Hail starts to order me to push and I do.

"She's almost there." Doctor Hail says.

"You did this!" I shout at Peeta, "You made me want this!"

"It's okay just a little more, Katniss." Peeta tries to comfort me. Everything escalated so quickly, just a few seconds ago, I was just lying on the bed enjoying Peeta's company. In the few seconds that the countdown took to melt and cause instant dilation, there has been nothing but pain. Doctor Hail starts to tell me to stop pushing now and I take great effort to catch my breath. I notice my mother enter the room still wearing her nurse uniform and clutching her luggage.

"Alright one more, one last." She tells me and I obey, closing my eyes tight. I feel her leave my body and Doctor Hail takes the tiny baby in her arms, cuts the umbilical cord, covers her with a soft cloth and hands her to me.

The child's cries fill the room when my own screams have gone silent. She squirms in my arms, her hands in tiny fists, and her small feet kicking the air. I let my palm rest on her forehead, trying hard not to let her slip from my arm.

_Beautiful. _

"Shh." I hear myself say as I calm her. She stops crying and finally opens her eyes to meet mine. "You're okay, I'm here."

"She's perfect." Peeta whispers as he leans over to see our child. I look up to his eyes and look back at my daughter's. The same blue eyes.

"We need to clean her up, now. A little check-up to see if everything is fine." A voice says, but I ignore it. "Just for a little while." Doctor Hail says and reluctantly I give her my baby. The nurse comes over and gives me a pill that will help with the healing. Peeta plants a kiss on my lips and tells me I did great. My mother, who has just arrived, leaves her luggage by the door and gives me a hug.

"My child; so strong." She whispers.

Doctor Hail returns with the baby in her arms and I sit up and open my arms. She carefully sets her down in my arms.

"She's perfectly healthy. Congratulations!" Doctor Hail says. She and the nurse make their way out of the room and close the door behind them. My mother follows shortly after them.

I shift the baby in my arms so that Peeta can see her without having to stand. She's stopped crying, her blue eyes searching the room.

"She is the most beautiful thing my eyes have set on since I saw you." Peeta says and I pull on his shirt to bring him down to my lips so I can kiss him. We carefully transfer her from my arms to his. "She's here, she's finally here."

"She's Alouette." I whisper with a smile.


	38. Chapter 37

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN "THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY"**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Thirty-Seven**

_Alouette E. Mellark._

"Alouette is a beautiful name." Peeta whispers as he lightly passes his palm across our daughter's cheek. Alouette raises her tiny fists and makes a faint smile. "She seems to like it."

The nurse comes in holding forms for us to fill up. I get the pen and encode the name of my daughter because that is really the only thing left aside from my signature. I hand her back the forms and she leaves.

"She has your eyes." I tell Peeta as I sit up on the bed. He sits next to me and for a moment we just watch her squirm in Peeta's arms. Quickly as though he was handling a bomb, Peeta hands the baby to me, making a jerking movement that sends the child in tears. I compose myself and have the baby in a safe clutch, ready to scold Peeta when I notice his eyes turn cold and dark. Peeta starts grumbling just as he did when we were in District One.

"Now they're both going to die. The bitch _and_ the bastard, this will be fun!" I hear. Peeta turns his back from us and starts hitting his head with his own fists.

Alouette is crying in my arms, her wails sending shivers through my spine. I look down at her and feel something I have never felt before; the quintessential knowledge that as long as she is with me, she is safe. Safe even from her own father.

I rock her lightly in my arms as I make a swift leap from the hospital bed. Our security team barges through the door, one of them holding the same machine Gale was using months ago when I first felt her stir in me. I notice the radar beeping and sending out red lights. Harvey, my personal security guard takes hold of me and quickly removes me from the scene.

"Mrs. Mellark, please hold on to your daughter." Harvey leads me through the hall where a series of nurses watch horrified as they watch the leader of the Rebellion in her hospital robe holding a wailing infant.

"What are they going to do to Peeta?!" I ask Harvey as he lets me through a different hospital room that is about 3 doors away from ours. I take a seat on the bed and Harvey stands in front of me.

"Standard protocol." He says, while pressing on his earpiece. The standard protocol as it has been agreed, is to restrain Peeta with handcuffs, wait for the light to turn yellow and remove his cuffs. When the light turns yellow, they usually tell me it's alright to be back on the scene so that when it turns green, Peeta wouldn't notice the differences.

"We're too far from the hospital room, what if the light turns yellow again?" I ask. Alouette has not stopped crying and she's starting to turn red with rage.

"This is a different case, Mrs. Mellark. Usually, before Mr. Mellark loses control, green lights turn to yellow then to red. That has served to be our warning but this time, it went from green to red immediately." He says as he hands me a clean handkerchief to wipe Alouette's tears. "We fear that his situation is getting worse."

"What's the protocol for that?" I ask weakly. Harvey calls a nurse to bring in a crib for Alouette. I set her down and bring the soft blanket up to her chin. She looks back at me, her expression tired and expectant.

"The protocol is to remove you from the venue and call Private Hawthorne." He says, "I have already contacted him. We're taking extra caution now that there is a baby in the family."

"What's the protocol for Peeta?" I ask as I sit back down on the bed. Harvey doesn't answer me. "Harvey, what is the protocol for Peeta?"

He slowly brings his hand on the side of his hip and I notice a compartment, almost invisible. It is tube-like in shape and I needn't any more explanation to know that in that compartment is a needle containing the nightlock cure they've created and the one I've refused.

I quickly fumble for the call button found in all hospital rooms and press on it countless times. A number of nurses report to the room and I order them to take my daughter and under no circumstances will they let her out of their sight or in other people's hands. I get to my feet and sprint away form the room, back to Peeta. Harvey quickly follows my trail in the hall and restrains me with both arms across my waist. I kick him as hard as I can and for the quickest second his grip lightens and I take the opportunity to free myself but Harvey doesn't let me go and tells me to calm down.

"Get your hands off me!" I tell him but his grip only tightens, "That was an order!"

"I do not respond to orders that are against your safety. That's part of my job." He says. "Mrs. Mellark I need you to listen. The needle is not nightlock or whatever you thought it was. It's just a sedative!" I stop struggling and Harvey ends up half carrying me. We freeze in the middle of the hall where nurses and patients watched our chase. He sets me down and I straighten my robe. The patients close their doors and the nurses quickly busy themselves in their station.

"I'm sorry." I say.

"We won't give him nightlock unless ordered by you. Please understand that all of this is up to you and we trust you, Soldier Everdeen," He clears his throat, "Soldier Mellark." A give him a grin and start to walk towards my hospital room where Peeta stays.

"Mrs. Mellark?" Harvey calls after me.

"I'm going to see him." I insist, not even looking back. Alouette is safe and sound; it's Peeta who needs me now.

"Mrs. Mellark?" another voice calls and I turn to see the nurse who stands a few steps from Harvey. She stands with the cradle that is carrying Alouette. "She's hungry." I hear Alouette start to whimper as if to confirm what the nurse has just said.

My feet freezes mid-step and slowly, I let go of my intention to reach Peeta. My daughter is my first priority; I need to accept that even if it means leaving Peeta behind for a while. I walk back and the nurse meets me half way. We go back to the reserve room where Harvey and I were talking. Harvey doesn't follow. He follows the hall down to my previous hospital room and as the nurse and I make our way to the opposite side, I hear Harvey take a step in and close the door behind him.

I lie on the bed and rest my back against the bed frame. The nurse carries Alouette and I take her into my arms and let her feed. There's a knock on the door and my mother peaks in. I wave for her to come in and she sits on the foot of my bed.

"Harvey's gone to check on Peeta for you." She says quietly. I look down at the baby on my chest and wonder how fast time has gone. For a moment I was struggling to keep Prim still around my short arms and now, I've got my own child and a mentally disabled husband.

"How will I take care of both of them?" I ask, still not looking up at my mother.

"Katniss, you won't have to." She says and finally, I raise my eyes to face her.

"What is that supposed to mean? Of course I have to take care of them. I can't just throw the other away and—"

"I did not mean that. Peeta's sick, you know that." She cuts me off. "And there's a cure."

"No. Not the nightlock. It won't be worth it." I say as I wipe Alouette's chin.

"You don't know that." She continues, "It might just solve your problem. Think of Alouette, would you have her in the house knowing there's a side of her father that wants her dead?"

"And what do you know about being a parent? You blocked out the moment Dad was out of our lives! I had to take care of Prim _and_ you, who are you to say that I can't do it again?"

"I wasn't a threat, he is and I won't let my granddaughter suffer because of your decisions." Alouette starts to stir in my arms. She's stopped feeding and I cover myself with the robe.

"You don't get to tell me how to raise my child not after the way you raised us." I scowl. "You're upsetting Alouette. I think you should go." I say even though Alouette looks perfectly peaceful.

My mother sighs and gets on her feet and closes the door behind her. I let the tears fall down my face and look down at my baby.

"Alouette," I whisper to her. The door opens and I quickly wipe the tears from my eyes and find Peeta standing by the doorframe. The security team is huddled behind him and I look over to Harvey and he greets me with an approving nod.

"They told me you've been transferred to a different room." Peeta looks around, "I don't see how this is different from the other." He pauses when he notices me, "You're crying."

"I was, I'm not anymore." I try to smile. "Happy tears."

"It's time to go home." He says, helping me up from the bed. Peeta takes hold of our things while I carry Alouette. Home would be where she would learn to walk and talk, it would also be the place where she will learn how to hide when her father is not who he is.


	39. Chapter 38

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN "THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY"**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Thirty-Eight**

In a few moments we're out of the room and in the elevator, accompanied by four of our security team, including Harvey. In the lobby we are shocked to find Effie battling out reporters and flashing cameras. The hospital lobby is crowded with cameramen, reporters in the suits and ties and patients who are trying to move through the ocean of men and women. When they hear the elevator open, all the cameras start to swarm into our direction and questions are fired at us. The noise startles Alouette and she begins to cry. I rock her lightly in my arms as I order our security to do something about the situation.

"Katniss, over here! Over here!" The reporters call. "Show us the baby! Just one photo!"

Each of the four men takes a stick from their belt and extends and connects it to one another. They lay the long stick on the floor and step back. A hologram-like light emits from the sticks and creates a dome over the seven of us. Light escapes inside the dome and there is nothing but darkness. Two of the security men take hold of my shoulders while I keep Alouette close to me. The light returns as fast as it disappeared. We adjust our eyes to the light and find ourselves standing in front of a car where the rest of the security team stands.

"Teleporter." Harvey says. "One of many new weapons we've been granted when you got pregnant." Harvey is gleaming as though he's won an award.

"From District 3, I suppose." I tell him as I hand Alouette to Peeta.

"From District 3 to District 2 to you." He says as he takes our luggage.

"That was definitely something I hadn't expected when Katniss said take care of the situation." Peeta notes as he gets Alouette settled on her car seat. We get into the car and round the hospital to find the lobby still filled with cameras and reporters.

"What about Effie?" I ask,

"She's got a similar teleporter, built for a single person only." Harvey answers. "She's probably be back in your house by now."

"Why couldn't we teleport to the house just as Effie has done?" Asks Peeta

"The teleporter gets weaker as the number of people in the dome increases. It can only go short lengths as compared to Ms. Trinket's which has got only one passenger." Harvey answers. The car pulls over at the front of our home and surely enough, Effie is waiting for us at the porch.

"The crowd was absolutely astonished!" She calls as she straightens her long skirt, "Where is the little angel?"

Peeta and I get out of the car and Harvey takes our things into the house. I unlock Alouette from the car seat and show her to Effie. Alouette starts to nod off and she make a tiny yawn that makes Effie squeal. I shift her in my arms and her eyes close.

"Her name is Alouette." I tell Effie

"Gorgeous." Effie whispers. We walk into the house and we find a couple dozen boxes layered in the living room.

"What's all this?" Peeta asks,

"Gifts!" Effie raises her arms, "Gifts from the Capitol, from Panem!"

"Gifts?" I ask and Peeta starts opening the boxes with a small knife.

"Where do you think you're going to settle little Alouette?" She asks and I realize Peeta and I don't have crib or anything for babies.

"Oh." I sigh and I start to feel Alouette's weight on my arms. How could I have forgotten to buy things for the baby? I had nine months to do it and I wasn't able to. How would I get this baby through life if I can't even but a crib for her on time? "I guess we forgot." I speak again.

"Don't you worry, darling, the Capitol's got it." Effie says as Peeta lifts a rather large crib from one of the boxes. "Ooh, that was specially made by District Four! If you look closer, there are tiny seashells carved onto the wooden rails! So precious!" Effie starts opening more boxes and explaining how the satin dresses were hand stitched by the people from District Eleven or how the bottles were made by Five and were specially ordered by Paylor.

"Panem's baby." I look down at Alouette and pull her blanket lightly to keep her warm.

"Effie these are wonderful!" Peeta says as he puts the crib together.

"They really are. We hope you send our thanks to Paylor and everybody else who welcomes Alouette." I tell her.

"Oh Peeta, Katniss! Don't you worry we are always going to be on guard with whatever you need!" Effie collects her coat and puts on her hat and kisses Peeta and I on both cheeks and gently places a hand on Alouette's forehead. "Alright, I'm going! Take good care of that little baby and we'll see you three in the Capitol for a short interview when Alouette is ready."

"Effie, wait. Interview?" I ask before she leaves

"Well of course! Panem is on the edge of their seats to meet her!" She says as she starts fiddling with her earpiece and calling for prep for the hovercraft. "Call me when you think she's ready."

Effie leans in to give me a hug, "Gale is coming over to speak with you, it's urgent and Peeta must not know why he's here. He told me to tell you to meet him in the meadow." She whispers.

"Alright! I'll see you sometime soon, I hope! Bye-bye, Baby Lou!" she says when we part.  
><em>Lou?!<em>

"Thank you, Effie!" Peeta leads her to the door.

"Lou?" I say when the door closes. "We did tell her the baby's name was Alouette, right?" Peeta shrugs.

"Lou sounds all right for a nickname doesn't it? Hi, baby girl!" He says and offers to take Alouette from my arms. "We should set up the nursery in the room next to ours."  
>"I was thinking we should place the crib in our room." I say, inspecting the rails of the crib, "So we can keep an eye on her throughout the night."<p>

"You're probably right." He says, "Did you hear that, Lou? You're going to sleep in Mommy and Daddy's room!"

Peeta hands Alouette back to me and takes the crib up the stairs. It surprises me how strong he still is what with his leg.

"I was thinking of going to the meadow later today, just to clear some air and probably shoot some arrows." I call after him as I climb the stairs.

"Are you sure?" Peeta says as he gently puts the crib right next to our bed. I lower Alouette into the mattress and place a soft blanket over her. "The meadow helps me relax. You understand."

"Alright just let me get my shoes on." He says and start to make his way toward the closet.

"Peeta?" I say, "We have a baby, remember?"

"We'll come with you." He replies.

"I'll be shooting." I tell him, "Peeta, please?"

"Don't you think it's too soon? You just had Lou and now you want to hunt?" He says.

"Peeta, she's Alouette." I say bluntly.

"Alright, listen. Just let me get Harvey to come with you." He tells me, leaning in for a hug. "Don't be too long, while you're gone Lou—"

I pull back and raise an eyebrow. "_Alouette_ and I will spend some time together." Peeta kisses me on my cheek and let's me go.

* * *

><p>The meadow never changes, the trees bend against the cold evening wind and I pull my coat over myself as I strain to remember if Effie ever told me what part of the meadow to go to. I remember where Gale and I would often stay when we would find the fence alive with electricity and I make my way toward the tallest tree in the field.<p>

"Mrs. Mellark, it is getting quite dark, are you absolutely positive it's necessary to take a walk at this hour?" Harvey asks behind me. He lights the way with his flashlight and is obviously shivering. I had told him to get a coat but he refused after I had refused more back up. I want most of the security back in the house with Alouette in case the worst will resurface in my husband.

"Just keep walking, Harvey, we're almost there." I whisper, "Gale?"

He takes a step behind the tree, his hands in his pockets, his hair pulled back.

"It took you long enough, Catnip." He says, opening his arms to greet me with a warm hug. "How's the baby? How are you?"

"She's perfect. I'm fine." I tell him as I wave Harvey away. Harvey makes a curious face and whispers something into his earpiece and takes a few steps back, facing the opposite direction.

"Why did we have to meet in secret and why did it have to be in the meadow in the dead of night?!" I exhale, my mouth chattering.

"We discovered the master plan. I couldn't risk anybody hearing us talk, the meadow was the only place I could think of that wasn't bugged or being monitored." Gale and I sit at the foot of the trunk of the tree, "This will be fast, I can't be too long."

"How did you even get here so fast?" I ask,

"I have my ways." He says. "Dr. Aurelius—Nathan Thropp is harvesting weapons and keeping them in an island not too far from Panem."

"What?!" I gawk at him,

"Listen, he's angry because he's lost his monetary security when you and Peeta destroyed the Games, he needs the money to keep his weapons secret and on that island. Once he stopped receiving money for the Games, his income came from treating Peeta but once Peeta started to improve, income started to slow again. To get more money, he declared that Peeta's situation was untreatable but in truth, he was injecting Peeta with daily rounds of tracker jacker venom back in Thirteen when we sent him there for rehabilitation. He's been poisoning Peeta with the pills too." Gale and I keep hunched beneath the branches of the tree as I try to absorb what he has just told me. It was true; he was trying to poison Peeta but now we know it was because he wanted money. Money for weapons.

"But, what are the weapons for?" I ask him,

"We don't know yet. It took us so long to discover his real name and even longer to find the off shore account he was keeping for his money for being related to Reynard Thropp; even longer to discover the island." Gale sighs. "We're too long behind his plan. We fear that he's planning to start a war. We realized that missiles were directly pointed at three main spots in Panem, but we cannot contend with him just yet. We couldn't know how easy he could launch those weapons and what horrors they'd bring."

"Three spots? Where?" I ask, my eyes tearing up against the harsh cold wind. Gale faces away from me and starts to pick on the grass and flowers, lighted only by the moonlight.

"Gale." I demand.

"The Capitol, District Two," he pauses, "And District Twelve."


	40. Chapter 39

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN "THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Thirty-Nine**

"What do we do?" I ask him,

"We're planning on relocating you." He sighs

"What good would that do? He could just keep on moving the calibration of the weapons. We have Alouette, I can't do that to her."

"Relocation is better than living under that target." He takes out an earpiece from his pocket and hands it to me, "Paylor is on hold."

I take the earpiece from his hand and place it in my ear, "Paylor."

"Katniss, I assume you have heard the news."

"Yes." I answer, "What can we do?"

"We're working on stabilizing the weapons before we arrest Thropp. We've got military on hold and on constant watch. We're terribly sorry for putting you under this situation." She tells me.

"We can't relocate, Paylor. I can't. District Twelve is too important." I finally confess.

"Then we won't force it. I suggest you move on with your charity tour, I believe you left abruptly when you were in Four. Constantly moving from one place to another will surely be better than staying in a single place. From this time on, the Capitol shall sponsor every—" I cut her off.

"Paylor, I don't think that's necessary, please let us handle our travels. We've already made arrangements anyway, it's no problem."

"Rest assured, that security will be on us, then." She says instead. "General Hawthorne, are you on board?"

"Of course." I hear Gale say and realize that our earpieces may somehow be connected.

"On the subject regarding Peeta, I understand he's been receiving the nightlock treatment?" I feel Gale's hand grasp my wrist and I turn my attention to him. He moves his head from side to side, mouthing something to me.

_No, don't tell her._

"Uh—Yes, yes he has. He's getting better." I say, my voice slightly shaking.

"Good to know it's functioning well. I will check on you now and then. Oh and, Katniss, congratulations on the baby girl!" The earpiece beeps and I remove it from my ear and hand it back to Gale.

"She doesn't know I said no?" I tell him.

"I never told her you refused to cooperate." Gale says.

"'Refused to cooperate?! The order was mine to give not to follow!" I get up and call Harvey into view. He is quickly by my side and is starting to call for back-up but I tell him it's fine.

"Officer Porter, would you be so kind to step back for a moment?" Gale says, obviously pissed but Harvey doesn't move.

"I'm sorry, General Hawthorne, I take orders only from Mrs. Mellark." Harvey stands firm. He trained his soldiers too well. Gale sighs and puts his hands back in his pockets.

"Katniss, listen. The nightlock is not the issue here. You're in danger and the longer you stay in one place the longer you put everyone around you in the same danger, especially Alouette." He says. "Panem will not take kindly to the death of their hero and her child."

"Fine, I'll get Peeta and Alouette out of the district as soon as I—"

"You need to go" Gale says abruptly.

"What? Wait a minute, we're not done talking I was—"

"Mrs. Mellark, it's Peeta." Harvey says and almost instantly, my feet dash across the meadow and I can hear Harvey and Gale running after me but they never catch up. My mind is racing against what Peeta could've done to a defenseless infant. The streetlights pass by and I can make out the line of white uniforms on the porch of our house.

"Mrs. Mellark, he's on code red." One says to me.

"Where's Alouette?" I say gasping for air.

"She's with Officer Claire Treadwell." He takes me to the study and I find a woman carrying my child who is lightly sleeping, "She's Alouette's personal security."  
>Claire hands Alouette to me and she starts to stir. She wails terribly and kicks her tiny feet, "I've got you." I tell her.<p>

"Where's Peeta?" I say and Claire clears her throat,

"He's being sedated, Mrs. Mellark." She says, "He has been stuck on code red for so long and is beginning to be strong enough to resist even the strongest of our men."

"No nightlock?" I ask, my eyes glaring at both of them.

"None." They say in unison.

"Where is he?" I ask again as I try to tame my child.

"Mr. Mellark is out of the perimeter and away from Alouette as protocol orders. He is in the bakery." I dismiss them and they leave the room as Harvey and Gale enter still panting.

"What were you thinking of leaving her with him?!" Gale finally says.

"An evening at the meadow wasn't what I had planned either!" I almost yell, "I left 149 men to be on guard to whatever she may need. I can't just pull Alouette away from him, she's his daughter too."

"Listen, you have to accept that from this moment on, only Alouette has to be in your sight. Leave Peeta. He is a threat to your daughter's life more than he is to yours!" Gale exclaims, "This is not the life you fought for; not for her. She doesn't deserve this."

I look down at my crying daughter and I see the life that could have been. She would've been cold every night, hardly any food or water when she grows bigger. Her name would have always been in that bowl waiting to be picked by Effie's painted nails.

_What was I thinking?_

"You're right." I sigh and let the tears fall. "I'll leaver her with my mother in District Four. Peeta and I will travel."

Claire comes in probably to take Alouette to her crib but I don't let her. This moment may just be the last I would have with my daughter.

"I will love you forever." I tell Alouette as I kiss her forehead, "I'll sing you to sleep at night and wake you in the morning when it's safe and sound."


	41. Chapter 40

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Forty**

I stand beneath the tallest tree in the meadow, the very same spot where Gale and I spoke last night. In the distant wood, I can hear wailing but back in the District, I can hear Peeta, calling out to me to come back home. The crying in the woods persists on calling to me. I make my way into the dark forest and trust direction to my ears and follow the piercing cry. I can feel the wind pass through my hair and the leaves start to flow with the turbulent air. In the distance the voice of Peeta fades away and the crying starts to subside as well.

"Katniss," Peeta shakes my shoulder and I wake with a jolt

"What is it, what's the problem?" I strain against the light in the room and I look up to find Peeta rocking Alouette in his arms, fiercely crying.

"I think she's hungry." I sit up and let Peeta bring the child into my arms to be fed. Her cries immediately stop and there is silence again. Peeta sits next to me, wiping Alouette's chin.

"You're good with this." He whispers, hugging us both with a single arm.

"That's only because I'm the only one who can feed her at this moment." I laugh.

"No, you're genuinely good with her," He continues "I think it's got something to do with maternal instinct or something but when she's with you, she's always so quiet and relaxed." He kisses me on the forehead. "I love you, both of you."

"We love you too." I whisper, still looking down at Alouette. I try to shake the dream away as I lean on the headboard of our bed. Peeta lies next to me and pulls the thin blanket over me. I lightly shift Alouette in my arms so as not to smother her.

"We're not really going to do the interview Effie was talking about, are we?" I ask him, my eye lids dropping.

"They're going to get that interview one way or another, anyway." He sighs, "We might as well have it in our time rather than unannounced."

"Just not too soon." I say, trying not to nod off. Alouette has stopped feeding so I gently settle her back in her crib and when I turn to go back to the bed, Peeta is behind me and he steels a kiss full on the lips.

"I love you." Peeta whispers when we part.

"I love you too." I say. Somehow no matter how many times we say it, I always feel that longing I've only every felt when I was with Peeta and, only since yesterday, for Alouette as well. I try to forget, even just for a few moments, that in a few weeks, I would have to tell Peeta that Alouette would be taken away from us as we travel across Panem. For now, I let Peeta lead me to my dreams with his light and steady heartbeat.

* * *

><p>"Peeta, why don't you take her this time and we'll take a few shots of only you and the baby." Gently, I bring Alouette into Peeta's arms just as the photographer instructed. I take a seat behind the crew and watch as Peeta does what the photographer orders. We have been taking photos for more than an hour now. The afternoon sun seeps through the closed curtains and I watch as Effie runs around our living room, ordering people to take this and that and bring them to me. A number of people come up to me and fix my make-up and offer me a drink.<p>

"I'd like you to just look at her, support her head," The photographer continues, "Alright, just like that. Hold it." He takes the shot and as soon as the lights flash, Alouette bursts out in tears. She's gotten bigger now and started laughing and holding her tiny head up. Peeta bounces her lightly in his arms to calm her and she does. Immediately, Claire, Alouette's Security Head, comes to wipe her tears from her face.

"Your turn, Katniss," the photographer calls. I walk up to Peeta and he hands me our daughter.

"I don't like this." Peeta whispers as he hands Alouette to me. I know what he means of course. After taking so many pictures, the crew has shown no interest in the baby and they treat her merely as a prop for a photo.

"It'll be over soon." I whisper back and shift Alouette in my arms.

"Hey, baby girl!" I say as I look down at her damp face. I let my thumb gently trace her cheeks and ever so slightly she smiles up at me.

_Click!_

The camera flashes and the swift smile disappears, Alouette cries even louder.

"That was a wonderful shot! We'd like more of tha—"

"Alright, I don't want anymore flashes." I say at last. "No more. She's afraid of it!"

"This is the lowest setting, Mrs. Mellark." The photographer says, noticeably shocked at my sudden outburst.

"I won't have it." Peeta says instead. "We can go outside or open the curtains for goodness sake. No more flashes for her, she's just a baby." Effie takes her stand and tells everybody to move to the meadow instead. Claire takes Alouette's baby bag and Peeta and I take for the meadow. While we walk, the crew hands Peeta the folder of our photos so far and he's completely sucked into the spectrum of the colors of his family.

"Have you told him yet?" I hear Effie suddenly beside me. I look back at Peeta and notice that he won't hear us.

"No," I say, shielding Alouette's eyes from the harsh sun. "I don't know how to yet." Harvey comes with an umbrella to shield the sun.

"The interview is the next week, my dear." Effie sighs. "After that is your scheduled return to District Five."

"I know." I sigh, "I've told my mother. She doesn't agree having to separate me from my own child but I told her I wouldn't have any of the nightlock."

"Don't let Paylor know." She says as we cross the fence, "It's a fight you'd never win."

Peeta comes over to us to show us how the picture emerges on the page and moves for a while but freezes on the last frame. It was the picture of him holding Alouette.

"Under this tree, maybe?" the photographer calls to us on the other side of the meadow. "Katniss and the child first and then all three."

I walk in front of the camera and smile as I mask my confusion with what Effie had just said. Gale had warned me as well. What could she do that I can't possibly counter?

"Alright, Peeta go right in."

Peeta takes a step next to me and we grin and wait for the camera to take the shot. The wind blows on my skirt and as fast as it came, I can feel Peeta's cold hands curl around my neck.

_Click!_

Everything happens so fast, Claire runs toward me and takes Alouette from my arms. She runs fast and I can hear Alouette cry out. My throat is constricted and I am raised until my feet can no longer touch the ground. I look down at Peeta's angry face which has never looked like it does now; cold and murderous.

"That's right, take the child away!" Peeta bellows, "It will be great pleasure to hunt for the bitch's bastard!"

I can feel someone pull his hands away from my neck and I fall to the ground, gasping for air. Harvey picks me up on his shoulders and I watch as they restrain Peeta on the green meadow grass. He struggles and punches two men who fall unmoving on the ground.

"Put me down!" I tell Harvey as he crosses the fence.

"You will run." He says,

"I won't!" I tell him as I pound on his back, "I'm going to Alouette."

He puts me down and I take for the house. In the living room, I find Claire trying to calm my wailing child.

"I'm here." I gasp and sit next to Claire. She hands me Alouette and starts to leave but I stop her.

"Claire, wait," I call to her and she turns, "Get Effie or contact her someway. Tell her to take the camera from the photographer. It's important."


	42. Chapter 41

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Forty-One**

"The photos aren't stored in here?!" I exclaim at Effie, pressing buttons on the screen of a camera I don't even know how to work.

"Darling, photos are automatically sent into a screener where they're published as soon as possible! That's how all cameras work!" Effie says in defeat. "How do you think we get footage on air so quickly?"

"Effie! Didn't you hear the camera click right when—" Alouette starts to stir in her crib and I take note to lower my voice in a whisper. "The photographer was able to take a shot of Peeta—well him strangling me."

"Oh dear," she says, her eyes widening in shock. "We've got a problem."

"Effie, you need to stop those pictures from running." I beg.

"How could I have missed this?" She says, as she turns on her earpiece. A series of our security team comes in the check my neck and I brush them away even if I can feel the bruises start to form right under my ear.

"Tell me you've stopped the photos from running." I ask when Effie sighs and turns her earpiece off.

"Don't turn on the television." Effie says. "I'll start on media control. Don't you fret Katniss, everything will pass, hopefully."

"I doubt it." I sigh. In that moment, Peeta makes an entrance accompanied by security.

"Uh," he starts, obviously confused, "The photoshoot is done, I guess."

"Yes, I just got Alouette down for a short nap." I say, "She's pretty tired."

"She's got the rest of her life for these kinds of things." He sighs but grins.

"I on the other hand am plenty excited for her!" Effie says instead, "I'll escort myself out."

I sink on the bed and burry my face in my hands in an attempt to lighten the burden. Peeta sits next to me, concerned.

"Are you okay?" he asks me,

"Just tired too." I sigh, "Alouette doesn't seem to like cameras."

"She takes after her parents." Peeta says and I try to laugh.

"Peeta, how do you feel?" I ask him, in an attempt to see some recognition in his eyes. How could he miss all that's happened? How can such a monster manipulate his loving hands?

"I feel great." He says, "In truth, I was expecting the shoot to go on for the whole day, we had only started moving towards the meadow—" he pauses just then, "I guess we've gotten used to cameras that we hardly notice time pass." He says instead.

"Peeta, I have to tell you something." I tell him, taking his hands. "It's serious."

He doesn't resist and looks at me with his kind and expectant gaze.

"After the interview, we're expected to go back to our regular schedule." I start. "The District Charity events, I mean."

"That won't be a problem," he says

"We're expected to do it as we did before." I say before he can start again, "We can't take Alouette."

"We can't leave her, if that's what you mean!" he says, concerned. I try my best not to expose his situation.

"Do you really expect her to grow in a place where cameras hound at her?" I ask him, as I let his hands go. "Just look how she was today, she couldn't stand it! She will be perfectly fine with my mother in Four."

"That's a small price to pay!" he starts. "She'll grow around cameras whether or not we take her with us. That's the life we accepted when we agreed to pretend to be star-crossed lovers."

"Listen, we're already in Five and we only spend a week or two in every district. We'll be back before she knows it." And suddenly I am stricken with realization from what I had just said.

"I wasn't worried about her, Katniss. I know your mother will take perfect care of her." He sighs, "I was thinking about us. How will we make it through a day without her? You can barely stand it when Claire has to take her away because some reporter wants a quick interview." His words vocalize the very fear I had neglected to recognize. This is the very statement Gale and I had argued over for countless times. How can I choose a life without my daughter for fear of her own father when I can always use the treatment? If only the treatment didn't put the life of the person I love on the line. It's always one or the other. No one can ever have both.

"Peeta," I plead, fighting tears, "I'm so sorry but I can't—I can't let Alouette come with us."

"She's my daughter too," He starts in anger, "My decision counts as much as yours."

"Mrs. Mellark, Private Hawthorne is on the phone for you." Harvey peaks in the room. "It's urgent."

* * *

><p>"I didn't want to do this." I hear myself saying to Gale when I answer the phone in the study, "I didn't want to have to leave Alouette with my mother and I didn't want to have to separate Peeta from her either."<p>

"Aurelius has recalibrated the weapons," he starts as if out of breath, "They are ready to shoot at any moment. The photos are out. Everyone knows and Paylor is about to declare Civil War against Aurelius. You need to leave now because he won't hesitate to shoot."

"What?!" I yell at the receiver, "There's no time. Where would we go?"

"We have your hover craft ready to fly." He starts, "We have a safe house for you."

"What about District Twelve?!" I gasp. "Everything is happening so fast."

"We're sending in planes to bring down force fields but as soon as he figures it out, he can just shoot the crafts down."

"Why are you telling these things to me?! You could've just sent the security to escort us out." I call Claire in and tell her to get Alouette packed and ready to leave.

"This might be the last I can talk with you. I love you." He tells me, "Now, go!"

"Thank you, Gale." I say before the line ends.

"Peeta!" I call in the living room. Claire comes down the flight of stairs with Alouette in her arms and a fleet of men behind her with bags and luggages.

"What is happening?" Peeta asks as he follows down the stairs,

"We have to leave," I say griping his hand, as I pull him out of the house "It's not safe here."

"It's the middle of the day, we can't just leave!" he resists

"Peeta, just move please! There's no time!" I plead. The car pulls over in front of us and Claire gets Alouette settled in and belted.

"What do you mean there's no time?!" Peeta persists,

"We still have enemies. Alouette is not safe with us." Is the only thing I say.


	43. Chapter 42

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Forty-Two**

"She won't stop crying." Peeta sighs as he lightly rocks Alouette in his arms. We are in the hovercraft flying over Panem on the way to the Capitol to leave Alouette in a deep bunker where she will be safe.

"She might be hungry," I reach over and Peeta hands me the crying child. I get settled onto a seat and let her feed but she refuses and I am left cradling her to no avail. She cries the rest of the trip. She must be in that stage where everything irritates her. I try my best to keep her comfortable and only when we are minutes away from the Capitol to drop her off does she finally doze of peacefully. She falls asleep slowly and then all of a sudden. Peeta and I take our time with her, saying our silent goodbyes as this might just be our last.

"I love you." I whisper to her before I hand her over the Claire who will stay with her in the Capitol safe house. The hover craft doors open and it takes all my strength not to pull my daughter away from Claire. Before the door closes I watch as Claire, carrying my child and surrounded by military men and women, looks back at us and display a weak smile.

* * *

><p>"We need you in front of cameras when Paylor announces." Gale says to me, "We need to display a united front."<p>

They have taken Alouette away from us and I still find it difficult to keep my mind in the present. I am constantly searching for my baby's distant wail, expecting her to be calling out to me but even if she does I won't be able to answer her. Peeta and I stand in District Two's hidden cabin. Somewhere in the air are missile paths that lead to District Twelve. Alouette together with Claire and her security team is hidden under ground in a metal bunker somewhere deep in the Capitol.

"What do you expect us to say?" Peeta sighs, "We can hardly understand the situation ourselves."

_No, only you don't know Peeta; we perfectly understand what is happening_.

"Peeta, we need you in the military teams." Gale says, "Your voice will be more of use there. We need Katniss in front of cameras to keep the people at peace."

"This way, Mr. Mellark." Jack says, Peeta's personal security head. They leave the room and two security men lock the door in place behind them.

"Gale?" I sigh and let my shoulders slouch. I sink on the nearest chair and look up to him in despair. "They've taken Alouette away."

"She's safe in the Capitol bunker." He comforts me, "It's more then ten times stronger than those in Thirteen. She's safe."

"How will we stop this? I don't want my daughter to live her life in that bunker." Gale kneels and faces me with his Seam eyes that seemed to have grown older and wiser.

"She wont because I've got a plan." He says, "All you have to do is appear on camera and assure the people that everything is going to be fine."

"I don't see how that will work." I shake my head.

"I'm ending this." He says, "Tonight."

"You know Paylor wants him alive."

"I'm just saying," He gets up, "When I get the chance, I'm ending him."

"He has the cure, Gale. I'm sure of it." I tell him, getting agitated "He's got the one thing that will give Alouette what she deserves."

"The nightlock will do just fine when you're ready to accept that." He grunts.

"The nightlock is untested!" I say, losing my temper. "This is no time to discuss this! Paylor's orders was to keep him alive and you will do as she says."

"Just like you did as she said?" he says. I am about to lash out but he starts pressing buttons on the dashboard below the screen. "I need you to sit here." Gale pulls out a stool from under a desk and places it in front of the camera of the screen.

The screen is turned on and a flash of bright light appears followed by a view of Paylor on the left, addressing the people of Panem and Twelve on the right, cowering under the force field being emitted by the planes above them.

"...thereby putting the country in a state of Civil War." Paylor finishes, she then addresses me to start speaking.

"Thank you President Paylor. To the citizens of Panem, rest assured that we are working hard to stop ongoing chaos caused by a treacherous man. Our military team is currently executing standard protocol against these kinds of situations. We are fully prepared for whatever the enemy has planned and your security is our priority." I say robotically to the camera. Paylor signs off and Gale and I are left with a vivid view of our people in Twelve yet again suffering under threat brought about by our own hands.

"Give me a view over the island and Aurelius." I tell Gale and he quickly follows. The screen shifts and on the left is an eagle's view over weapons and bombs resting on what seems to be a jungle. On the right we find Aurelius in some sort of cabin manipulating computers and weapons.

"What's the protocol?" I sigh.

"First we disable the weapons and secure the perimeter." Gale sighs and shifts the screen to have a view of Beetee lining up black orbs over his desk. "We use that to disable the weapons without sending signals to Aurelius' computers if there are. We corner him in his little cabin and then the job's done. We send him over to the Capitol and Paylor will judge his fate."

"It couldn't be that easy." I sigh.

"It won't." Gale says as he puts on his military armor over his suit. "I'll lead the fleet."

"Then I'm coming with you." I tell him forgetting my anger. "I am the Mockinjay after all. And I'd like to deal with the man who destroyed my family's life."

"Then I'll have them prepare your bow and arrows." Gale says, forgetting his own anger, "We're going back to the battlefield."


	44. Chapter 43

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAFMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Forty-Three**

"Are you sure?" Peeta asks me, reaching for my hands. He led me to a private room asking the security to give us a moment alone. Harvey and a few men shadowed us nonetheless.

"I am." My bow and my quiver are over my shoulders. I can feel the soft hum of my bow telling me that it's ready to shoot.

"It's too dangerous." He says. The battalion is loading the hovercraft with ammo and more weapons. In an hour's time we will be ready to fly. "I can't have you down there."

"I won't feel right leaving you there either. It's our fight." I say. "We're a team remember?"

"I know that but," Peeta sighs and bring my braid over my shoulder, "If you—"

"I won't." I reassure him, "And you won't either."

"No, you can die out there." He says finally, "The island is a ticking bomb. It's too dangerous."

"Peeta, I'm going out there." I resist.

"How about Alouette? We haven't had training in _so_ long! If we both die there, she'd have no one."

The door suddenly opens and Gale come in. "It's time to go." He closes the door behind him and I face Peeta again.

"I won't let that happen and I know you won't either." I kiss him lightly on the lips trying to let my fears go as well.

* * *

><p>"Please move quickly, this way." The Capitol's military officer directs Claire and her team through the halls of an unknown building in the city. Claire carries Alouette who is soundly asleep wrapped under a blanket.<p>

"How deep is the safe house?" she asks the officer.

"Around 300 ft below sea-level." He answers, not looking back at her. They keep on walking through the building until they make a turn to an elevator. The officer slides his card through the reader and the elevator opens. They enter the elevator and the doors close. They stand in silence as they can feel the decent beneath their feet. Claire shifts Alouette in her arms and wonders how long they'd have to stay in the safe house. She wonders what would happen to this child in her arms if the worst comes. She brushes the thought from her mind and focus on following protocol. She and Alouette shall stay in the safe house, away from forms of media or technology so as to assure that their location can never be tracked. When they have settled into the safe house, she is to order the security team to fly back to wherever Katniss and Peeta are. The elevator finally stops and the doors open to a long hall. They step out and start to walk through the endless corridor.

No sound is heard but the ringing of endless silence. The white lights on the ceiling gradually open as they pass some sort of sensor. When they reach the end of the hall, metal double doors greet them with the label,

_**Room**_

_**001**_

_**Current Inhabitants:**_

_**Alouette E. Mellark**_

_**Finnick C. Odair II**_

The military officer once again slides his card through a reader. The metal doors open and cause echoes to bounce along the long hallway. Alouette stirs in her arms and she enters the cabin. The safe house has the same set-up as the homes in Thirteen only they are significantly larger so that they may house the other children of the other prominent people in Panem. She walks in the room with the security escort team close at her tail.

"Thank you," she starts, facing the team "You can go now. We'll be fine here. Mr. and Mrs. Mellark need you more than we do. Tell them their daughter is safe."

The team leaves without another word and as they do, Finnick bounces through the doorframe followed by his own personal security team.

"Lou Lou!" he squeals, his little toddler hands reaching up the Claire in an attempt to see the baby. Claire bends down so that Finnick can say hi to Alouette.

"How old is she?" Finnick's security head asks.

"Just a few months." She says, "How old is Finnick?"

"He's three." He picks him up and Claire stands as well, "My name is Bradley James, security head of Mr. Finnick here."

Mr. James's blue eyes glint under the lights of the room. The bags under his eyes suggest that he's as tired as she is.

"I'm Claire Treadwell, Alouette's security head." They shake hands and balance the children they hold in their other arm. Claire roams around the safe house and finds a room with a crib in it. She carefully sets Alouette down in the crib and unpacks the luggage. She opens the cupboards and finds numerous baby clothes and in the other, toiletries and diapers enough to last them years.

"Lou Lou!" Finnick runs through the room peeking through the grills of Alouette's crib. The baby starts to cry and Finnick backs away as if he'd set off a bomb.

"It's alright." Claire tells Finnick. She picks Alouette from the crib and lightly rocks her in her arms. She sits on the mattress and invites the boy to do the same. His little feet dangle from the edge of the bed.

"This is Alouette." Claire says, "She's a little baby so you have to be quiet when she sleeps okay?"

Finnick looks up at Claire with his sea green eyes. He gently places his tiny palm on the infant's cheek and hums a lullaby he learned from his own mother.

"Mommy?" he asks Claire,

"No not Mommy." She sighs, "Claire."

"Care." He says as if affirming the information he's just been given. He hops off the bed and leaves the room still humming his lullaby. Claire gets Alouette settled once more but it seems unlikely that the baby will fall back asleep. She takes out a bottle and lets her feed in the crib.

"I'm sorry about that." Mr. James says in the doorframe of the room.

"It's alright, he's just a baby too." Claire says. "They're both too young to understand."

* * *

><p>"When you're on land in the island, be mindful of your communicuffs." Gale says as the craft's doors open for us. "This should be able to detect mines or weapons before they detonate. Either way, an initial wave of men has gone in before us to set Beetee's pods. The communicuff also serves as a tracker; wherever you go, our team will always have access to your location."<p>

The craft hovers over the island and in a few seconds we would be diving into the wind and landing on enemy soil. I adjust my belt and make sure that it's secured onto my parachute.

"Everybody on your stations!" Gale calls through the craft. We stand among the men and women holding their guns across their chest in a stance. I grip Peeta's hand on my right and Gale's on my left, together we leap from the edge of the hover craft and watch the trees of the island get closer and closer. We see the weapons lined up across the forest and I can feel their sensors aiming at our heads ready to shoot.

We pull on our parachute simultaneously and it catches the wind and slows our decent. As we near land I gawk in horror as my left ear picks up the sound of beeping. I am about to call over to Gale when a loud boom interrupts me and the sky turns into a horrible color of orange and a beam of heat welcomes us into the island.

I open my eyes to find the blinding bright sun in my face. I can hear a buzzing in my ear and a voice calling my name.

"Mrs. Mellark, come in Mrs. Mellark!" it screams.

"What—Who is this? What's happening?" I urge myself to get up form the ground but the pain in my back stops me. The voice comes from my earpiece.

"Mrs. Mellark, please stay still, help is coming your way." The voice says. "I am Officer Charles Matthews travelling over the site."

"Peeta." I whisper. A pain in my temple develops and I am silenced. I can feel sweat trickingd down my forehead and as it passes through my eyes I see that it was blood after all.

"Mr. Mellark is being rescued as well but we need to get to you first. A terrible accident has been overlooked, but the mission persists. Dr. Aurelius is being persued."

"Alouette." I manage to say, the blood in my face dripping past my ear to the soil beneath me.

"Mrs. Mellark, I have received news from Officer Claire Treadwell that your daughter is safe." I catch myself smile as the sun disappears the voice in my earpiece gradually fades and I am caught in a void of darkness.


	45. Chapter 44

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Forty-Four**

"She's here!" a voice calls, out of breath. I force my eyes to open and a man suited up in a similar uniform greets me.

"Mrs. Mellark" he starts leaning down on me, "We need to get you out. Please stay still." I resist the darkness that threatens to capture me once more and I grip on the man's wrist.

"Peeta." I gasp, my breathing short and fast as though my lungs had forgotten their purpose. "Where's Peeta?" I can hear grunting to my left. It's a familiar voice and I am struck with realization that is quickly followed by fear. I turn my head to the direction of the other voice, which causes a series of pain to shoot through my head.

Peeta lies a few feet from me, his legs trapped under a large branch. His military uniform is soaked in blood and I am jolted back to the past when he passed out in the bakery. I force myself up but somehow my body does not cooperate. Peeta starts convulsing, making the leaves on the branch that traps him shake. He continues on shaking uncontrollably until finally he stops and falls into a deep coma.

"Peeta." I grunt, trying to crawl my way over to him, "Peeta first."

"Mrs. Mellark please, don't move." A series of men appear and they lift me over onto a carrier. Out of nowhere a hovercraft appears in the sky and drop four long ropes. They get the carrier hooked and set a force field over me. The carrier emits some sort of gas through the carrier and I am forced back into oblivion.

"Her spine is damaged along with sever abrasions across her scalp and of course the burns on her torso. A series of minor broken bones; we'll need to sedate her." A voice says. I force my eyes open in time to see a doctor in a white coat inject something through my forearm.

"Mrs. Mellark." She says, looking down at me, "We're going to treat you now. We just injected you with a strong sedative that will allow you untroubled and painless sleep..." My eyes start to feel heavy and her voice starts to disappear.

"And where do you think you're going?" his voice is gruff and irritated. I turn back and the sunlight threatens to blind me. I shield my eyes and squint though I still cannot see the source of the voice.

"I have to go," I sigh feeling the tire beneath my feet. "I'm tired."

My surroundings look painfully like the woods back in Twelve. There is a bright light toward the north direction and I feel drawn to it somehow. The voice has gone silent and I persist on my journey. I sweep my skirt down and realize that I am wearing my wedding gown; the sunlight spreads into the colors of the rainbow as if I were a prism. The longer I thread through the woods the lighter I feel as though all my troubles and burdens have all decided to give me rest.

"Everyone's tired." The voice speaks once more, this time with a kinder tone. "Take that silly dress off and be the hunter you once were."

"But this dress is beautiful." I say in a daze.

"Since when did you care for fashion?" he answers, I resist turning back and concentrate on walking toward my destination, "Last I remember you loathe having to dress-up."

When I refuse to answer he keeps on talking.

"Where are you going anyway, sweetheart?" he asks again.

"I don't know." I whisper, hoping the voice would not hear me. "I'm just too tired."

The land beneath and around me disappears and darkness takes its place. I claw at the nothingness, helplessly searching for something to grab hold of. The light slowly disappears as well and I am left alone in the dark once more.

"You can't quit, sweetheart, not like me. There are too many people depending on you." Is the last I hear from the voice.

When I wake I can feel warm hands clutching my own. For a moment I am unable to get my bearings until I remember that we were brought to the hospital after the pathetic attempt to save Panem once more.

"Peeta." I sigh as I realize that it was his hands that woke me. He sits on a wheelchair, wearing the same robes I have on. His leg is heavily bandaged while the other, the mechanical one, has been changed and now bears a different type of technology.

"Are you okay?" I ask as I try, without any avail, to sit up. I let my head rest on the soft pillow instead.

"Me?" I can hear the smile in his voice, "Are _you_ okay?"

"I'm better." I say even though I hadn't been given the chance to comprehend what they treated in me. I prop myself on my elbows, ignoring the pain in my torso. I find Harvey and Jack, Peeta's personal security head keeping guard on us.

The door opens and the doctor who had treated me enters, holding a chart. She looks over to Peeta.

"I trust you are feeling much better, Mr. Mellark?" she asks, looking over at Peeta.

"Yes, ma'am." He answers with respect.

"I'm afraid you're going to have to return to your quarters. Mrs. Mellark will need all the rest she can get." She says, her tone, refusing any form of debate. Peeta wheels himself closer to me and I lean over so I can kiss him.

"I love you." He says and Jack wheels him out without another word.

"Mrs. Mellark," The doctor starts after the door locks in place. "You suffered numerous abrasions, more sever were those in your scalp area. Your spine was bruised which compromised your breathing and the explosion burnt a large area of your torso." She stops as though waiting for my confirmation but I remain silent and she continues on. "We were able to treat your minor breaks as well as your spine. The burns on your torso shall heal in a few days and the stitches on your head will aid the abrasions and they will soon be cured."

"What's the urgency?" I ask her, wondering why she had to send Peeta away just to tell me these things. She sets her chart down on the end table beside my bed and takes a seat.

"We would like to ask your permission." She says, crossing her legs and sighing as if she could not say what she wants. "Peeta is in a graver situation. The convulsions he suffered in the crash have caused greater damages in his Dissociative Identity Disorder—"

"No." I say immediately. "The cure is with Thropp is has to be."

She doesn't say anything. She shakes her head ever so slightly telling me that the trip and the explosion we suffered were all in vain.

"It seems that he did not make a cure." She says at last and all my resolve crumbles. "I have inspected the Nightlock cure myself and it has great potential."

"Potential." I repeat. "So long as there is no sure answer that it is in fact a legitimate cure, I'm not having that nightlock for Peeta."

She nods. She must have been expecting this response.

"We'll be requiring Mr. Mellark to attend therapy, then. Just so that we may assess his true situation and make some sort of advancement with the medication." She says and I agree. She takes her chart and tells me that in a few days we will be discharged from the hospital. She closes the door behind her and I call for Harvey.

"Where are we?" I ask him.

"We're in District Seven." He answers, "It was the closest to the island."

"Where's Gale?" I ask remembering how he had shielded Peeta and I as I called warning before the explosion.

"He suffered the most injuries, Mrs, Mellark." Harvey says, his face downcast. "He's still unconscious."


	46. Chapter 45

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Forty-Five**

"I am taking him out of his position." Paylor says.

"What? Why?" I gasp, leaping off my seat. The Victors and the government of Panem sit around the Conference Room discussing Gale's situation. A week has passed since we attempted to invade Thropp's island and Gale hasn't woken since.

"He put you in a very dangerous situation" she starts again, "All without my knowing and permission! Look where that resulted. Besides, he is in no state to further lead the country's military force."

I look across the table. A seat is left empty, one that was reserved for Gale. I look over to Annie, fidgeting in her seat, surely missing her son. Beetee looks to be in a daze, still shocked at how the events had turned back in the island. Perhaps he feels guilty, knowing that the failure of his pods had caused so many lives. Enobaria and Johanna sit next to each other as oblivious to the conversation as they usually are. Plutarch Heavensbee has just entered in the room coming form media control. He looks less jovial since he was appointed as Secretary of Communications. I look over to my left and find Peeta, holding my hand beneath the table his face tired and troubled. To my right is another empty seat. It was Haymitch's and it will forever be empty.

"You will never find anyone as good as Gale." I sigh and take my seat.

"He disobeyed orders at the expense of lives. He brought you down to a battlefield without any prior training whatsoever." Paylor answers. "He violated the Contract of Occupation as a servant of Panem."

"I insisted." I tell her, "I told him to get us down into that island. It was me."

"Nonetheless." Paylor says firmly. "Orders are orders. I do not take kindly to those who fail to follow orders that were agreed upon. He is retired from this position but he will be granted another. This is the end of this conversation."

There is a round of silence and nobody dares to speak. I slump on my seat eager to leave the room but Peeta's hand keeps me at bay.

"Now, moving on." Paylor produces a small remote control and presses a button. One of the walls of the room flickers and casts an image showing a man in a white suit chained to a seat. "Nathan Thropp, known more popularly as Dr. Aurelius is imprisoned deep in the Capitol and—"

"The Capitol?!" Peeta interjects. "But Alouette and Finnick are there!"

"Peeta they are in safe hands and even safer confinements." Paylor says and nods toward Annie as well.

"We gather here today to discuss the island." Paylor continues successfully avoiding the discussion on what to do with our new prisoner. "Either we destroy or cultivate it, ours is the decision."

"Why would we cultivate it?" Enobaria speaks up, "It's too dangerous. Too risky."

"I believe the question is," Beetee starts, his voice as weak as a whisper, "Why destroy it when we can use it to further advancements? We can learn from it and manipulate it!"

"Weapons are dangerous." Annie says, "Especially if we don't know how to work with them."

"I think it's not about cultivating it or destroying it totally." Peeta says and everybody turns to him, "It's about getting what we need and destroying the rest. There are so many weapons in Panem as it is but we recognize that there are _newer_ _and unexplored_ technology that Aurelius was able to make. We can take what we don't have yet, study it, multiply it or even improve that type of technology and we destroy the rest."

Everybody takes their time and lets Peeta's words sink in. I had forgotten his power over words and his skill of delivery. Peeta looks around, waiting for a reaction or a response but no one seems to be ready to say anything yet.

"I think you're right." I say first. I take his hand and give a light squeeze.

"Would anybody like to say anything more?" Paylor says, waiting for either Johanna or me to take a different stand but we stay silent.

"Let's put it through a vote then." Paylor says finally. "Destroy, Cultivate or Segregate."

A tablet and a digital pen appear in front of each of the placeholders. We scan our fingerprints and once our identity is secured the three options appear on the screen. We write our votes and the tablets disappear into the desk immediately. After a few seconds the wall starts to flicker again. It shows the result of the votation and it reveals that Peeta truly is the master of words.

"Then it is set," Paylor says, "We segregate the weapons. Beetee will you take charge?"

"Of course, Ms. President." He says.

"This meeting is adjourned." She dismisses us. Everybody starts to leave and I help Peeta get up. I hand him is cane and I put his arm over my shoulders. We walk down the hall from the Conference Room and make our way to the elevator that will take us to our assigned room.

"I'm sorry about Gale." Peeta says as the elevator door closes.

"Me too." I say. The elevator shoots up and I grip on the side rails while holding Peeta's arm over my shoulders.

We get into our room and Peeta lies on the bed, his feet dangling over the edge. For a moment we sit on the bed in silence, the absence of our daughter is felt greater than ever.

"We should send for her after this whole Aurelius situation." Peeta says, as if he can read my thoughts.

"I'll tell Ga—" I start when I realize Gale can't help me anymore.

"Plutarch can help us." Peeta says instead.

"He's too busy." I say. "I'll just get Harvey on it."

"Hey," Peeta says opening his arms for me. I curl into his embrace. "We'll get out of this together. We always do."

I turn to meet his eyes and kiss him full on the lips. I pull away and he caresses my face and I hold his palm on my cheek.

"I miss her." I say after a moment. I get up and adjust my earpiece.

"What are you doing?" Peeta says, getting up as well.

"I'm calling Harvey to arrange a flight for Alouette and Finnick." I tell him.

"Katniss." He says making me pause, "It's too soon. I think the kids are safer in the Capitol than here with us."

"They're keeping Aurelius in the Capitol too. How safe can that be?" I say.

"He's in captivity in the Capitol and he doesn't even know where Alouette is. At best he thinks she's with us." He says, taking my hand and inviting me to lie with him once more, "You said it yourself; Alouette is not safe with us— at least not yet."

"But I miss her." I say weakly as a sit beside him. He takes my hands and I let my fingers intertwine with his.

"Soon." He says to me, "Paylor will probably set up a meeting again about what we're supposed to do with him."

"Mr. Mellark," Jack, Peeta's security head knocks on our door.

"Yes?" Peeta says, as he makes his way to answer our room door.

"It's time for the doctor's appointment." He says and Peeta nods. I go up to Peeta and his kisses me lightly on the cheek and bids me goodbye. When they disappear down the hall and into the elevator, Harvey comes into view.

"Mrs. Mellark, President Paylor is requesting you for a meeting." He says.

I collect my things and start making my way down to the Conference Room once more wondering what this meeting would be about.

* * *

><p>"I understand you have been denying the treatment and lying about doing so." Paylor starts, her eyebrow rising.<p>

"You're going to have to decide sometime." Paylor says, her fingers tapping on the table between us.

"Can't we get something out of Aurelius?" I plead, my hands gripping on the armrests of the chair I sit on. We meet in her office. The president of Panem has an office in every district; identical to one another.

"That would allow him access to power. I don't like putting trust in that man. Not again, especially not on your daughter's life." She says to me, "Katniss, I wouldn't let anything harm Peeta, you have to understand that. We fought on the same side and we still do."

"Alright." I sigh in defeat. "Okay, I'll sign the papers. You can try the nightlock on him."

"You're making the right decision." She says.

"Bring Alouette back to me and I'll sign everything." I say at last remembering how Gale told me to choose my daughter over everyone else.


	47. Chapter 46

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Forty-Six**

"I'm sorry, Gale." I sigh as I tell him the news. Gale has been out for at least two weeks since we crashed into the island. He's had major concussions, broken bones and severed organs but he's survived it all. "Paylor said she's still going to give you a job."

"Good things never last." He sighs as he tries to get into a better position on the bed. A line hangs over him and connects to the back of his palm, giving him constant access to medication he needs so that his organs will heal faster.

"You're alive though." I say in consolation.

"They're not getting me out that easy," He laughs. "How's Peeta?"

"Worse but he hasn't had any more episodes." I tell him as I bring a glass of water with a straw so that he can drink. "Better news though, I'm getting Alouette back today. You can finally meet her."

"Great!" he says as I place the water back on the end table. "How did you convince Paylor?"

"I promised I'd sign the papers allowing the nightlock treatment." I say and Gale stifles a smile.

"You made the right decision." He assures me.

"So I've been told." I respond, remembering how Paylor said the same words.

* * *

><p>Annie, Peeta and I stand in the hangar in Seven as we watch the decent of the hovercraft where Alouette and Finnick are. I hold onto the railings in front of us in an effort to keep myself rooted to the ground as the hovercraft sends gusts of air in an effort to land. Finally, the doors open and the security men make way for us to meet our children. A young man carries Finnick down the stairs of the craft and Annie stretches her arms out to meet her son. She carries him with a strong arm and the young boy giggles as he gives his mother a hug. Both of them, followed by their own security team go ahead of us.<p>

Claire follows soon after, holding Alouette in her arms, tucked in the same blanket she was in when we had left her in the Capitol. She slowly moves down the flight of stairs and when she reaches the bottom, she hands me the baby.

I plant a kiss on the top of Alouette's brown hair and note that it's gotten longer. Her little arms have gone chubbier and her eyes, a darker shade of blue.

"Thank you, Claire." I say as she adjusts the strap of the baby bag that hangs over he shoulder.

"Just doing my job, Mrs. Mellark." She says with a bright smile on her face. "She missed you, both of you."

I look down at my child and find her pulling on the end of my braid, her tiny fingers clasping the elastic that holds my hair together. I giver her another kiss, this time on the forehead. She smells of milk and flowers. She's gotten heavier; in a few months she will be able to eat solid food.

"Here." I say to Peeta as I prepare to hand her to him. He takes the baby and lets her bounce in his arms. She laughs, her voice sounding like the light ringing of bells. We walk back toward the building, Peeta holding Alouette.

"Let's go home." I tell Harvey. He speaks into his earpiece, telling the driver to prepare our car.

"I missed you, baby girl!" I hear Peeta say. Alouette responds with a hiccup and Peeta kisses her cheeks.

"She's been eating a lot." Claire says beside me. "She drinks more milk, I mean."

"We're really thankful," Peeta interjects. "Your service is impeccable and we couldn't have had a better person to look after her when we couldn't."

"You're welcome, Mr. Mellark." Claire says, "Surely this is but a small reward for all you have done for Panem."

* * *

><p>"There you are." Peeta sighs as he lets Alouette down on our bed. She lies on her belly, holding her head up and looking all around the room.<p>

"Don't let her fall." I say as I take my coat off.

"I won't" Peeta says, not taking his eyes away from the baby.

"I'll get them to bring a crib up here." I say. I call Harvey to get on it and he does. In a few moments there is a knock on our door and the crib is assembled. I carry Alouette from the bed to the crib.

"How did you let Paylor to say yes to bringing back the kids, anyway?" Peeta asks as he surprises me with a hug as I look down at my baby in her crib.

"I have my ways." I say to him, our faces inches apart. "I have learned a thing or two about words and how to say them"

"Is that it?" He says, his voice low and soft.

As he kisses me, I try to forget even for a while that it was his life that I had gambled to get the children into our arms.

* * *

><p>The pen glides through the sheet of paper, smooth as the wind. I sign the papers, allowing the doctors of the Capitol to treat Peeta with the nightlock capsules. It says that he will stay in the Capitol for as long as doctors see fit in order that he may be observed and hopefully treated. The contract is also a waver stating that in the event that Peeta loses his life or is left incapacitated in anyway, the doctors of the Capitol is not to be blamed. Basically, I am signing papers that state that I am not allowing my husband to become a lab rat.<p>

"Thank you, Katniss." Paylor says as she reaches for the papers. I clench my teeth wondering if I had just signed to allow the death of my husband commence through the pills.

"A deal is a deal." Is the only thing I say. Later today, a meeting will be held again, this time regarding the end of Aurelius.

"I trust that the children are well?" she says instead.

"Yes." I answer. "Perfectly healthy and happy."

"That will be all then, unless there's more you'd like to ask?" she says.

"I'll see you in the meeting." I say as I turn to leave.

Aurelius will get his turn and there will be no mercy for him.

* * *

><p>"She won't stop crying." Peeta says as I enter the room. I close the door behind me so as the keep the noise from the hall. Alouette is in Peeta's arms, screaming and crying, throwing her arms out in frustration.<p>

"Did you try feeding her?" I ask, offering to carry her.

"Yes." Peeta sighs, bringing the baby to me. "I've also tried burping, rocking, making faces, toys to distract her but nothing."

"Did you check her diaper?" I ask him as I try to calm Alouette.

"Clean." He says.

We spend the rest of the afternoon trying to stop her crying but she never does. Peeta and I alternate rocking her lightly in our arms as she continues to wail. We try to leave her in her crib and wait if she'll tire herself out but she doesn't. She only cries even louder and kicks her feet. The sun starts to set and she hasn't stopped once. Peeta and I hopelessly sit on either side of our bed with Alouette in between us, still wailing.

"I have to leave soon." I say as I try again to feed Alouette to stop her crying.

"What's going on?" Peeta asks as he picks up toys from the floor.

"Annie and Johanna want to spend the evening around District Seven." I lie, "Johanna's taking us around."

"How about Alouette?" Peeta says, dropping the toys in Alouette's crib.

"Why? What are you doing?" I say louder as Alouette starts to scream.

"I've got the regular doctor appointment." He says. I hand him the baby and call Claire in.

"I can take her." Claire says, as we start to make our way to the elevator with Alouette still crying, this time in Peeta's arms. Claire takes her from Peeta and she cries even louder. We kiss Alouette goodbye before we leave, her wet cheeks and loud voice making it difficult to leave her. We get into the elevator and our security team follows.

In the elevator I lean on Peeta's shoulder and sigh in relief. A baby is hard work.

The elevator doors open and Peeta gives me a kiss on the cheek and heads toward the doctor's clinic. The doors close and shoot further down, and open once more in the Conference Room.

"Is Peeta in the clinic?" Paylor asks before she takes her seat.

"Yes." I say as I take mine. Peeta is not allowed to attend this meeting if only to keep is situation a secret from himself so we've decided to schedule an appointment that will last longer than the meeting itself so as to avoid suspicions on my part.

"This meeting is about the fate of our prisoner, Dr. Aurelius." Paylor starts. "First up is Crime. Johanna?"

"His crimes are as follows," Johanna starts, "Corrupt use of monetary rewards, creating a false identity, false treatment, deliberately misleading his patients, treason for poisoning one of the Victors of Panem and finally, sending threats of war against the country through his act of harboring weapons ready for launch."

"Does anybody in the room object to any of the stated crimes?" Paylor asks, and no one answers so she moves on. "Proposed punishments?"

"Death penalty." I say immediately.

"How?" Paylor asks and I raise my eyebrows.

"As new tradition dictates, an arrow through the chest."

"Justification?" Paylor asks me, following strict structure.

"I propose death penalty on our prisoner, Nathan Thropp, on the grounds that a man so dangerous and so capable cannot be allowed to live so long as he has negative intentions that were and are consistently being shown to this day. He has deliberately misled me and my husband, the president and the whole of Panem into believing that he was treating Peeta's sickness when in truth he was doing the opposite. He had in his possession an infinite supply of weapons that were created to launch towards specific points in Panem, to kill and _not_ to injure, if there is a fairer end. Furthermore, his possession of such weapons have endangered the people of Panem and caused us to declare yet another state of Civil War."

"You have stated that so long as he has negative intentions he is justly given the punishment of death penalty, but to what end must he have if we were to assure that his intentions were no longer negative? His intentions or his character can always be adjusted to avoid such penalty." Paylor rebuts. In this meeting where the government and the Victors of Panem sit to judge, the president acts as the opposing force when it comes to a point where our prisoner is unable to have his own defense.

"His crimes clearly suggests that this man is fully capable of deception when it comes to his true person." Johanna says, "How can you assure that he is not fooling us again, this time about his intentions if only to save his ass?"

"The premise of having punishments is to allow the person to be _rehabilitated _into society so that he may serve the country yet again." Paylor answers.

"Risks are taken but there are times when risks are better to be avoided." Beetee answers. "I agree on Ms. Everdeen's— rather Mrs. Mellark's penalty of death. There are people who cannot and should not be rehabilitated back into society. We have fought too long and too hard to have what we have today. Allowing this man into society once more only brings us a step back when we allowed such evils to prevail."

"How is death penalty better than keeping him in a prison?" Paylor begins again and there is a hint of tire in her voice. It is her responsibility to rebut our arguments so as to assure a fair judgment but we all know what we want and we all know it's justified. "Keeping him in prison is the same as keeping him away from society. Imprisonment grants the same conclusion as the death penalty. Why can't we just imprison him?"

"Imprisonment is one that is given to thieves and the like. There is gravity in his sin and therefore there must be equal gravity in his punishment as well." Enobaria says, "His crimes against this country are beyond imprisonment. What he has caused the people of Panem is so great that the freedom we had fought so hard to claim is being threatened once more. If our final judgment is imprisonment then we lose our claim as free people."

"You're proposing an eye for an eye." Paylor insists, "Haven't we emerged from a society that was founded on such punishment? Those who spoke ill of the former government of the Capitol had their tongues cut off because of the words they had released. Those who threatened to rebel against the powerful through the weapons they manufactured were blasted beneath the surface. The people who fought during the Dark Days were all forced into an arena to fight to the death. How is it that you speak of advancement from the past when you persist on proposing a punishment that repeats the exact same thing you claim to fight against?"

We all fall silent, our eyes gawking at Paylor and our minds burning with the realization that came with her words. She looks back at us waiting for a response.

"We cannot keep on making rash decisions." Paylor says instead, nodding to me. I remember just then how a decision like that put her in the seat of presidency. I was tasked to shoot President Snow but instead I shot President Coin. "We built this new world on a better government. We have to be fair to _both_ sides." She sighs.

"Solitary and lifetime confinement." I say instead. "_After_ he confesses his crimes to the people."

"Better." Paylor says.


	48. Chapter 47

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS RO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Forty-Seven**

"I love you." I whisper to Peeta as he sleeps next to me. I say the words and release all the passion I have never let myself indulge in. The warmth surrounds my very being as I move through the sheets and rest my head on his shoulder. In the morning they will be taking him away to the Capitol. They will start the treatment after rigorous observations and tests, forcing him to reach his limits in the hopes that they trigger his Dissociative Identity Disorder.

"Is the baby okay?" Peeta mumbles as the weight of my head against his shoulder wakes him.

"She's perfect." I tell him.

"Are _you_ okay?" Peeta asks me as he shifts positions so that he's facing me and I rest my head on his arm.

"I'll miss you." I say with a sigh. Peeta knows he's leaving but not for the same reason I know. He tells me he can't say, that he was told not to say why but I know better than he; all those words were lies.

"I promise to try to come home earlier." He says, passing his fingers through my hair. "I'll miss you too."

I press his hand on my face and reach up to kiss him. He pulls me over him, our lips still linked. I let myself go, knowing that this may be our last night together. His hands travel from my hair down to my back. A sudden whimper stops me and I remember the baby in the crib across our bed. I pull away from Peeta, biting my lip.

"We can't." I say against my urges. Alouette wakes, weeping in her crib just as she does every night. Peeta continues kissing me from my lips down to my neck and I force myself to get off of him. Peeta gets up before I do, reaching down the crib cradling the baby in his arms.

"I'll be back for you." He says to Alouette, her cries subsiding somewhat. Peeta kisses the top of her head and brings her to our bed. She lies in between us, silent this time, as if waiting for us to talk.

"I'll take good care of her." I promise Peeta. He lets Alouette climb over his chest, dripping saliva all over his shirt. Her tiny fingers gripping the fabric as she struggles to keep her balance.

Peeta doesn't say anything, he just watches Alouette's fleeting blue eyes. For a moment their eyes meet and Peeta raises the child high, her laughter filling the room.

"I know you will." Peeta says at last.

The three of us fall asleep, Alouette secured in Peeta's arms. The night passes without any nightmares or crying from the baby. In the morning, when Alouette's tugging wakes me, I find Peeta dressed and packing his clothes. I sit up and bring Alouette onto my lap.

"Can we have breakfast together?" I ask him, feeling as though the world has been set over my shoulders for me to bear.

"They're calling for me already." He sighs, his voice as desolate as mine, maybe even more. He takes the baby from my lap and snuggles her gently. I put on my clothes and brush my teeth. When I've prepared myself I find Alouette dressed as well.

"We'll come with you as far as they'd let us." I say. Our security team leads us through endless halls. We find ourselves in a similar hangar except that the hovercrafts seem to be more advanced in this building.

"Listen." Peeta says, handing our child to me. He puts his hands on both my shoulders and levels his face to mine. "I love you."

"I know." I tell him as I shift Alouette in my arms.

"Take care of her," He starts again, gesturing to the child I carry. "You don't need me, not at all. We have money and our security team. You can live like a Victor, just like you fought for."

"Don't say that." I say forcing tears back, "Don't talk to me like you're saying goodbye."

"I'm not but—" he stops and I wonder what kind of lie they told Peeta to get him to say the exact words I feared he would.

"You're going to be fine." He says instead. "Don't worry about me, worry about her. She needs you more than ever. I'm sorry I have to leave you, both of you."

He gives me one last kiss and I let him carry Alouette who is oblivious to all that is going on. After a moment he hands her back to me.

A series of men in black suits, their chests bearing the seal of the Capitol and of the president, lead Peeta through one of the hovercrafts. The doors close and the hovercraft starts to rise as the ceiling opens to reveal the morning sky. I watch as the craft flies out of view trying to remember the boy with the bread who gave me life when everything else threatened to take it away.


	49. Chapter 48

**DISCALIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Forty-Eight**

_Fifty-four, fifty-five, fifty-six, fifty-seven, fifty-eight…_

I stare blankly at the floor of the living room, counting the tiles that cover the floor. I watch as the dust float in the still air as the sunlight seeps through the curtains. Thropp made his statement in front of the Justice Building in the Capitol and the whole of Panem received the shock of their lives. The press went ballistic with the news, which left Plutarch with a load of work. The Victors of Panem were allowed to move back to their own districts to resume their separate lives. Normalcy may as well escaped me when I came home with a child in my arms but no husband to stand by my side.

"Katniss." A shaking voice interrupts my trance and I find Greasy Sae carrying my baby in her arms. "Wake up girl, he might be gone but you're child is still here and she needs you."

I take Alouette in my arms, she grows every day and cries every night. I look down at her only to find the blue eyes of Peeta looking back at me. I sit her on my lap, her hands reaching for my braid. Greasy Sae leaves the house without another word and closes the door behind her. She comes everyday, making sure I'm eating. She prepares my meals for the day and leaves as soon as she's done.

"Harvey?" I call. He appears behind me, his hands at his back.

"I'm going hunting." I say finally, ignoring his protests. I kiss Alouette on the forehead and promise her that I'd be back soon. Claire comes to take her and I put on my boots and my father's jacket. I reach for my bow and arrows from the cupboard hidden beneath the stairs and make my way through the house.

I try my best to wrap my mind around the facts that I am sure to be true.

_I volunteered to save my sister's life but she died anyway. I survived two Games. I lead Panem through a revolution. I killed President Coin. I am the Mockingjay. I am Katniss Everdeen. I am married to Peeta Mellark. I have a daughter named Alouette Mellark. Aurelius is actually Thropp, He is in prison. Peeta was taken away to the Capitol. He might not come back. _

I point the arrow and with a heavy breath, release it into the air. It flies through the sky and pierces through the left eye of the bird.

It lands with a thud.

I pull the arrow away from the bird's eyes and tie it's legs together and hang it on my belt along with the other birds I've shot down. I let myself escape my mind and bury myself in the woods instead. I feel the soil mold itself around my feet as I move through the trees, as silent as a summer breeze, though inside, I scream at the top of my lungs. I make myself forget Peeta. I don't let my mind wander to the absence of Gale.

* * *

><p>"I brought game." I say as I let the string of birds land on the table. Greasy Sae's granddaughter leaps on top of the table and quickly unties the legs of the birds.<p>

"Are you alright?" Greasy Sae asks as she nods toward the cuts across my cheek and index finger. It has been so long since I was allowed to hunt or be out of the house for that matter. My skill in archery has clearly gotten rusty.

"Fine." I sigh and tuck my hands in the pockets of my jacket. "I just came to say thank you."

"No need, child." She says, letting her granddaughter bring the birds into the kitchen. "I gather you have a lot in your mind."

"Quite." I whisper and sink into the chair next to me. "Peeta's in the hospital again. This time in the Capitol and he might not be coming back."

"He will." She says, "He always finds his way back to you."

"How do you know?" I ask her, my voice shaking.

"Nothing can keep love from doing anything it wants." She says, making her way to me and patting my shoulder. "Now, you go back to your child. Love her twice as much as you already do because she needs that the most."

I give her a weak smile and start toward the door to leave. As I close the door behind me, Greasy Sae's granddaughter peaks out.

"Thank you." She squeaks. I never really understood why she had to stay with her grandmother or why her parents seem to always be absent. I don't even know her name. Her small frame and polite words send painful memories of my sister and I struggle to keep my emotions in check.

"You're welcome." I say genuinely and move on.

When I reach the porch of the house, I find Harvey. His suit is stained with mud; sweat beads and trickles down in rivulets all over his face. I take in this image and conclude that he's been shadowing me in the woods. There is still a leaf stuck in his brown hair, the same ones I find in my braid.

"Mrs. Mellark." He salutes me as I enter and I raise an eyebrow at him.

"Not quite the hunter, I assume." I kid as I pass him. All he can do is grunt.

I take a shower before I let myself cradle Alouette. I let the water rain down on me and stand as still as I can. I try to remember how Peeta and I were after we were both able to say "I love you" to each other without needing to have a camera in front of us and before he started to have his episodes.

"_When did you know?" He asked me one time, his whisper so soft._

"_Know what?" I said._

"_That you loved me." He continued._

"_I fell for you not too long ago." I remember myself saying, "I fell for you hard."_

"_Oh really?" He asked me, his eyes glinting against the moonlight as his eyebrows rose._

"_Yes, I fell for you very hard because right after I realized I loved you," I paused then and caught his eyes and held his hands. I let my fingers brush his wedding band. "I asked you to marry me."_

"_When did you know?" I asked him after he kissed me._

"_Know what?" he said._

"_When did you know that I really loved you?" _

"_I knew I had you when you came to me every night because you were having nightmares." He said, quietly._

"_The train." I said after a while._

"_Yes." He paused. "That was so long ago."_

"_It was." I agreed. "You were the only one who was able to do that."_

* * *

><p>"She's down for a nap." Claire says to me as I enter the room, my hair still dripping.<p>

"Thank you." I tell her as she starts to leave. I look down at Alouette in her crib, her growing frame rising and falling rhythmically as she breathes deep in her sleep. I pull her blanket up to her chin and tuck her hair away from her face.

_I have to stop letting Claire take care of you and I have to stop letting Greasy Sae take care of me._

I find myself thinking,

"Mrs. Mellark." Harvey, knocks on my door and I let him come in.

"Harvey, wait." I stop him before he starts talking. "What lie did Peeta think was the reason he had to go? Before he left, he was talking to me like he wasn't ever coming back."

"Mrs. Mellark, I don't think it would be—"

"Tell me, that's an order." I persist.

"He was told that he was being recruited for military training." He says finally.

"Training." I let the words sink in, "If he knew he was going just for training, why couldn't he tell me?"

"Because he knew that you would want to follow through but he couldn't let you do it because you had to take care of Alouette."

"That's ridiculous." I start, "He knows I won't leave the baby."

"He's easy to bend when we're talking about you and the baby."

"Manipulative." I sigh, feeling the lie resting on my shoulders and making me heavy.

"Don't worry, Mrs. Mellark, you made the right decision."

"I just hope so." I say, looking back at the child in the crib.

"You should know that he's making good progress." Harvey tells me after a while. "Scientists have been examining his brain and how it changes when he does, I've just gotten word that they're close to proving hypotheses."

"What exactly are does hypotheses?" I ask.

"Mrs. Mellark, I think it's time you take a rest." Harvey sighs and looks over to Alouette as well. "Before she wakes again. I actually came here to—"

"Harvey." I demand.

"That those contorted memories that made such an impact on him, once triggered, causes him to retract and allows his second personality to resurface. Most of the memories we know are of you and him in the arena which makes it a large part of who he is."

"And what's their solution?"

"Mrs. Mellark, I am in no position to relinquish that data." He says.

"You work for _me_ don't you?" I tell him, my voice rising. "Tell me what their proposed solution is!"

"Total memory loss."


	50. Chapter 49

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Forty-Nine**

"Get Paylor on the line." I tell him without another breath to lose.

"Mrs. Mellark with all—" he begins but I don't let him continue.

"Now, Harvey!" I let him leave and in a matter of seconds, he returns with a phone in his hand and I take it and bring it to my ear.

"Katniss." I hear her voice, "This should be a matter of urgent national security to contact me like this."

"Total loss of memory?!" I almost shout at the receiver.

"That was classified information." She says curtly.

"_Please_, I was bound to know." I answer back. "How could you do this?!"

"How could I not?" She says, "If it means saving his life and more importantly, yours _and_ your daughter's, why shouldn't I do it?"

"He won't be who he was if you take his memories away."

"And you think the alternative is? You think allowing this other personality to continue tormenting you and your family allows his true person to thrive? By taking his memories, you delete that personality and by doing that, you allow him to be who he was before Snow got to him!" She pauses and takes a breath. "Need I remind you that you signed a contract allowing the doctors of the Capitol to do whatever it takes to cure him. Direct violation of that contract can and will be considered treason."

I fall silent and sink to the floor, clutching the phone to my ear.

"There must be another way." I say helplessly.

"You know what that is." Paylor tells me, in a calm voice this time.

_Nightlock._

"I lose him either way." I feel a knot form in my throat and force it back, making choking noises that make Alouette stir in her crib.

"Katniss," Paylor says,

"Yes?" I sigh, letting my tears flow.

"Losing memories doesn't mean he'll forget how he feels about you." She says

"How much will he forget?" I ask her instead because what she just told me is unfathomable. "What does the 'total' in total memory loss mean?"

"He would know who he is, of course." She starts, "The extent of the totality in the process of removing his memories will be determined after a series of experiments that will allow the scientists and doctors pinpoint or specify contorted memories only."

"But Snow made sure to change who I am in Peeta's mind. Snow made me a mutt in Peeta's memories." I tell her, coming to my own conclusion that 'total' meant all his memories of _only_ me. "All his memories of me are contorted."

"That's not true." She says, "He was himself when you got married, when you had your child, when you were on charity tour and so many more. He won't forget you or how he feels about you, Katniss, that's impossible, that I will make certain. Your future with that man is written on stone."

"Thank you." Is all I can say.

"Can you do something for me?" Paylor asks.

"Anything." I tell her as I take a breath.

"Take a break." She starts, "A rest has been long overdue for you. You can resume your charity tour whenever you want. Spend sometime with yourself and gather your thoughts. Hunt; the woods are yours. Take care of Alouette and yourself. Stop worrying about Peeta, he will find his way back to you and love you even more. You have been fighting since you were sixteen, this time, Panem gets to return the favor."

When I don't respond she continues talking,

"Can you do one more thing for me?" She asks and I nod, even though I know she can't see me.

"Trust me, Katniss." She says firmly.

* * *

><p>"I don't even know you." He says, his eyes glaring at me. I shift Alouette in my arms and let her rest her head on my shoulder, her thumb in her mouth.<p>

"You don't remember." I say when I see his eyes wander from my face to the child in my arms and his brows furrow.

"I'm sorry, ma'am." He says in a much kinder and familiar tone this time. "I have never seen you before in my life. I can't help you. You must be mistaking me for someone else." He turns to leave, his hands in his pockets.

"Peeta, wait!" I call after him.

"I don't know you!" he says but he doesn't even turn.

"But I love you." I whisper. He stops in his tracks and slowly he turns around, his golden hair shining against the sunlight. For a moment, I feel as though he's coming back to me but then he shakes his head and raises his shoulders.

"I'm sorry, I told you, I don't know you. You're mistaking me for someone else." He says, "I have to go now."

I fall to my knees and bring Alouette closer to me. She looks up at me, her eyes as blue as her father's. I can feel the ground beneath us shake and form web like cracks around me. The ground breaks as though it were glass and Alouette and I fall into an abyss, left to listen to a single voice echo endlessly amidst my screams and Alouette's cries.

_I don't even know you. I have never seen you before in my life. _

I wake with a start. Involuntarily, I reach to shake Peeta's shoulder then I remember that he's not here. I curl around myself, pulling the blanket around me, still shaking from the nightmare. I force myself back to sleep but whenever I close my eyes, the feeling of falling engulfs me once again.

Alouette wakes as well, her cries painfully similar to the one in my nightmare. I crawl out from the covers and quietly make my way to her crib. I take her gently and rest her in my arms. I sit back on the bed to nurse. After a while the rooms is silent again.

"He'll be back and he'll remember." I say to myself as Alouette falls back to sleep. I lay her down next to me making sure to place a pillow on the other side of the bed to make sure she doesn't roll over in her sleep and fall to the floor.

I give up on my attempts of sleep and entertain myself by watching the baby sleep and imagining how her life would be in a perfect world where she would grow up with a perfect family who's parents did not have such a dark past that clouded their present and even more so, their future.


	51. Chapter 50

**DISCALIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Fifty**

When the sun is just rising, I put my hair in a braid and put my jacket over my shoulders. I change in to jeans and tie the laces of my boots in a secure knot. When I open the door, I find Harvey stationed at the end of the hall.

"Please don't tail me in the woods, this time." I tell him as I reach in my pocket to produce an earpiece. I place it in my ear and he nods. "It's the one with a tracker. You can keep track of me in your computer."

A few days have past since my talk with Paylor and I have finally let myself follow her advice. I spent the last few days, skulking around the house, moaning and groaning for no apparent reason, just the one, that I was missing my husband, when I realized that I'm not helping anybody, especially not my daughter by being as helpless as I have let myself become.

_Take a break. Hunt; the woods are yours._

I glide down the stairs and pick up my bow and quiver and make my way out of the house. The forest is still dark, the rising sun is blocked by the branches of the trees so much so that only streaks of light is able to pass through making the fog even more visible. I load my bow but there are no birds in the air or squirrels in the trees. It's far too early for any activity so I set my bow down and take the quiver off my shoulder as well. I pick fallen branches from the forest floor and carefully attach them with vines as precisely as I remember Gale put them together himself. I put both my bow and quiver across my body and move through the woods, setting similar snares as I go on.

My feet lead me to the lake of my youth and I start to take my shoes off and undress, leaving only my underclothes. Before I dive into the water, I take my earpiece off. I ignore the cold air against my bare legs and brace myself for the icy water.

"_It's only cold at first." He assured me._

"_That's really cold!" I screamed as the current flowed to my ankles._

"_Trust me!" He said as he lifted me over to his shoulders, "I'll teach you how to swim as good as a fish!"_

"_I trust you, Dad." I told him as he lowered me back to the water, no longer feeling the cold of the current._

I stay beneath the water as long as I can before taking a breath. I collect stray net pieces Gale and I once put up in the water to catch fish and gather them in the soil. When my skin starts to wrinkle and when the sun is high enough to light the whole forest, I climb out of the lake and wring the water from my braid. I put on my clothes over my wet body and place the earpiece back in my ear.

"We were unable to contact you for a long time, Mrs. Mellark." I hear Harvey's voice as soon as the earpiece is in the proper place. "Is everything alright?"

"Harvey, I spent my whole life in these woods. I was here even before my first Games and long before I got my own security team. I'm safer here than anywhere else." I say as I trace my steps to check on the snares I set. "I just went for a swim. I took it off thinking it would be a waste if I let something as harmless as lake water to destroy it."

"Mrs. Mellark, the earpiece is waterproof." He says.

"Oh," is the only response I have.

"Mrs. Mellark, Ms. Trinket has been trying to contact you." He continues, "Should I put her through to your earpiece?"

"I don't think I'm in the mood right now." I tell him as I pry a squirrel from one of the snares.

"She says it's about Mr. Mellark." He says evenly and my heart skips a beat.

"Go ahead." I say immediately, "Put her through my earpiece. I'm going back home now."

I drop the squirrel and proceed on back to the fence.

"Katniss, darling." Effie starts.

"Effie, what is it?" I ask her in between breaths.

"I heard the news!" She says, her voice shaking, "This certainly _can't_ be real."

"It is." I tell her, feeling the knot in my throat form again. "I talked with Paylor."

"Don't you fret." She says, sniffing. "I promised Haymitch, I'd take care of the _both_ of you and I intend on keeping that promise."

"What do you mean?" I ask her as I walk through the meadow.

"There's only so much I could do but," She pauses then, her tone suggests that she's still crying, "I've arranged a flight for you and little Lou for the Capitol. It took some convincing but Paylor finally agreed to it. I just thought you'd like to see him before it starts. I'm sure he'd want to see you and the baby too."

"Effie, that's wonderful." I gasp.

"Just make it count. Paylor told me that she couldn't disclose to me the schedule of when or how they will take his memories away; for all we know it might be happening tomorrow or next week. I just thought I needed to get you up there even for just a little while." She says, "Both of you been through too much only to forget _all_ of that."

"I will, Effie." I tell her, "Thank you. Thank you so much."

"You can leave whenever you're ready." She says. "_Actually_, leave now. There's only so much time and before you know it, it's all gone."

"Harvey, prepare transportation to the airport." I press on my earpiece as I walk briskly through Twelve. "Now."

"Of course, Mrs. Mellark." He answers.

The line goes silent and I reach the house in no time. I let my bow and arrows drop to the floor and sprint up the stairs as fast as I can.

When I reach the bedroom, I find Claire trying to wrestle Alouette into a clean diaper. I tell her to pack Alouette's things instead while I clean her up and pull a new diaper up for her. Alouette stops crying and kicking and lets me do my job.

"Might I ask, where your destination is, Mrs. Mellark?" Claire asks me, already with our luggage at hand.

"The Capitol." I tell her as I let Alouette back in her crib.

* * *

><p>"Now testing character recognition." A doctor announces in front of a camera that stands in a white tiled room with no windows. "Last phase before conclusion of experimentation and execution of final action."<p>

"You can't make me do crap!" He says and spits in the another man's face leaning down in front of him. The doctor pulls back and uses the hem of his white sleeve to wipe his face. The other man, wearing the same white uniform goes up to him, this time holding a photo. Peeta's hands grow tense and forms firm fists against the armrest on which he is bound.

"Mr. Mellark," The man, holding the photo starts, " We have been through this over and over and over again. We're going to ask you _again_, who is this?"

He looked at the photo, reluctantly at first but as soon as he did, a wave of anger and frustration comes over him. His mind, already in a splitting headache, tells him to kill her.

_Kill her. Kill her because she's a mutt._

"I told you once and I will tell you a thousand times." He starts as though he felt tiresome of the routine. "She's a fucking mutt who deserves to die!"

"What's her name?" they ask him.

"Her motherfucking name is Katniss Everdeen." He says with a grunt.

The pair of doctors looks at one another and shakes their head. They both reach for a chart and start scribbling. Peeta, restrained at his wrists and ankles struggles to be freed but to no avail. Several tubes are connected to his forearm and his forehead is connected to a machine that records the wavelengths sent out by his poisoned brain.

"One day, I will kill her." He grumbles, "You can't ever get rid of me before _I _get rid of her first."

The doctors lay down their charts and one of them reaches for a different photo while the other reads the data on the machine.

"Who is this?" The doctor asks, holding up the photo of an infant with dark brown hair and stunning blue eyes.

"The bitch's bastard, who else?" He answers, rolling his eyes.

"Name the person in the photo, Mr. Mellark." They order him yet again.

"Alouette." He says.

"Alouette." One of the doctors repeats. "We need a _full_ name."

"Alouette Mellark. _Happy?_" he says, "I swear, when I get out of this hell hole I'll strangle that kid and—"

The doctor presses a single button on the control panel and the tubes connected to Peeta's forearm fills with a strange green liquid. Peeta goes limp, his hands finally relaxing from the fist he has been forcing, his eyes rolling back as his lids fall to a close.

"Sedating Patient Peeta Mellark." The doctor announces yet again to the camera as he releases the button, he pauses and takes his chart and starts to write while the other doctor adjusts the machine connected to Peeta's brain.

"Last Phase has been completed." The doctor puts his chart down and addresses the camera once more, "All experimentations executed, all data gathered and analyzed."

"Conclusions are as follows," The other doctor starts, "Patient Mellark's Dissociative Identity Disorder or DID is primarily caused by a combination of tracker jacker venom and memory destruction. It is triggered by flashbacks of contorted memories and disrupts character and personality functions and norms. As the DID progresses, his brain suffers much trauma equal to the experience of tracker jacker poisoning. This effect will lead to brain deterioration at an exceptionally fast rate, if not treated immediately."

He lifts a sheet of paper from his own chart and sighs.

"The solution is total loss of memory concerning Katniss Everdeen-Mellark _and _Alouette E. Mellark knowing that, only these key persons trigger memory flashbacks that cause the patient to exhibit his Dissociative Identity Disorder." He puts his chart down and stations his arms by his side. "The decision is final and irrefutable, effective immediately after Patient Peeta Mellark recovers from sedation."

The other doctor takes a look at his watch, "Memory retraction shall take place in sixty minutes."


	52. Chapter 51

**DISCLAIMER****: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Fifty-One**

"Mrs. Mellark, you should know that not everyone in the security team will be able to travel with us." Harvey says as I get Alouette and I settled in our seat. "What with the abrupt change of plans, only Officer Claire and I will be able to accompany you."

"I don't see any problem." I tell him, "Aurelius has been detained. There's really no more threat."

"You'd be surprised, Mrs. Mellark how many enemies the good can make." He says.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I ask him, my brows furrowing. Lightly, I bounce Alouette on my lap to keep her from crying.

"We can never be too careful, Mrs. Mellark." He says in a low voice and turns to leave. He closes the door behind him, leaving Alouette and me in our own private compartment. I shake away Harvey's ominous words and focus on the flight. It will take an hour or two, with good weather to get to the Capitol. Effie was able to convince Paylor to let us fly the faster route.

"Mrs. Mellark, Ms. Mellark and members of the Victor Security Team, the hovercraft shall be ascending in a few moments," the voice of the captain booms through the sound system. "Please remain on your seats and fasten your seatbelts."

I settle Alouette into the seat next to mine, smaller, built for infants, and fasten my own seatbelt. I look out the window and watch as we rise vertically into the sky and feel the force of the jets press my body to the back of the seat as the hovercraft surges forward.

Alouette starts to whimper and soon enough she's wailing, kicking her tiny legs and thrusting her fists in the air. I free her from the seat and bring her closer to me.

"It's alright, Alouette." I tell her as I cradle her gently, "We're going to see Daddy."

* * *

><p>"We shall be descending in e few minutes," the captain announces after almost three hours of flight. I shake away the ache in my legs from being seated for so long and shift the baby in my arms. Alouette refused to stay in her seat throughout the course of our flight, crying every time she felt me lower her down in her own spot so I let her stay in my arms and play with my hair.<p>

The hovercraft lands smoothly into the hangar of the Capitol and in a few moments, the doors unlock and open. I stand on my feet and make my way through the isle of the hovercraft, passing empty chairs. I meet Claire and Harvey waiting for me at the exit of the hovercraft. Claire offers to take Alouette from me but I tell her I'm fine.

Harvey comes out first, buttoning his suit as he takes his steps. I follow him down the stairs and Claire covers my back.

"Good afternoon, Soldier Katniss Mellark." A man in a suit bearing the President's Seal extends his hand to mine. I shift Alouette in a single arm and take his hand and shake it lightly. "I am General John Walker. We are pleased to have you back in the Capitol, despite the cause. President Paylor extends her welcome."

General Walker leads the way. Harvey and Claire standing by my sides, eyes focused in the distance. We walk in silence our heels making the only sound in the hangar. Suddenly I notice a change in the faces of Harvey and Claire. A look of worry and shock but in a single blink they shake it off and focus again in the distance.

"What is it?" I ask them silently, making sure General Walker, who walks ahead of us, does not hear.

"What is what, Mrs. Mellark?" Harvey asks me in return.

"Don't toy with me, Officer Porter, I know you just received Intel through your earpiece." I tell him and then look over to Claire. "_Both_ of you received Intel and I want to know what that is."

"We cannot disclose information without permission to do so." Claire answers firmly.

"I have no time for this, Officer Treadwell." I sigh, shifting Alouette's weight in my arms. "Inform me now. That is an order."

Claire and Harvey look at each other as we continue to walk a safe distance behind General Walker as he leads us through the hangar and toward a vehicle.

"Not here." Harvey says instead. We are ushered into the car, Harvey seated in the passenger seat in front and Claire and I at the back with Alouette in her car seat. The doors are closed and the car moves on.

"Tell me now." I say to them.

"We received information that the procedure has been completed." Claire sighs.

"It was completed two days ago, Mrs. Mellark." Harvey continues. "I'm sorry."

"What?" I ask them, helpless as I fell my heart sink. "That's not possible I was talking with Paylor only a day ago."

"The information we received came from the Capitol, itself." Claire says.

"But, that can't be." I gawk at them, feeling my shoulders start to shake as I force myself to contain my sanity. "They couldn't have done it already! We were going here so I could see him _before_ this all happened."

"We're sorry, Mrs. Mellark." Is all they tell me.

Paylor promised me that I could trust her and yet it came to this. I burry my face in my hands and let myself sob into them. When I look up, I find Alouette looking back at me with a strange expression in her face. I dry my cheeks and inhale deeply. The car pulls to a stop and when I look out the window I find a solid white block of a building with no windows. A single glass door, coated with black tint stands in the center of the building.

"He's waiting inside." Harvey says as he opens my door for me.

"He can't see me like this." I tell him.

"You look fine, Mrs. Mellark. This is your chance, don't waste it." Claire says, already out of the car, carrying Alouette who is stretching her arms out me. I take a deep breath and take a step out of the car. I carry Alouette and walk steadily towards the glass door.

It opens automatically and we enter, Harvey first and Claire last. In the building, we find General Walker already there waiting for us with two doctors by his side.

"Soldier Mellark, I'd like you to meet the doctors of Soldier Peeta Mellark. We are ready to answer all your questions." He starts, gesturing to the doctors beside him. I give Alouette to Claire and step forward to the doctor to his left, extending my hand to reach his.

"I am Doctor Charles Dane." He says as we shake.

"I am Doctor Casey Williams." The other says when I take his hand.

"I'm honored to meet both of you." I tell them. "How is Peeta?"

"He is coping." Doctor Williams answers me. "He has been briefed about the basic truths, of course."

"And what are those?" I ask as he leads us through a hall that ends with a large window, tinted the same way the front door was.

"Who he is, where he grew up and where he is currently." Doctor Dane says. We reach the end of the hall and General Walker presses a button on the wall. The window looses its dark tint and reveals a room behind it. Peeta lies on the bed stationed in the far corner, staring at the ceiling, looking as though he's relaxing on the white sands of a beach in Four.

"How much has he forgotten?" I ask, swallowing the fear for the answer they will give me.

"Soldier Mellark, you should know that, after much research, we found that your fear of the nightlock treatment was completely justified." Doctor Dane clears his throat. "So we did not push through with it and found this alternative but more _effective_ solution."

"His loss of memory was totally necessary if we wanted to preserve his life and his mental health as well." Doctor Williams continues.

"How much?" I ask again. The window flickers and a chart appears on the glass.

"This is the record of how his mental state is strained when he experiences the disorder." Doctor Williams explains.

"This strain reaches its peak when the memory is related to you or the baby." Doctor Dane points to the highest point in the chart. "The levels of pain he experiences when this happens is extremely high and considering the frequency of his episodes, it proves how high his capacity to tolerate pain is."

"Of course, other memories of other events or other people also trigger his disorder but from testing we find that somehow, Mr. Mellark is able to contain those episodes." Doctor Williams says, "Nevertheless, we were tasked to treat him _completely_ so some parts of his memory had to been taken out as well. Only that, majority of them were memories of you considering that this was the ultimate objective of Former President Snow. Seeing how closely tied you are with the baby, his memories of young Ms. Alouette here also results in the same effect as memories of you would."

I nod my head as I absorb the information. The chart disappears and we watch in silence as Peeta stretches across the bed he has been granted in his tiny cell.

"How?" I ask after a while, "How did you take his memories away?"

"The process was to override his brain." Doctor Dane answers. "We had to let him succumb to the disorder and administer the drug that will effectively relieve him of the memory that holds this other personality in the real world."

"It was a painful process but a small price to pay for his life." Doctor Williams says.

"Why does he think he's being kept here?" I ask General Walker.

"We told him it was a standard process that all citizens of Panem are to undergo a Physical Exam to ascertain the health status of the nation." He says.

"Okay." I sigh. "I'm ready to go in." I look over to Claire, who is still carrying Alouette and gesture for her to hand me the child.

"Mrs. Mellark," Doctor Dane speaks up. "We recommend that you go in there _without_ your baby."

"We find that it will be overwhelming enough for Mr. Mellark to find out that his is married to you. Finding out that he has a child will be difficult to process in the short span of time." Doctor Williams continues.

"We'll ease him back into his life slowly." General Walker says. "You're here to do just that. You're the best person to tell him about the life he had so that he can have the life he deserves."

I let my arms fall to my sides and Claire steps back, still holding Alouette. I take a deep breath and straighten my stance.

"Alright." I tell them. "What should I say when I get in there?"

"Tell him that he's going home." General Walker says simply. "Tell him he's going home with _you._"

I look back at Harvey and he nods his head ever so slightly. General Walker leads me to the door that opens to the other side of the window. He lets me turn the knob and I do.

I step inside the room. Peeta sits up, his eyes shooting from the ceiling to the door to find out who has entered his little sanctuary. His blue eyes meet my grey ones and I hear the door behind me close.


	53. Chapter 52

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Fifty-Two**

"Katniss!" He says immediately and my heart skips a beat.

He remembers my name.

A feat I would gladly take any day because even if he doesn't know _who_ I am, knowing my name tells me I'm not a complete stranger in his new life.

"You know my name." I blink at him. I take a step toward him but no more. He gets up from his bed and rubs the back of his neck, looking ashamed.

"Well," he starts, "I've had a crush on you since we were kids. Just a crush."

A let myself laugh.

"It's ridiculous, I know." He says.

"No, it's not." I say genuinely. We stand face to face, him seeing me in a completely different light while I look back at him silently willing his memories to return. I force myself not to grab him and kiss him full on the lips by digging my nails to the palm of my hands.

"Peeta?" I call to him, breaking the silence.

"What is it?" He says, looking back at me.

"It's over." I exhale, "You can go home now."

"Are they done with me then? No more health tests?" he asks confused.

"Yes." I tell him.

"What about you?" He continues.

"You're going home with me." I tell him in an attempt to tell him gently that he's married to the girl he fell for when he was a child. "We live in the same house."

"What?" He asks, his brows rising.

"Peeta, I'm your wife." I say finally as I raise my left hand to show him my wedding ring.

"This is a joke." He says gawking at me.

"No, it's not." I take a seat on the mattress and gesture for him to sit by me and he does. "Peeta, I'm going to explain some things to you. They will sound crazy but I promise you they're the truth."

I look down at him, his elbows on his knees, his eyes staring at the floor. I wait for him to say something but he doesn't so I decide to just go on.

"You saved my life— my family's life." I start, "Do you remember that?"

"Katniss, the only thing I know is that I live in Twelve and that I'm a baker." He says, "The people from the Capitol brought me here for the standard and mandatory Physical Exams. You can't be my wife."

_We'll ease him back into his life slowly. _The voice of General Walker rings in my head and I take a deep breath.

"We were kids." I tell him, ignoring the things he just said, "My father had just died in the—"

"Mines." He says, "Your father worked in the mines."

"You remembered. That's right." I tell him.

"Many people from Twelve worked in the mines." He says quietly.

"My family was starving." I continue, "I was out trying to sell my sister's baby clothes so that I could buy some food but no one wanted them."

"It was raining." He continued for me.

"Yes, Peeta." I sigh, clinging onto hope that he'll remember the right things. "Somehow I found myself at the back of your house, sinking into the mud and losing all hope when—"

"I burned the bread." He cut me off. "Mother was angry at me."

"You threw the bread to me, Peeta." I tell him, reaching for his hand but he pulls it away from me. "I went home that night and my sister and my mother and I had something to eat after so many weeks of having nothing but the air to swallow."

I wait for him to say something, anything but he doesn't. We sit there in silence, unmoving.

"I'm sorry." His voice is low and desolate. "It was just burned bread. I'm glad I was able to help your family but, crush or not, I don't know you well enough to be your husband."

"Yes you do." I plead. "Peeta please try to remember."

"All I know is that we were young and I had a petty crush on a pretty girl who was in my class." He says, "I don't know you so we can't possibly be married. If this is some kind of sick joke—"

"No, it's not!" I say firmly. "You have to believe me. We were in the Ga—"

"Mrs. Mellark, please do not mention anything about the Hunger Games!" General Walker's voice booms from my earpiece. "Take it slow, Mrs. Mellark, he'll get there."

"I hope you know," I sigh, letting my anger go, "that I would never do anything to hurt you. I'm not here to ask you for anything, I just want you to know that I will be here for you. Whenever, whatever you need, I'm ready to help you." I get up from the mattress and straighten down my blouse. I look back at him and offer him my hand.

"It's time to go, Mr. Mellark." I say as evenly as I can. "There is a hovercraft ready to take you back to District Twelve." He takes my hand and gets up. I let him go and I make my way to the door and open it. I let him go first and follow afterward. I look down the hall and watch as Claire walks briskly away from the scene in an attempt to keep Peeta from seeing the baby. The doctors usher Peeta through the building and away from me.

"Doctor Dane and Doctor Williams will take him to the hovercraft." General Walker says when only Harvey and I are left.

"That was excruciating." I sigh. "Paylor promised me he'd remember how he felt about me."

"And he did." General Walker says, raising his shoulders. "He remembers that he has feelings for you."

"A crush is not enough." I say with a grunt.

"It will be." He says. "Didn't you see him remember how it was raining or that your father worked in the mines? He will remember you, it will just take time. Just know that he's actually got a life to look forward to now. This will all be worth it."

"Thank you, General Walker." I say to him and he salutes me. He leads us through the hall again and out the front door where Claire is showing Alouette the birds in the sky.

"What about Peeta?" I ask as Claire brings Alouette to me.

"We've arranged a different hovercraft for him." General Walker says. "He's boarded and the craft has just ascended."

"Good." I say.

"Why is that?" Harvey speaks up.

"Because I'm not going home just yet." I tell him, pulling Alouette's fists away from my hair.

"Where are you going?" Claire asks then.

"I'm going to visit the president of Panem."


	54. Chapter 53

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Fifty-Three**

"_Two_ days ago, Paylor?!" I start, "I was just talking to you a day ago about all of this and you didn't even take a moment to tell me that all of it has been done already?"

"And what if I did tell you?" She says, "Could you have done anything? It would've only made everything even more complicated! I have a responsibility to fulfill and I can't go about it by spilling every single detail to anyone, including yourself."

"You told me I could trust you!" I tell her, rising from my seat.

"I like to believe that I _showed_ you that you could trust me." She says, looking up to me from her own seat behind her desk. "After all those times during the Rebellion? Or have you forgotten as well?"

"You said he'd remember how he felt about me." I persist.

"He did." She says, " General Walker told me he remembered he had a crush on you."

"You know that's not what I meant." I shake my head at her; frustrated that no one seems to have a solution.

"Can't you hear yourself talk, Katniss?!" Paylor says to me now and I sink back to my seat. "He's_ alive_ and that monster or demon or whatever it was is gone from his life forever."

"And he's gone from my life too." I sigh.

"Listen." She starts, now standing up from her seat, her hands flat on her desk and her face looking down at me. "Get a hold of yourself. You've got a child to take care of and a country watching your every move. This is the life you have, Katniss and there is no use running away from it or sulking around every time something doesn't go the way it was planned!"

"I just thought we'd have more time." I whisper.

"I understand how you feel." She says as she moves from behind her desk to my side. "For such a long time he was the most important person in your life and to have him ripped away from you after everything you've been through to be together is_ unfair_."

"The odds will never be in my favor." I try to laugh.

"Your orders are simple." She continues, "Ease him back into his life. Talk about the Games, explain that he was a tribute and is a Victor. Move onto the Rebellion and your life together after."

"Fly home Katniss." She says as I get up. "His memories won't be gone forever. You've seen how fast he remembered certain details when you were talking. Spend some time with him, that will surely help."

"He doesn't want to have anything to do with me." I say.

"Katniss." Paylor raises an eyebrow. "This is Peeta we're talking about. He'll come back to you."

* * *

><p>"How was it?" Harvey asks as he leads me through the hangar and toward the hovercraft that will take us home.<p>

"It doesn't matter." I tell him, "Paylor didn't have a solution either."

"Mrs. Mellark, may I speak freely?" he asks as we near the hovercraft. Claire, carrying Alouette in her car seat, climbs the stairs first.

"Go ahead." I say, staying at the foot of the stairs.

"You can stop looking for the solution because you _are_ the solution." He starts, "We've seen how fast he remembered the way your story went and who knows how much more faster he would remember the _important_ things?"

Both of us stay where we are and I am at a loss for words.

"Maybe it's going to take days or weeks or years but you have to believe that he'll find his way back to you and Alouette." He continues, "Mrs. Mellark, if both of you learned to love each other despite the circumstances you were in in the past! If you were able to do that then a little loss of memory is even more surmountable."

"Harvey, I—" I try to say something more but I have never been good with saying things so I just pull him in my arms and give him the warmest hug I can muster. "Thank you for that." I say after.

"All in the day's work." He says and straightens his suit. He gestures for me to climb the stairs and I do. It's strange how a person who you hardly know will be the one who will catch you when everyone else won't.

* * *

><p>I come home to yet another empty house with a child in my arms and still no husband to stand by me. The security teams form their lines, creating a barrier in front and around my home. They make way for me when I arrive, Alouette sleeping in my arms, the moonlight making her skin look pale against my own skin.<p>

I make my way through the living room and up the spiraling flight of stairs and into the master bedroom. I gently lower the sleeping baby into her crib and pull the blanket up to her chin. I plant a light kiss on her forehead and dim the lights in the room.

They have taken all of Peeta's things and brought it back into his own home in the Voctor's Village. He won't be sleeping under the same roof with me for quite some time. I fall into the bed and surround myself with pillows, ignoring the feeling of emptiness that came with the bed that is now too big for a single person.

_"Orange?" I asked him._

_"Not bright but soft like the sunset." He said to me._

I walk barefoot in the sand, looking towards the horizon and the setting sun.

I search for him and find him sitting on a patch of leaves under a tree. The place is similar to the Clock Arena but the emotions that came with it are not here now. All that I feel are anticipation and relief. I make my way to him and sit by his side when I reach his spot in the sand.

"You came." He says when I lean my head on his shoulder,

"I'll always come back for you." I whisper as we both watch the birds fly over the sun. He wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me even closer to his body.

"I've been away for so long, I've forgotten how nice it feels when you're here with me." He says after a while.

"Then, come home to me, Peeta." I tell him, looking up at his eyes. "It's that simple."

"You know that it's not." He says and gets up, leaving me in the sand.

"Where are you going?" I ask him but he doesn't answer. He turns away from the sun and looks toward the forest and walks straight into the thickness of the trees. I follow after him but as soon as I reach the edge of the trees, monkeys start to appear on every branch and the fog starts to thicken and move toward me.

I wake with a start to find Alouette, whimpering in her sleep. I crawl out of the sheets and look into the crib of my daughter wondering what sort of nightmares _she's_ having. I pick her up and gently wake her from her nightmare. She opens her eyes and I watch as her pupils dilate and focus on me. She doesn't even cry. After a few moments when we've both recovered from the terrors of the night, I open the blinds and let the sunlight in. I look through the window and find Peeta's house. The curtains are drawn and the windows are closed.

_Peeta always liked sleeping with the windows open._


	55. Chapter 54

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Fifty-Four**

I carry Alouette down the flight of stairs and enter the kitchen, missing the smell of freshly baked bread. I put Alouette down in her high chair and secure her with the belt. I'm about open the refrigerator and prepare her food when there is a knock on the front door.

"It's Mr. Mellark." Harvey enters the kitchen suddenly. "Would you like me to let him in?"

"What?" I ask him startled. "No. No, let me do it."

I hand Harvey the bottle of baby food and make my way to the door. I brush my fingers through my hair and rub the sleep from my eyes before I turn the knob of the door.

Peeta stands in front of me, his drowsy eyes suggesting that he hasn't been sleeping well. His hands are in his pockets and his head looking down at the floor.

"Peeta." I start. He looks up at me.

"Why are there Peacekeepers all around your house?" He asks in a low voice, looking around the porch where the Security Team forms their usual lines.

"Peacekeepers? No, Peeta, they're our—my Security Team." I tell him, "They're here to protect me."

"From what exactly?" He says.

"From anything and everything." I sigh. From inside the house, I can hear Harvey struggle with feeding Alouette. I step out in the porch to close the door behind me but Peeta stops me.

"You told me that you're ready to help me anytime for anything. Can I come in?" He asks. I start to protest, thinking of our baby in the kitchen who is practically a stranger to him but he continues on talking, "I—I just wanted some answers and I was going to ask my brothers or my parents but I couldn't find them anywhere."

"Oh." I sigh, "Yes, okay. Sure, come in." I lead him to the living room and we take a seat on the couch.

"Everything is just so…" He starts and drifts off.

"Confusing?" I try to help him.

"Yes. Out of place." He says, "Katniss, this is the time of the year when the Reaping should be starting. Why isn't anybody in the Square today?"

I look back it him and notice how he looks so restless. He mustn't have gotten sleep because of the worry and fear of being chosen in the now already dead tradition. I take a deep breath and collect my thoughts.

"Peeta, I'm going to explain some things to you." I tell him again,

"Please don't try—" he says but I cut him off.

"No, please, this time please listen." I plead with him.

"Peeta there is no Reaping today because there is no more Hunger Games." I start.

"That's impossible." He says,

"Peeta, don't you feel like you're losing a big part of your memories?" I ask him, "Don't you wonder why I live in this big house or why you also have a house just like this one?"

He stays silent, looking back at me with such a pained expression.

"Peeta I'm so sorry this happened to you." I start, feeling the tears start to form in my eyes.

"What happened to me?" he asks then and I tell him our story.

"You and I were in the 75th Hunger Games. My sister, Prim was chosen and I couldn't let her go so I volunteered. Effie picked you next and that was that. We were pushed into a game we couldn't understand or survive. There were interviews, you know how it goes." I pause and Peeta nods.

"Interviews for each tribute." He affirms.

"When it was your turn, you confessed to Panem that you had a crush on me and that's how all of this—us started. Haymitch, our mentor thought that the star crossed lover story will get us through the Games, that making sponsors believe that a love like ours shouldn't be allowed to die in an arena would save our lives. And it did."

"But there could only be _one_ victor." He says, his brows furrowing.

"They changed the rules, they told us that if both tributes from the same district were both alive in the end, they'd allow two victors."

"We must've put on a good show." He says, obviously hurt that it was just for show.

"We did." I confess. "But in the last minute when you and I stood alone in the arena, they revoked the new rule. We stood in front of the Cornucopia, our hands filled with poisonous berries. We were about to eat them and just give up on everything and everyone else when they stopped us. That's how we won our _first_ Games together."

"Nightlock." Peeta whispers.

"You remembered." I gawk at him.

"This is surreal." He says, his eyes wide as though he's seen a ghost.

"This is the truth." I tell him.

"How am I supposed to believe that?!" He asks me, "How could I have survived the Hunger Games when I all know is how to bake bread?"

"That's why we both have a house like this." I say, trying to calm him. "We're victors of the 75th Hunger Games."

"Your sister." He says then, "My brothers…"

"They're gone, Peeta." I say, wiping the tears from my eyes when he covers his face with his palms.

"How?" He says, without looking up.

"Accidents. Or planned accidents, I don't really know, we couldn't prove anything. President Snow didn't like our trick with the berries because it started the rebellion in many districts. We were forced back into the Hunger Games, this time the Quarter Quell." I start, my voice heavy with the effort to keep my emotions at bay. "Haymitch advised us to keep the star crossed lovers story as real as it can be so that we could fall back on our emotions when the time came when President Snow would take his revenge."

"Only it wasn't just a show for _me._" He says, slowly lifting his head from his hands.

"That's not the whole story. Peeta, please, you have to believe me when I tell you that I love you." I plead with him. "It was. It _was_ just a show for me but _now_ it's not anymore. I love you."

"I think I've heard enough for today. It's a lot to take in." He says, rising from the couch. "Thank you, Katniss." I get up and follow him as he makes his way out of the house, begging him to let me finish the story.

"Peeta, please wait!" I call and grab his arm and pull him closer to me. He stops walking and he turns to face me.

"Katniss, please let me go." I don't let myself release my grip on him.

"I can't." I say as I feel my arm drop back to my side. He opens the door and I watch helplessly again as he is pulled away from me.

I run through the house and enter the study room and frantically search the drawers of the desk. In one of them I find what I'm looking for. I pull my robe tighter around my waist and put on my slippers. I leave through the front door and catch Peeta as he closes his own door. I run through the street, clutching the book in my hands. I reach his door and knock.

"I told you, I'm done with all of this." He says, when he opens the door.

"I know." I start, trying to catch my breath. "I understand how confusing all this must be for you and how hurt you must be after knowing that my feelings for you then weren't real. I understand that you don't want anything to do with me right now but, Peeta, I promised to help you whether you wanted my help or not."

I hand him the book and he takes it. He opens it on the first page. The bright smile of my sister and her goat greets him. Prim is followed by Peeta's father and then mine.

"What is this?" he asks in a low voice, still turning the pages of the book.

"It's our book." I say, "We wrote it together because we didn't want to forget everyone who died for us."

He continues to read through the pages, lightly passing his fingers through his own paintings of the people we love.

"I just thought this would help you remember." I say and turn away from him and start to walk back to my house.


	56. Chapter 55

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

_*****__Correction on Chapter Fifty-Four:_

… "_You and I were in __**the 74**__**th**__** Hunger Games**__. My sister, Prim was chosen and I couldn't let her go so I volunteered. … you know how it goes." I pause and Peeta nods. …_

**Fifty-Five**

Days, weeks and months have passed since Peeta and I talked about our story. I have learned to keep my distance from Peeta, letting him have his space. The night is filled with terrors, my nightmares keep me _and_ Alouette awake. I've decided to give my daughter her own room so that she can sleep in peace, without having to experience _my_ nightmare every evening.

"_Are you sure about this?" Claire asked as we moved the crib from the master bedroom to the nursery._

"_She'll be fine." I said, "She already sleeps through the night."_

"_Will you be okay?" She asked when we finished the transfer._

"_I will be." I said, when I turned to leave._

I curl my legs close to my chest as I watch the moonlight stream through the windows of the room. Instinctively, I reach across the end table standing by my side of the bed. I grab the ring of keys and fumble through them and find the one that opens Peeta's front door.

I remember a night just like this one, long ago when there was no hesitation. I reached for the keys and went straight to his house in an attempt to escape the very same trap that has captured me once again tonight.

Nightmares.

I put the keys back on the end table and pull the blanket over my shaking frame. Tonight was different. The nightmare was a vision of darkness and the dead. I shake the images of the nightmare from my head and close my eyes and wait for the terror that is sure to come.

* * *

><p>"I can't keep living like this." I say to Harvey as I scoop some food into Alouette's spoon.<p>

"Like what?" He asks.

"Like I'm nothing without Peeta." I say, bringing the spoon to Alouette's mouth. "Like my life revolves around a single person and the moment he's gone, everything in my own world crumbles."

"What would you like to do?" He says.

"I'd like to have a normal life." I tell him, remembering how Haymitch followed me through the woods, scolding me for being angry at Peeta. "I need to get a job."

"That sounds good." He nods and starts to leave but I stop him.

"A normal life _without_ hundreds of security men and women waiting and watching my every move." I say, "A normal life in a normal house, not a _mansion_."

"What are you suggesting, Mrs. Mellark?" He asks. Alouette starts to pounding on the high chair. I take her from the chair and bounce her on my lap.

"Harvey, what happens when your job here is done?" I ask him.

"Technically speaking, this is a permanent job, not unless we get fired by you." He starts, "Hypothetically speaking, if this assignment were terminated, we would go back to headquarters. We would be given a new assignment, new identities, new District."

"So your real name isn't Harvey Porter?" I ask him.

"No, it's a cover name." he says, "We do this to protect the people we have—had in our past."

"So who were you before you got assigned to me?" I say as I let Alouette play with the spoon.

"That's classified information, I'm sorry, Mrs. Mellark." He says.

"That's alright." I say as I get up from the dining table.

"Would that be all, Mrs. Mellark?" he asks,

"Yes." I tell him and he leaves and goes off to wherever they go when I dismiss them.

"Let's take a walk." I say to Alouette as we climb the stairs. She's been learning how to walk for the past few weeks. She pulls herself up on coffee tables and I hold both her hands as she struggles to balance a foot in front of the other. "You will love the meadow."

I pull her dress down and slip her arms into a jacket. I put on her shoes and carry her again in my arms and make my way through the room and down the stairs. Harvey stands by the foot of the stairs, adjusting his earpiece.

"We're going to the meadow." I tell him. "You and Claire can come this time."

* * *

><p>The meadow is tranquil with the wind blowing on the leaves of the trees. Flowers have started to bloom across the field, painfully reminding me of Rue's death.<p>

I pick a spot where the sun shines and take a seat in the grass. I let Alouette crawl around the field, picking flowers and throwing them as far as she can. The wind catches the flowers and the air is filled with the fragrance of the petals. I watch my daughter explore the meadow, unknowingly crawling through the graveyard of the people who once walked the streets of the District. It's a calming thought knowing that the meadow, now beautiful in the spring morning, is where the people I once knew rest now. Kind persons who always had time to admire my hunting skills and once in a while even purchase game.

Alouette finds her way back to me and stretches her arms over her head, asking me to pick her up. I get up and pull her to her feet, steadying her as she tries to stand on her own feet. I try to ignore the fact that I might be raising this child all on my own since her father has no memory of even marrying me. I am guiding Alouette as she takes her steps when in the corner of my eye a figure approaches us.

"Harvey, Claire, I think you can go." I tell them and they nod and leave the meadow immediately. I pull Alouette up and carry her in my arms. In a few moments, I am face to face with Peeta.

"Who's this?" He asks, gesturing to Alouette who is craning her neck and pulling away from me and reaching for her father. I hold her hands and put them down and away from Peeta's face.

"She's a friend's daughter." I lie, "Would you like to hold her?" I ask him because I can't bear to deny my daughter the company of her own father.

"No thanks, I don't think I will be good with children." He says, keeping his hands in his pockets. Alouette starts to whimper in my arms, still reaching over to Peeta.

"But you _are_ good with her." I say silently.

"What was that?" He asks,

"Nothing." I bring Alouette down back on the grass where she crawls over to Peeta and raises her arms up to him, wanting to be carried.

"I just came here to tell you that I believe you." He says then. "I believe the story you told me about us being in the Games and in the Quell but…"

"But what?" I ask him, squinting against the sun.

"But I don't think I'm ready to accept it just yet." He says, "I can't live the life you expect me to in such a short period of time. I'm not ready for it."

"It's okay Peeta." I tell him, "I'm going to wait for you no matter how long it takes."

"She's not really a friend's daughter is, she?" Peeta asks me then. He kneels down and takes the child in his arms and carries her.

"No." I tell him. Peeta holds Alouette in a single arm and holds her tiny hand in his own. I watch my daughter gaze up at her father and for a moment I wonder if we'll ever have this again, this ease with one another.

"Is she yours?" he asks, "She looks a lot like you."

"She's ours." I tell him.

There is silence between us for a while. I watch as he looks down at Alouette, taking in her beautiful face and gentle frame. It is truly like he's seeing her for the first time in his life.

"I don't expect anything from you." I say, feeling the tears come as I tell Peeta that he can be free from all of this, "If you can't be here for her, I understand that. We'll be fine on our own."

"She was learning to walk when I got here, wasn't she?" He asks me, bringing down the baby, supporting her as she learns to walk.

Peeta and I allow distance between us. He holds both of Alouette's hands in his as he guides her to my open arms. I plant a gentle kiss on top of her head when she reaches me.

Peeta and I alternate with guiding Alouette. In a few hours, Alouette is already able to take a few steps on her own without tumbling. I watch Peeta catch her as she staggers. He steadies her and let's her go, a timid foot in front of the other until she makes her way back to me.

"Why did you do this?" I ask Peeta when Alouette has fallen asleep on my lap, tired from the events of the day. "We're practically strangers to you."

"I don't know." He shrugs. We both sit in the grass, looking toward the woods. "It felt right, holding her and teaching her how to walk."

"She missed you." I say, letting my fingers pass through my child's brown hair. He doesn't answer. We sit there in silence, letting the afternoon air bring the songs of the birds from the woods.

"I guess I'll see you around." He says then, getting up from the grass. I get up too, slowly though, so as not to wake Alouette. Peeta extends his hand to me and I shift the child so that I can take it.

"Goodbye, Peeta." I tell him and he turns to leave the meadow.

I stay in the meadow for a few minutes longer, trying to freeze the image of my husband teaching our child to walk, leaving the excruciating details elsewhere. Alouette starts to stir in my arms. She wakes, squinting against the sunlight on her face. I bring her to the ground and she stands, her tiny legs steady and ready to walk.

"Let's go back home." I tell her as I reach for her hand. We walk through the meadow together. Alouette points at butterflies that flutter past the flowers in our path.

Then I realize how fast she's growing and how sooner or later, she would learn how to speak as well. I fear the words and questions that might come from her innocent mind.

Will she understand the world that was before she came to it? Will she realize that her father is no longer who he was or will she spend her life in silence, refusing to ask the questions that bring terror to me today?


	57. Chapter 56

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BEONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Fifty-Six**

"I'm going to Four but my itinerary dictates that I'll only be there for two nights at the most." I tell my mother over the phone, "Not much to fix around there."

"You're going into this alone?" she asks me, "Can't you wait until Peeta's ready to come with you?"

"I'm not sure that will happen soon." I confess. "Can you take her?" I ask.

"Of course I can, Katniss, she's my granddaughter." She says, "But what I don't understand is why can't you take her with you?"

"She'll get tired with all the traveling and I don't want the media to be hounding her everywhere we go." I say.

"Will you be okay?" She asks me, "Being away from her that long?"

"It doesn't matter as long as she's comfortable." I say. "You won't have to do much. I'll have Claire and her team follow her to Four."

"_I'll_ take care of her." She says, "Katniss?"

"Yes?"

"How's Peeta?" She asks and suddenly, I can feel the weight on my shoulders get even heavier.

"He's fine." I tell her.

"Are you?"

"My husband doesn't remember that I am his wife or that he has a daughter with me and I'm leaving my daughter behind as I try to finish what he and I started." I say after a sigh, "I'm tired but I'll make this trip as fast as possible so I can get back to Alouette."

"You were always a fighter, Katniss." She says then, "You'll get through this, I know it."

"Thank you for that." I sigh, "And thank you for taking my daughter in."

"Oh it was about time I got to know my granddaughter." She says and I can hear the smile in her voice, "She'll love it here in Four. I'll take her to the beach."

"Bye, mom." I say, "I'll see you soon. Alouette and I will get there tomorrow evening."

"I'll be waiting." She says at last and the line goes silent. I bring the phone back to its cradle and untie my braid, preparing for bed.

In the other room I can hear Alouette playing with her toy in her crib. I make my way to her room so that I can rock her to sleep. I've decided to go on with the Charity Tour without Peeta. I have forced my self to accept that it will be a long, long time before he will be able to remember the totality of what happened to him. I figured that spending a trip around the country with a stranger would not be ideal for him. After this trip, I will make arrangements to build my own house and leave this mansion. I will inform the Security Team that I will not be wanting their service anymore and finally start a normal life.

I carry my daughter from the crib and nestle her frame in my arm. The trip will be long and excruciating. It started with Peeta and me traveling together but it will end without him.

I sing my father's lullaby to my daughter and by the time the song ends, she is soundly sleeping, still clutching onto her toy. I let her down gently and lay the blanket over her.

* * *

><p>"I'll be there for the first night but I won't for the second because I'll be flying to Five then. She likes to sleep with this." I hand Claire the toy and she takes it. Alouette sits quietly in her crib, watching as I frantically try to get things together. "And I've noticed she likes the rain so let her see outside the window if it does rain there in Four."<p>

"Mrs. Mellark, we've got everything ready for her." Claire assures me.

"I know. I'm just making sure." I tell her, reaching down the crib to get Alouette's blanket. "She also likes sleeping with this. She doesn't like sleeping with a pillow so you don't have to worry about that."

Claire takes the blanket and puts it in the luggage along with the toy I handed to her a while ago.

"She sleeps through the night already but if she wakes up, she's probably hungry or needs a change but when none of that works, I made her this." I rummage through the drawer next to the crib and bring out a recorder. "It's the lullaby I sing to her. Just play it while rocking her gently and she'll fall back to sleep eventually."

I try to remember everything else I might have forgotten while Claire closes the luggage.

"Will that be all, Mrs. Mellark?" She asks as she sends the luggage through the hall to be loaded into the hovercraft.

"I'll call every night after I leave for Five until I get to Thirteen." I tell her. "Just please don't forget."

"Of course not, Mrs. Mellark." She says, "We'll take good care of her."

I take Alouette from her crib and give her kisses.

"I'll see you every night." I tell her as I snuggle her in a hug. She struggles in my arms, wanting to be put down. Since she learned to walk, she doesn't like being carried anymore so I bring her to her feet. I take her hand and lead her down the hall with Claire and Harvey at our tail. When we reach the door, we find Peeta waiting there.

Alouette's face immediately brightens at the sight of him and practically runs to him but trips in her attempt. I rush to pick her up but Peeta makes it before I do.

"She still needs practice, doesn't she?" He says, as he helps her back on her feet.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him as Alouette desperately pulls on Peeta's pants.

"I just wanted to return this." He says, handing me our book.

"Thank you." I say as I take the book from his hand. "Did it help you remember?"

"Somewhat." He says his tone not promising any hope that he really did remember. "I'm working on it."

"That's good." I sigh. "No rush."

"What's happening around here?" he asks, gesturing to the luggages that constantly flow out of the house and into a car outside.

"We're travelling." I tell him as I pick Alouette up.

"Where are you going?" he asks as he makes way for three men carrying boxes to the car.

"We're going to Four but I'll be moving onto the succeeding Districts after. You and I had this thing, a tour around Panem." I start, "We used our winnings to rebuild the most oppressed area in each district. We had to stop in Three when…" I pause then remembering the reason why we did have to stop everything and leave. The image of Haymitch's pained expression burns through my memory. "When some things got caught up back here at home and we needed to go back." I say instead, still not ready to speak so lightly of our mentor's death.

"Right." He says, his face not suggesting any recognition of anything I'm talking about.

"I couldn't take her with me so she's staying in Four where my mother will be there for her." I continue.

"Have a safe trip." He says, and I take his outstretched hand and shake it.

"We will. Thank you." I say still hoping that he will offer to take Alouette instead of having her travel all across Panem to Four. He gives me a nod and turns to leave.

"Give him some time." Harvey says suddenly.

"Sometimes I think it's time that will take him away from me completely." I sigh and move out of the house. I get Alouette settled in her car seat and buckle myself in my own.

* * *

><p>"I've taken care of the media." Effie tells me through my earpiece as I watch the clouds pass the window of the hovercraft. "They shouldn't be bothering Baby Lou in Four but I couldn't extend tat bargain to <em>you<em>. The media will be back when you arrive in Five, I'm afraid."

"That's alright." I sigh. "Thank you, Effie."

"Should I go ahead and schedule Alouette's interview in Four?" She asks then.

"Interview?" I ask her, shocked.

"Well, I hope you haven't forgotten, Panem is waiting to meet the little girl!" She says, "And I figured it would be the perfect time to show them that you are doing fine what with Peeta's absence."

"There is no way I'm getting out of this, is there?" I ask her, realizing that I have to face this one time or another.

"It will be easy, Katniss." She tells me, "They'll fall in love with the little angel instantly."

"Alright." I say with a sigh. "When?"

"The morning after tonight." She says and we say goodbye to one another.

The hovercrafts lands in Four after a few hours and I take Alouette from her seat and walk through the isle and wait for the doors to open.

"Clear in hangar? Waiting. Doors open please." I hear Harvey speak through his earpiece. The doors open and Harvey goes through first and I follow him, carrying Alouette. At the bottom of the stairs is our car, the door already open. I let Claire secure Alouette in her seat and soon, we are speeding through the streets of Four.

"We have your reserved residence prepared for both of you." Harvey says as we pass yet another beach, "Would you like to stay there or at Mrs. Everdeen's home?"

"Take me to my mother." I say and the car takes the next left.

* * *

><p>"Let me see the baby!" My mother calls as she sees me step out of the car. I look back in the car seat and see that Alouette has fallen asleep.<p>

"She fell asleep." I tell my mother and greet her with a hug. Claire comes over, already carrying the baby in her arms.

"She's beautiful." My mother says and offers to take the child. Carefully, they transfer her from one set of arms to another.

"She has an interview tomorrow morning." I tell her as she leads the way into her house.

"At this age?" She asks,

"This won't be the only one, I'm sure of it." I say. We enter a nursery and my mother gently lowers Alouette into the pink crib in the corner of the room. We look down at her, sleeping peacefully.

"She looks like you." My mother observes. "You looked so much like her when you were that age although you didn't sleep in a crib."

"She has Peeta's eyes." I whisper. "As blue as the ocean."

"Don't worry about him, Katniss." She says, laying her palm on my shoulder. "I've seen how much that boy loves you. He'll come to."

"Everyone's been saying that but I think he's gone." I confess. I have kept these thoughts to myself, not daring to speak them out even in the comfort of my solitude. "He's so different now. It's been so long since they took his memories away and he hasn't even remembered anything but the bread."

"I haven't thanked him for that." She sighs. "He'll come back to you."

"I doubt that very much." I tell her, taking her hand off from my shoulder, "I have to because who else will take care of her if I disappear?"

"Disappear?" she asks.

"Like you did." I say curtly. "I can feel it. I can feel myself letting go sometimes."

"Don't you dare." She says then, "Don't be like me, Katniss, I beg of you."

"I'm trying." I say.

"You will never forgive yourself." She says, forcing me to look at her, "Don't do that to your daughter."

"I won't." I say, my eyes back on Alouette.

* * *

><p>"The interview you have all been waiting for! Katniss E. Mellark and her daughter, Alouette!" I hear Ceasar Flickerman say and almost instantly the wall in front of us parts into two and reveals the cheering audience. I take Alouette's hand in mine and walk toward the stage, slowly so my daughter's tiny feet can keep up. Ceasar meets us halfway and takes my hand. He leads us to our seats and I let Alouette sit on my lap. I watch her look over to the audience, her blue eyes shining against the stage lights.<p>

"Good morning, Mrs. Mellark!" Ceasar says when we're settled and the audience is silent.

"Good morning to you too, Ceasar." I smile.

"How old is the little girl?" He asks me then, reaching out to take Alouettes hand but she pulls away.

"She's 15 months old, she just learned how to walk recently." Alouette begins to whimper, disturbed by all of the things happening around her. I pull out a small toy from my pocket and give it to her. She takes it, forgetting her discomfort.

"Look _how_ _much_ you have grown." Ceasar exclaims, "The first time I saw you, you were a young girl about to enter the arena! Now you have a baby!"

I only nod back at him. Somehow, after so many years of being in interviews, I have never really mastered the whole routine. I let them coo over Alouette, innocently sitting in my lap, playing with the toy I gave her. We spend some time showing them how she walks and they, although without much to show for it, try to teach her how to say hello.

"How is everything at home?" Ceasar asks when Alouette has decided to sit back on the couch, no longer participating.

"Twelve is doing much better. Our mayor has really made the District better than it was before." I say trying to avoid the real topic. They all know about Peeta, how he was poisoned and how he was treated. The confession of Aurelius before we put him in chains set such a bright light over his sickness.

"Alouette is learning new things everyday, she'd growing really fast." I continue. "I am actually continuing the Charity Tour, starting off where we had stopped the year before." Ceasar nods.

"And how has things changed since the…" He pauses and clears his throat, obviously uncomfortable about discussing this topic too. "Treatment?"

"Well," I start "Peeta is doing much, much better. He's not sick anymore, which is the most important thing. He's coping with the, uh, side effects of the treatment."

"I am glad to hear that." Ceasar says, taking my hand, "We all are." The audience erupts in an uproar that sends Alouette into a fit.

Startled from the sudden noise, she cries out, forgetting about her toy. I take her in my arms, giving a weak smile to appease the audience as well. Thankfully, her tantrum doesn't last and soon after she entertains herself with my braid.

"And how are you?" Ceasar asks me. This interview is supposed to show that I am strong for my daughter and myself. It's supposed to tell Panem that I have not lost the spark that started the inferno that was the Rebellion. It should also show them that given the situations, they star crossed lovers are still thriving.

In this interview, I am supposed to lie.

"I feel great." I tell him, "Alouette is healthy. Peeta is cured and even if it came with the price, I am more than glad that he's fine. I still support him and love him very much. At this point, I think that having his life back is the most important thing even if I don't necessarily get to be a part of it."

"And we support you as well." Ceasar says, effectively ending the interview. "We thank you for continuing you Charity Tour. I'm sure you have much work to do here in Four."

"Thank you for having us, Ceasar." Ceasar stand and I follow him, shifting Alouette to a single arm so that I can shake his hand. I make my way to the back stage, waving good-bye to the audience. When the stage disappears and the walls close once more, I let Alouette down.

Harvey, Claire and a team of six officers meet with us immediately. They form a wall around both of us as we walk through the studio. When we make our way outside, two cars wait. Alouette and Claire, together with three of the officers will take one car while I take the other. I give Alouette a kiss before I give her over to Claire. I watch their car leave and when they do I get into mine.

The car will bring me to the slums of Four. It has been so long since I've been doing this. Back then I had Peeta with me but now I sit alone in the car. It will be strange, to go about this life without him.


	58. Chapter 57

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Fifty-Seven**

"Everything's good here, Charles?" I ask. Charles Wright serves as the leader of my team in District Four. He will take lead when I leave for Five.

"Yes, Mrs. Mellark." He nods. We stand along the ruins of what used to be homes of the less fortunate people of Four.

"Alright," I start, putting on a pair of shades to escape the harsh sunlight. "All teams perpare for building set up."

"The blueprints are here, Mrs. Mellark. All we need is your authorization." Charles orders one of his men to bring the blueprints and he does. I take a look over them, and sign my name in the lower right corner of the page.

"How long will construction last?" I ask Charles as the blueprints are rolled up and handed back to the man.

"A few months." He answers me.

"Make sure to fix underground sewers and drainage," I remind him, "We can't let the floods destroy all this work."

"Yes, Mrs. Mellark," He nods, "I'll make sure of that."

"Okay, give them my signal to start." I tell him. Charles speaks into his earpiece and in a matter of seconds, an army of workers starts pounding away, creating new homes and better lives for these people.

"I'll leave you to it." I tell Charles as I turn to leave. "Just give me a call if something doesn't go as planned. I should tell you, I don't expect that call."

"We are eternally grateful for this, Mrs. Mellark." He says, walking me back to my car. It has been a long day of meeting the people who worked here and opening the site for construction. The temporary relocation of the people took a large amount of our time.

"We all have to do our part." I tell him and get in the car. The door is closed and I am back on my way to my mother's house.

"The hovercraft is ready for your flight to Five, Mrs. Mellark." Harvey says when the car takes a turn toward the house.

"I still have another night here, right?" I ask him. "Can we spare that time?"

"Of course, Mrs. Mellark." He says and I release a sigh.

Leaving my daughter here for such a long time is proving to be harder than I expected. I can't imagine myself coming home to a residence without her or Peeta. I can't accept that upon my absence, I would miss her milestones, moments that can never be recreated.

"I'll stay the night and fly early morning." I tell him as the car pulls up in front of the house. In the porch, I find my mother carrying Alouette who is wearing her purple swimming suit. Claire stands beside them, clutching onto the baby bag.

"Where are you going?" I ask my mother as I step out of the car.

"_We _are going to the beach to watch the sunset!" She exclaims. "I hope you're not too tired."

"I'm not." I say as I make my way through the lawn, "I'm going to get dressed."

"We'll wait for you here." She says, bouncing my daughter in her arms, making Alouette laugh.

I go up to my room and change into lighter clothes and rush back down the stairs feeling like a child again. I take comfort in the fact that there will be no cameras here.

* * *

><p>"I'm flying to Five in the morning." I tell my mother as Alouette plays in the sand.<p>

"So soon?" She asks. "You won't get to see Annie or her baby."

"The sooner I leave each District, the faster this can all be over." I sigh. I call Alouette and she gets to her feet and staggers back to me. Her hair is sprinkled with sand and dripping with salt water.

"Just promise me one thing." She says then. Alouette plops down next to me, showing me the ball of sand she has in her hands.

"What is it?" I ask her, smoothing my daughter's hair down, letting the sand fall.

"All the things you wanted when you were a child," She starts, looking toward the setting sun, "Promise me, you'll give it to Alouette."

"I will give her more than that." I assure her. My daughter will never have to wonder if there will be food on the table. She will not have to watch her neighbors die of hunger. She will not shiver against the cold of the night. These facts I have made sure to be true.

I take my daughter from the sand and sit her on my lap. The three of us watch the sky turn from blue to orange as the sun sinks into the horizon. When the stars start to shine, we let ourselves rise from the sand and make our way to the car that will bring us back home.

Tomorrow will be different. I will be back in front of cameras and reporters and away from my daughter. I look down at Alouette, now soundly sleeping in my arms, her hands still filled with sand, her hair still wet with the ocean water.

"I'll see you very soon." I whisper to her. "Don't grow up too fast."

* * *

><p>"Mrs. Mellark! Katniss!" They all call to me. Unlike in Four, the hangar in Five is filled with cameras, flashing bright lights in my face as the security team struggles to make way for me. Reporters insist on shoving their microphones at me, shouting out questions even though we are only inches apart from one another.<p>

"How do you feel now that Mr. Mellark does not know who you are?!"

"How do you feel about your daughter no longer having a father figure?!"

"Will he ever get his memories back?! And if he won't, what is your next move?!"

"Does he still love you?!"

"We all know Peeta wants more kids! Do you think he will have them with you?!"

"What is he falls for a different woman?!"

They all scream these questions at me, these realities that I haven't even allowed myself to realize. I am thankful now for Ceasar who avoided these questions because I know I wouldn't be able to escape them in a formal interview.

The eager faces of these reporters and their painful questions, remind me of how lost I feel without Peeta. In that moment, I start to feel myself disappear. I can feel myself falling into the same dark place my mother took solitude in. I realize then how easy it would be just to let go then I remember the little girl I left in Four. I inhale deeply and stop walking for a moment.

"Get me out of here." I almost scream at Harvey as I grab the sleeve of his suit.

"We're almost to the car, Mrs. Mellark." He says, "We're doing everything we can."

"Try harder." I tell him.

After what seems like hours, I am finally ushered into the car that will take me to my reserved residence. The locks on the doors of the car click and the vehicle speeds away from the cameras and the reporters.

"I'm sorry for that, Mrs. Mellark." Harvey says from the passenger seat. "The media men are difficult to control."

"We'll be braving that storm until Thirteen, Harvey." I sigh. "Do something about it."

"Yes, Mrs. Mellark." He says. It is more difficult to move through crowds now because I have left many of my men in Four to protect my daughter.

Only a few minutes have passed but the car pulls to a stop in front of a house that faces the wonderful lights of the city that powers the nation of Panem. Thankfully, the residence is not swarming with cameras. I step out of the car and move into the house.

"I need a few minutes." I tell Harvey, still trying to get the feeling of disappearing away from my system. Harvey gives me a nod and leaves me alone in the house.

I let myself sink down on the carpet, trying to forget the voices of the reporters and their questions for me. The more I try to forget, the louder their voices become.

_How do you feel about your daughter no longer having a father figure?!_

_Does he still love you?!_

_What is he falls for a different woman?! _

I don't even know the answers to those questions. I can't let her grow up without a father, not like me. He doesn't love me, that's the truth. He might fall for someone else and I won't be able to do anything about it!

_It takes ten times longer to pull yourself back together as it does to fall apart._

Suddenly the voices of the reporters disappear and I can hear Finnick's voice. I force myself to rise. I search through the drawers in the house, looking for something that will help me get through this trap.

In a supplies closet, I find a mop. I take it and rip the cloth that dangles from the end of the stick. I make my way back to the spot from which I came from. I let my fingers knot and untie the length of the cloths. As I force knots tighter, I am pulled back into the bunkers in Thirteen where Finnick taught me how to cope with losing someone you might never get back.

I have gone through all the pieces of cloth when suddenly the phone rings. I let the cloth in my hands fall to the ground and notice how red my fingers have become. I shake them off and follow the sound of the phone. I find it in the kitchen.

"Hello?" I say and Gale's voice answers me.

"Katniss, I heard about what happened in the hangar there in Five." He starts.

"That was quick." My eyebrows rise.

"Do you want me to send in more men?" He asks.

"How did you do it?" Unable to contain myself.

"Did what?" He asks.

"How did you let me go?" I blurt out.

"If this is about Peeta, I don't—" he starts,

"Just please answer the question." I cut him off, "I really need it right now."

"I never did." He says. A round of silence follows then as I try to say something but no words come. "I've decided long ago that it's impossible to let you go."

"How do you manage?" I ask him then, hoping that he would have an answer for that one.

"Distance." He says.


	59. Chapter 58

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Fifty-Eight**

I drag myself from the covers of the bed, squinting my eyes against they morning sun. I have learned long ago that the rising sun is nothing to look forward to; it rises in this District just as it rises in the others. The light only brings more trouble and more emotions that I haven't the energy to entertain.

I have taught myself to follow a routine; beginning the day early and having a quick breakfast before going to the construction site and overseeing whatever needs to be supervised. I smile at the cameras and politely wave the reporters away. I reassure the people who have been relocated that their new home will be better for them and the life they all want to have. I remind my workers that they are doing a great service to me and to Panem. I live every minute of everyday for the evening that I will have with my daughter even though it will be spent in between monitor screens from two different districts.

I have become a master of masks; learning everyday to hide my loneliness and my agitation to somehow put my family back together.

"We're ready for you, Mrs. Mellark." Harvey interrupts my thoughts. I put down my cup of coffee and heave a sigh. From my pocket I take out my earpiece and wear it as I make my way through extravagant lawn that the reserved residence of District Seven has provided me.

I climb into the car and put on my seatbelt. We speed through the road that passes through the forest and I look out to the wonderful carvings on the trees. District Seven is different. The are no people here who need help in housing because there are hardly any people here. The district holds one of the smallest populations in the country; not much children running around the grass or adults walking through the streets, attending to whatever their busy lives demand. My job in this district is to build a better means of transportation and a faster means of manufacturing the produce into more appropriate sizes for sale.

"There's a call for you coming from District Twelve, Mrs. Mellark." Harvey says as we pass by the dam. "Should I put it through to your earpiece?"

District Twelve.

Denver, who is the team leader in Twelve has been long relieved of his duties. Our work in Twelve is over and the Seam is no more. I shouldn't be receiving any calls from home. Haymitch is gone and so is Peeta.

Peeta.

_Distance._

"No." I tell Harvey.

After a few minutes the car stops and the cameras start to swarm. The security team creates their usual barrier, making a path for me to meet District Seven's team leader. The lights flash and the questions come, I put on my signature smile and nod as the reporters pry through my personal life.

And so the routine continues.

* * *

><p>"How is she?" I ask Claire when the image forms.<p>

"She's perfectly fine, Mrs. Mellark." She says. "She's got quite an appetite; eating more often than before. She's growing strong and healthy."

My mother comes in, carrying Alouette who's grown twice her size since I held her last. At the sight of me, she starts to pull away from my mother, reaching out to the screen, probably wanting to play with my hair again.

"Hey, baby!" I greet her, also reaching to the screen, passing my palm over her cheek but feeling only the static on my skin. Alouette makes sweet sounds, still reaching out to me as she always does in the evening whenever she would see my face.

"She's getting heavier now." My mother says as she shifts the child in her arms.

"I'm in District Seven already." I tell them. "I will be done soon."

"You look tired." My mother observes and it's the truth but at this moment there is only happiness.

"I miss you, Alouette." I tell the baby and she jerks up at the sound of her own name.

My mother lets her down on the carpet, free to walk around and play with her toys. They adjust the camera so that I can have a better view and we all just watch as she tries to put the round block through a triangular hole. Her hair has grown long enough to tie into a lose braid and that's exactly what my mother has done. She wears a small orange dress and white shoes that light up when she takes a step. I wonder then if I had looked like that when I was young, a braid down my back and my parents just watching as I play.

We stay like that until she begins to feel tired. She drops her toys on the ground and pulls her bear from the corner of the room, her thumb already in her mouth. She looks up the screen and stretches up to me, wanting to be carried and my heart breaks because as much as I want to, I can't sing her to sleep tonight or kiss her forehead before I close the light.

"Goodnight, sweetheart." I say as my mother picks her up. "I'll see you tomorrow night."

* * *

><p>"The north and east side of the land has already been accomplished." Sarah Dawson, who is the team leader points to the north and east points of the largest and main forest we are building on. We sit in a helicopter, safely belted onto our seats. "The road only needs to be painted but other than that, we're set."<p>

"What about the south and west side?" I ask her, looking down at my own copy of the blueprints.

"It will take more time since those areas are closer to the dam." Sarah says, "We can't have too much going on there because the dam isn't what it used to be."

"What does that mean?" I ask her, looking over to the dam in the south west side of the district

"Too much vibration coming from the effort of paving the ground might cause the dam to break." She says, "We wouldn't want to start a massive flood."

"Then we fix the dam before we fix the roads for transportation." I tell her as I signal for the helicopter land. "Prepare blueprints for that. I'll sign it tomorrow morning before I leave."

The helicopter lands and I unbuckle myself from the seat and hop of the vehicle.

"Look who made it out of Twelve!" Johanna Mason's voice greets me as soon as I get my headgear off.

"Johanna!" I exclaim as she greets me with a hug. She wears a black suit and a pencil skirt, which makes my eyebrows rise.

"Dressed for success?" I mock her.

"I've got a job too, Girl on Fire." She says, elbowing me. Oddly enough, Johanna and I have become even better friends after I've realized that we're the same person, strong and unrelenting to the things we don't like, only I try to hide that side of me and she doesn't, which makes her better than me.

"How long are you staying? Annie tells me you didn't even go to see them in Four." She asks when we get to a private spot.

"I didn't have time. I'm leaving tomorrow morning after the dam blueprints arrive." I tell her pointing to the dam.

"Alright," she starts, nodding her head. "How's the little archer?"

"Alouette is doing great. Healthy." I tell her. "Not quite the archer. Yet."

"And Peeta?" she asks, kinder and in a softer voice.

"Alive." I try to smile.

"I'm sorry." She sighs. She understands, of course she does.

"Don't be." I say, "It's more than I can say for most of us." Victors were not meant to live longer than the Quarter Quell.

"We saved ourselves from Snow." She says then shrugs. "But he still got to us one way or another."

I cringe, imagining what other horrors Snow managed to leave for the other Victors; none as horrifying as ours, hopefully.

"Have a safe trip through Panem." She gives me another hug. "Thanks for all of this."

"No problem." I tell her when we part.

"We both know that that's a lie." She raises her eyebrow. "I'm grateful for all of this but nothing is more important that family right? The Games taught us that."

She turns to leave, buttoning her suit on the way.

"Hey!" I call after her and she turns to face me.

"Save you later?" I say, almost shouting because of our distance.

"Save you later." She says back.


	60. Chapter 59

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Fifty-Nine**

I force my feet to the floor and rub the sleep from my eyes. I've made sure, the night before that the curtains were drawn to a close not only to keep the sunlight away but also the prying eyes of reporters and their cameras.

District Eleven.

I've made it this far. I am so close to home but I can't return just yet. My daughter is in District Four with my mother and I promised myself that once this tour is over, I will return to Twelve as a normal person. I will have to let my Security Team go. I don't know how Gale will take that news. But I will insist on it.

Another day, another routine to live by.

I wash up and get dressed and make my way to the kitchen to prepare my cup of coffee. In approximately fifteen minutes, Harvey will be coming in to tell me that my transportation is ready for me. It's like clockwork.

"Mrs. Mellark, there is a call for you." Harvey suddenly appears by the doorframe.

"Who is it?" I ask him, putting down my mug.

"There is no ID on the number but it's from District Twelve." He says already handing the phone to me.

"No." I tell him, "From this point on, I will not be accepting any calls from Twelve."

"Is that a wise decision?" He asks, still offering the phone to me. "Whoever this caller is, he certainly is persistent. We've been having calls from Twelve at least twice a day since we left Five."

"It's my decision." I say as I take the phone from his hands and push the off button. "If that's all, Harvey, you can go."

He gives me a short salute and leaves the room.

I have learned the wisdom of Gale's advice. Even if it were Peeta who keeps on calling me, I can't let myself get distracted from my duties in this tour. He made it clear to me that he doesn't want anything to do with me and if that's what he needs then that's what I'll give him.

_I believe the story you told me about us but I don't think I'm ready to accept it just yet. I can't live the life you expect me to._

Our moment in the meadow seems ages ago. So many things have passed since then and yet his words, so clear and simple still burn and hurt every time I let my thoughts wander to the face of my lost husband. For the first time in a long, long time, I am grateful for this trip. It lets me have my time; time I need to get my thoughts together and time to understand what my next plan of action should be.

I feel so stubborn but lately that's all I know I can do to help myself. Peeta is alive and well. He's survived the curse that Snow put over him. I am thankful for that and even if he's lost to me, at least he's not lost to the world. He was mine for a long time, at the beginning, I resented him and all his feelings for me but then I grew to understand him and fall in love with him as well but I should've learned from a long time ago that the things that matter often don't last long. That's how we know they're important.

"We're ready for you." Harvey says yet again. I place my empty mug down on the table and follow him through the reserved residency and into the car.

* * *

><p>"Keep this area clear." I tell Rita Burt, pointing a spot in the blue prints where Rue lived before she was picked for the Games. "That's Rue's place isn't it?"<p>

"Yes." She sighs. The people of Eleven never really got over the little girl and I understand them. I haven't either.

"This area as well." I point to a spot not too far from Rue's.

"Thresh." Rita says, following my pointed finger.

"Exactly." I say and roll the blueprints back.

"I don't understand why the Capitol has never made any sort of monument or recognition for these two. My life is the prize of their sacrifice." I continue as I walk to the construction site, Rita following me.

"Thank you for doing this, Mrs. Mellark." Rita says, "I knew them, though not as well as I'd like, I knew them and here in Eleven, we treat each other as family."

"That's comforting to hear." I sigh. We reach the arch that will officially lead us to the construction site. One of the workers hands Rita a pair of large scissors. Together, we cut through the ribbon that is tied across the arch.

"I declare this project officially on operation." I smile and the cameras flash.

* * *

><p>"We've been trying to calm her since this afternoon." Claire says, lightly rocking my crying child in her arms. "She's not getting tired."<p>

"Have you tried the recorder?" I ask her, concerned.

"Yes." My mother says as Claire struggles to wrestle Alouette into a more secure position. "She's not having any of it."

"What is it you want, Alouette?" I try to ask her in between her screams. She stops for a while taking a breath. She looks over to the monitor and sees my face. This sends her into another fit. She's always so frustrated when she can see me but can't reach me. Her cries pierce through the monitor and I lower the volume.

"I think she wants you to come home." My mother says then.

"Give her something to eat." I sigh. My mother takes out a bottle of baby food and starts feeding Alouette but it only makes her cry more. My mother sighs and puts the food away, pulling out a roll of tissue and dries my daughter's face.

"What do you want, Alouette?" Claire says then, still rocking the baby gently.

Suddenly, in a voice so soft and so bright, despite her tears, she says, "Mama." Slowly then as if she knows exactly where her mother is she turns to face me. She reaches toward the monitor, her tiny fingers almost clawing for me.

"That's right!" I exclaim as I feel my tears stream down my cheeks in rivulets. "I'm your mama."

"Mama." She says again as if to confirm what I had just said. She continues to cry, still frustrated that she can't reach out to me but for once in my life I can ignore her tears and feel happy.

She knows who I am. Her first word. _Mama_.

* * *

><p>She's talking now. She was only learning how to walk when I left her. I pull my blanket to my chin, staring at the darkness, unable to sleep. I can't shake the feeling that Alouette is growing so fast, that she's growing too fast in my absence.<p>

I tell myself that this trip will be over soon. This trip will give me the normal life that I want. The life that I need.

Tomorrow is another day, my last in Eleven. It will be spent working around the construction site and approving designs of Rue and Thresh's monuments. When the sun sets and the moon shines, I will be on a train going to Thirteen. One district closer to my daughter.


	61. Chapter 60

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Sixty**

"We're finally done." I heave a sigh and smile despite how tired I feel, "We did it!"

"_You_ did it." Harvey says as he lets me in the hovercraft first.

"Team effort." I tell him as I walk through the isle to my seat. Harvey takes his own seat as I look out the window, watching as the hovercraft rises high enough for me to see the work we've done here in Thirteen.

Much of the district have not resurfaced as of yet. I'm told that most of the people here in Thirteen prefer living underground than on the surface. Many of them were born there and want to stay. Many of the people, the elders mostly still have lingering fear of what the world above them might bring if they choose to permanently leave their underground bunkers.

I have focused all my efforts on building more functional rooms and facilities underground than over it. The population of Thirteen has significantly increased since the Rebellion but it's still being controlled. I remember our days in Thirteen, our arms branded with the schedule we all must abide by. Thankfully, that's no longer the case today but since most of their people were already accustomed to that kind of lifestyle, it doesn't really matter whether they have schedules tattooed on their skin or not because they follow it anyway.

It's the life they were born into and it's the life they know how to live. So be it.

My time in Thirteen was similar to the last time I was here. Every person turned their eyes to my direction as I walked through their halls, accompanied by my security team and my construction workers. I didn't follow the schedule they live by so naturally I stood out. I let my own routine take me over, making everything function as fast as possible, thinking of my daughter in Four.

* * *

><p>"Mama!" Alouette exclaims as I walk through the porch of my mother's home. Surprisingly, she sprints toward the grass to me. I drop my bags and kneel down on the ground to greet her with a hug when she reaches me.<p>

"Hi, baby." I whisper as she buries her face in my coat.

"Mama." She says again as I lift her up from the grass. She _has_ gotten heavier and taller.

"Did you miss me?" I ask her as I walk to the house where Claire and my mother wait. Alouette doesn't say anything and I follow her eyes, which are focused on the sky.

I look up to find a rainbow arching over the sun. Suddenly, I remember Peeta, how he desperately tried over and over again to catch a rainbow long enough to paint it. I wonder if he has.

"That's a rainbow." I tell her, pointing to the colors in the sky. "Can you say rainbow?"

"Bow." She says with so much certainty.

"Daddy loved seeing rainbows." I only whisper but she hears it anyway.

"Daddy?" Alouette asks, taking her eyes away from the sky and looking back to me.

"No." I sigh, "Daddy's not here."

"Bow." She says again, pointing her tiny finger in the sky, "Daddy."

I look down at her. She looks at the rainbow with such awe in her eyes. I wonder if she has a face to put with her new word: Daddy, like she did with Mama.

"We went to see Annie and Finnick a couple of times." My mother says when we're seated around her dining table.

"Did she get along with Finnick?" I ask her.

"She did." My mother smiles. We both watch Alouette play with Claire in the living room.

"That's nice." I sigh, smiling as well, "I was beginning to think the Claire will be her only friend."

"She'll be fine." She says to me, "She'll enjoy school."

"Isn't it too soon to think about school?" I ask her. "She's only learning how to talk."

"You never know how fast time will fly by with children." She says.

"We're not going back to Twelve yet." I tell her to change the subject.

"I thought Thirteen was your last stop!" My mother says.

"It was but I had some things to do." I say. "We're going to District Two tomorrow morning."

"Gale will be pleased." She says nodding.

_I don't think he will. _I think to myself.

"I'm going to meet with the whole Security Team this afternoon." I say instead. "Do you think we can do it in the front lawn? Some place big enough."

"There's a gym near the District School." She says, "It's summer so we should be able to rent it. I'll give them a call."

"Thanks, mom." I say.

* * *

><p>I make my way to the gym doors, carrying Alouette. This time, it is only Harvey who follows close to me because everyone else in the Security Team is assembled inside.<p>

The double doors are opened for me and inside I am greeted by 150 on the field officers who cater to my daily security needs and 150 agents who work to plot my whereabouts and secure each area before I am allowed to step foot on them. They are separated according to their divisions of labor. They have made an isle for me to walk through.

Alouette struggles in my arms so I let her down on the floor. Her footsteps echo through the silent gym as she runs through the isle, ahead of me. The instant she passes by the on the field officers and agents, they salute her. For a moment, she is taken aback by their action but soon, she learns how to wave at them and gleam her smile.

"Claire?" She calls. I find Claire's face in the formation and I give her a small nod, telling her that it's alright to move out of her line to come to Alouette and she does.

When Alouette and Claire have passed through the isle, I begin to walk. They give me their salute and hold their position until I reach the podium in the center of the stage. I return their salute and they straighten their stance and look to me, waiting for whatever I have to announce.

I clear my throat and adjust the microphone.

"Good afternoon." I start. "I would like to announce that after tomorrow, I will no longer be requiring your service."

There is an uproar of confusion as every single officer and agent start to question my decision. From their faces I can tell that they do not agree with me and will refuse to terminate this assignment. I raise my hand, and almost instantly, there is silence.

"I understand that when you were given this assignment, it was common knowledge that it will be your last because it was a permanent mission." I start again, "But I have not made this decision lightly."

I look over to Claire, now carrying Alouette; her face in shock. Harvey's face on the other hand suggests that he seems to have been expecting this.

"Tomorrow morning, we will be flying to District Two so that I may inform Mr. Hawthorne of this." I tell them, "Alouette and I will fly back to Twelve and you will stay in Two to receive new assignments. Today will be your last full day of service to me and my family."

"I am eternally grateful for your sacrifice and your impeccable service to keep me, my daughter and my husband safe." I continue. "Never have I seen such dedication and discipline coming from such a large group of people. I am thankful for your loyalty and I understand your protestations but as my last order to all of you, please agree to the termination of your assignment to be part of my security team."

Once again, there is silence in the gym, not even Alouette is making a sound. I wait for some sort of sign that they agree and almost as if they rehearsed it, all together, they raise their three fingers to their lips and give me the salute of their goodbye.

* * *

><p>"Are you insane?!" Gale's eyes gawk at me. We sit in his office, Alouette is sitting on my lap, playing with the flags of District Two and the Capitol that stand on the table in front of us.<p>

"I'm serious, Gale." I tell him. "I already told them and they agree."

"Of course they agree with you!" He exclaims, "It's their job!"

"That's not the point!" I say, almost losing my temper as well. "I don't want them anymore!"

"It's not about you wanting them! You need them Katniss." He says.

"You don't understand." I tell him, "As long as they're paroling around my house and following me around everywhere I go, I can't ever move on with my life!"

"Of course you can!" He says, rising from his seat. "I can't let you go on without a security team."

"I didn't go through a Rebellion only to be shadowed by persons watching my every single move for the rest of my life." I grunt. "Panem is safe. I don't need guards."

"Can we at least negotiate?" He asks

"Fine." I say, pulling Alouette's hands away from a glass figurine of the seal of the Capitol. "But I can't promise I'll agree to that."

"We'll set up cameras in your house and have a surveillance crew to monitor you from the Twelve military base." He tries.

"No." I say immediately. "That's even worse than having the team around me all the time! At least I'd know when they can and can't see me!"

"Okay." He sighs, "I can have you _secretly_ protected. You won't even know they're following you."

"_That's_ insane." I say.

"Let me help you!" He almost shouts. "Paylor will never let me do this."

"She's out of this." I say, "_I'm_ telling you to do this."

"Can I give you some sort of safety beacon?" he tries again, "Something you can hold onto or have easy access to in case of an emergency. Something you can contact me with, anytime."

"You have those?" I ask him.

"We can make one for you." He says immediately.

"Okay." I tell him and he gets back on his seat, relieved.

"I forgot how stubborn you can be." He sighs and laughs.

"I miss you too." I tell him.

* * *

><p>*You might want to read NorthwesternSig 's recent fanfc about The Hunger Games if you're into the post Mockingjay theme! It's entitled "Love Will Find a Way".<p> 


	62. Chapter 61

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Sixty-One**

"Thank you. Both of you have made the difference between life and death for me and my daughter and I want you to know that there is no one better than the two of you in this nation. Whenever you need help, no matter what it is, I am just a call away. I owe you my life." I tell Harvey and Claire. We stand at the foot of the stairs that will lead me into the hovercraft. Both my former officers stand straight in front of me, their faces forlorn. I am about to lift Alouette into my arms when she lets go of my hand to go over to Claire.

"Carry?" She asks Claire, her arms stretched into the air, waiting for Claire to pick her up. From her pocket, Claire pulls out a silver disk the size of a coin with a golden chain and puts it around Alouette's neck.

"I'm going to miss you." Claire asks as she bends down to carry Alouette.

"Go inside?" Alouette points up the stairs where the open doors of the hovercraft wait for us.

"Not this time, Alouette." Claire sighs, "I can't go with you."

"Go inside, Claire?" Alouette says again, looking back at Claire with so much confusion

"I'll visit you soon, Alouette." She says to the child instead of explaining why she can't come home with us.

She gives the child a light kiss on the forehead before she hands her over to me. I cradle Alouette in a single arm and look back to Harvey and Claire. They were trained never to get their emotions in the way of their judgment. They were taught to ignore their feelings and follow protocol but I guess for now, they've chosen to ignore protocol instead.

"Is this final?" Harvey asks in a low voice.

"Yes." I tell him, trying to smile. "Admit it. This whole body guard assignment is not as exciting as all your other missions."

"It was the most important mission." He says.

"It was." I agree.

Harvey takes a half step forward and offers his hand to me. Instead of shaking it I lean into him and give him a hug, Alouette in between us, squirming.

"Thanks for everything, Harvey." I say before we part. From his breast pocket he produces a familiar small black box and hands it to me.

"Remember, it's waterproof." He says and gives me a wink.

"Thanks." I laugh as I put the box of the earpiece in my own pocket. "I won't forget."

Finally, for the last time, Harvey and Claire align themselves in a single line and give me their salute. I return their salute and wave my final goodbye and turn to climb the stairs.

* * *

><p>The flight back home is lonesome. Alouette and I sit alone in the craft, looking out the window, watching the clouds pass. Numerous times, I catch myself adjusting an earpiece attached to my ear, waiting for some sort of announcement from Harvey but there is nothing there.<p>

Alouette plays with the necklace Claire put around her neck and suddenly it snaps open, revealing three parts of the silver disk.

In each partition of the disk is a photo. On the left side is of Claire, in her uniform, gently carrying a new born Alouette in her arms. This was the very first night she carried her; the night I came storming through the house from the meadow where Gale and I spoke in secret. In the center is one of the family photos taken with me carrying Alouette in my arms as Peeta looks over my shoulder. Such a perfect kind of reality that escaped us far too quickly. In the right side is a photo of Peeta, carrying Alouette who looks so happy with her toothless smile and shining blue eyes looking back to her father's same blue eyes.

The disks catch the sunlight that comes from the windows and a flash of engraves words appear on each of the three partitions.

"Claire." For the left side.

"Family." For the center.

"Daddy." For the right side.

I stare at the photos wondering why Claire went through all that effort to give this to a child who isn't even old enough to remember her. Officers and agents who are trained in Two are taught to be numb of their human emotions but Claire cared so much for her asset, that she learned to love Alouette, which was against protocol.

She didn't want Alouette to forget her hence the left photo. Claire put up the center photo because she wanted the child to know that she has a family, even if it is broken. The right photo was put there so that Alouette will have a face to match with her new word: Daddy.

I unbuckle Alouette from her seat and pull her over onto my lap. I take the necklace from her neck and show her the photos, pointing to each photo as I read their corresponding words.

"This is Claire." I tell her, pointing to the smiling photo of Claire.

"This is Mama." I start, pointing to my own face in the center photo, "This is you." I continue moving onto her.

"This is Daddy." I point to the last photo. I slide the disk to a close and put back loosely around her neck.

We spend the rest of the flight in silence. Thankfully, Alouette falls asleep on my lap, sucking her thumb and clutching onto the necklace with her other hand. I make a mental note to give Claire a call and thank her for her wonderful gift when I suddenly remember that they will be given new assignments and will therefore be creating new identities. There will be no way to contact them; it's too big of a risk to compromise their cover.

District Twelve emerges from the clouds as a dim constellation of lights. The hovercrafts lands in the hangar and soon the doors open. I glide down the stairs, carrying the sleeping child secure in my arms. Our luggage will not be waiting for us in our vehicle because I don't have my security team to do that for me anymore. I walk over to the Customer Service booth and the woman who works there is obviously shocked to find me there inquiring for them to send my luggage to the house because there are far too many bags for me to carry myself what with the sleeping child already making both my hands unavailable. I sign some papers and carry on across the hangar and through the doors where I am to hail a cab that will bring me back to the Victor's Village.

Thankfully, there are no cameras in Twelve. No one from here is interested enough in my life to actually bring up a camera and follow me everywhere. We all know each other here in the Twelve, we all know each other's stories. A cab stops in front of me and I get in and tell him to drop us off in the Victor's Village.

* * *

><p>I close the door behind me using my back because both my hands are occupied with carrying Alouette. The house seems so empty and so quiet. There are no patrolling officers in the vicinity of my home, no officer standing like a statue at ever entry point of the house.<p>

I release a sigh, unable to determine if the emptiness of the house makes it a sanctuary or a trap.

I remove my shoes, and climb up the stairs still carrying the child in my arms. In the nursery, I gently lower her down in her crib and pull the blanket close to her chin. Alouette is getting far too big for her crib, now. I have to remember to but a toddler bed for her in the morning. She will like that. I plant a kiss on her forehead and whisper goodnight before I close the light and the door.

I sink into my own bed and spread my arms. This bed is far too big for a single person, now that Peeta is living his own separate life. The last thought that passes through my mind is that I should also buy a smaller bed for me tomorrow.

* * *

><p>I wake with the sun in my face and with the sound of Alouette's shrill cries coming from the other room. I look over to the clock and find that it's almost noon. I shoot out of the bed.<p>

Alouette must be so hungry! I pull her out of the crib and wipe her tears with the hem of my sleeve.

"I'm so sorry, Alouette." I say as I brush her teeth, "Mama fell asleep too long."

I take her down stairs and secure her in her high chair and quickly reach for the baby food and fill a bowl for her. I place the bowl in front of her and bring the spoon to her mouth and she eats hungrily. I follow a steady rhythm of feeding Alouette and after a while the bowl is already half empty. She pulls the spoon from my hand and the baby food spills all over my hand.

"Spoon!" She cries. I let go of the spoon and let her feed herself. I wipe my hand using a napkin and sit back on the seat facing the high chair. Alouette scoops a spoonful of baby food and brings it to my mouth.

"Yummy, Mama?" She asks when I let her feed me.

"Yes." I tell her with a smile even though I'm not that hungry for anything at the moment. "Your turn." I say and she starts feeding herself.

I am about to take the napkin to start wiping Alouette's face when the doorbell rings. I start to leave the dining room when I realize that I can't leave Alouette alone in a high chair so I unbuckle her first. Alouette, still clutching onto a spoonful of baby food starts shaking her hands at the excitement of me carrying her and the food starts flying across the room.

"No, no!" I cry and start pulling the spoon from her clutched hand. Alouette puts up a fight and when I finally free the spoon from her grip, she starts to cry.

The doorbell rings again.

I wipe the baby food dripping from my hair to my forehead and make my way to the front door. Whoever this is should have a good reason because this mess is his fault.

I open the door, still carrying Alouette with a single arm as she trashes around, crying and throwing a tantrum.

"Is this a bad time?" Peeta's voice startles me. Alouette doesn't stop crying and starts kicking her tiny feet.

"No," I lie and try to hide the big stain on my shirt with my hair. "Come in."

Peeta follows me through the living room and into the dining room where the walls and the table are stained with apple cinnamon flavored baby food. When I get Alouette back on her high chair and hand her the spoon she's been screaming about, she becomes quiet again.

"Do you want anything to eat?" I ask Peeta, hoping that he won't want any because I can't possibly cook anything right now.

"No thanks." He says, looking as though he's done something so horrible.

"It's fine." I try to appease him. "There's some canned soup and I can heat it up."

"No, I'm not hungry." He insists. He brings out a long envelope and places it on the part of the table that isn't stained with the baby food. "I came to ask you to sign these."

"Sure." I say as I sit across him, "What are those?"

"Divorce papers." He says and my eyes shoot up to his, as I question the words my ears had just heard.


	63. Chapter 62

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Sixty-Two**

Peeta pushes the sheets of paper closer to me and suddenly I am jolted into two very different futures.

I used to sleep soundly in the comfort of knowing that I will always have Peeta beside me when I wake. I would raise my daughter with him and have breakfast with him each morning. We would find jobs and I would come home and prepare supper. I would kiss him when he gets home and lead him to the dining room where the dinner would be set. I would sleep in his arms each night and no nightmares will ever come to haunt me.

Peeta starts to talk, pointing at key parts of the paper where I should sign but I can't hear him. I can see his lips move but the sound of his voice is a blur.

The future that I am now set to have is one without him. Why couldn't I have seen this coming? His memories of me have been wiped away; why would he want to stay with me? I try my best to block the images that come flashing in my mind but they persist on tormenting me.

I will wake up every morning in a bed too large for a single person. Alouette would grow older and start asking questions. The house would be empty without him. Who will be my anchor now? How will I raise a child by myself when I can hardly keep track of the things _I_ need? He will move on with his life, get married again, have the family he always dreamed of. I, on the other hand would be stuck in time; waiting for him even though I know he wouldn't return to me.

"Spoon!" Alouette's cries interrupt my thoughts and I am forced back to the present. I blink away the horrible and taunting images from my mind and face my daughter. Alouette is still on her high chair, crying again because she dropped her spoon on the floor.

"I'll get that for her." Peeta says and starts to get up.

"I can't do it." I whisper, staring blankly on the sheets of paper before me. How can everything lead up to this moment? Why am I sitting here, my toddler beside my and my husband waiting for me to sign an agreement to end our relationship? This isn't the way things were supposed to go.

"Don't worry, I got it." Peeta says, mistaking my words with a different meaning. He reaches for the spoon and hands it to Alouette. "There you go, Alouette."

"Peeta, why are you doing this?" I ask him when he gets settled on his seat.

"I just thought it was the right thing to do." He says as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Is it what you want?" I ask him, hoping against all odds that it isn't.

"It is." He says and I start to feel everything around me crumble.

"Why?" I ask him again, helpless.

"I need time." He starts. "I spent the last month trying to figure out what I should do with my life. I realized that in my distance I was neglecting my responsibilities as a husband and as a…father and I couldn't let that go on."

"So you're running away from your responsibilities?" I ask him, feeling a surge of anger.

"I need to do things over and being married to you isn't the beginning I was hoping to have." He says then, obviously feeling my anger towards him.

"Couldn't we at least talk about this?" I plead.

"This _is_ us talking about it. You promised me that you would help me." He says, "Help me, Katniss."

"I don't want to lose you." I whisper and look down at my lap, forcing my tears not to fall.

"You won't." Peeta's hands are suddenly over mine and slowly, as though he was unsure, his fingers start to intertwine with mine. I look up to him and find kindness in his eyes.

"I believe you." He says, turning my hands over and letting his fingers brush my palms. "I might not remember our story but I believe every word of it."

"Then why are you doing this?" I ask him. "Why are you forcing me to let this—_us_ go?"

"Because I don't know you." He says truthfully. "My last memory of our interaction happened between the rain and burned bread. We were _children._"

"I thought you believed our story." I search his eyes, hoping to find the loving look he always gave me but today, there is none.

"I do but it doesn't mean I _feel_ it." He tells me and I pull my hands away from his.

I don't speak. I let the silence take its place in the table. I should have known this would happen. Peeta and I were already living in separate homes. How long did I really think the fairytale of being married to the man you love would last in a world as cruel as this? He's gone; he is pulling away from me. Everybody kept on telling me that he's not, that he's back in my arms but I always knew that he wasn't. He's been distant since he lost his memories and that's how a normal person would act; that's how I would act if the roles were reversed.

I let my eyes move from the table to Alouette. In the back of my head I have always wanted her to have a brother or a sister, some one who would be around when Peeta and I aren't there anymore. I realize now that even Alouette has been robbed of that simple wish because of Snow.

"Katniss, I'm doing this for us." Peeta starts again. "We need a fresh start."

"Starting over isn't possible when we have her." I say, still looking over at Alouette, playing with her spoon and spilling food all over her clothes.

"Of course it's possible." He says then. "All the more reason we should do it."

"I want more kids, Peeta." I confess. "I want her to have a brother or a sister and I can't give her that if you leave me."

"I'm not the endgame." He sighs, obviously feeling uncomfortable.

"There's no one else." I look back at him. "It's always been you. How can you expect me to find someone else when you know that no one is like you?"

"Not from what I remember." He says then, bringing Gale into the conversation.

"Don't pull that on me." I start, feeling anger rise up in me once more. "You know I don't want to be with him. My sister…" I trail off. There has never been a doubt in my mind that Gale had a hand at her death, even if he didn't know he was part of it. I couldn't forgive him for that and I nothing has ever been the same since. I know that and so does Gale.

"All I need is your signature." Peeta says, bringing out a pen from his pocket.

"What about Alouette?" I ask him, "The worst place to put a child is in between her own parents. How can you let her live like that?"

"She won't have to. I don't know anything about being a father." He says, "It's stipulated here that you have full legal rights and custody over her."

"How could you say that?!" I exclaim, "How could you just set her aside like she's some sort of object?"

"I didn't mean to offend you." He says with a softer voice, "I just thought that she'd be better off without me to mess everything up." Peeta looks away from me, looking truly ashamed.

"Well, she's not." I tell him, "She needs a father. She needs you."

A round of silence follows after that. Peeta isn't looking at me anymore. I take a breath and heave a sigh. I didn't plan on this. I didn't want this to be the way Peeta and I reconcile things.

"When all of this is over, when everything has passed and your living your life the way you've always wanted, you'll forget all about me." Peeta breaks the silence, letting himself look me in the eyes, "You'll move on and find a better man to love you and your daughter. You'll forget everything I ever made you go through and finally be happy."

"I doubt that." I sigh, feeling tired from all the fighting. "It would be the other way around."

I take the pen from his hand and sign the papers. I click the pen closed and push the papers back to him. Without another word, I rise from the table and take Alouette from her high chair and make my way to the stairs.

"Daddy?" Alouette asks as I take the first step of the staircase.

"Daddy's not staying." I tell her feeling the tears stream down my face, "He wants to go."

"Okay," She says then, nodding as if to tell me that she completely understands. "Bye-bye, Daddy!" She waves goodbye as I climb the stairs, fighting to keep myself steady as each step takes me farther away from Peeta.


	64. Chapter 63

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Sixty-Three**

I close my bedroom door behind me and let Alouette down on the bed. Her shirt is stained with the baby food she played with; my blouse is as well. I sink on the floor, my knees close to my chest and my back resting on the closed the door. I take a deep breath and let the tears fall. I start making the choking sounds I make when I'm sobbing. I rest my forehead on my knees and let everything go. I can feel my entire frame shake as I try to manage my emotions. After a while I can feel a small hand patting my shoulder. Slowly, I look up and find my daughter looking so worried, standing beside me.

"Don't cry, Mama." She says, her voice as soft as an angel's. I should be comforting her when she cries, not the other way around. Sometimes I feel like I need her more than she needs me.

"Mama's just sad." I sigh, wiping my tears away. I open my arms to her and she moves closer to me. I set her down on my lap and wrap my arms around her. I give her a kiss on the top of her head. She's all I have.

"Sad." She repeats. She's learned a new word.

"Why don't we get you cleaned up?" I try to make my tone sound a million times happier than how I truly feel.

"Tub!" She exclaims and breaks away from my arms. She jumps to her feet and runs to the bathroom. "Bubbles!"

I get the water running and pull Alouette's dirty shirt over her head. I pour the soap into the water and carefully lower Alouette into the tub. I didn't let the water get too high so it only reaches her belly button.

Soon the bubbles form and I let her play in the water as I try to pull myself back together. I take my shirt off and look at the scars all over my body. They aren't very visible, the Capitol made sure of that but scars are permanent, they will never be removed completely.

I trace the lines, remembering the story they tell. The memories bring back painful reminders of the past that I left behind but none as painful as the wound I feel now. Peeta's gone. I know that now, there is a document to prove it. How can I ever recover from this? How can this wound ever be healed and set as a scar?

I look at myself in the mirror and find myself tearing up again. I start to shake and lose balance so I get a firm grip on the marble of the counter. In the mirror I can see Alouette, sitting in the tub, looking concerned again. I force myself to stop and pull a robe over my body.

I make my way back to the tub and sit on the edge, looking down at Alouette. The silence between us is not terrible like this morning but peaceful, as though she knows that no amount of words will ever make me feel any better. I take the shampoo and gently wash her hair. I use a soft cloth, wet with soap to clean her body. When we're done I pull her up from the water and wrap her in a towel. I dry her up and carry her back into my room.

"Get your clothes, Alouette." I tell her and she clutches the towel around her and takes off to her room. She returns after a few moments with a pink dress in her hands. I help her dress and turn on the television so that she can watch something as I take a bath.

I take my robe off and step into the shower and turn on the tap. I wonder if this would be my new routine. I set up a routine for myself back in the Charity Tour; must my life become a routine as well if only to escape the reality that I will never have Peeta back in my arms again?

Wake up, breakfast, shower.

After a few minutes I let myself out of the shower and dry myself in a towel. I get dressed and go back in the room to find Alouette in a trance in front of the television.

_I shouldn't be letting her watch that much television._ I think to myself, _But then again, she just lost her father. I'll let her watch television when she wants._

"Alouette," I call to her and she looks to me, "Mama's just going down stairs. Stay here." She nods her little head and proceeds on to watch a cat jump from a tree and into an old woman's basket.

I make my way through the hall and look over the staircase, peeking to see if Peeta has left the house and find the dining room empty. I glide down the stairs and lock the front door.

_He's gone._ _He really is gone._

I could feel it. I could feel myself disappearing and there hasn't been this feeling of peace since the last night I spent with Peeta. It's so easy. I could just let myself go and forget about these feelings of frustration over Peeta, helplessness over my inability to make him remember how he felt about me and my immense sorrow and fear that my fairytale came to and end too quickly.

I sink on the base of the staircase looking blankly at the front door as if waiting for him to barge through and proclaim that it was all a terrible joke, that the papers I signed were just some silly words put together in a single document, that everything he confessed to me was a lie.

For a moment, I let myself slip into the void of solitude. I forget about Peeta and my daughter. I give in to the pull of disappearing and it feels wonderful. I understand now why my mother disappeared on us when Prim and I were young. It was an escape, a way out of the horrific reality of losing a part of yourself. It was easy and she needed it; _I_ need it.

"_I can feel it. I can feel myself letting go, sometimes." _

"_Don't you dare." She says then, "Don't be like me, Katniss, I beg of you."_

"_I'm trying." I say._

"_You will never forgive yourself." She says, forcing me to look at her. "Don't do that to your daughter."_

"_I wont."_

My conversation with my mother snaps me back in the real world. How could I let myself slip away when I promised to give Alouette everything I never had? I shouldn't be doing this, I shouldn't be leaving her in front of the television and just disappear like that. I let the emotions flow back into my system and feel whatever needs to be felt.

_I'll fix this._

I didn't have my father when I was young and I can't let that happen to Alouette as well. Somehow, someway, I will get him back, if not for my sake, for Alouette's. I get up from my crouched position and as if on queue, there is a knock on the door. I brace myself for what or rather, who stands behind that door. I wouldn't know what to say if it were Peeta.

It's not.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Mellark, we're here to deliver your luggage." A man in uniform says. His voice pierces through me as if I were stabbed in the chest with a really large knife. I contemplate on telling him that it's no longer Mrs. Mellark but Ms. Everdeen and decide on keeping silent. He takes a chart from his messenger bag and asks me to sign my name and I do.

I spend the next few days creating a new routine for my daughter and me. Peeta's absence has never been this evident. I always knew that he'd come back to me one we got home from the tour. I never expected it to be this way. It has been three days since he asked me to sign those papers. I didn't bother to unpack because I will soon find a different house to move into. Today Alouette and I would be visiting our lot where the new house would be built.

"Let's go, Alouette." I call to her. She reaches over the table to turn off the television and runs up to me and clutches unto my outstretched hand. I guide her down the stairs and through the living room. When I open the front door, I find Peeta standing in front of me.

"Peeta!" I exclaim, shocked to find him here.

"Can we talk?" He asks me.

"Daddy!" Alouette shouts and lets go of my hand. She goes up to Peeta and stretches her hand, wanting to be carried. Peeta only tousles her hair.

"Sure." I whisper. A million things come rushing back to me. Maybe this is it. Maybe by some sort of miracle, he remembers how he feels about me and actually feels it again.

"Maybe we could have lunch together, if you don't have anything planned." He says.

"No," I start, feeling giddy. "I have nothing planned for this afternoon."

"Great." He says and smiles, "Can I meet you in the Bakery?"

"Alright." I nod, "Lunch at the Bakery."

* * *

><p>"Did you ever think we'd end up like this?" I ask Peeta as he pours water into my glass.<p>

"No." He says in a low voice. "I never expected to be married to you."

"You were." I take a sip from my glass and set it down on the table between us. "What did you want to talk about?"

"I didn't like the way things ended between us the other day." He says.

"What do you want to do?" I ask him, bracing myself for whatever answer he has for me.

"I like you, Katniss, I always have." He confesses. I could my whole body rise with joy.

"I know that." I tell him, smiling.

"But, I don't want to be in a one sided relationship, that's why I needed to get a divorce." He says, looking away from me.

"One sided?" I gawk at him.

"You have all these memories of me, of _us_ that I have no recollection of." He starts, "You're in love with a different version of me. Don't you get it?"

"Help me understand." I plead, "I want to be with you."

"Katniss, you're in love with a version of me who went to the Games with you, _twice._ You're in love with the man who held your hand when you felt like fainting during the opening ceremonies. You fell for the person who went through a rebellion with you. I'm not that person anymore; he's nothing but a strange mix of words all pulled into a story I don't remember."

"Did you invite me here to break my heart all over again?" My brows furrow and I force my hands into fists if only to keep myself together, "I'm not up for it, Peeta. I know you don't want to have anything to do with me, you don't have to say it."

"I'm trying to tell you that even if I don't remember those things now, I still have the rest of my life to do so and if I don't, I'm going to do whatever it takes to be that person you deserve." He takes my hand and holds it in his.

"What?" I could hear the shock in my voice as I look back at Peeta.

"I woke up one day in a Capitol hospital room and I was told that it was for a health check-up. I knew it was a lie." He continues, "I didn't know how I got there or how long I was going to be there and then, the next day, the woman I've had a crush on since we were kids walks in and tells me she's my wife."

"That must have been so confusing for you." I sigh.

"It was but it was also the happiest I could remember I ever was." He says, letting his fingers intertwine with mine. "I might not remember every detail of the life we had together but one thing I know for sure is that I want it back."

"You can have it." I whisper. "You can have all of that back, I promise."

"I need time." He says. "I need you to give me time."

"Take all the time you need." I promise him. "I'll be here, I'm not going anywhere. Stay with me."

I look at him and as though he saw a ghost, his eyes focus on mine and slowly, a smile forms on his face.

"Always." He whispers.


	65. Chapter 64

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Sixty-Four**

"Alouette, please put that back in the box." I order. I am packing up the toys from her room and she persists on putting them all back in the shelves. We will be moving into our new house but Alouette doesn't seem to like the idea.

"No!" She screams, "No box!"

"Come here." I drop a doll into the box and carry Alouette from the floor. I bring her to my room and set her down my bed. I turn on the television and instantly, she's hypnotized.

I go back in her room and start filling the box with her things. Our new house is already furnished so I won't need to pack up the furniture here. I have spent the whole morning and most of the afternoon filling boxes with our clothes and kitchenware but Alouette's toys seem to be filling the most boxes.

"No box!" I turn around to find Alouette standing by the door, telling me again to stop packing.

"No box means no toys in the new house!" I exclaim in exasperation.

"No box." She repeats and I sigh.

"Let's make a deal." I tell her as I kneel to meet her eye to eye. "You let Mama pack up your things in a box and I'll ask Daddy to play with you."

"Daddy!" She exclaims. Once in a while when I need to have an excuse to see Peeta, I tell him Alouette was asking for him.

"Toys in the box and you get to play with Daddy." I repeat to her. Without another word, Alouette starts to get her toys from the shelves and puts them in the box.

"That's my girl." I say.

We spend the next hour packing up her toys and when we've finished Alouette is tired and crying. I bring her to my arms and cradle her gently until she stops crying.

"It's nap time for you." I say as I tuck her in her bed. Her eyes close and I turn and pick up the box and bring it downstairs where all the other boxes are lined up. I make my way down the spiraling staircase and set the box down in the living room. A few empty boxes are left to be filled with the things in the storage room.

I move to the kitchen and fill a glass with water and drink thirstily. Packing our things in boxes is taking a toll on me. There is a knock on the door and I set my now empty glass on the kitchen counter.

"Peeta!" I exclaim as I open the door. "What is it? What's the matter?"

"Nothing." He says with his beautiful smile. "I just wanted to see you."

I let him in the house and he sets down his tray of cheesebuns on the dining table. He looks around the living room, noticing the dozens of boxes lined up on the floor.

"You're moving into the new house today?" He asks.

"Tomorrow." I correct him. "I was actually going to call you because I made a deal with Alouette that she can come play with you if she let me pack in peace."

"Where is she?" He asks.

"She fell a sleep." I laugh, "Are those cheesebuns?" I ask him even though I already know what they are. I haven't realized until now that I'm hungry.

"I wanted to show you that I remembered." He says, picking up the tray and offering it to me. "They're your favorite."

I'm about to lean in to give him a kiss when I remember that we're not there yet, well, _he's_ not there yet. All this taking-it-slow procedure is new to me. I came into this relationship when it began with us being _forced_ to kiss whenever we thought it appropriate. I grew into it knowing that I can kiss him whenever I wanted to.

I take a piece of cheesebuns instead.

"That's great." I say in between chewing. I take the tray from him and proceed onto eating another piece.

"Looks like you have some more packing to do." He says.

"Actually, I only have the storage room left." I nod toward the door just past the stairs and continue on eating. The phone starts to ring so I set the tray down and hurry to the study room, forcing a mouthful of cheesebuns down my throat.

"Hello?" I answer.

"Katniss, darling!" Effie's voice greets me and I take a seat behind the desk. "I heard you were moving!"

"You heard right." I say.

"I couldn't fathom why you'd come to that decision, the Victor's Village is absolutely exquisite!" she says, and I could feel a pang of frustration.

How could she not understand why I need to get away from this house? There's simply too much history. Peeta's episodes often happened in the various rooms of this mansion. I mourned my sister's death in the living room, clutching on the phone listening to my mother cry as well. Prim's own room remains untouched since the day she and my mother were led to Thirteen when the bombings started. This house has the exact layout as Haymitch's where I watched helplessly as he died.

"I just thought it was time for something new." I say instead.

"It's really none of my business is it?" She laughs, "Anyway, I have a proposal for the house!"

"You can sell it to anyone you want." I tell her.

"On the contrary, I wouldn't want to sell it to anyone." She says.

"What am I going to do with it?" I ask her. From outside, I could hear Peeta shuffle through the boxes.

"I thought of turning it into a museum dedicated to you!" She exclaims. "You wouldn't have to do anything! I will have my people arrange the facts and fix the interior design of the house!"

"That's a great idea, Effie." I say even though I don't know how to feel about it.

"I knew you'd like it!" She says, "Anyway, I'm sure you're busy around there so I'll let you go now."

"Alright, I'll see you soon then?" I ask before she hangs up.

"Certainly." She says and I could hear the smile in her voice.

I put the phone back in its cradle and look down the hall to find the storage room door open, an empty box stands by the doorframe. Peeta must want to help me pack. I am struck with a sudden realization and I make my way around the table and out the room as fast as I can. Peeta can't go into the storage room, he's not ready for it!

"Peeta!" I call but there's no answer. I reach the door and find him standing still in the dimly lit room, staring at his own paintings of the Hunger Games. My security team made sure to take all these paintings from his home and hide it in my storage room. The images he painted are far too gory and accurate. His memory of our first Hunger Games was so vivid that he was able to replicate each horrific scene we had to go through in order to survive.

"Peeta, come out the room." I say, slowly moving into the room to take his hand.

"What is this?" I can see the confusion in his face. I let my hand slip into his and lightly pull him out the room but he doesn't move.

"What is this?" He asks again, his eyes jumping from one painting to another. I look over to each canvas, perfectly capturing the terror that I'd rather forget as well.

"Peeta, you're not ready for this." I plead. He pulls his hand away from mine and moves toward one of the paintings, lightly passing his fingers through the trickle of red pain that pools around the painted image of his own damaged leg. I could see the way his face transforms from a mask of confusion into a bolt of realization and know that he's remembered something.

"This is why I have this robot attached to my knee, isn't it?" he whispers.

"Yes." I sigh, letting my feet take me to his side. "I found you near the river."

"His sword." He whispers, as his palm passes through the wound in the painting. "It was Cato."

"He thought you'd die on your own. It gave you blood poisoning but you lived long enough for me to find you." I confess, remembering how Cato's demise meant that Peeta and I could go home. "It was the only way they could save you."

"All of this." He turns around, looking at all the other paintings. "How is it possible that they're painted this way?"

"What's the matter?" I ask him.

"How could these canvases contain the terrors of the dreams I have every night?!" His voice starts to shake.

"Peeta, please calm down." I take both his hands and make him look at me and away from the paintings. "These are your paintings."

"I painted these?" He asks me, his eyes filling with tears.

"You used to have nightmares after our first Games." I tell him gently. "This was the only way you could cope. "

"I don't want to remember these." He whispers.

"You don't have to." I wrap my arms around him and let him rest his head on my shoulder. "I don't want you to."

* * *

><p><strong>*<strong>Thank you so much for your wonderful reviews. Thank you for sharing your hopes and frustrations over this story. I hope that the plot of the story is suiting your Hunger Games feels.  
>I'd like to tell you that I might not be able to update as much, seeing that I will be going to college in a few days, two to be exact. I'm going to try to write and update as much as I can before my two days of summer are up but I can't promise that either. If there is a sudden hiatus of updates know that I'm too busy to be writing because I'm focusing on my studies.<br>I hope you understand this and that you won't stop anticipating an update because I'm sure as hell not going to stop writing until Katniss and Peeta's story has a proper ending.


	66. Chapter 65

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Sixty-Five**

Many, many months have passed since the day we moved out of the mansion. Peeta and I have been seeing each other more often since the incident with his paintings. I've decided to leave the paintings in the stock room and let Effie find them when she comes over to arrange the house. Peeta and I agreed to leave all the horrible stories of the past outside of our quest to bring his memories back. He has made amazing progress and is slowly making his way back to me.

Alouette and I have settled into our new home. She has her own room and I even let her decide where she wanted to put her toys. Once in a while, she will crawl out of her bed and sneak into my room and curl herself around my arms. She is growing fast; learning how to speak in full sentences now, rather than just short frustrated phrases. Some nights when Alouette is soundly sleeping beside me I think to myself that this might be it; I've built a life for myself and even though I've yet to go through some rough patches with Peeta, everything is finally falling into place.

"Can I see you again?" Peeta whispers when our lips part. He touches his forehead to mine, looking into my eyes and pulling me even closer to him.

"Of course." I whisper back to him as I let my arms embrace his body.

"What about Alouette?" He asks me,

"I'll have Greasy Sae look after her." I tell him. Peeta kisses my forehead and takes both my hands in his.

"Sunset." He says, "In the meadow, just you and me."

"In the meadow." I repeat. "I'll meet you there."

He turns to leave and I watch as the afternoon sun bounces on his golden hair. I close the door behind me and feel my knees buckle in anticipation. I heave a sigh and let the corners of my lips lift up into a smile. I check on Alouette, who is taking her nap in her room.

Her brown hair is draped by the edge of the bed and I gently raise her and rest her head back on the pillow. I pull the blanket away from her because it's quite hot this afternoon. I plant a soft kiss on her forehead and make my way downstairs to prepare some lunch for myself.

The new house is significantly smaller compared to the mansion. There are four bedrooms, one of which is the master bedroom and the other is Alouette's. Down the wooden staircase is the living room. The fireplace is hardly ever used because of the summer heat. Across the living room is the kitchen and dining room. Out the back door is the back yard, big enough for the primroses I've moved from the mansion. Aside from the garden, the layout of the house it quite similar to the one I grew up in the Seam, only a bit larger. I like it because it feels like home.

I pour myself a cold glass of water and decide on roasting some chicken I bought from the Hob yesterday. I do my best to season the bird and pop it in the oven and wait for it to cook.

* * *

><p>"How's the boyfriend?" Greasy Sae raises an eyebrow at me.<p>

"He's doing great." I say, unable to keep from smiling. Peeta's my boyfriend. He's mine. Again.

"How long will you be out?" She asks as Alouette staggers into the living room, clutching onto her stuffed rabbit.

"A few hours." I tell her, pulling my dress strap back on my shoulder. "I will be back before the sun is out again."

I give Alouette one last kiss and a warm embrace before I leave. I tell her to behave herself and make my way out the door.

I stroll through the square, my summer dress being blown by the breeze of the coming evening. The afternoon was painfully hot but the night seems to be the exact opposite. I start to regret wearing this dress but decide that if I go back to change, I will be leaving Peeta in the meadow, wondering if I will ever show. I take my braid down if only to try to evade the cold air and continue on walking to the meadow.

Just before my eyes could get a glimpse of the meadow, I find Peeta waiting on me, wearing his pants and a nice black jacket over a white shirt. He walks to meet me and takes my hand.

"You look handsome, Mr. Mellark." I smile when our fingers intertwine.

"Thank you!" He says and pulls me closer to him as we walk toward the meadow. "You look beautiful tonight, Ms. Everdeen."

"What's the occasion?" I ask him.

"I thought tonight should be different." He says. The wind blows and I shiver ever so slightly. Peeta stops walking and lets go of my hand. He takes his jacket off and drapes it over my shoulders. He lets his arm embrace me and I rest my head on his shoulder and we continue on walking.

Everything feels so natural when I'm with him. There is no tension or fear. I take some time to wonder if this is the real Peeta; the one who never had to go through the Hunger Games or the torture of the Capitol. I look up to him and notice how calm he looks, as though there is nothing troubling him. There probably isn't.

Peeta says something, breaking my train of thought.

"What?" I ask him.

"Close your eyes." He says again and reluctantly, I do. Peeta takes my hand. "Trust me."

I let him guide me to the meadow and resist the urge to peek. After a while, he places both his palms gently over my eyes. I let my feet guide me, taking one careful step after another. When I feel the grass against my ankles, Peeta takes his palms away from my eyes.

"You can open your eyes now." He whispers close to my ear and slowly, I do.

The meadow has been transformed into a wonderful constellation of lights, hanging above a simple white blanket, set in the middle of the tent that the string of lights create. On the blanket rests a basket filled with bread and a bottle of wine.

"Wow." I sigh. The lights shine even brighter against the setting sun. Strangely enough, the scene feels all too familiar.

"Do you remember?" Peeta asks me as he takes my hand, leading me toward the blanket resting on the grass. It's ironic for him to ask me that because most of the time, _I'm_ the one asking that very question.

"The lights. The sunset." I sigh, "You've recreated our moment on the rooftop."

"The night before the Quell." He says. "You fell asleep on my lap and I woke you up when the sun was about to set."

"You wanted to freeze that moment and—" I start, remembering how we both knew that the Quell was inevitable. I promised myself to save Peeta when we were in the Arena because that time, only one of us could go home, and it needed to be him.

"And live in it forever." Peeta continues for me. "I realized that I _could_ live in it forever, that I _could_ freeze that moment we had on the rooftop, so, I did."

"How did you do this?" I gawk at how the lights intertwine against the poles that hold them up. I see some flowers curling against the string of lights as well. The basket is filled with freshly baked bread; I could still feel the heat exude from them. The woods in the distance are calm and peaceful, the sunset creating a light tinge of pink and orange against the scenery Peeta has created.

"I'll do anything for you." He says and I pull him to my lips and kiss him.

"You won't have to count the sunsets anymore." He says.

"When?" I ask him as we take a seat on the blanket laid out below the lights. "When did you remember all of this?"

"A while." He confesses. "I just needed some time to think of a special way to tell you."

"Well this is quite an effort to tell me you've remembered that night before the Quarter Quell." I laugh.

"That's not what I wanted to tell you." He says, pouring some wine into a glass and offering it to me.

"What is it?" I ask leaning against his chest and watching the birds fly over the setting sun. I listen to the soft and rhythmic beating of his heart and know that the stars have lined up and all that was wrong has been undone.

"I just want to spend every possible minute of the rest of my life with you." He whispers, his fingers getting entangled in my hair. At the sound of his voice and the whisper of his words, I am jolted back into the rooftop where he said these very same words to me.

"What are you trying to say?" I ask prying my eyes away form the sunset and turning around to face him, looking down at me.

"I want a wedding that I can remember." He sighs, I could feel my heart rising and beating strong against my chest. I pull Peeta's jacket closer to me, the breeze getting stronger and colder as the sun sinks in the horizon.

"I want to wake up next to you every morning. I want to tuck Alouette in bed each night and kiss you right before you fall asleep in my arms." He continues. Peeta helps me to my feet and looks me in the eyes, both my hands in his. "I might not remember all of the things we went through but I remember enough to know that you will always protect me and I want you to know that I will always be there for you too. I want to tell you that I'm sorry for whatever horrors I've made you go through when I was not myself and know that I will never do that to you again. I'm going to make things right."

He lets go of my hands and kneels down on his knee. Slowly his right hand slips into his pocket to reveal a silver ring, topped with a stunning white pearl.

"Katniss Everdeen," He says, raising the ring up to me, "I want to _relearn_ and spend the rest of my life with you. Will you do me the honor of being my wife?"

"Yes." I exhale, feeling as though I could easily slip into a state of euphoric shock. "Yes, I will marry you again." Peeta takes my left hand and slips the ring into my finger. I don't even bother to wait for him to rise. I kneel down in front of him and he kisses me full on the lips.

"I love you." I say when we part, breathless.

"I love you." He says and leans in for another kiss.


	67. Chapter 66

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Sixty-Six**

"Katniss Everdeen, Peeta Mellark and their daughter, Alouette!" Caesar Flickerman's voice booms through the stage and the curtains draw open. I take Peeta's hand in mine and give a sweet smile to Alouette. Peeta secures Alouette in his arm and together we make our way to center stage.

The audience leaps from their seats and roar their applause as the lights find our faces. I scan the faces in the crowd and though there is that unmistakable happiness, I can also see confusion in their reactions.

Peeta and I have decided to officially make a statement about our status as a couple. We didn't want anymore reporters with cameras skulking around our new home so the solution was to give them what they want but in our own terms.

"My, my, how much she's have grown!" Caesar joins us center stage when the crowd settles down. He smiles at Alouette who buries her tiny head in the hallow of her father's neck.

"And of course the Girl on Fire, feisty as ever!" Caesar kisses the back of my hand.

"It's nice to be back, Caesar." I tell him.

"Mr. Peeta Mellark." He says, taking a step back as if to inspect Peeta from head to toe.

"Caesar Flickerman." Peeta says and I know he's remembered something.

"It's good to see you're well." Caesar finally says. They shake hands and we take our seats on the couch next to Caesar's chair.

"Let me get this straight." Caesar starts, raising an eyebrow at me. "You sold your mansion in the Victor's Village."

"Actually I didn't. Effie Trinket, our escort, had other plans for it." I hear myself laugh. "I thought it was time to move on."

"Indeed." He nods. "What does Ms. Trinket plan on doing with the house?"

"She will be in Twelve sometime this month." I tell him. "She will manage the house and transform it into a museum."

"Amazing!" He exclaims and soon after the audience is excited. "We are all quite excited for that opening!"

"It shouldn't be any longer." I smile. Alouette, who sits in between Peeta and I, starts to squirm and mope in her seat. I bring her to my lap and soothe her gently. She never liked the lights and the cameras.

"Mr. Peeta Mellark," Caesar moves onto Peeta, "How do you do?"  
>"I feel wonderful." Peeta says, smiling back at Caesar and then to the audience. "It's beautiful here in the Capitol. Absolutely breathtaking."<p>

"Would it surprise you that you've been here more than you'd like?" Caesar laughs. It's the truth. The first time we set eyes on the Capitol was when we were to be put in an arena to kill or be killed.

"No, I guess not." Peeta says,

"Tell us." Caesar starts, "How is this 'new' life treating you? We know you've gone through many changes and that certainly couldn't have been easy."

"At first I didn't know it could get any better than waking up one day and finding out I was married to the most beautiful woman I have ever known." Peeta takes my hand and I look to him. Alouette dangles her little legs over my knees and plays with my hair.

"It's nice to have you back." I whisper but my microphone still catches my voice.

"More than anything else, I was confused." Peeta continues. We let our fingers intertwine and the audience falls silent.

"How did you process?" Caesar asked Peeta, looking very concerned.

"I didn't, at first. I didn't believe it." He answers, "How could I?"

"Your past—Our past isn't easy to believe." Caesar agrees.

"The facts finally told the truth. I had all the scars to prove it." He grins to cover the lingering shock of his discoveries. "Katniss was with me all the way, as much as I let her, anyway."

"Tell us your story." Caesar says, now looking to me. I swallow my fear. I had never told Peeta the totality of how much I had to keep from him if only to keep his sickness a secret from himself.

"I found out about his—" I pause, collecting my thoughts. "sickness when we were only in District Twelve for the Charity Tour. Apparently the venom, what with the amount of it in his system, found a rather permanent place in his brain."

"What were you told to do about it?" Caesar asks. I could feel Peeta's hands turn cold. I give his hand a light squeeze, telling him silently that everything is okay.

"Nothing." I say, "There was nothing we could do about it. We were given pills by Dr. Aurelius. We were told that it would manage the venom in his system only to find out that it contained small amounts of the venom thereby making Peeta even worse. We didn't know Aurelies was treasonous."

"How did you come to the decision of the memory-loss treatment?" Caesar asks.

"Actually, before that treatment was ever introduced, the one we had was the nightlock." I say,

"The berries." Peeta says, apparently retrieving his memory about our last few moments in the first arena.

"Yes." I say. "It had properties that would eliminate the venom from his system but we didn't know if it would cause us his life."

"That's terrible!" Caesar exclaims.

"It was." I sigh. "I decided not to have the nightlock treatment. I guess, considering the alternative, the odds were in my favor because they found a new treatment, one less fatal."

"Memory-loss." Peeta whispers. I could hear the desolation in his voice. I understand how much he wishes he had his memories back, even if it means he'll recall every gory moment in the Hunger Games.

"It didn't matter." I smile back at Peeta, reassuring him. "It didn't matter whether or not you had your memories because we're together despite that loss."

"I want to sit on Daddy's lap now." Alouette says then, sensing the change in Peeta's mood. I let my arms free her and I let her crawl over to Peeta. The audience coos.

"We are delighted that both of you have each other." Caesar remarks, "This little girl is very lucky to have you."

"She's quite a handful." I smile. Alouette nestles herself in Peeta's arms and looks innocently over to the audience.

"She's a small version of Katniss." Peeta laughs. "She's like her mother in every possible way. Strong, determined, level-headed."

"She certainly looks like her mother!" Caesar says. "Except for her deep blue eyes."

"That's Peeta's." I smile, looking at my daughter.

"I knew from the moment I saw her." Peeta whispers. "She was mine."

"You're my daddy." Alouette smiles, patting her tiny hand over the back of Peeta's hand, which is curled protectively over her belly.

"Yes I am." Peeta laughs.

"How does it work?" Caesar asks, looking truly inquisitive. "How do you get your memories back?"

"It's sort of like a flash of scenes from a movie." Peeta says as he brings Alouette closer to him. "It happens when I hear something from the past or see something familiar. It's been almost eleven months since the day I lost all my memories but in that time, I've remembered a lot of things already."

"What did you see when you first saw me in the Capitol hospital room?" I blurt out.

"I didn't see anything." He says looking ashamed, "But I did hear something."

"What was it?" I ask him, feeling all the eyes of the audience on Peeta and I.

"I heard you say 'Real.'" He says "I still don't know what that means but it made me feel good."

"Real or not real." I say to him as a wide smile forms on my face. I watch as Peeta's eyes suddenly focus on me and then it seems as though he is miles away.

"You love me." He sighs, "Real or not real?"

"Real." I repeat and smile. "Now you know."

"Tell us," Caesar says, "What's in store for both of you?"

"That's really why I requested to have this interview." I say, "Peeta and I have news."

"Good or bad?" Caesar asks.

"Good." I say, smiling.

"I have asked Katniss to marry me." Peeta says, "Again."

The audience erupts in applause and it takes a few moments before the noise tones down enough for us to hear ourselves speak. I show them the ring on my left hand and from the screens on either side of the stage I watch as the cameras zoom onto my ring finger.

"That's wonderful!" Caesar exclaims, "Third time's the charm!"

"It will be our last that's for sure." Peeta smiles.

"Well, I know I speak for everyone here in the Capitol when I say that this union was set on stone." Caesar says, "I have never doubted it even for a second."

"Thank you, Caesar." I smile.

We spend the rest of the interview focusing on Alouette. She has become shy in the face of the audience and the numerous cameras fixed on her every move. When she grows tired of trying to be polite she just curls next to me on the couch, hiding her face behind my arm. Caesar says his thanks and bids us a good life together and we thank him as well.

"I think that went well." Peeta says when we're at the back stage.

"I think so too." I say, "You and Caesar certainly hit it off just like your first interview with him."

"He's a good person." He says. We let the crew buzz around us, removing the make-up from our faces and helping us change into more comfortable clothes. We gather our belongings and by the time the sun is setting, we have boarded a hovercraft that is scheduled to land in Twelve.

* * *

><p>"Maybe we could wait for a while." I tell Peeta when we're lying next to each other in the master bedroom.<p>

"Wait before what?" He asks, his voice drifting into the soft lull of slumber.

"Before we get married." I exhale.

"Why would we do that?!" He says his voice now fully alert.

"Well, it's just…" I trail off, "When Caesar said that the third time's the charm it got me thinking that everything went downhill the moment we got married. It was like marriage set the boulder rolling and I can't help but think that it's history repeating itself."

"Katniss." Peeta sighs,

"I know it sounds ludicrous but I can't help it." I curl my fingers together over my stomach. "I mean, things have never been this good. Ever. Why should we change it?"

"I understand." Peeta says. "Let's give it some time."

"Are you really agreeing with me?" I can't believe my luck.

"You're right. Everything is perfect now and I understand why you would think marriage would change things." He starts, "And I don't really think we're ready to face another media explosion over our wedding."

"So we'll wait?" I ask,

"Sure, Katniss." He says, "We'll wait until we really feel like its time."

I pull his arms over me and scoot closer to him until my head is resting on his shoulder. He pulls me closer to him, both his arms enveloping me in his warmth.

"I also have other news." I whisper.

"What is it?" He asks as he gently passes his fingers through the locks of my hair.

"I'm pregnant." I say.


	68. Chapter 67

**DISCALIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

** Sixty-Seven**

"Can you watch her?" I ask Peeta, braiding my hair down my shoulder.

"Of course, I can. I won't open the bakery until you can come home." He says, taking Alouette from the carpeted floor and raising her up in the air like a plane. "Daddy knows how to have fun! Especially when Mama's not home!"

"Please be careful with her." I say as he throws her into the air and catches her right before she falls.

"I wanna go again, Daddy!" Alouette giggles. "Throw me higher!"

"I promise." Peeta says before lifting our daughter into the air again.

"I trust you." I tie the end of my braid and kiss Peeta on the cheek and Alouette on the forehead.

"You can take her to the bakery with you." I suggest.

"It would be terribly boring for her." He says, letting Alouete climb up to his shoulders and grab hold of his hair. "Besides I remember more of her when we're having fun. Just promise you'll take it easy in the woods."

"I will. I'll bring home game." I tell him. I slip out of the room before Alouette can notice that I am about to leave. She cries every time I leave and most of the time it's sweet but other times it's a challenge.

I sprint down the stairs and retrieve my bow and arrows from the hidden cabinet behind the stairs. At the touch of my hand, my bow springs to life as if it were waiting for me for so long. I sling my quiver across my back and take for the woods.

I remember the last time I went hunting and left my daughter in the care of Peeta. It didn't turn out too well; how could it? Today is different. Today, Peeta is back to normal, well as normal as he could be and I leave my—our daughter with him, without any fear for her safety.

I let my arrow fly from my bow, striking the bird's eye. It falls with a hard thud against the large roots of the trees in the woods. I pick it up and take my arrow from its head and tie its feet together. I sling the bird onto my belt and let it swing there.

I feel better in the woods. I can feel this baby grow stronger each time I hunt. I don't bother to find out if this one will be a boy or a girl, I've come to realize that it doesn't really matter. Peeta tells me to always be careful in the woods and I always do. I usually move very slow when I'm hunting anyway, I wouldn't want to scare game.

The woods give me the solitude that I seek but I always find myself turning around, looking for Gale, and forgetting that he's miles and miles away from where I stand. I touch the engagement ring hanging from the chain that rests on my clavicle and remind myself of who I've chosen and what terrors I surpassed in order to have that chance to make that decision. I hunt the rest of the morning and most of the afternoon.

My belt is filled with a dozen birds, the blood streaming from their eyes, staining my pants. My backpack is half full of squirrels and in a separate plastic are the fishes I've caught. I hunt until all my arrows are all stained with blood and my fingers are sore from pulling on my bow.

"Goodnight." I whisper to my bow and it falls silent, it's purr reduced to a soft hum. I walk through the woods and the meadow. I stop by Greasy Sae's home to give her some game before I return home.

I leave my boots by the porch because it's caked with mud and I don't want to have to clean that up. I put in my key and realize that the door is already unlocked. I open it, wondering why it was left without a lock.

"Katniss!" My ears catch the high-pitched voice of Effie Trinket.

"Effie!" I exclaim. She starts to make her way to me and catches sight of the blood around the cuff of my pants and the dead bird around my belt.

"Oh darling, you mustn't keep on killing these poor woodland creatures!" She exclaims as she awkwardly leans in to give me a quick hug.

"There's plenty to go around." I give a weak smile. I make my way to the kitchen to take the birds from my belt and set down the bag filled with squirrels and birds. I come back into the living room where Effie waits.

"Effie Trinket's here to arrange the plan on your house in the Victor's Village." Peeta comes in, carrying Alouette who is swinging her legs as they dangle from Peeta's arm.

"Oh, Peeta, I told you to call me Effie!" Effie sighs.

"I'm sorry." Peeta laughs, "Force of habit."

_He doesn't remember her._

"And how is the little angel?" Effie says instead. Walking over to Alouette who shies away from Effie, burying her tiny face into Peeta's shoulder.

"She's talking now." Peeta says with a proud smile.

"Talking!" Effie exclaims, "She's a fast learner isn't she! Most babies don't talk as early as she does! How old is she actually? Babies talk as soon as they're two!"

"She's almost two." I tell her with pride. "A year and ten months."

"Oh how precious!" She says, tousling Alouette's hair "She's a smart one, isn't she?"

"Peeta," I take Alouette from him and she cuddles into me, despite the sweat and blood on my clothes, "I'm sure you can recall, Effie. She was our escort."

"Of course." He says, still looking like he doesn't remember anything except that obvious fact. He offers his hand out to Effie but instead she goes to embrace him.

"I am thrilled that you're okay." She says when she released him. "Welcome back, darling."

"I am too." Peeta says. "Thank you, Effie Trink—Effie."

I try to set Alouette down on the floor but she persists on gripping on my sleeves, she doesn't even let her feet touch the floor.

"I need to put you down." I tell her. "Mama needs to get in the shower."

"I don't want to." She says.

"Daddy can take you." I say, pulling her up and bringing her to Peeta.

"I want you." She says, pulling onto my shirt even tighter. My eyes shoot up to Peeta, feeling the shame in my gut.

"What's wrong, honey?" I ask her as I rub my palm across the small of her back

"She missed you." Peeta says, "We played all morning and then she noticed you left."

"I won't leave again, I promise." I wait for her to look at me and smile when she does. "I'll just be upstairs in the shower."

"For a long time again?" She asks, her bright blue eyes shining.

"It won't be for a long time." I tell her, "Aunt Effie is here to play with you!"

Reluctantly, she looks over to Effie who wears a long silk purple gown with all kinds of feathers sticking out of her up-do.

"Come on, sweetheart" Effie calls to her. "Aunt Effie is a lot of fun!"

"Okay." Alouette says and I put her down on the floor.

"Can I talk with you?" I whisper to Peeta when I pass him. He takes my hand and we climb up the stairs.

"Are you alright?" I ask him when we're alone in the room.

"A bit shocked when I opened the door to the Effie Trinket." He says. I pull my pants down, the blood on the cuffs have started to dry up.

"Don't worry I don't think that ever wears off." I laugh, taking my father's jacket off and leaving it in the hamper in the bathroom. "I'm still shocked every time she comes to visit."

"Any memories coming back to you?" I ask as I unhook the chain that bears my engagement ring from my neck.

"Not quite." He says, "Just some images of her in her eccentric outfits."

"That's most of it." I laugh. He comes in and kisses me briefly on the lips.

"And what about what Alouette said?" I ask him before I go behind the glass door of the shower. "Because if it troubled you, you should know how much she asks for _you_ when it was just the two of us."

"It doesn't worry me." He says, "I guess she's not used to you being away."

"I was away from her for a long time." I tell him, remembering the Charity Tour. "Neither of us liked it."

"I could imagine." He grins. "Are you alright?"

"Of course." I smile, "I feel great. This one's tough."

"He's strong." Peeta says, laying his palm over my stomach.

"He?" I ask him feeling the corners of my lips rise higher. "And how could you possibly know that?"

"I just do." He laughs, "What do you think?"

"I just think this baby will have a wonderful sister." I place my hand over his.

"Should we tell Effie?" Peeta asks.

"I think we owe her that much." I tell him. "She's done a lot for us and she's family."

"What about Alouette?" He asks me. "We haven't even asked if she wanted a little brother or sister yet."

"I think she's too young to understand that anyway." I say, "I think she'll be glad she'll have someone to play with."

"She'll get to boss this little one around." Peeta laughs.

"We should set an appointment with my doctor." I say as I get behind the glass door that opens to the shower area.

"We'll settle it when Effie leaves." Peeta says.

"Alright." I say as I turn on the tap.

"I'll be downstairs" He says, "Don't slip in there."

"I won't" I hide my smile because his protective nature. He closes the bathroom door behind him and I start to clean myself.

* * *

><p>"There you go," Effie slips a long pink feather in Alouette's braid, "That one came from the birds in District Eleven!"<p>

"Eleven." Alouette repeats, gently patting the feather in her hair.

"Remember, pat it softly." Effie says, "You wouldn't want the beautiful feather to be ruined!"

"I will, Aunt Effie." Alouette says, giving the feather a light touch.

"What do you say, Alouette?" I say as I reach the base of the staircase.

"Thank you, Aunt Effie." She smiles her bright smiles. "I really like it."

"It's no bother, child." Effie pinches one her cheeks and Alouette bounces out of the room, the feather on her hair catching the sunlight and emitting different shades of red and pink.

"You didn't have to do that, Effie." I say as I sit next to her on the couch.

"Oh I'll do anything for that little girl." She smiles, "You take care of her."

"I am." I smile back at her, realizing how lucky I must be to still have Effie in my life. "Before you start laying out your plans, Peeta and I want to give some news."

"I already know you two are engaged!" She exclaims, "Please, Katniss, it's all over the television and I couldn't possibly miss that ring on your finger!"

"We have other news," I grin as Peeta comes into the living room, "This one isn't on any news channel because you're the first one who will know."

"I let Alouette watch some television." Peeta says as he sits on the chair across the couch Effie and I are in.

"I was telling Effie that we have news for her." I tell him.

"Do you want to say it or should I?" He rises from his seat and comes to stand next to me.

"Together." I say, "On the count of three."

"On the count of three." He agrees. Effie is staring at us, looking very awkward and unsure of herself.

"One," I start, "Two."

"Three." Peeta and I say together, "We're expecting another baby!"

"Wha—" Effie gawks at us, "That's absolutely marvelous!"

"We wanted to tell you first." I smile.

"Boy or a girl?" She asks and proceeds on giving Peeta and me a kiss on the cheek

"We don't know yet." Peeta says

"How far long?" She looks to me

"A few weeks at the most." I tell her, "I found out only a few days ago."

"How wonderful." She sighs, "Any name ideas?"

"Not really…" I trail off, realizing how it took actually seeing and holding Alouette to know what her name was.

"We'll see." Peeta says,

"Alouette will be thrilled." Effie smiles. "Congratulations!"

"Thank you." Peeta and I both say.

"Anyway," I grin, "What of my house in the Victor's Village?"

"You wouldn't have to lift a finger." Effie reassures me, "Especially now that another one is on the way!"

"What's the plan?" Peeta asks, taking a seat next to me.

"Well, I've laid out the plan here," Effie takes out a few sheets of paper containing paragraphs and paragraphs written in her handwriting. "It's forthright and specific, I'll deal with most of the work. I'll leave a copy for you to read."

"What can we do?" I ask her.

"You just have to authorize this whole project, seeing that you own the property." She takes out a pen and points to where I should sign and I do.

"I also want to ask one more thing." She says as she gets her papers together.

"Go ahead." I say.

"Should I leave Prim's room?" She asks in a clear voice that shakes me.

There has never been anyone in her room since the day she and my mother were lead to the meadow when the bombings started. No one has even opened the door; I forbade it. Neither Harvey nor Claire has been in there to set up the security features for windows or other possible points of entry. The room is as it was when Prim left it.

"I…" I start but there are no words. "I…"

"I think we should leave it." I hear Peeta say, his hand is on my shoulder now. I let my hands land on my stomach, remembering the life inside me. I search for the soft sound of the television and remember my growing daughter. Prim died a long, long time ago and yet, the grief I feel seems so recent.

But I can't cling to the past. Prim is somewhere far from here, someplace better and that room is just a room.

"No," I clear my throat, "You can make use of the room in anyway you think necessary."

"I don't have to, Katniss." Effie says, "I should never have asked, I'm sorry."

"Actually," I start, not hearing whatever Effie said, "Turn it into a shrine to my sister. She deserves that much."


	69. Chapter 68

**DISCLAIMER I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Sixty-Eight**

"This will be the main lobby where all of the simple and easy facts about you will be featured." Effie leads me through the mansion that is already empty of its furniture.

"Over here," She moves to the area that was our kitchen, "We'll have your hunting skills posted and featured with actual animals!"

"_Actual _animals?" I ask her.

"Oh, Katniss, don't worry." She waves a hand at me, "They'll be properly cared for. It will like be a hotel for them really."

"The study will be an audio visual presentation." She beams. "Almost like they will be watching your life put together in your point of view!"

That will certainly be one that I will avoid, if I knew better.

"That's a great idea, Effie." I say instead.

"Thank you, sweetheart." She smiles, "Oh, I promised Peeta not to keep you too long. You'd best be going."

"You're right." I say as we make our way out of the mansion, "We've got an appointment."

"Good luck, darling!" Effie says before we leave.

I walk through the Victor's Village, now completely deserted because Peeta and I have moved into a different home. It's a bright and sunny afternoon, a bit hotter than what I'd expected but at least there are no rain clouds.

I meet Peeta in the front porch of our home. He is carrying Alouette in his left arm and looking at the watch on his right wrist.

"I'm back!" I call out to him.

"I thought we were going to be late!" He says, going down the steps of the porch and setting Alouette down on the pavement.

"Of course not." I say. We are visiting the same doctor we had when I was pregnant with Alouette. It turns out that I was right, she came all the way from the Capitol and when she learned, through Effie, that we were again in need of her services, she was more than happy to rent an apartment in Twelve.

"How was the mansion?" Peeta asks as he plants a soft kiss on my cheek.

"Effie has everything together." I say as matter of fact.

"And the walk home wasn't too tiring for you?" He asks, sneaking a glance down to my stomach.

"Not at all." I reassure him. "Peeta, stop worrying, we've got this."

"I know." He says, "I trust you but…"

"What is it?" Alouette tugs on my pants, probably asking to be carried but I don't feel like carrying her so I take her hand instead.

"I don't want to mess up." Peeta continues.

"You won't." I look him in the eyes then look down at our daughter. "She's turning out okay and look how much she loves you!"

"I don't want to make the same mistakes." He says.

"It's inevitable, we both know that. I know I'll make even more mistakes with this one but we're together not because we thought it things be easy." I smile. "We're together because we'll be there for each other when times get even harder. That's it goes. We're a team."

"I need to go potty." Alouette speaks up. We both look down at her and laugh.

"I got this." I tell Peeta and scoop Alouette from the ground and bring her to the bathroom.

* * *

><p>"It's so nice to see you again." Doctor Hail, who was our previous doctor, says.<p>

"It's nice to be back in this clinic too." I beam.

"And how's Alouette doing?" She asks, gesturing to my daughter who sits in the corner, playing with the toys set out for her by Doctor Hail's secretary.

"She's growing up fast." Peeta says, "She will be starting school next year."

"How wonderful!" She answers. After a few minutes of small talk, Doctor Hail leads us through the small room where the ultrasound will take place.

I lie in the same bed I did when we had our first appointment when I was pregnant with Alouette. I raise my blouse and Doctor Hail sets the familiar black square on my belly and it starts to get warm on my skin.

"Alright, I gather you're still familiar with the procedure." Doctor Hail says as the red image on the screen starts to form.

"I will never forget." I say and wonder if Peeta could say the same. I look over to him and find that he is in a daze, staring at the monitor. I take his hand and he blinks a few times before focusing on me.

"Neither will I." He says in a whisper and I feel the corners of my lips rise to a wide smile.

"Here is the little baby." Doctor Hails says and Peeta and I look at the monitor where a red dome glows. Right at the center is what seems to be a thread, no longer than my thumbnail.

"The image is quite small but if we zoom in right here," Doctor Hail taps a configuration on the screen and the image becomes larger, "Here is the heart" She points to a small mound on the thread-like figure. She taps on the part of the screen where the heart is and the room is filled with the steady and rhythmic beat of our baby's heart.

"He's so small still." Peeta says.

"The fetus is no more than a few weeks old." Doctor Hail says, "Would you like to know the gender?"

"Yes." I say but as soon as I did, Peeta said, "No."

"No?" I ask him.

"I thought that it should be a surprise." He grins.

"But wouldn't that make preparing for the baby even harder?" I ask him, "How will we know what kinds of clothes to pick out or which toys to buy? What about names?"

"Oh, we'll manage." He smiles.

"Do you really want it this way?" I ask.

"Only if you agree." He says.

"Okay." I smile.

"Then, it's settled." Doctor Hail says, "For now we'll call the little one, Baby Mellark."

"Baby Mellark it is." I agree.

Doctor Hail removes the black square from my belly and the image on the monitor blurs until it is nothing but the screensaver of images of new born babies who she must've delivered. She puts on a new pair of gloves and takes a small rectangular box from the drawer below the monitor.

"This is going to hurt." I remark, bracing myself for what's to come.

"What?!" Peeta asks, his eyes shooting from the doctor who is turned away from us, preparing my countdown monitor.

"Oh right." I sigh, remembering that he's forgotten. "She's going to give me a countdown so that we know when Baby Mellark is coming. It's designed to go below the skin but only enough so that we can still read through my skin."

"How is it supposed to get under your skin?" He asks.

"It will burn her skin and sink into her wrist." Doctor Hail says, gently holding the silver stick our for both of us to see. "More importantly, when she starts labor, it will melt into a liquid that will go into her bloodstream and speed up dilation."

"Are you ready?"

I stick out my wrist to her and with one hand, she holds me steady. Slowly, she lowers to stick parallel to my wrist and it heats up the moment it touches my skin. It gets hotter and hotter until finally, it sinks low enough and stops getting hot. I grit my teeth to prevent myself from crying out, remembering the first time I experienced this. Doctor Hail quickly applies burn medicine on my wrist and it heals immediately.

"You're all set." Doctor Hail smiles. I rise from the bed and straighten my hair.

_M8 W3 D6 H20 Mi54 S30_

Eight months, three weeks and six days. I let my finger pass over the countdown that glows beneath my skin. It won't be long until I have this baby to hold in my arms.

"Uh, Doctor Hail?" The secretary knocks on the door and peaks in.

"Yes?" Doctor Hail asks. Her secretary pushes the door open and we find her carrying Alouette who is silently whimpering.

"She's asking for Mr. Mellark." She says. Peeta makes his way around the bed and over to the secretary and takes Alouette.

"What's the matter, Alouette?" He asks, bouncing her in his arms.

"I thought you left me here." She answers in a small voice.

"And why would you think we'd do that? That's silly!" I ask her, and thank the secretary before she leaves the room.

"Because you're getting a new baby and you're returning me because you don't want me anymore!" She answers and continues to cry.


	70. Chapter 69

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Sixty-Nine**

"Alouette, it's time for bed." I exhale.

"Too early! I want to play." She complains.

"It's time for bed." I plead. I pull her from the carpet and envelop her in my arms and look her in the eyes. "What's the matter?"

"I don't want to." She pouts.

"You don't want to what?" I ask her, making my way toward her bed and gently settling her onto her pillows.

"Sleep." She says finally.

"You need to sleep if you want to be a big girl." I smile and sit next to her on the bed.

"I don't want to." She insists.

"Aren't you sleepy yet?" I pull the covers up to her chin and tousle her brunette hair.

"No." For a two-year old, Alouette sure does know how to get what she wants.

"How about I sing you a song." I smile and start singing. When the song ends, she's still awake but only barely.

"I'll see you when you wake-up." I whisper and kiss the top of her head.

"Are you sure?" She asks, her eyes already closing very slowly.

Suddenly I am stricken with the same image from the past, the only difference is that the child under the covers had blond hair.

"_Are you sure?" Prim asked, her bony fingers clutching onto the thin sheet functioning as our blanket._

"_Of course." I sighed, trying to hide the fear in my own voice. "She's just sick for now because she misses Dad. She'll get better."_

"_How?" She looked up to me, her blue eyes searching my gray ones._

"_She'll snap out of it, somehow." I reassured her. "Besides, I can take care of the both of us."_

"_There are three of us, Katniss." Prim said. "We have to take care of Mom too."_

"_I know" I whispered. "Go to bed, it's late we still have school tomorrow."_

"_Will you sing?" She asked as she curled to her side. _

_I began to sing. I didn't even need to ask what she wanted to hear. There was nothing else but the song my father would sing to her as a baby. I sang until her eyes started to slowly close and her breathing lulled into a steady rhythm. _

_That night, before I let myself lie next to my sister, I crept into the living room where our mother sat as still as a statue. She was sitting on the same chair she has been on for the past week, staring into space, her fingers tapping on the armrest of the wooden chair. I knelt before her, took her hands in mine and pleaded._

"_Mom." I started, "Mom, look at me."_

_There was no change in her trance. It was as though she was hypnotized by something only she can see._

"_You can't just sit there forever." I tried my best to keep my voice low, so as not to wake my sister. "Mom, look at me! Prim needs you. We both do."_

_For a moment, I felt her fingers curl against mine but it was gone as soon as it came. I let her hands go and they fell on her lap. In the moonlight, I saw the dust jump from the fabric of her dress and float in the air._

"_She's gone." I thought to myself. "There's no way to get her back."_

"I'm sure." I tell my daughter. "I promise."

"Night Mama." She turns to her side, just as Prim did and as though she's been fighting really hard to stay away for a long time, she is sound asleep.

"Do you think I'm anything like my mother?" I ask Peeta as I pass my finger across my wrist, watching the light on the countdown dim into a softer light setting.

"I can't say for sure." He says, climbing under the covers and scooting in next to me. "I haven't had the pleasure of re-acquainting myself with Mrs. Everdeen."

"You can call her by her first name you know. It's Aurea." I say, "She's your mother-in-law after all."

"Why are you asking anyway?" He asks me.

"I just want to do right by our kids." I say, not mentioning what I just remembered.

"You are." Peeta tells me as he brings his arm over my shoulder. "Alouette is perfect. She's learning how to talk exceptionally fast."

"Something you can thank yourself for." I smile.

"Hey," Peeta brings me closer to him and lets his palm fall on my bulging belly. "Whatever you're thinking, it's not going to happen to you. You're a great mother, better than my own that's for sure."

"I'm sorry, she beat you." I sigh, remembering the very first time I ever saw his mother hit him.

"It's not your fault." He says. "How about we change the subject?"

"I'm game." I exhale, letting my head rest on his shoulder.

"Any name ideas?" He starts.

"I have actually." I smile, feeling giddy. "If it's a girl, Yvonne sounds like a nice name."

"And where did you hear that?" Peeta asks.

"Yvonne was Haymitch's mother's name. Yvonne Abernathy." I confess. "I was browsing around Effie's research and found Haymitch's family tree."

"Yvonne E. Mellark." Peeta tests, "It's sounds beautiful."

"I don't know what Haymitch would say about that but I think he'll be honored." I grin. "I haven't any names set out if it will be a boy."

"Well, I've though of one." Peeta says. "And you can tell me if you don't like it, I won't be mad."

"Go ahead." I say.

"I was thinking of Hector." He smiles, "It has a nice ring to it."

"It does." I agree. "Hector."

"Alouette and Hector, or Alouette and Yvonne." Peeta says. "Either way is perfect."

"Then it's settled." I grin. "Yvonne for a girl and Hector for a boy."

I scoot closer to Peeta. In the darkness of our room, I slowly drift to sleep, forgetting all about the horrible memories of my past.

"It's funny." I hear Peeta say,

"Hmm?" I ask,

"We never really did this with Alouette." He continues. "We just sort of knew what her name was when she arrived."

"It's different now I guess because we've done it before." I yawn. "Who knows maybe Yvonne won't be Yvonne or Hector won't be Hector when this one arrives…"

"Maybe." He says and he brings me even closer to him so that both his arms envelope me and as if he's found a switch, I fall asleep immediately.

* * *

><p>"Katniss." Peeta's voice creeps into me and slowly, I let my eyes open.<p>

"Peeta?" I mumble.

"Something is blinking." He says.

"The alarm is set for eight in the morning." I start to fall back to sleep when, Peeta reaches over to make me pay attention to him.

"No, not the clock, your countdown." He says and suddenly, I am alert. I raise my hand to the level of my eyes and as Peeta has said, it is blinking. The numbers on the countdown tell me that I still have some seven months and two weeks to go but the once steady electric blue light emitting just beneath my skin is now blinking red.

"What does this mean?" I ask under the glow of the red light. Peeta shifts beneath the covers and sits up staring back at me with the same fear in his eyes.

The phone suddenly rings and we scramble our of bed, to reach for the phone on the desk east of the bed. Peeta gets there first and takes the phone from its cradle.

"Hello?" he says, "Doctor Hail."

This can't be good. I pull some clothes from my closet and get dressed.

"Yes, it's blinking, we just noticed now. What does it mean?"

I look over to Peeta, pulling my messy hair into a pony tail. His expression doesn't change from fear.

What is happening? I can't let my thoughts wander to the implications of the blinking light of the supposed countdown that monitors my baby's growth, if only to keep myself from breaking down.

"We're on our way." Peeta says and puts the phone back in its cradle. Without saying a word, he gets dressed as fast as the wind in a storm.

"Peeta, what is it?!" I ask him, my voice shaking.

"We need to go to the hospital, Doctor Hail is also on her way." He says. He leaves the room and comes back carrying our sleeping toddler in his arms. "We have to go now."

"You can't keep me in the dark like this!" I cry. "Tell me."

"He's sick." He says as he secures our daughter in a single arm so that he can take my hand and lead me out the room and down the hall, "Or he will be, at least, the countdown is detecting that his development will result into some kind of sickness."

"_He._" I repeat.

"We're having a boy." Peeta says, as we glide down the stairs.

"Is he going to be okay? How long do we have until he develops the sickness?" I ask helplessly as we move through the house and out in the porch.

"We don't know yet." Peeta says. "He'll be okay, I'll make sure of it." He opens the door of the passenger's seat and I get it and buckle on my seatbelt. In the back he gently settles Alouette into her car seat. In the meanwhile, I could feel myself stiffen, just as my mother did. My palms rest over my belly, while all the horrible possibilities race in my mind, all demanding my attention.

Peeta starts the car and pulls out of the garage and speeds though the streets of Twelve. I sit still in my seat, now completely comprehending how and why my mother did what she did, why she sat as still as a statue, oblivious to the things around her. The longer I let myself stare into the nothingness before me, the more I forget the problem bearing down on me.

"Katniss." Peeta's voice brings me back to reality. "Stay here. You're better than that."

I look over to him, his eyes are focused on the road but I could feel his hand enclose on mine just as I did with my mother.

"We'll get through this." He says.

"I know we will." I whisper, "But will Hector?"


	71. Chapter 70

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Seventy**

"Ms. Everdeen, please calm down." Doctor Hail coaxes me into a seat and looks me in the eyes but I can't see her. In my mind, there is only an image of a broken baby boy lying still in my arms. I could feel the tears stream down my face in rivulets and drop to my lap.

"I can't reach her, she's in shock." Doctor Hail says, rising from her stoop. I feel as though I were a spectator, merely a pair of eyes watching and waiting for the inevitable horror. This must be what it felt like for my mother, to sit as still as stone and watch without any emotional entanglement as the lives of her daughters gradually amounted to nothing but the dust in the air.

"Why are we in the hospital?" Alouette's voice echoes into my consciousness and slowly, as though my body resisted my decision, I allowed myself to blink away the stillness that threatens to incapacitate me. "Is Mama sick?"

"No." I sigh, and Doctor Hail and Peeta's eyes shoot to my direction.

"Katniss." Peeta says, "Are you alright?"

"I'm sorry." I exhale. "I won't let that happen again."

"It's alrght." He says, putting Alouette down on the floor and taking my hand. "All that matters is that your back."

"Ms. Everdeen why don't you lay down here." Doctor Hail pats the thin cushion over the hospital bed and I rise to my feet. When I get settled onto the bed she asks me to lift up my shirt. She places the familiar black square on my belly and it heats up immediately.

"How bad is it?" I say between gritted teeth. Peeta grabs a chair and sits next to me, his eyes planted upon the monitor that will show our baby. Alouette climbs onto his lap but he doesn't even seem to notice.

"We can't know for sure yet." Doctor Hails says, "The countdown, which monitors the baby's growth, detected some abnormality in the current development that may or may not correct itself."

"What if it doesn't correct itself?" Peeta asks.

"We'll have a cure." Doctor Hail simply says, after that she focuses on reading the information on the screen. Numerous times, she swipes over the monitor and enlarges a part in the image that neither Peeta nor I can decipher. Her brow furrows and she writes something down on her chart and moves on to a different segment of the image.

"Alright, right here is his heart." She finally starts talking again. She taps the image and the sound of the pounding of life in the womb once again fills the room. We listen for a while and the once steady rhythm starts to manifest a certain syncopated and irregular measure.

"Do you hear that?" Doctor Hail asks. "This is the predicted development of his heart. It seems that his current development is leaning toward a weak cardiovascular system."

"What does that mean?" I ask, feeling my own heart pound in my chest.

"It can mean many things." She says, looking back in the monitor and swiping through the image. "It can mean that he will have a weak heart but he won't need any sort of treatment. In the _most_ rare of occasions, it can mean that his situation may be severe but currently, the countdown is not announcing any such reports."

"What caused this?" Peeta asks as Alouette starts to fall asleep in his arms.

"The countdown actually has that answered. It reports that spontaneous mutation caused or rather, will cause this."

"What exactly will result out of this?" He asks. I let my hands find Peeta's because it is so easy to let go and disappear just as my mother did. I anchor myself to reality for my son's sake.

"The most common is that his heart will have missing parts or will develop holes." She answers and my mind starts spiraling.

Will he get to play outside?

Will he be strong enough to run around the meadow?

What does it mean if his heart is missing a part?

How long does he have?

Will I ever get to hold him?

"Mr. Mellark and Ms. Everdeen." Doctor Hail presses a button on her control panel and the bed rises so that my back is supported while I am in a seated position. "I understand what you might be feeling right now. I know how it is to have something so perfect be destroyed in a matter of seconds but I also know that we live in an incredibly advanced time."

"He won't have to have a weak heart?" I exhale, feeling a smile creep into my desolate face.

"That I am sure of." She smiles. "He will have a normal life just like any other little boy but there will be some obstacles to overcome."

"We'll do anything." Peeta says, "We'll pay anything."

"Don't get ahead of yourselves." She laughs. "Baby Mellark, is perfectly healthy right now. It will be a couple of weeks before he manifests the abnormalities. This just proves how efficient the countdown is."

"His name is Hector." I smile. "Hector."

"Hector sounds like a wonderful name." Doctor Hails says. "It's still too early to give him the medicine but I will have you come back here precisely when your countdown tells you that you only have six months. We'll see if it's safe to try the medicine then."

"Six months." Peeta repeats.

"The procedure is not difficult at all." She continues, "Just a simple injection to the amniotic fluid just to make sure that his cells won't mutate in the course of development. It's just that the medicine may also interfere with other developmental processes and instead of solving the problem, it might just serve as a catalyst to another."

"Will it be painful?" I ask,

"I have light hands." She says, "It won't hurt any more than it has to."

"No, will it hurt Hector?" I say.

"That, we have not proven." She says honestly. "Just know that it will be worth it."

"What happens in the sixth month if we find out that he won't be strong enough to take the medicine?" Peeta asks her.

"We'll wait until Ms. Everdeen goes into labor and immediately give him the injection." She says.

Peeta and I look to her, our faces worn with worry.

"Don't worry." She says to us, looking very confident. "I have done this before. I will not let anything happen to your son."

Doctor Hails finally takes the black square from my belly and I pull my shirt down. Peeta helps me down from the bed and secures Alouette in his arms.

"Thank you, Doctor Hail." I tell her and I don't even stop myself from giving her a hug. "Thank you so much."

"It's my pleasure." She says, when we part. "Take good care of yourself."

"I will." I promise her.

"Thank you for coming in such short notice." Peeta says. "We wouldn't know what to do without you."

"All in the day's job." She leads us to the door and in a few minutes, we're out of the hospital building.

Flashing lights bombard us and instinctively, I raise my forearm to the level of my eyes. I hold onto Alouette's hand tightly and steer her to the right way. Somehow, in the silence of the night, the reporters and cameramen have found their way to the jackpot of their careers: our private lives.

Peeta's arm comes over my shoulders and he raises his hands to politely show that we're not available at the moment.

"Is that a pregnancy countdown?!" a reporter calls

Suddenly, I realize that the arm that I have raised to protect my eyes from the light is the one bearing my countdown. I put my hand down immediately and keep on walking.

"Ms. Everdeen! Are you pregnant again?!"

"Is it a boy or a girl?"

"Why were you in the hospital at this hour?!"

"When will you two get married?!"

"Do you have any name ideas?"

"How does Alouette feel about being a big sister?"

Peeta opens the car door for me and I carry Alouette in the car and set her on my lap.

"We have no comment on your questions." I hear Peeta say to the reporters, "Please, we are going home, you should all do the same."

"Mama?" I hear Alouette's tiny voice. I look down to find her eyes slowly dropping to a close.

"Yes?" I answer.

"Is he going to be okay?" She asks, fighting very hard to keep awake.

"Daddy's just telling the nice people that we're going home." I reassure her.

"No, I meant the baby in your belly." She says, and my heart almost skips a beat.

"Of course he will." I exhale, hoping that my daughter believes in my words more than I do.

"Good." She says, cuddling closer to me. "Maybe he'll like apple sauce too."


	72. Chapter 71

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Seventy-One**

"Let me take her." Peeta says after opening my door for me. He takes the sleeping toddler from my lap and offers a hand to help me down the car. I lay my palm over my belly and carefully step out.

In the distance, I spot an occasional flash of light and hear a faint click. Peeta notices what I've picked up and he secures Alouette in a single arm and encloses me close to him and leads me to the house.

"I want them to go away." I whisper as we reach the front door.

"I'll fix this." He says. I take my keys from my pocket and unlock the door.

We take Alouette back to her room and tuck her gently in bed. I change my clothes, feeling as mechanical as ever, ordering myself to do things just as I did in the past.

Breathe, Katniss.

Change your clothes, Katniss.

Brush your teeth, Katniss.

"Rest, Katniss." Peeta's voice tells me. I climb onto the bed and he sits next to me.

"What are we going to do?" I sigh.

"We'll know in two month's time." He says, taking both my hands in his. We look down at the countdown shining just beneath my skin. A series of flashing lights from the window catch our eyes and I could feel Peeta stiffen in frustration.

"I'll take care of this, I promise." He says and gets up to draw the curtains to a close.

"Come to bed." I tell him because I know nightmares will come.

"I want to make a call first." He says, probably already thinking of a solution.

"No, you can do that tomorrow." I say. "Please, Peeta."

He walks over to the bed and under the covers. I let myself curl around him and let his arms embrace me. I feel safe with him.

* * *

><p>"He's coming!" I hear myself, when I wake with the horrible pain coming from my center. I look down at my wrist and witness the countdown melt and start to travel through my veins. Peeta jerks awake his eyes wide with shock and fear.<p>

"It's too early!" he says. Another round of pain overcomes me and I can feel my fingers grip the sheets of the bed. I could feel Peeta's arms behind my head and legs, lifting me into the air and holding me close to him. My back arches in pain and I could hear my voice crack as I scream louder and louder each time.

"Relax, Ms. Everdeen." Doctor Hail says as they set me down on one of the hospital beds. "Breathe."

I try my best to do as she says but every sharp breath make it even more painful. I hold tight onto the steel rails on the side of the bed as they wheel me down the hall and into a private room.

As quick as it came, it disappears. The pain is gone and I can no longer hear my cries bounce and echo through the walls of the room.

"Where is he?" I groan, forcing myself to stay conscious but feeling immensely tired and worn out.

"Katniss, I—" Peeta stutters but does not continue.

"Hector?" I could feel the air escaping from my lungs as I exhale.

I am so tired.

Why won't they give my son to me?

"Ms. Everdeen, he's…" I could hear the fear in Doctor Hail's voice and a shiver runs through my spine.

"Give him to me!" I order, now fully alert. Painfully, I prop myself onto my elbows and see the figure in the doctor's arms.

There is blood everywhere, trailing down to Doctor Hail's forearm and dripping from her elbow. The figure she is cradling is looks as though it were dipped in a pool of red. His chest, bloodiest of all and the source of the red tint that covers the entirety of his body, is like a water fall of blood. I could hear the faint squirming of the figure that is supposed to be my baby boy. Slowly as though she were approaching an angry lioness, Doctor Hail comes toward me. She brings the figure, wrapped in cloth that is already damp with blood, and settles him in my arms.

"I am so sorry." She is crying now, "There is nothing we can do."

I look back at her, feeling the weight of the figure in my arms, the warm blood seeping into my own clothes.

"How could you let this happen to him?!" I cry. Doctor Hail says something else but I don't hear it. I look down at Hector, squirming in pain in my arms.

"I'm so sorry." I whisper, kissing his bloody forehead and tasting the blood in my lips. I use the cloth to wipe the blood on his face and his arms. He's crying silently, not the wailing of a newborn child but the silent whimpering of one who is about to die.

"Shh." I coo, "I'm here. Mama's here."

I could feel the tears fall from my eyes and land on the cloth. I could _see_ his broken heart. I look down at his chest and see how it throbs and pumps blood everywhere. The sheets on the bed have already been stained with his blood.

His breathing slows and I could see his face turn as white as snow. He takes one last breath, looks up to me, his eyes a dark window to his drifting soul, blink to a close and that's it, he's gone.

"No, no, no, no, no." I cry. "Wake up sweetheart! Hector? Hector?"

"No!" I could hear Peeta cry as well, hear the sound of his fall to the floor, his pounding on the tiles.

I lay my palm over his exposed heart and pump it gently, forcing the life to return to his still warm body.

"Someone help." I mumble, "Someone help us please."

I look up and survey our surroundings but there is no one. The hospital, once busy and full of life, is now empty. I could hear the ringing of silence in my ears and know that there is no one here.

"Please." I massage his heart willing him to come back to life. "Come back to me, Hector."

"No, no, no, no." I could hear Peeta sob. I look at my son's face and see how slowly he turns from porcelain white to gray. I stop pumping his heart and bring him close to me. I lift his head until he rests on my chest and kiss the top of his head.

"Mama's sorry." I cry. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Katniss!" Peeta's voice calls to me and look back at him only his eyes aren't red with the effort of crying, he looks as if he's just woken up. I look down in my arms and find them empty. I am not in a hospital room, I am in my home, on my own bed.

"It was a dream." Peeta says, as he had a million times before. "Only a dream."

"A nightmare." I exhale and start shaking. I wipe the tears from my eyes and inhale. "It was terrible. It felt so real."

"It wasn't and it will never be real." He brings me close to him and I fit myself in his arms.

"It was Hector." I cry. "I watched him die in my arms."

"That will never happen." He assures me.

"I watched Rue die in my arms and Prim right in front of me and I wasn't able to do anything about it then." I sob, "Who's to say I can do something about it this time around?"

"This time, you're not in the Arena or in the middle of a Rebellion." He says his kisses me. "Go back to sleep, the sun will rise soon."

"I'm not sleepy anymore." I say.

"You must be tired." He says, resting my head on his shoulder and pulling my arms around him. In an instant I could feel myself drift away again into sleep.

* * *

><p>"That seems unnecessary." I hear Peeta's voice as I wake. "Just send some one over here for the mean time. You must be busy."<p>

"Peeta?" I mumble but he doesn't hear me. I sit up and rub the sleep from my eyes. Who is he speaking to?

"We did?" He says, looking confused. "I don't remember."

Of course he doesn't. Whatever that must be, it must have happened after our first Games. To be honest, Peeta hasn't remembered much, only to the extent of our moment in the cave when he told me not to go to the feast. Beyond that, there have only been bits and pieces of his memory resurfacing, but none too significant.

"Alright, we'll talk then." He says and returns the phone back to its cradle.

"Who was that?" I ask him, getting to my feet.

"I was talking to Gale." He says and gawk at him.

"Why?" I ask.

"I promised you I'd do something about the media always tailing us everywhere we go." He says and gives me a light kiss on the forehead. "How did you sleep?"

"Better." I say shortly. "What did he say?"

"We haven't decided on anything yet. He told me how we once had a security team just for that purpose?" He says.

"Yes we did but I had to let them go." I tell him.

"He said as much." He continues. "He said we'll talk some more about that when he gets here."

"What?!" I ask, shoked. "He's flying over her just for that?"

"He says he's got some business here." Peeta tells me. "Perfect timing I guess."

_I doubt it_. I think to myself.


	73. Chapter 72

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Seventy-Two**

"Gale!" I give him a hug as the security men around us scuffle keep the camera men at bay.

"Katniss." He returns my hug.

"How was the flight?" Peeta asks as they shake hands. It's midday, only a few hours since Peeta and Gale talked over the phone.

"Good." Gale says, "And how is Alouette?"

Alouette hides behind me, clutching onto my blouse. She never liked cameras or being in places with too many people. I pick her up and ask her to say hi to Gale.

"Alouette, this is—" I pause. Who is Gale in my life now? "This is Uncle Gale." I say instead.

Alouette extends her hand just as we have taught her and Gale takes her hand and they shake.

Could this be any more awkward and uncomfortable? When did Gale and I lose our easy energy?

We get into our car and lead the way home as Gale takes his own car and follows behind us. In mirror, I look back at my daughter, uncomfortable in her car seat, looking out the window where the camera men have taken their motorcycles and continue to follow us.

"Are we there yet?" She asks, seeing my reflection in the mirror.

"Almost." I assure her. After a few minutes we arrive home. We close the gates behind us, an easy barrier against the prying eyes.

"This has to stop." Peeta says when the four of us have gathered in the living room.

"Go play in your room, Alouette." I put her down on the floor and she scurries up to her room.

"This is the price you pay for letting Harvey and the Team go." Gale sits on one of the couches and so do Peeta and I.

"Harvey?" Peeta asks, unable to remember.

"He was one of the security heads of your previous Security team." Gale says, "One of the best District Two had to offer."

"I told you why I can't have them anymore." I sigh. "Can't you mandate some sort of order or law?"

"Laws are national, I can't have laws tailor made for just a single unit." He says. "I was thinking of giving you some sort of security detail again."

"Gale, I—" I start but he continues talking.

"Just enough for you to have your perimeter secured." He says. "I promise you that their job will be restricted to keeping unwanted media men away from your path."

"That sounds good." Peeta says.

"How soon can they come?" I ask Gale.

"A few hours." He says, "I can have my people in Two arrange a team who can fly out as soon as possible. They can take the Capitol route."

"Thank you." I smile.

"It's no problem." He says rather formally.

"Well, I'm sure you have business to attend to." Peeta says, rising from the couch. "We can't keep you."

"Oh, right." Gale says after a while and gets to his feet. "Right, I'll go now. I'll give you a call when your team arrives."

"I'm sure he can stay a bit longer." I try but Peeta insists.

"We'll wait for your call." He says and smiles, gesturing toward the door.

We lead him to the front door and he takes his car and leaves.

"Peeta, what was that?" I turn to face him.

"What?" He asks, innocently.

"You were driving him away!" I raise my voice.

"I was trying to be nice." He says. "He told me when we were speaking over the phone that he was here for business."

"That's not the truth." I scowl. "Why were you really so eager to get him out of the house?!"

"You're right," He heaves a sigh. "I'm sorry."

"Why did you do it?" I demand, feeling like I'm talking to Alouette who's done something she wasn't supposed to do.

"Because I know you have something with him and I thought that if you two spent too much time together, you'd forget about me." He confesses and falls to the chair behind him.

"Peeta…" I whisper, realizing my own fault. I often forget that Peeta isn't back to his normal self. He's still stuck in the past where he knows that we were only star-crossed lovers, some role to play in front of cameras and nothing more. Back then, everybody in Twelve knew, even a part of myself knew that if it weren't for the Games, I would have ended up with Gale.

"I'm with _you_." I tell him, making him look up to me. "I'm not with him. I live in this house with _you._ Alouette is _our_ daughter and this," I point to my belly, "This is _our_ son."

"It's hard." He says.

"I know it is." I say, "But it's simple. I chose you over him."

"I'm sorry." He sighs, "I should trust you."

* * *

><p>"Nap time." I announce as I enter my daughter's room. Peeta has gone to the bakery. He likes it there because it's familiar. He opens it up every lunch time until sunset and closes shop to have dinner with us.<p>

"Not tired." Alouette says indignantly. I carry her and she struggles for a while but soon gives up. I cradle her, rocking her gently left to right just as I saw my mother do to Prim when we were younger, before my father died. In a matter of minutes she's sound asleep and I lower her to her crib and carefully close the door behind me.

The moment the door clicks in place, the phone rings. I hurry to answer it, lest my daughter have a rude awakening.

"Hello?" I answer.

"Katniss." I hear Gale's voice answer me.

"Gale," I start. "Listen, I'm sorry Peeta drove you away earlier, you can come over whenever you want."

"It's fine." He says.

"The team is already here?" I ask, "That was fast."

"No." He says.

"Then why are you calling?" I sit on the edge of my bed, confused.

"I wanted to see you." He says, his voice low.

"We just saw each other." I tell him.

"No." He says, "Alone."

"Gale, I—" I start to protest but he cuts me off.

"Trust me." He says, "I know Peeta's not home. Meet me in the Apartment Complex 1. I'm in room 820." The line goes off and I am left with the ringing of the phone. I put it back in the cradle and try to gather my thoughts.

Sunset.

I have until sunset. Whatever Gale wants to talk about it can only last until sunset. I prepare the stroller and carefully transfer my sleeping daughter from the crib and secure her in her seat. I don't bother taking the car since the Apartment Complex is not that far. I've been there long ago when Leevy and I used to meet up and go to the meadow. Alouette remains asleep for the rest of the walk. Thankfully, no cameras come to greet us. It must've been Gale's doing.

I reach the Apartment Complex and realize that I have to take the elevator. I don't like the elevators in Twelve, they remind me too much about the ones in the mines. I take my daughter from the stroller and carry her instead. I leave the stroller behind with one of the employees and take for the stairs.

"You took her with you?" Gale says when he opens the door.

"Shh!" I exhale, feeling tired form the long travel up the stairs. "I couldn't exactly leave her alone in the house! I'm a mother now, Gale, I have responsibilities!"

"You're right, I'm sorry." He says. "Here let me take her."

Gale takes her from me and notices the countdown on my wrist. I could see the realization of my pregnancy settle in his reaction.

"You didn't tell me you were pregnant." He says, shifting Alouette to a more comfortable position.

"We didn't exactly have time to _chit-chat_." I say, imitating Effie's accent. He lets me in and he settles Alouette on the bed and lays a blanket over her.

"What is it?" I ask him, taking a seat on one of the couches and putting my hands over my belly.

"How are you?" He asks, sitting beside me.

"I'm fine." I say. "The baby's sick but we're getting treatment. Everything should go well."

"Sick?" He looks concerned, taking one of my hands. I feel uncomfortable.

"It's something to do with his heart." I sigh. "The doctor says she's got everything under control.

"But?" He asks, giving my hand a light squeeze.

"But of course, I can't help but think of the worst possible thing that could happen." I confess. "Gale, why did you want me to come here?" I ask then, changing the subject.

"I missed you." He says, leaning in closer to me.

"You don't really have business here in Twelve, do you?" I ask, my voice low for fear of Alouette waking up. He moves in closer to me and somehow though my mind tells me to move away, my body does not oblige. Some part of me is saying how much I've missed Gale's presence, his strong arms and his sharp eye for perfection. He circles his arm around me and I curl into him, just as I would with Peeta. Every inch of me is excited. This is something new. This is the one that could have been, coming to reality.

"I came to see you." He whispers before bringing his lips to mine.


	74. Chapter 73

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Seventy-Three**

I lay my palms square on his chest and push him away as hard as I can. In the seconds it took for him to come close enough for a kiss, about a million thoughts flooded my mind.

What will Peeta think of this?

He was right.

What will Alouette make of this if she wakes up?

What the hell is Gale thinking?

Why did I let it come to this?

"Gale!" I almost scream, "Get away from me."

"I—I'm sorry." He stutters.

"What were you thinking?!" I get up from the couch and gather my things.

"I was thinking that you deserve someone better!" He says. "Someone who actually remembers who you are now!"

"Peeta knows everything he needs to know." I scowl.

"Really?!" He growls, "Can you actually see yourself sticking with this guy day in and day out?! Didn't you choose him because he knew everything about the _new_ Katniss and all _I_ knew was the old one? Well if science proves, I know you better than he does now!"

"We're not teenagers anymore! I have a child—children with him!" I can't help but raise my voice, "I am pregnant with his baby right now! Our daughter is right there behind you. Did you think that you'd sweep back here and take me away with you just because you have all _your_ memories intact?"

"I was thinking of what was best for you." He says.

"And you think starting an affair is?!" I scowl.

"It's not an affair if you're not married." He continues. "_I_ am the best for you."

"We're _engaged_, Gale!" I sigh. "Listen, Gale, we're leaving. I'm taking Alouette and I will never agree to see you alone if this is how you'll behave."

"Let's talk about this." He pleads.

"No." I insist. "Don't you understand, Gale? I'm happy with him. Peeta makes me happy, with or without his memories. You'll find someone else to love, just like I found mine."

"There's only you." He sighs and sinks back on the couch.

I take Alouette from the bed, gently letting her head rest on my shoulder and securing her in my arms. Without another word, I leave and close the door behind me. I glide down the long flight of stairs and finally reach the lobby where the employee waits with Alouette's stroller. I say thank you and gently lower my daughter into the chair and belt her in.

I walk toward the bakery and catch Peeta turning chairs over while sweeping the floor. He sees me coming and the light in his eyes instantly brightens. My stomach is twisting.

"Hi." I greet him when he opens the door for us.

"We should wake her up." Peeta says, kneeling to wake our daughter. "She'll have a hard time sleeping tonight if her nap is too long."

"Peeta I need to talk to you." I exhale.

"Hey, sweetheart." He smiles as Alouette stirs awake but refuses to open her eyes. I put my hand on Peeta shoulder to get his attention.

"Gale tried to kiss me." I say outright. He gawks at me and slowly gets back on his feet.

"I didn't let him." I continue. "I pushed him away and left."

"When?" He says shortly.

"Just now." I look at my feet, feeling ashamed.

"Where?" He asks.

"In his apartment in Complex 1." I tell him. "Nothing happened."

"Why were you there in the first place?!" He says, I could feel his anger but more than that I could see how sad he is.

"He called me over." I say. "He didn't say why."

"I thought I could trust him." He says regretfully.

"I'm never seeing him again." I promise him.

"Go home." He says, leaving the keys with me. "I'll meet you for dinner."

"Peeta, don't." I call after him but he doesn't even turn. He stalks over to the direction of the apartment complex, his hands in fists.

I heave a sigh and remind myself to relax. It wouldn't be good for Hector if I were all wound up with tension. I wheel the stroller around and lock the door behind me.

I shouldn't have come alone. I should've known that Gale would try to do that.

I reexamine what had taken place and I can't help but be honest to myself and admit that there was a moment, even if it only lasted for a few seconds, that I wanted him as close to me as he was. A moment where some part of me relished in his presence. If good sense did not come soon enough, I would have let him kiss me, just like we had in the woods. I shake myself back to reality and reassure myself that I've made the best decision by choosing Peeta. This is not child's play, this is real life and I can't, I won't ruin a perfect family just to satiate my immature feelings.


	75. Chapter 74

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Seventy-Four**

"I'll take her upstairs." Peeta says in a low voice. Alouette has fallen asleep in the living room still clutching onto one of Peeta's paintbrushes. There is a cut across his lip and bruises over his cheekbones. I look down at his hands and notice the blood clots on his knuckles. I see all of this but I remain silent. I let him take Alouette into her room and I prepare for bed.

I climb under the covers and wait for him to enter our room but he doesn't. I watch the clock tick by but the door doesn't open. I lay my head down on the pillow, feeling as lonely as ever and slowly, I allow myself to drift to sleep.

I wake in the middle of the night, still feeling the sting of the fog in my dreams on the heel of my feet. How could I even think of going back to Gale when I can't even spend a night without Peeta?

I crawl out of the covers, dragging one of the blankets with me and slowly open the room door and step out. I peak through Alouette's door just to check on her and then glide down the stairs and find Peeta sleeping on the couch in the living room.

I spread the blanket by the foot of couch and lay down using my arm as a pillow. I fall back to sleep in moments.

I awake with the sunlight in my face and the soft covers over me. I open my eyes and find myself back in my room. Peeta must've carried me back here. I push the sheets away and get up and find a note on the end table.

"Went to the bakery. Alouette is with me. Effie called, said to meet her at your mansion in the Victor's Village at around 9am. –Peeta"

Effie is wearing a long gown that slides across the wooden floor when she walks. She greets me with me with a hug and quickly shows me around the mansion that is being transformed into a museum in my honor. It surreal to see photos of myself in the Arena. I have never before seen it in this third person point of view. In my nightmares, I have always been trapped behind the distorted images of my memories but in the light of the day and the strange approach, the photos almost makes it seem like it were from a movie.

The photos are resting against the wall, waiting to be framed and hung. Rue's face appears frequently, as well as Prim's. Every tribute I have ever came contact with has their own canvas, their faces staring blankly at me. Finnick, Clove, Cato, Mags…

I tear my eyes away from every picture, unprepared from the mixture of emotions from the terrible past and the complicated present.

I listen to Effie go on and on about how she plans on remodeling each of the bedrooms as a tribute to a particular person and I nod along with it. She's been staying somewhere near Twelve. The cameras have also driven her away to some secret hideaway the Capitol must have provided for her. She looks like the same Effie a decade ago when she called my sister's name in the Reaping. But her unchanging surface cannot account for the damaged part of herself that she tries very hard to keep secret. Her limp can no longer be noticed, and she never wears dresses that go over her ankles, lest the scars find the light of day and expose the dark terrors she's been through in the hands of Snow.

I exhale deeply, letting myself let go of the events that happened yesterday and fight to clear my mind to know what my next move will be. Effie is now leading me into the kitchen where she tells me Peeta has agreed to cater during the Grand Opening. At the sound of his name, I feel my knees buckle. I grab a seat and lean on it if only to keep myself steady.

"Is there something wrong, darling?" Effie says, with so much worry in her face.

"Fine." I lie but of course, Effie persists.

"Is it something to do with the baby?" She asks then

"No." I tell her and take a seat on the chair. "Peeta and I got into a fight."

"I'm sure it will all be fixed." She pats my shoulder and gives me a sincere smile. "He loves you after all."

"It's different this time, Effie." I sigh.

"Well." She says, her voice rising. "Both of you will find a way. I'll tell you what, we'll end here, everything is set up anyway, I just wanted to see how you liked it."

"Everything looks great, Effie." I smile, "I can't believe you did this on your own."

"Of course I had a team." She beams. "Why don't you go along and find Peeta and fix whatever needs fixing."

"Thanks Effie." I get up and give her a hug before leaving.

I collect my thoughts, trying to bring words together into some coherent reason why things happened they way they did—or didn't, but words have never been my allies. I bring my wrist up to eye level and check my countdown. I will not bring Hector into a broken family, nor will I raise Alouette in one. I walk back to the house to collect my things and change my clothes. In the depths of my separate closet where Cinna's dresses are kept, I pull out the orange dress he made for me because he knew Peeta liked orange. I wondered if I would still fit into it, what with the child I am carrying. Nevertheless, the fabric seems to fit itself to my shape and suddenly, I feel seventeen again. I gather my things and make my wait to the bakery where my family is.

The small bell atop the doorframe rings when I swing the door open to let myself in. Alouette immediately comes running from the kitchen wearing Peeta's baking hat which sinks to her eyebrows because it's too big for her. Her palms are white with flour and her face is smeared with icing.

"Mama!" She smiles and reaches to take my hand. "We made a cake! Come see!"

She pulls me to the kitchen where I find Peeta concentrating on decorating the cake. I haven't seen him this peaceful since the night I crept into his mansion in the Victor's Village, seeking refuge from the nightmares that always came in his absence. That night I asked him to marry me and I slept in his arms, dreaming of the daughter that I now have and the son I will soon be having.

"See the cake!" Alouette cries, pointing to the tall tower of differently colored layers of cake. You can tell which ones Alouette iced and which one's Peeta did.

"It looks very good!" I smile down at my daughter. She lets go of my hand and starts to reach for the cake, ready to grab a handful of it when Peeta and I simultaneously stop her.

"Not yet, Alouette." I say immediately.

"We can eat the cake later." Peeta says too.

Peeta looks to me and I look back at him. He sees the dress I'm wearing and the look on his face changes. I feel relieved because I know this face.

He's remembered something.

I smile back at him, hoping he would do the same. He sets down the tube of green icing and grabs a damp towel to wipe his hands.

"I didn't think it was good for you to sleep on the floor." He says first.

"I couldn't sleep without you." I say in a low and honest voice.

"Can I have cake now? Please?" Alouette persists.

"Sure, sweetheart." Peeta says, getting a plate and slicing her a small piece. I lift her up and set her on one of the high chairs and belt her in. Peeta sets the plate in front of her and she starts eating the cake with just her hands.

"Can we talk?" I ask Peeta.

"Your dress." He says and drifts off. I look down at my dress and see the icing smeared at the hem.

"It's okay, we can get it cleaned." I smile.

"You look beautiful." He says, looking back to me.

"Thank you." I reach to take his hand, still unsure if he'll respond. He lets our fingers intertwine and I lead him behind Alouette so that she can't see me kiss her father in a way that small kids should not see their parents do.

"I'm sorry." I say after we part.

"Nothing happened?" He asks me and I can still see the hurt in his face.

"Nothing." I assure him, I let my fingers play with his hair and look into his blue eyes. "I'm sorry I made you feel that way."

"I love you, do you know that?" He asks.

"Of course I do. How could you even ask that?" I tell him.

"I love you." He repeats, slowly this time. "And that means that I won't, no, I can't do anything if you decide to leave me so that you can be happy. I can't. You're happiness is everything to me even if it means that you will find it with some one else."

"I will never leave you. I am happy only when I am with this family." I tell him. "I love you and I can't spend a single night or day without you."

"Let's get married." He exhales.

"Today?!" I laugh.

"Yes." He looks back at me and I know he's serious. "I know you wanted to wait but I—"

"Today. In the Justice Building." I feel a smile creep into my face. "It's been too long. We've waited long enough. Before the sun sets, I want to be Mrs. Mellark again."

"We already have a cake to celebrate." He smiles and I laugh.

We walk into the hall of the Justice Building and explain that we want to get married. At first the secretaries are confused, asking us what date we wanted it to be scheduled. We tell them, "Today." and they rush to prepare the papers.

Peeta is carrying Alouette, in his arms, her face rough with the sugar sticking to her skin. My orange dress is smeared with icing and Peeta is still wearing his apron, stained with food coloring and powdered with flour. I try to imagine what kind of image we look like, what sort of emotion this scene would create if it were among the photos Effie had lined up back in the Mansion-turned-museum back in the Victor's Village. A pregnant woman, wearing an orange dress, standing with her fiancée in his apron, carrying their daughter whose face is colored with icing, all waiting for their marriage papers to be printed and signed.

I have the family I never dreamed I would want or need. Today I am happy.


	76. Chapter 75

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Seventy-Five**

I fiddle with my ring idly. I'm nervous, I can't deny that. Peeta and I sit in the clinic, waiting for our turn in the ultrasound room. We just dropped Alouette in school before going here.

"Why are you reading that?" I ask Peeta. He's sitting next to me his legs crossed holding a magazine up to his face. In the cover page you can see both our faces squinting against the flashing cameras.

"I just wanted to see what they had to say." He says, not looking to me.

"Nothing true that's for sure." I grunt.

He sighs and closes the magazine and lays it on the coffee table in front of us.

"Are you okay?" He asks, taking my hands.

"I'm nervous." I confess. "Aren't you?"

"I was." He says. "But Doctor Hail sounded very confident when she explained the procedure to us."

"Still." I insist, feeling my stomach curl. In three months time we would we leaving this same hospital and I hope to leave it with my son in my arms.

"Hey." He takes my chin and makes me look at him. "Everything's going to be fine. This baby is going to be okay."

"But what if—" I start.

"Mr. and Mrs. Mellark?" the nurse comes out of the ultrasound room after a couple leaves.

"Here." I jump to my feet.

"In this way." She smiles and Peeta and I follow her.

Today marks exactly seven days after the six month mark. Doctor Hail walked us through the procedure and all three of us finally decided that it will be best for Hector to get his treatment before birth. This early treatment will also let us know how he reacts to this kind of procedure. If he resents it, we will have no choice but to have an operation when he is born. She got me tested and we found that he's strong enough for it so there is a good chance that he will be fine from this point on.

I lay down on the same bed I have been on for the past few weeks and pull my shirt up. Doctor Hail injects a tracker into my belly so that we can see how Hector reacts to the medicine. The tracker will also act as a magnet to the treatment in case Hector shows any negative sign towards it.

The needle pierces my skin and sends the tracker into my body.

"We'll wait for the tracker to get in place." Doctor Hail says, removing her mask and throwing the syringe in the trash. "How are we feeling?"

"Nervous." I sigh. Peeta takes my hand.

"This is a low risk procedure." She says, "The tracker will make sure of that."

"How will we know when it's in place?" Peeta asks.

"A light will spark and we can actually observe it just beneath the skin of Mrs. Mellark." She says, "That way, I can also ascertain that it is in the right place."

In that moment, a spark lighted just beneath my skin. It's as if I felt the heat emerge deep within me and manifest itself as a dim light under my skin.

Peeta and I look up to Doctor Hail and she puts on a new pair of gloves and produces a new syringe. Meanwhile the dot of light in my skin is still glowing.

"On the count of three." She says and starts counting down. She injects the blue liquid right on the dot of light and as though the light was leading the way, the liquid disappears into my belly.

As soon as the light disappears, the speakers in the room starts to play the music of my son's heartbeat. You can clearly tell when the irregularity occurs. The screen on Doctor Hail's computer projects the image of Hector, curled into a fetal position and slowly, a tinge of blue surrounds his environment.

"How do you feel?" Doctor Hail asks me, "Any discomfort?"

"No, I feel fine." I tell her.

"Good." She says, "Now we wait."

We watch and listen for any sign of distress coming from Hector but based on the doctor's explanation, everything is going the way it's supposed to. I listen attentively to the heartbeat and as though a miracle was finally granted to us, I notice the beats slow to a regular rhythm. I can feel a smile creep into my face and I let my palms find my belly.

He's going to be fine.

It feels as though a warm blanket was laid over the entirety of my being and the ice cold fear that kept me on edge disappeared completely. I can feel Peeta grip on my hand and I hold onto him. We listen some more to the beating of his heart. Doctor Hail is not saying anything. She looks to the monitor, waiting for any sign of pain or resistance. I let my eyes close and focus on the sound of the promising life I have within me. Between a beat of my son's heart I hear Doctor Hail gasp. I jerk up and I see the terror in her eyes.

"What's wrong?!" I ask immediately. In that same moment, the blue tinge disappears and leaves but the normal pink and red color of the environment. I feel him kick and I could feel the tracker recede from its previous position, ready to eject itself from my body.

The speakers project a different rhythm and once again the irregularity of the beats of his heart is evident, now more than ever. I can feel myself deflate. In defeat, I let my head rest on the pillow. I can feel Doctor Hail take the tracker from my body and sigh in disbelief.

"This wasn't supposed to happen." I hear Peeta say.

"It was a possibility." Doctor Hail says, giving me a glass of water. I take it but I'm not thirsty. I lay it down on the table next to the bed and prop myself on my elbows.

"Does this mean that…" I trail off because I can't begin to allow myself to accept that my son will have to go through so much pain only after minutes of his birth.

"He'll have to get an operation but he will survive it." She promises and I believe her.

"What do we do for now?" Peeta asks, his face downcast.

"Take it easy, being stressed or tired can't be good for any baby." She says to me. "I'll give you some supplements that should help him."

"Thank you, Doctor Hail." I say as I get to my feet.

"I'll see you soon." She says and opens the door for us.

* * *

><p>"Can we go to the meadow?" I ask Peeta as I hold onto his arm on our way out of the hospital.<p>

"You need to rest. Alouette will be out of school in a few hours." He says.

"Being at the meadow will help me relax." I plead. I have decided to start helping Peeta with his memory again. I can't begin to raise this baby boy without the old Peeta.

I love him whether or not he has all his memories of us but since he's forgotten, I have found myself keeping some stories away from him because I know it will only hurt him to know that he can't say or do anything to help me. I have kept my nightmares a secret from him because I don't want him to feel helpless. Only now did I realize that my keeping of secrets only makes him feel even more incapacitated. Only when I let him in will we be able to move forward.

"Why?" He asks, still leading me to the direction back home.

"I need you." I tell him. "I need _you_ back."

"Thank you." He smiles and I know he understands what I mean.

"I'm not forcing you." I say, "I just… Well I…"

"I have always wanted to remember. I have always tried to search for my old self in the haze of this reality." He takes my hands in his. "I have always wanted to rediscover the life I had with you. I just thought that it would have been terrible for you to have to recount all the traumatic experiences we had."

"We won't have to remember those times." I promise him. "I don't want you to. That is the only light in the darkness of the curse of President Snow."

"Are you sure about this?" He asks me.

"I am." I smile, "Are you ready for it?"

"Yes." He says and we start to walk to the opposite direction.

* * *

><p>"Effie picked her name." I tell him as we sit under a tree in the meadow. "Out of thousands, it was Prim's slip of paper she caught."<p>

"And you—" He starts.

"I volunteered." I continue for him. I pause, letting him remember bits and parts of the life we had conquered together.

"And then, she picked me." He sighs.

"Do you remember?" I ask him. We had to begin with this; the moment our lives were changed forever. It's the crucial turning point of our life that I cannot leave from our pursuit of regaining his memories. Without this memory, everything else cannot make sense.

Peeta nods slowly.

"How much?" I ask him.

"A lot." His brows rise as if to contain the worst news that was ever delivered to him.

"We were standing in the square." He continues, his eyes are in a daze as though he is looking into a vision as fragile as thin ice. "I wore my brother's shirt because mine was too small for me already. I was scared because for the first time, I was alone in that square. All my brothers were too old to be in the Hunger Games."

"Peeta you don't have to." I say, convinced that he's remembered. "It's okay."

"I stood with the boys from our school but no one was talking." He continues, as though he didn't hear me. He probably didn't. "I saw you enter after your sister. You were wearing a blue dress and your hair was in that special braid. I saw you with the other girls your age and for a while, I forgot we were in the Reaping."

"Oh Peeta." I hear myself sigh. I take his hand to make him look at me but he goes on and on, still in a stupefied state.

"You were still looking for your sister but found Gale instead. He was just a few rows from where I stood and I had hoped that you'd see me too but the Reaping began and my attention was back to the stage. Haymitch was drunk as he always was during the ceremony. And then… and then Effie picked Primrose.

I looked back at you. I saw how the words settled in to you and how it seemed as though you were out of breath and then you were screaming her name, calling out to her as she came out of the crowd, walking to the stage, tucking her blouse into her skirt."

I could feel the tears stream down my face. I have never recounted this moment from a different person's point of view. I want him to stop but I couldn't let myself to. He's remembering everything so vividly and I'm afraid that if I disturb him, he'll lose it.

"I heard you volunteer in her stead and I felt a movement in the crowd. It was Gale, he was making his way out to get Prim away from you. We weren't supposed to go out of line unless our names were called, but no one stopped Gale. No one had the heart to, if only for your sake.

I saw you on the stage, looking petrified. I wanted to get up on the stage next to you and pull you away from there and run away. And as though, my prayers were heard, Effie called my name.

Everyone always thought that the worst thing that can ever happen to you is to have your slip of paper in between Effie's fingers and I always thought that way too, until I saw you standing on that stage.

I let myself up on the stage, with no plan in my mind. I had no survival skills, I didn't know how to make a flame without matches. I didn't know how to distinguish the poisonous fruits from those that were safe to eat but I knew that my name was picked so that I would at least have a chance with you even if in that moment, our days had been counted and numbered."

"How are you doing this?" I ask him, wiping my face with the sleeve of my jacket.

"I don't know." He says now looking at me. "It's like I'm watching scenes unravel in my mind and as the pictures flash, I feel this sense of familiarity."

"Can you still remember somethings?" I try to coax him.

"I can remember up to the moment when I saw you target for the orange backpack." He says and I laugh.

"We were not supposed to do that." I tell him, remembering how Haymitch warned us about the blood bath.

"I know. That was stupid." He says, "I tried to warn you, you know?"

"I know" I smile. "I remember that part."


	77. Chapter 76

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Seventy-Six**

I stand by the doorframe of the bathroom. I watch as Peeta plays with Alouette, blowing bubbles into the air and popping them just as they get too high. My husband kneels beside the tub while Alouette splashes in the water, her hair coated with shampoo. It is a wonderful sight to see, one that I never thought I would be able to experience.

"Just like this, watch Daddy." Peeta says as he lathers his palms with soap. He forms his hands into a cylinder and blows into it. A large bubble starts to form from his hands and into the air. "Now you try."

Alouette copies Peeta and starts to blow and a smaller bubble starts to form from her tiny hands.

"Good job!" Peeta beams.

"I did it!" She laughs. She catches my eyes from the doorframe and gets excited. "Look, Mama, I can make bubbles!"

"That's wonderful." I smile and slowly waddle into the bathroom. Peeta gets up and takes the stool from under the sink and helps me sit down.

"How are you?" Peeta asks as he kneels in front of me.

"Tensed." I say with a smile. I have been experiencing irregular contractions since yesterday but the countdown says I still have a few hours to go before it really starts. Doctor Hail says it's normal so we have nothing to worry about. "He's ready to go."

"We're ready for him." He says, taking my hand and giving it a light squeeze before turning back to Alouette.

"Alright, Alouette time to dry up!" He says and rises to rinse her down. I reach for the towel and wrap it around her when Peeta pulls her out from the tub.

"When will you come home?" She asks me.

"We'll try to come home tomorrow morning." I tell her. Once Peeta and I tuck her in tonight, we're going straight to the hospital to prepare for Hector. I look back at my young daughter and see the sadness in her eyes. "You will come visit us in the morning. Aunt Johanna and Aunt Annie will bring you." I say to lift up her spirits.

"How long until it's morning?" She asks. Peeta offers his hand to me and I take it. I stagger to my feet and heave a sigh.

"It will come as soon as you sleep. You won't even notice that Daddy and I are gone." I smile down at her. Peeta wraps the towel around her and carries her out of the bathroom and I follow after them.

"Okay sweetheart which of your toys will get to sleep next to you tonight?" Peeta says after we get her dressed.

"I want Claire." She answers. Peeta looks to me and I shrug. Claire was her bodyguard and more importantly her first friend.

"Claire isn't here, Alouette." I tell her. "She doesn't work here anymore."

"I know." She says, pulling the blanket up to her chin. "I mean Claire the bear."

I look over to the shelf and find a tiny bear wearing a locket. I point to it and Peeta reaches up and gives it to our daughter. We kiss her goodnight and close the door behind us.

"Are you ready?" He asks me.

"Just don't let them give me the anesthetic in the vial." I tell him.

"I won't." He promises.

The doorbell rings and we welcome Annie and Johanna into the living room. Finnick is sound asleep in Annie's arms. Peeta offers to take him. He brings the toddler up stairs and into one of the guest rooms we prepared for each of them.

"Thank you so much for coming." I hug Annie and Johanna.

"Of course." Johanna says. "We're allies remember?"

"I do." I can't help but smile.

"How is Alouette?" Annie asks.

"She's growing up fast." I tell her.

"So is little Finnick." She smiles.

"How are you?" Johanna asks me.

"Nervous." I say honestly.

"He'll be fine." She says and for once someone actually says 'he' instead of 'you'.

"Thank you, Johanna." I smile and feel a sense of security.

* * *

><p>"Push, Katniss!" Doctor Hail orders and I follow her. I can feel the sweat trickle down my temple as I push. The pain seems to be everywhere, my whole body, shivering in the struggle to give birth. I try hard to keep my breathing even but the pain forces me to do otherwise.<p>

"I'm tired." I say in between breaths.

"You can do this." Peeta says gripping my hand even tighter.

"Just a couple more, Katniss." Doctor Hail says. "He's almost here."

"I can't." I hear myself say. I can feel a darkness come over me, it's a different kind of darkness from what my mother passed on to me, something more threatening, one that promises death.

"Stay with me." I hear Peeta plead.

In my mind are images of my daughter; her dark hair in the sunlight, her sweet voice when she sings and her soft hands on my cheeks when I carry her. I imagine her with Hector. I can see her gentle nature teaching him to be kind and loving. I see Peeta playing with our children in the meadow and I know that they will be fine without me.

"Save him." I say at last before the darkness overcomes me. "Save him."


	78. Chapter 77

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Seventy-Seven**

"_Sleep well, Katniss." He kisses the top of my forehead and proceeds to Prim's side of the bed. I follow him with my sleepy eyes and smile._

"_Good night, Primrose." He kisses her as well and pulls our blanket up to our chins. He is still dressed in his mining clothes. I can see dust flutter away from his shirt with every move he makes._

"_Good night girls." My mother comes into the room and gives us each a kiss as well. I turn to my side and my eyes begin to close. I hear the door creak to a close._

"_I love both of you." My father says before completely closing the door._

* * *

><p><em>My dreams are interrupted by the sound of whispers just outside of our door.<em>

"_I have to go." My father says with a low voice._

"_At this time of the night?" My mother demands. "They have never asked you to come at this hour."_

"_It's an emergency, Aurea." He sighs. "You of all must understand."_

"_I do." She answers. "Just be careful."_

"_I will." He says. Carefully, so as not to wake my sister, I climb off the bed and creep my way to the door. I open the door slowly and peek through the crevice. "I'll see you in the morning." My father turns to leave but my mother takes hold of his hand and pulls him back to her._

"_Stay." She says when he turns to face her. "They don't really need you. They can handle it themselves."_

"_I can't do that." He sighs. "They're practically my brothers." He tucks her hair behind her ears and kisses her ever so lightly on the lips. "I won't be long. This isn't anything I haven't done before."_

"_I'm just worried." She confesses after taking a breath, "They've never called you in at this hour. You know how it is down there…"_

"_There's always a first time." He laughs. "Just like a first for this little girl to be up so late!" His eyes find mine and I can't help but smile back at him. He opens the door a little bit wider and kneels in front of me. "Why are you up, Katniss?"_

"_I heard you talking." I tell them. "How long will you be gone?"_

"_I'll be back before you know it." He promises. He picks me up and brings me back to Prim's side and tucks me in. "And _maybe _I can buy some bread for breakfast." He kisses my forehead again. "That'll be a treat to look forward to, wouldn't it?"_

_I nod but do not smile. I look back to my mother who stands behind my father. She looks so worried, as though something sinister was going to happen and only she could feel it or took notice of it. _

"_Go back to sleep, darling." My father says when I do not say anything. "We'll see each other in the morning."_

_He closes the door behind him but it doesn't click in place and it is left ajar. _

"_Come home soon." My mother says finally. "I have some news."_

"_News?" He asks._

"_All in good time, Eric." She kisses him. "Come home to me first."_

"_I promise." He smiles as she brings him to an embrace._

_But promises are meant to be broken._

* * *

><p>I struggle for air. I can hear myself gasping and I can feel my nails dig into the hands that hold me down. I open my eyes and the piercing light greets me. I turn my head to the right, feeling the sweat leave my temples as they get absorbed by the pillow case, and find Peeta looking down at me with such horror in his face.<p>

"Come back to me." He pleads and then suddenly the pain that forced me into darkness returns and demands my attention.

"I made a promise." I gasp, battling the pain and giving one more push. "I told her that we'd see her in the morning."

"He's here." I hear Doctor Hail proclaim and I feel him leave my body and the pain has gone with it. I can feel myself deflate in relief. They bring him to me and I cradle him in my arms. He's here, he's finally here.

"Shh." I coo as he cries. "Mama's here."

"He's perfect." Peeta smiles and leans down and kisses me. "He's perfect."

"We'll have to take him now." Doctor Hail says. I give Hector a light kiss on the forehead and remember how my father did on the night before we lost him. I hand him to the doctor and try to ignore the horrible feeling that this might be the first and last time I will get to hold him.

* * *

><p>"Where's Hector?" Alouette bounces onto the hospital bed next to me. She is wearing a shirt that reads: 'I'm a big sister!', a gift from Annie.<p>

"He'll be here in no time." I try to smile. They have been with Hector for almost four hours now. Nurses have been coming in and out of the room to give us updates on how he's doing. He's staying strong.

I feel faint so I let my head rest on the pillow and I close my eyes. Someone carries Alouette off the bed.

"Let Mama rest." I hear Peeta say to Alouette.

"We almost lost you." He says when Annie and Johanna take Alouette down to the lobby for some breakfast.

"I almost let myself go." I sigh. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Where did you go?" He asks me, taking my hand and letting his fingers intertwine with mine.

"It was the last time I ever saw my father." I tell him, keeping my eyes closed so as to keep the tears in. "He promised me that I will see him in the morning."

"I'm so sorry, Katniss." He says.

"We didn't even have a body to burry." I continue. "Prim was too young to understand but somehow I believe she knew that she will never see her father again. I didn't want to do that to Alouette and Hector."

* * *

><p>They wheel him into the room in a glass cradle with a light that hangs over it. I look into the cradle and see him breathing lightly, his tiny hands in loose fists. I get to my feet despite the orders of the nurses to stay in bed. This is my son.<p>

I move closer to the cradle with Peeta's hands keeping me steady. He looks so small under the large light that keeps him warm. There is a small scar, barely even visible, one like the thousands that mark my body, across his tiny chest.

"Good as new." One of the nurses smile.

"Can I…" I start to ask but trail off.

"Of course you can. He's yours." They answer and gently move the light out of the way. I take him from the cradle and feel his weight on my arms and the warmth of his skin that tells me that he's alive and well. I bring him close to my chest and Peeta leads me to one of the chairs and I take a seat. Everything around me disappears and it's only Hector that I can see. I smile as I watch as he starts to wake and squirm in my arms. He starts to open his eyes and I look into them and find that I am looking back at myself. His deep gray eyes, so young and innocent grip mine and I know that he will be alright; he will be strong. As long as he is with me he will be safe and sound.

"Good morning, Hector!" I greet him and smile.


	79. Chapter 78

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Seventy-Eight**

"It's been 7 hours." I say desperately. I gently rock Hector in my arms. He is crying and nothing calms him.

"Can we try feeding him again?" Peeta suggests.

"I just fed him a few minutes ago." I sigh. "I've checked his diaper. It's clean."

"Let me have him." I give the baby to Peeta and sink into the couch. Peeta and I have not gotten any sleep since the moment we brought him home. I watch as Peeta tries to silence the baby but all our efforts have been futile.

"He's just trying to get used to the new surroundings." Peeta says as he sits next to me, bringing Hector closer to him.

"Do you think he's feeling anything painful?" I ask. "His heart. I mean he's just had an operation."

"I think we better contact Doctor Hail." Peeta says, now looking very worried.

I take the phone from the study and dial her home number. A few rings pass and finally the phone is answered. A young girl's voice greets me.

"Hello?" She says.

"Hello, may I speak with Doctor Hail please?" I answer.

"Mommy, it's for you!" She says and Doctor Hail takes the phone from her.

"Yes?" She says.

"Doctor Hail, this is Katniss Mellark." I tell her.

"Is there anything wrong?" She asks immediately. "How is Hector?"

"He's been restless." I say. "He has been crying all night and I do know that it's common for infants to be like this but I was wondering whether he could be feeling some pain."

"We gave him enough doses of anesthetic before we brought him to your room." She says. "There is pain but he can't feel it, I assure you."

"Thank you." I sigh with relief. "Sorry for disturbing you at this hour."

"It's no problem, Katniss." She tells me. "A warm blanket and something to distract him might help you calm him down. It always works with my children."

"Thank you so much, Doctor Hail." I smile. We say our goodbyes and I return to the baby's room bringing a soft blanket with me.

Peeta lets me have Hector and gently, I wrap the blanket around him. I wipe the tears away from his face and kiss him lightly on the forehead. He still continues to cry. From the other room we can hear Alouette wake from her sleep. Peeta goes to get her. I sit on the rocking chair beside the crib and start to sing my father's lullaby. After a few verses, Hector starts to calm down and then only the sound of my voice can be heard in the room.

Peeta enters, carrying Alouette with a single arm. Her blue eyes find mine and I smile back at her. She starts to hum while I sing and soon she too is falling back to sleep. When Hector is sound asleep I slowly lower him into the crib.

"Finally." I whisper to Peeta who is still carrying Alouette.

"Was Alouette like this?" He asks me. I start to say otherwise but then I remember that I wasn't there for Alouette when she was at this stage. I was travelling the districts for the Charity Tour. I think of returning the question to him and remember that he wasn't there either. He was being treated.

"I wouldn't know." I answer honestly. Suddenly I feel that I owe my daughter something. Why did I let myself be apart from her? How did I endure?

"The Charity Tour." Peeta says, probably just remembering the reason for my absence. "And I was…"

"In the Capitol." I continue for him.

"We're here now." Peeta says, kissing Alouette on the forehead.

"We'll make up for it somehow." I promise.

We bring Alouette back to her room and close the lights and the door on our way out. Together we climb under the covers of our own bed and I let myself into Peeta's arms and remember our moments in the cave and under the makeshift tent in the beach. I listen to his heartbeat and start to drift off to sleep when suddenly, Hector wakes yet again and start to cry.

* * *

><p>"How is he?" My mother asks as we let her into the living room. Peeta takes her luggage from the car that brought my mother to our doorstep. I hold the baby in my arms and I could see the light in my mother's eyes as they find her grandson's.<p>

"He's fine." I smile. "Strong."

"He has your eyes." She observes. Carefully I let her have him. She cradles him in her arms, my mother who has grown old and endured and survived every loss. "Such beautiful golden hair." She whispers.

"Another perfect combination." Annie greets us, holding the hands of each of the toddlers on either side of her.

"That he is." My mother agrees. She makes her way to the seats in the living room. I watch as Hector starts to fall asleep in her arms his head resting on the crook of her elbow. "He's tired isn't he?"

"He hasn't been sleeping well." Peeta says bringing in the last of her bags.

"Oh I remember Alouette to be the same way." She laughs. "Always crying at night and sleeping in the morning. He'll grow out of it as soon as his sister did, don't you worry."

"Expect Effie to be coming around today." Johanna says. "Either for the photoshoot, the interview or the museum; maybe all three. That woman never runs out of energy."

"The museum." I grunt. I had almost forgotten that Effie has been staying here in Twelve to complete her project. It was nearly done when I had but a few weeks left before labor.

"The photoshoot." Peeta repeats, dazed. Our last photoshoot for Alouette didn't go quite well. I hate that he has to remember that. I stand by him and take his hand.

"It will be different this time." I whisper to him and smile. "I trust you."

"I'm sorry." He tells me.

"I know." I squeeze his hand lightly. "I know."

"Don't worry about breakfast." Johanna says then. "Annie and I will take the lead. The least we could do for letting us stay here."

"Thank you." Peeta says to both of them. I find Alouette and open my arms to her and she runs to me and I embrace her.

"Good morning, Alouette." I smile as I lift her off her feet.

"Good morning, Mama!" She answers and cuddles into me, resting her head on my shoulder and letting her feet swing from my arms.

"You need to get ready soon." I tell her. "Almost time for school."

"I don't want to go." She pouts. "I want to stay here with Hector and Finn."

"It will only be for a little while and then you can come back home." I tell her, making her look at me, her blue eyes making it harder to deny her time with her new brother and Finn.

"Please Aunt Katniss?" The young boy looks up to me, pleading as well. "Just for today?"

I kneel down to his level and let Alouette sit on my leg. I plant a kiss on Finn's forehead and heave a sigh.

"Alright." I agree. I look up to Peeta waiting for some sort of sign that he disagrees but he only laughs as well.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Finn exclaims. Alouette jumps from her sitting position and she and Finn zoom up the stairs laughing and already talking about what they would play together.

"I'll call the school." Peeta says when I rise. I thank him before making my way to the living room and sit next to my mother. She is humming to him and I recognize the melody. It is one of the songs my father sang when we would spend an afternoon in the meadow.

"I had a dream about him." I tell her. "Well not a dream exactly, more like a flashback."

"Your father will always be with us." She says lightly wiping Hectors chin with the end of the blanket that he is wrapped with.

"It was about the last night we had with him." I continue.

"I warned him not to go." My mother recalls and I could hear the despondency in her voice. "I pleaded with him to stay."

"You talked about how you had news for him." I try to redirect her attention for fear that she will disappear on us again.

"Katniss please don't." She says, not even facing me.

"I'm sorry." I whisper. "I was just curious."

"I never expected you to remember any of that." She says. "You were so young."

"I would never forget the last time I saw my father." Just like I would never forget the last time I saw and spoke to my sister.

"Such a handsome baby boy." She kisses Hector and carefully hands him back to me. I cradle him in my arms and make my way up the stairs and into Hector's room. I lay him down the crib softly and leave the door open behind me when I leave. When I face the hallway I find my mother standing there, waiting for me.

"I miss him every day." She sighs. "Your sister as well. Your sister most of all."

"I miss them too." I tell her, staying rooted to where I stand.

"Eric would've loved to know." She smiles.

"Know what?" I ask her.

"It would've been difficult but he would have loved him nonetheless." She says, her palm falling to her stomach.

"Why would it be difficult for him to know about Hector?" I ask her, confused.

"Not Hector, Katniss." She continues. "I was pregnant when he left that night. I planned to tell him over breakfast but of course, breakfast never came for him."


	80. Chapter 79

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Seventy-Nine**

I feel my chest get heavy. I am having a hard time understanding the piece of information my mother has just shared to me. I look back to her, her eyes watering, her lips twitching. After all this time, she wasn't just grieving the loss of a husband but also the loss of a son or a daughter.

I am jolted back to the past.

I am once again the curious girl standing behind my mother, peaking behind her back as she talks to some men at the porch of our doorstep. Prim stood with me and I felt her tiny hand grip onto the hem of my worn out shirt.

"_We think that you should bring your children to a different room." One of the men says. Our mother turns and her eyes find ours. Without another word, Prim and I make our way back to our small bedroom. I let Prim stay on the bed and she stares back at me, her expression asking so many questions she can't or won't voice out. I climb up the bed and sit next to her letting my feet dangle over the edge, knowing but not comprehending that the inevitable has just caught up to my father._

_After a little while, I hear Prim's little voice, "Mom?" I look over to the door of our room and find Mother standing there her blue eyes deeper than the ocean itself. She gives a weak smile and scoots in between her two daughters. She drapes her arms over both of us and lets us sit on her lap. She plants a kiss on both our foreheads, her tears landing on our face then she lets all go and sobs uncontrollably._

"_I'm so sorry." I remember her say in between breaths. "I'm so sorry."_

_After a few minutes, Prim and I stay in her embrace and all of a sudden she lets us go and runs to the bathroom. I hop off the bed and follow her. I find her leaning down the toilet, vomiting everything that is in her. When she finishes, she heaves a deep sigh and sinks to the floor and starts sobbing even harder._

I force myself to take every heavy step towards my mother, I wrap her in my embrace and once again I hear her sobbing into my shoulder, more than a decade's worth of pain exudes from her and finally, silently, I forgive her for all her shortcomings.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask her when I let her go.

"Oh, Katniss." She sighs, wiping the tears from her face with the pads of her thumbs. "I couldn't burden you with something like that. You were eleven years old. You were too young."

"I would have understood." I tell her. "Prim as well."

"I didn't want you to have a shattered childhood." She confesses. "Life was too hard on you already what withthe kind of life in the Seam and losing your father like that. I didn't want to add another tragedy in your memories."

"The Hunger Games had planned otherwise." I try to smile. "The odds were never in our favor."

"Of course they are." She looks to me then "You made it this far, didn't you?"


	81. Chapter 80

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Eighty**

I bring Hector closer to me. I let his head rest on my shoulder and lightly kiss his cheek, smelling the scent of youth on his soft skin. I cherish these times with him in the silence of the room, no crying, no restlessness just peace. I can't help but recall the memory my mother had spoken, all the pain she had been enduring manifested in words and tears. Slowly, Hector begins to wake and his eyes find the light on the ceiling and they squint. I raise him and I can't help but smile. He looks down at me, his eyes mirror mine and all the sadness is taken from me.

"Good morning!" I tell him as I bring him close to me once again. I hum softly when I hear him start to whimper in my arms. I get to my feet and make my way out of the nursery and into the master bedroom where Peeta still sleeps.

"Let's wake, Daddy." I whisper to Hector as we pass through the door.

"Peeta." I gently say as I kneel by his side of the bed, cradling our son. Peeta stirs for a while and finally opens his eyes.

"What time is it?" He asks, propping himself on his elbows, and then reaching to take Hector from me. Carefully I lay Hector in his arms.

"Six in the morning. Sorry for waking you up early but Effie asked us to be ready by breakfast so she can brief us for the opening of the museum." I tell him as I get to my feet. I kiss him on the forehead before making my way to the bathroom to prepare for the day.

"And you actually woke up on time!" Peeta teases.

"Not for this." I laugh. "Hector was hungry."

* * *

><p>"Alright!" Effie exclaims, clapping her hands together. "As both of you may have already inferred, the opening of this museum will probably be the biggest news on the media only next to the birth of Lou and Hector."<p>

Peeta and I look at each other. I surely did not infer that. In my life, the only thing that ever mattered was getting the kids to bed so that Peeta and I can get some sleep. I realize now that the person who I will see in the museum, wearing the leather jacket, ripped jeans and holding the bow and arrows will be a very, very different version of me. It seems so long ago, so, so long ago since I have allowed myself to be that girl. I look over to Peeta and see how little the change seems to be for him but if you look closer you will find a different man. His hair no longer shines the brilliant gold it once did. There are lines by the corner of his eyes, lines formed from all the terror he endured in the flashbacks and at the hands of the monster that once was inside of him.

"And of course, Katniss, you are expected to say some words after everyone has gone around the museum." Effie's voice brings my attention back to her.

"What am I supposed to say?" I ask her.

"I've prepared something for you." She smiles, probably proud of herself because she anticipated this and prepared for it. "There you are. Of course, if you'd like to add somethings, feel free." She says and hands me a small piece of paper. I read through it and find that it is the usual words arranged in a slightly different order compared to my previous appearances.

"What are we supposed to wear?" I ask as my mother comes down the stairs, bringing a wailing Hector in her arms. Peeta gets to his feet and takes the baby from her. At the same time, Alouette and Finn come bouncing through the kitchen and rushing out to the yard.

"I'll leave you to that." Effie says and finally takes a seat. I guess we're done. I thank her and get to my feet, wondering what Alouette and Finn are doing in the yard. I stand behind the screen door watching the two of them play in the grass. Then, I watch mortified as young Finnick picks a primrose from my flowerbox. I start to call for him to stop when suddenly he hides it behind his back and taps on my daughter's shoulder. Alouette, her brown hair shining under the sunlight, turns slowly and faces her friend. Finn smiles and takes the flower from behind him and presents it to my daughter. Annie appears by my side and we both watch as Alouette takes the flower from him and gives him a hug. She tucks the flower behind her ear as I have done numerous times for her before they continue playing under the sun.

"That's precious." Annie sighs.

"Finn is such a gentleman." I tell her. "I see much of Finnick in him."

"He's very much like him, just like Alouette is so much like you." She smiles and I take her hand and give it a light squeeze to say thank you.

"Let's get a move on!" We hear Effie announce from the living room. "Can someone please wake Johanna."

"Kids, time to get inside!" I call after the two and they come running back in the house.  
>"I can wake Johanna." Annie volunteers and goes up the stairs.<p>

"Are we taking Hector?" Peeta comes into the kitchen just as Alouette and Finn run out. I take the baby from his arms and look down at Hector.

"He's barely a week old. It's too soon." I say, still looking at Hector. "We can leave him with my mother. We shouldn't let Alouette come either."

"I agree." He says but when I look to him he's worried and I know why.

"It's our first time to be away from him." I try to smile. It was also hard to leave Alouette behind for the first time especially because I knew then that I wouldn't see her for a long time. "He'll be fine."

"Of course." Peeta says genuinely. "I trust your mother completely."

"_We'll_ be fine." I laugh.

* * *

><p>"Ladies and gentlemen, we are proud to reveal to you the edifice that will forever hold the terrible past that led to this exuberant present and promising future, The Museum of Panem in the Era of the Hunger Games." I hear Effie's the last few words ring in the air and it is soon followed by the applause of the audience before us. From the stage where Peeta and I stand, I watch Beetee, Annie, Johanna and even Enobaria stand in the front row, their glassy eyes look over at my mansion; they are as prepared to see this as I am.<p>

We form a single file and enter through the front door in an organized fashion. Peeta is gripping my hand as we follow Effie. By the door is a list of names engraved on a golden plate. I start to doubt my strength to relive the memories I have packed away somewhere in my mind where I would no longer have to see them again. Effie is leading the way and we start to enter, Peeta behind me, the rest following behind the three of us. I force myself to focus on something else other than the force that makes my knees buckle, my chest to tighten and my hands to shake but there is nothing to distract myself from the grotesque images Effie has hung on my walls. There are projections of scenes from all the Games, leading up the 74th. My feet are anchored to the floor as I try to absorb not only the terrible scenes of my Games but the ones of my friends.

I look to the right and find the area dedicated to Johanna. In a projection we can see a younger version of her, swinging her axe over her head. Her assailant is a few kilometers away, running very fast toward her. In his hand is a pointed javelin. The camera focuses now on Johanna, you can see the concentration in her face, the will to survive in her eyes. At the same moment, with only a few kilometers between them, they throw their weapons. The edge finds itself buried into the chest of her enemy. The javelin is flying right to her and she turns to her side, the blade of the weapon passing through her temple, leaving a streak of blood that drips down her cheek. A cannon is fired and Johanna sighs in relief. The announcement blasts in the arena; she is the victor. But before the hovercraft comes to pick her from the arena, she trembles and sinks to the ground. She stares at her hands, which are caked with a mix of soil and blood. The camera finds her face and you see the tears fall from her eyes and onto her palm.

Right next to her projection is Beetee's. He is frantically twisting pieces of wire together. The camera pans out and in the field where he stands, you can almost see the netted fashion of the trap that he has created. The camera again pans out, even further out to show the whole vicinity covered by the arena and a net of lines glow, showing where Beetee's trap is laid. Immediately after this is shown, Beetee's face flashes back in the screen. You can see the fear in his eyes, the kind of fear that disregards others but oneself, it is survival of the fittest and at this moment, the survival of oneself is paramount. He stands in the only patch of grass that is not covered in the trap; he takes out some sort of device from his hand and turns a switch and he quickly throws it out into the net of wires. The lines light up and the camera follows one of the wires, the bolt of electricity flowing through the wire quickly finding one of the tributes' feet. She dies instantly, her corpse emitting smoke, her hair singed. A different line finds a boy. He is crouched behind a bush, hunting down one of the other tributes. He watches in shock as the boy he tails drops to the ground, shaking uncontrollably. He is about to rise when the surge of electricity finds his feet and he too falls to the ground. A chorus of cannons blasts consecutively, one after the other and when there is nothing left but silence, Beetee is proclaimed the victor.

To my left I find Enobaria's projection. She is surrounded by three careers. In her hand is but a small knife. One of then lunges at her and her knife digs into his temple. He falls to the ground, his blood mixing with the desert sand. One of the boys pry the knife from her hand and pulls her arms to her back, restraining her while the leader of the team approaches her slowly, her lips in a menacing grin. She is face to face with her, their nose inches apart. In a motion that almost blurs her image on the screen, Enobaria's lips find the side of her enemy's neck and her own teeth bury into her skin. The girl tries to scream in pain and the boy who holds her back lets her go in shock. She plants both her hands on the shoulders of the girl in her teeth and pushes her back. The blood from her throat squirts out and she falls to her knees and dies. Enobaria spits the piece of flesh in her teeth and runs after the boy. With nothing but mountains of sand to hide behind, Enobaria catches up with him. The fear in his eyes is clear. Enobaria smiles a bloody smile and grabs the boy by his shirt and repeats her torture. The cannon fires and it takes a few minutes before the announcement of her victory sounds, the voice of the Gamemaker, quivering.

"What is this?" I hear myself ask amidst the commotion of people inside the mansion.

"It's our story." I hear Peeta's horrified voice answer mine.

My eyes find the projection that is playing right next to Enobaria's. It's Annie's. She is in a fetal position somewhere in a cave perhaps. She is mumbling something even the microphones of the arena can't seem to pick up. Her hands cover her ears and her eyes are closed tight. The scene changes and it shows the dam. It trembles and in its center, water starts to rapidly flow. The force of the water creates and even larger crevice and in a matter of minutes, the turbulent flood began. The screen is split into seven, each segment showing a different tribute. The water takes the one closest to the dam immediately. She is helpless against the current. She is pushed with the flow of water and unfortunately, a branch catches her in the stomach. The water around her turns red; she no longer moves, the branch impaled in her stomach keeps the current from moving her further into the arena. A boy sees the water coming closer to where he is camped and immediately climbs the closest tree. He is halfway up the tree when his foot is trapped between branches and vines. You can see the fear on his face evolve into panic. The water reaches the tree and his panic turns to despair. He stays in his position unmoving, accepting his fate. The water rises to his chin and he closes his eyes as he goes under the surface of the water. The scene is underwater, the camera is planted on the boy. He struggles for minutes until finally, death comes for him. On Annie's segment of the screen, we find her still in the same position. She hears the blast of the destruction of the dam and slowly she crawls out of her cave. Her paper-white skin finds the light of day and as soon as she's gotten to her feet, the water catches up to her, bringing with it some of the bodies of dead tributes. Instinct takes over and she is swimming with the current, keeping her head up. In the gush of the flood, cannons can be heard firing. When the water finally recedes, Annie is found clutching onto the branches of tree found near the edge of the arena. She is coughing out brown liquid. She looks as though she is choking on something; she reaches into her mouth and pulls out a long piece of rope that was probably used by other tributes. She gasps for air and drops about eight feet from where she was perched. Everyone around her is dead. She is proclaimed the victor.

In the center of the projections of the Games of the living Victors is the projection of Peeta's and my winning moment. Peeta and I stay rooted on our spot. I can feel his hand tighten around mine. I watch as a young Katniss and Peeta run across a field toward the Cornucopia. Behind us the muttations snarl and gnash their teeth at our heels. I close my eyes and rest my head on Peeta's shoulder.

"We don't have to see this." I whisper in his ear and feel him embrace me, burying his face in my hair. I open my eyes and find that the other Victors are frozen in their places as well while other visitors mill around. The remaining victors watch mortified as these images the flash before us. I watch as Annie slowly sinks to the ground, her eyes closed and her palms against her ear. I free myself from Peeta's embrace and walk towards Annie, passing Johanna who is trembling ever so slightly. I kneel in front of Annie and take hold of her wrists and wait until she looks to me. Reluctantly, she lets me hold her hands away from her ears and looks up to me.

"It's over." I tell her. "It's done. You're alright."

She gives a small nod and together we get back to our feet. Our hands remain linked and I look over to Johanna who is close to tears and take her hand as well. She pulls her eyes from her own projections and looks back to me and grins. We find Peeta consoling a terrified Beetee.

"I had to." He mumbles repeatedly. "I had to."

"We understand." Peeta says to him. "Beetee, we understand."

Johanna takes hold of Beetee's hand and Peeta comes to Enobaria's aid. She stands before her projection, her knees buckling. Peeta gets to her in time before she falls to the ground. Her fingers brush her lips as though she feels the blood of the tributes still dripping from her teeth. Our hands are linked just as they were before the Quarter Quell because just like it was in the past, today we are allies. These people who link hands with me are the only ones who will truly understand the torment that the Games puts a person through. No matter how long ago it was, no matter how much we try to forget, it will never truly or totally leave us. Being a tribute, more so, a Victor in a Hunger Games changes who you are because whether you like it or not, it will haunt you forever.


	82. Chapter 81

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Eighty-one**

"Effie, what is this?!" I ask her, not even trying to hide the tone of aversion in my voice. The other victors stand next to me still with an alienated look on their faces, as though they are not in this particular space in time. We are cramped up in the kitchen, with Peeta's employees forced to work around us, carrying trays of pastries and bread above our heads.

"Don't you understand?" Effie says in a calm voice.

"No." Beetee sighs.

"For _all_ of you who live have lived their lives in Districts, the Games have been what they truly were. Something to be repulsed by, something to loathe and something that is repugnant." She explains. "But for the people in the Capitol, believe it or not, it was and still remains to be some sort of entertainment for them. Some past they can make a film about, something they can still _earn_ from. Can't you see it? Didn't you see it in their faces earlier?"

I gawk at Effie, unable to comprehend what her words mean. How can the Games persist on serving as a medium of entertainment even after the Rebellion and the death that all of us, the Capitol citizens included, endured?!

"Katniss, Peeta, surely you must have noticed this." She persists.

I try to do what she asks and look back at the faces of the audience who flew miles and miles just to see the opening ceremony of the museum. How their eyes glittered at the site of the mansion in the Victor's Village. It must have been familiar, what with the cameras that previously swarmed the place, only to get a shot of Peeta and me, kissing in the snow before the Victory Tour. I try look back even more; to the times when Peeta and I and occasionally, Alouette, would be called to the Capitol for a short interview with Ceaser. I remember how eagerly they rose from their seats, how they kept clamoring for Ceasar to ask more and more questions…

"This was my chance to change that. This is the final phase of finally destroying that kind of mentality." Effie continues when neither Peeta nor I say a word. "I will tell you a secret." She pauses, noticing the army of bakers all around us. Peeta takes note of this and quietly signals them to exit the room and they do.

"The little snippets of close-ups that you have in the footage that is on loop in the living room." She starts again, "Did you notice that?"

We all nod.

"How I teared up right before the hovercraft appeared in the sky to take me away from the arena." Johanna says.

"The look in my face right before I threw the taser." Beetee sighs.

"The darkness in my eyes." Enobaria whimpers.

"In the cave." Annie whispers.

"The anxiety in our faces when we lifted the berries in our palms." Peeta says, taking my hand.

"None of those scenes ever made it to the live telecast of your Games." Effie says gravely. "Excluding, Katniss and Peeta's of course."

"Impossible." says Johanna. "Last I checked they fed on weakness."

"The saying 'May the odds be ever in your favor.' is not just a string of words. When there only three of you left in the arena, the odds of each of you winning are calculated but the results are kept secret. The tribute with the best odds most often than not becomes the victor. The only time the calculations did not become reality was when Katniss and Peeta won their Games. It had been calculated that Cato would win the 74th Games. But that is not the point." Effie says. I have never seen her this way. I have never seen her plan out something as intricate as this, she must have learned a lot from Haymitch. "For President Snow, a Victor must live up to his title as soon as mere seconds pass when the last canon fires; ruthless, unforgiving, savage and most of all, inhumane. Not a single ounce of remorse or regret from any of you after your last kill would make it in the televisions in the Districts. The purpose of the Games was to transform each and every tribute from the child who was once part of their respective Districts to the Victor who now belongs to the Capitol. They created hope, yes, but as soon as it was free for the people to hold on to, they would pry it out of their hands."

"How do you know all of this?" Annie asks in terror.

"I was one of their pawns." Effie confesses. "Manipulated to manipulate."

"How is this supposed to solve anything?" I ask her.

"She's right." Beetee says then. "How are you so sure that the people who walk through this museum will catch the message you are sending?"

"See for yourselves." Effie ushers us to the door that leads back to the living room. "There is much to see and learn."

"I'm not sure I can. I'm sorry." I hear Peeta say behind me. We all stop walking because once again only Peeta is able to articulate what we can't. I look back at Peeta and then to Effie. For Effie's sake, I have to stay. I silently tell Peeta that I can't leave and he gives me a weak smile.

"I am too." Annie says after Peeta. I see Johanna look down to her feet and know that she can't go through the torment again.

"I understand." Effie says but I can see the abandoned look in her face. "I'm sorry if I caused you pain but I had to do something."

"Thank you." Beetee says, taking both Effie's hands. "Your display of strength encompasses ours and for that, we can never repay you, Ms. Trinket."

"He's right." Peeta continues. "You're not alien to the torment of Snow and for you to be able to organize this; you're amazing, Effie. You've absolutely outdone yourself and I know Haymitch will be toasting to you if he were still here."

"Oh I know he still is." Effie smiles. "Now go along, all of you."

From my pocket, I pull out the crumpled piece of paper containing my speech and throw it in the trash. I won't need it anymore. I know exactly what needs to be said.

"I will see all of you before I take for the Capitol." She tells them before they leave. She gives Annie a hug and whispers something to her ear and I watch as Annie's troubled face brightens into a warm smile.

"I will see Finn before I go." She says to her when they part. Effie turns to Peeta and gives him a kiss on each cheek. "Also Lou and the little bundle of joy, Hector."

A number of people from Effie's crew come up behind us, carrying their coats and they take them. Peeta takes my hand and leads me out the back door.  
>"I'm sorry I can't leave with you." I tell him.<br>"I understand." He says and puts his coat around me. "I'm sorry I can't stay."

"Of course, I understand. Effie does too." He embraces me and we stay like that for a moment. "I'll see you when this is over." I whisper to him.

"I changed my mind." He says and pulls away from me.

"What?" I ask him, startled.

"I can't let you go through this on your own." He says, obviously disappointed with himself.

"You don't have to go through this just because I am." I tell him. He takes a step away from me and looks me in the eyes.

"Yes, I do." He smiles and takes my hands in his. "We're a team. Remember?"

"Together?" I squeeze his hands lightly.

"Together."

We walk back into our old mansion, our hands still linked. I remember how I clung to Peeta for balance during our first Opening Ceremonies. How grateful I was for his hand in mine, keeping me rooted on my spot as our carriage sped along the large isle in between the cheering people of the Capitol. I realize now that the circumstances have not changed. Peeta and I walk among the guests from the Capitol, feeling their eyes gazing on us, comparing the present versions of their Victors to the not so long ago past. As we pass through the living room, we find the projections replaying the events of the winning moments of each of the Victors who continue to live today. Peeta and I move onto the study room and await the terrors that Effie has prepared. Cautiously, we peer into the room and enter through the doorway.  
>Inside hangs the paintings of Peeta. Each canvas reflecting the nightmares he endured after the 74th Hunger Games. I find myself looking into my own painted eyes quite repeatedly. I have never really seen Peeta's paintings clearly. It was always in some dim room or kept in storage where our children will not accidentally find it. There was a reason for this; why I resented examining how the curl of the brush created such an accurate image that brings out the most vivid and terrible memories; why we never wanted any of our children to see it, for fear of the questions they will ask and the nightmares they may also encounter in their peaceful dreams.<p>

Peeta's hand looses its grip on mine and I let him go. I look to him, knowing that this is the very first time he has seen his own paintings since he was hijacked. I let him absorb every detail of his talent and hope against all odds that maybe, the images will not stir a monster in him.  
>"I painted these." I hear him. We are alone in the room. No one has seemed to have explored this part of the museum yet.<br>"We _lived_ in these canvases." I say as I too let myself wander through the room, mustering all the courage to examine the art under clear light.

I wander to the smallest of all canvases. It does not hang on the wall like most of the paintings instead it is on a simple easel with its very own spotlight. It's an image of branches of trees. If I look closer, I can see birds perched on some of the branches and some that are even flying in the sky. It's a calming image, one so out of place in the midst of other paintings displaying moments I'd rather forget.

"Do you remember what this was?" I ask Peeta and he comes over to my side.

"Yes." He says and smiles.

"What is it?"  
>"It's the view I had for about three or four days, I don't really know, when I was lying in the ground, camouflaged between the rocks and simmering in the heat of my fever." He says to me. "But see the birds here?" he points to ones in the bright blue sky. "This moment captures seconds before you found me. I knew someone was coming because the birds were flying away to somewhere safe. I thought it was Cato, coming to finally end my suffering."<p>

"But it was me." I continue for him.

"That's why I remember this so vividly."  
>We move on. Not bothering to discuss the other paintings and brace ourselves for even greater horrors. On our way up the stairs I notice a groups of men in suits standing before Peeta and my projection. It takes a moment for me to realize that one of the men is Rory and the other is Vick, Gales brothers. And of course, beside Vick is Gale himself. After a few seconds, a woman joins them, holding a handkerchief to her eyes and wiping tears away. Is that Posy?<br>"I'd think so." I hear Peeta say. I hadn't realized that I was speaking aloud.

"She's grown." I say dumbfounded.

"Of course." Peeta answers. "I think we should go up."

"Of course." I say. Of course he would be here. What delusion did I create that would trick me to somehow convince myself that Gale and I would never again cross paths? Our rank in this country is not that far from one another. We are both heroes of Panem, branded with the glory of saving countless lives, the only difference is that he actually _meant_ to save those lives as for me, half the time, I was just trying to keep only the ones I loved, breathing. I can't begin the explore how I feel about Gale being so close to me, what with the way things ended between us the last time we were together. I intertwine my fingers in Peeta hands to show him that I am still by his side.

Tonight is not about love triangles or who deserves whom. It is about delving deeper into the secrets of President Snow and the version of Panem he created under his reign. And so I leave behind Gale and the frustrating memories and emotions his presence brings and focus on keeping my sanity in this fright museum.

"Are with me?" Peeta asks.

"Yes." I move even closer to him as we walk to the closest room to the staircase. I focus on my breathing when I realize that Peeta and I are about to enter Prim's room. I stop, pulling Peeta back as our hands are still linked.

"What is it?" He looks back to me.

"I'm not ready for this room quite yet." I whisper.

"Alright." He says, seeming to understand somehow that it's my sister's room even though he probably doesn't remember that very small detail about my life. "Let's go here instead." He leads me to the room opposite from Prim's. This room belonged to no one. The mansion was designed with more rooms than we had family members and because of that, many rooms remained unused.

We enter the opposite room, following the flow of guests. Inside the room are displays of charts and tallies and numbers. Everywhere there are numbers. There are fourteen panels on the wall representing each of the thirteen districts and the Capitol. Peeta and I begin with Thirteen.  
>The panel begins with a short introduction about the people who reside in Thirteen. It recounts significant events in the history of the district and includes a video presentation of certain scenes of these events if they are available. For Thirteen's panel, a clip of a bomb landing on the center of the district is playing in loop. Below the introduction is the report on various statistics.<br>It shows that from a population count of ten thousand five hundred people, after the bomb struck the District, only two thousand and thirty-three people survived, all of which sought refuge underground. The next chart reveals the fluctuations of rate of population growth, considering that many of the two thousand thirty-three people were injured from the bomb and the pox outbreak as well. Their lowest population count is an alarming one thousand eight hundred ninety-seven and after the rebels were welcomed into their gates, their population only grew to two thousand three hundred fifty-nine.

"Having a smaller population made it easier for Coin to exert control over her people." Peeta says.

"Yes." I agree. "Even though these charts imply that their population count was a problem, it actually _helped_ them survive on their own."

"I wonder how the bodies of the eight thousand people were disposed of." He says. "Or were they left in the surface of Thirteen to rot as some sort of example of the Capitol for the other Districts?"

"The latter." I say as I point to the line in the panel where it explains just how the dead were dealt with.

We move on to Twelve's panel and read how nearly 80% of the population was hungry. The major cause of death was starvation and the only catastrophes ever recorded were two instances of mine accidents, one of which killed my father. Our panel shows a video of the most recent mine accident. I look away immediately, not wanting to relive the moment when Prim and I stood with my mother, clutching onto the rope that served to mark safe boundaries from the mine opening, waiting for our father who never came out.

"I'm sorry." I hear a man say to me. I open my eyes, expecting a guest to greet me but instead I find Gale standing behind me. I look to Peeta and he gives me a nod. I let go of his hand and turn to face Gale.

"What for?" I ask stubbornly.

"Everything." He says. He looks to Peeta who still has his back turned to us. Gale lays his hand on Peeta's shoulder and I notice how Peeta cringes ever so slightly. "I'm sorry, Peeta. I should never have come over in the first place. It will not happen again." He extends a hand to Peeta but Peeta does not return the gesture.

"And yet here you are again." Peeta says.

"Effie invited me." Gale says, "But I came to make peace."

"It's Katniss's hand you should be shaking." Peeta says to him. Gale shifts his hand and offers it to me and I take it.


	83. Chapter 82

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Eighty-Two**

"One last room." Peeta says behind me. I am standing by Prim's door, unmoving. We have been going around the museum for hours, fighting against all odds to keep our sanity. I order my feet to move forward and my hands to reach for the doorknob but nothing responds. I can feel Peeta's hand on my shoulder, the warmth of his touch against my cold skin.

"I can't." I whisper, still staring at the closed door.

"You don't have to." He says.

He guides me through the halls, passing open doors revealing shrines dedicated to the late Finnick, and the other Fallen Victors and Tributes. With every step we take farther from her room, I breathe more easily. We reach the foot of the stairs where most of the guests convene, waiting for me to take to the podium on the makeshift stage and deliver the closing speech. Peeta pulls me behind the stairs before anyone realizes that we've entered the living room.

"How are you holding up?" He asks in a hushed voice.

"Not so good." I confess. "You?"

"Worse." He tries to smile. I let my palms rest just beneath his jaw line and give a weak smile too.

"Remind me never to go back here." I tell him.

"I promise." He says. "Will you do the same for me?"

"Yes." I kiss him briefly on the lips but when we part, he quickly leans back into me, closing the gap between us with his lips on mine.

"Who would've thought we'd end up like this?" I sigh. Remembering all the grotesque images and films we have just witnessed.

"Boggs." He answers and I know he's right. When we were fighting in the Rebellion, Boggs was Squad 451's leader. Peeta, who was still heavily hijacked at that time, had just been delivered to us by President Coin. Boggs was talking to me about what his theories were regarding Coin's motives of sending Peeta to our team. He had said that he had planned a long life for me and of course although not everything goes according to plan, Boggs still achieved his objective.

"We better go." I say, letting my hands fall to my sides. "They're waiting for us."

* * *

><p>"You have all seen the terrible reality and the untainted truth that the past tells us. The images and texts that you find around this museum tell us the real events that occurred during the reign of former President Coriolanus Snow and the other tyrants which preceded him." I speak before the guests from the Capitol and the Districts. There is no fear in my gut, not even anxiety. I know what to stay and I know how to say it. For once in my life, words become my allies.<p>

"You have seen the numbers, the footage of scenes that never made it to your television screens, and have read the accounts of each district regarding numerous instances of exploitation. We have all been victims of their abuse of power and misguided judgments of morality. The Hunger Games were never about which of the Districts produced the strongest child or which tribute won most of the votes from sponsors; not even the star-crossed lovers of Twelve.

Living through just one Hunger Games taught me many things. For one, killing a person is not the same as killing an animal, even if you're doing both just to keep yourself alive. To take another's life is a burden you will have to carry for the rest of your days. Their voices will forever be whispering in your ear, asking: 'Why? Why did I have to die at your hand?'. No solace is found in sleep either. Every night I find the faces of my victims in my nightmares. The sadness in the frown of their lips and their questioning eye, staring down into my soul, reminding me of the moment, I let the arrow or bullet speed through the chests. Killing is a curse and yet the Hunger Games forced children as young as twelve to commit this heinous act!

I understand now that duress is a powerful weapon. The former presidents of Panem, somehow in some twisted way that manifested itself as the Hunger Games, actually made a celebration out of children killing children. Children who are the most innocent of beings; children who are supposed to be the most protected sector of society; children who are now dead at the hand of another.

For a good part of my life, I had promised never to have children of my own. How could I bring another person into a world governed by the law of kill or be killed? After my first Games I found a deeper meaning in the law. I was not asked to kill other children for fear their killing me. I was told to kill or else the people in the seat of power will kill me including those I loved. The Districts reaped a boy and a girl each year because if they refused, they will be killed as Thirteen supposedly was. The enemy is not our neighbor; the enemy was Snow.

No, the Hunger Games was not about the star-crossed lovers, but it was about love _and_ fear. It was about the love of each parent for his or her son or daughter. It was about the love that grew even stronger as each mother had to learn how to let go of her baby knowing that this moment may just be their last together. It was about the love of a father, who's entire being would shatter every time he would see his son or daughter trip, fall and inevitably bleed inside the Arena, bound by the incapability to go to their aid.

It was about the fear of each tribute in the arena that led them to do what they did. The same fear that would keep them running away to safety; the same fear that would cloud their judgment; the same fear that would keep them alive for as long as the Gamemakers would allow it.

Being a Victor of the Hunger Games was never about winning. It was about keeping as much of yourself as you possibly can because once you step off of the pedestal when the timer hits zero, you have been changed forever. It was about showing the people in power how you were never a piece in their Games." I pause and look to Peeta and he gives me an approving nod.

"We are not different people. We were all puppets controlled by tyrant after tyrant. Let us not allow them to continue to control us even after their death by continuing the awful praise for the torment they forced us to go through. Let the Rebellion serve as a model of our strength as a people to love and to fight for ourselves and our children. Let us prove to ourselves and to the future generations to come that the past will and can never repeat itself."

I stop talking then, feeling the dryness of my lips and the coldness in my fingers. For a moment there is silence, nothing but the occasional sniffs from some people in the audience is heard. And then slowly, beginning with the people in the front row, they applaud.

I smile and thank them and then Effie is by my side kissing me on both cheeks, her lips damp with the tears streaming down her face. We make our way down from the makeshift stage in the living room.

"That was wonderful." Effie smiles. "So much better than what I had prepared for you."

"This museum is far greater than my little speech." I thank her, "You're truly amazing, Effie. Thank you for doing this."

"She's right. Thank you, Effie." Peeta appears beside me. "That was wonderful." He turns to me and brings his arm over my shoulders.

"Thanks." I smile. "Effie, we need to go home, Hector needs to be fed. We'll see you tonight?"

"Oh, of course!" Effie says, giving us a light push toward the front doors, as she used to do when she was our escort.

"What happens when they start teaching about the Hunger Games in school?" Peeta asks as I lay Hector in my arms to be fed. We are in the nursery while the others; my mother, Annie, Johanna, Beetee, Enobaria and the kids are down stairs.

"Will they?" I ask him. "Isn't that too gory for children?"

"It might but it still has to be taught." Peeta says.

"I don't think I'd want Alouette learning about that." I confess. "Especially with parents who were part of _two _Games"

"It's something that needs to be talked about with Paylor." Peeta sighs. And I realize Peeta's point. How can we expect to learn from the experience if the future generations of leaders know nothing about the Hunger Games and the Rebellion that bore fruit to the peace in their lives? I make a mental note to call Paylor to fix a meeting with all those involved to sort this issue out.

"I'm sure as hell Paylor will vote for teaching kids about the Hunger Games." Johanna comes in, carrying Alouette with one arm.

"Language." I warn her.

"Oops." She smirks. "Sorry about that. I'm still getting used to being around kids this much."

"Game?" Alouette perks up at the mention of Hunger Games. "I want to play!"

And a sudden image of my daughter in the Arena strikes my imagination.

"No you would not." I say immediately. Johanna lets Alouette down on the carpet and finds a seat next to Peeta.

"How was the museum?" She asks in a hushed tone.

"Terrible." Peeta sighs. "But Effie was right, it had to be built to serve as a reminder."

"I don't know how either of you got through it." Johanna leans back on her seat.

"We barely did." I comfort her.

"Ali!" We hear Finn running down the hall.

"I'm here, Finn!" Alouette calls and gets to her feet, staggering to meet Finn in the hall.

"They became quick friends." I observe.

"It's amazing really." Johanna says, peering through the hall as the kids stomp down the stairs. "Annie becomes more and more lucid each time she watches the two play. When both of you were in the museum and we stayed behind here, Annie was constantly shaking but when the two started running around your living room she began to pull herself together."

"Just like when Finnick was here." I sigh, remembering our times together when we were having meals in that eating hall in Thirteen. How their hands would never part and they would only eat with a single hand just to keep connected with one another. I watched as Finnick would simply whisper some words into Annie's ear and slowly, she would come back to wherever she would go.

"What an odd picture we must have made." I hear Peeta whisper to himself.

"A bunch of old Victors breaking down all at the same time." Johanna scowls.

"With their projections of winning moments being replayed over and over again." I chime in. "The cameramen must have had a feast." Hector falls asleep in my arms and I get up and gently lower him down to his crib, pull a blanket to his chin and face Peeta and Johanna.

"Let's get some dinner." I smile. We make our way through the hall and down the stairs where my mother is already setting the table. I am about to thank her for preparing dinner when the doorbell rings.

"I'll get it!" Alouette calls and runs to the door, almost tripping over one of her toys. I follow her and help her reach the doorknob by carrying her. The door swings open and there stands Rory, Posy, Vick, Gale and Effie.

"I hope you don't mind that I bought some people with me." Effie gives a weak smile. I step aside and let them in. At the sight of Gale, Alouette perks up and calls for him.

"Uncle Gale!" She screams and pulls away from me but I keep her firm in my arms lest I drop her.

"Hi, Alouette." Gale says cautiously. I offer Alouette to him and he secures her in his arms. "I'm surprised she remembers me."

"She remembers family." I tell him truthfully. Mending our relationship will be difficult. Gale lets Alouette down and introduces her to his siblings. He says hello to Finn and tells him how much he looks exactly like his father. Slowly I can see him going back into the fold of this strange mix of people I call family.

"It's dinner time!" My mother calls and right when we are all seated, I hear Hector's faint cries calling for me. I get up and glide up the stairs to get him and when I get back on the stairs I watch as Peeta hands bread to Gale.

We eat dinner together, laughing at Alouette and Finn as they try to feed themselves with their utensils turned the opposite way. Each of the "aunts" and "uncles" take turns cradling the new baby and miraculously, Hector remains asleep in their arms. We don't speak of the images in the museum or the horrible break down we all had in the living room. We relive only the happy moments. It's almost midnight when each of us decides to turn in for the night. Gale and his siblings, Beetee and Enobaria leave with hugs and handshakes, as they will catch a flight back to their respective districts. Effie gives each of the children gifts and Annie, Peeta and I thank her as we lead her through the front door with the promise of seeing each other soon.

We close the door and lock it in place. I secure Hector in my arms as Peeta carries a very sleepy Alouette in his. Johanna goes ahead of us, staggering up the stairs what with all the alcohol she's had to drink. Annie gently lifts Finn from the living room couch where the young toddler has fallen asleep. We carry our children up the stairs, tuck them into their beds and bid each other a good night.

When Peeta locks the door behind us he pulls me close to him and kisses me full on the lips. I feel a smile creep up on me as I kiss him back, letting my fingers linger on his neck. He pulls back and examines my face.

"What was that for?" I laugh.

"Can't I just kiss my wife?" Peeta jokes.

"You can do more than that." I lean in again and he meets me halfway while leading me to our bed.

I wake with a start. Hector is wailing in the other room. I heave a sigh and wrap the blankets around my body as I get to my feet. I pick up our clothes from the floor and drop them into the hamper. I pull a nightgown over my head and wrap a robe over my shoulders before going to the nursery.

I open the door in the nursery and find Hector throwing a fit in his crib. I pick him up and try to feed him but he doesn't seem to be hungry. I wipe his tears with a tissue and try to sing him to sleep but he still continues to cry.

"Did you have a bad dream, honey?" I coo over him, rocking him gently from side to side. "It's alright. Mama's here." I close the door of the nursery, afraid to wake up our guests. I try to distract him with toys but that doesn't work. He doesn't need a change of diapers because he's still clean. I decide on taking a walk with him. Maybe the evening breeze will calm him down. I wrap him in a thick blanket and put on my shoes.

I walk with him in my arms, crying and crying. I sing to him softly, letting my feet take charge of our destination and letting my mind focus on the baby. His cries are not those that tell me that he's in physical pain. It's a soft whimper as though he's begging for something. I kiss him on the forehead and bring him even closer to me, pulling his blanket over his head. I wipe the tears from his face and continue to sing.

_Deep in the meadow, under the willow,_

_A bed of grass, as soft green pillow_

_Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes_

_And when again they open, the sun will rise._

Suddenly I can hear myself sing. This was the song I sang to Prim and Rue all those years ago. I stop singing, momentarily forgetting about Hector's cries because I find myself in front of the Victors' Village.

"May I help you, Mrs. Mellark?" A guard asks me, moving away from his post by the arch of the village entrance and closer to me. For a moment I don't answer.

"No thank you." I reply. "Just taking a walk with my son."

He gives his salute and moves back to his post. I let myself enter the village and let the moonlight guide me to my mansion.

The Museum of Panem in the Era of the Hunger Games.

A pair of guards stand by the entrance and at the sight of me, they speak into microphones hidden somewhere in their sleeve. They don't utter a word when I turn the knob of the front door. They simply step aside and give a salute. I take a step inside and work my way through the living room.

It has an abandoned feeling. All the lights are turned off and no sound can be heard except the quiet cries of my son. The kitchen door was left ajar and inside I can still see baskets of bread on the marble counter top. A light buzzing can be heard from the projectors that are neatly lined up in the living room.

"Mama's here." I comfort Hector as I take for the stairs. I know now why I felt the need to take a walk. Why I came here.

I am glad I took Hector with me because I have one room left to explore and I can't possibly do that on my own.


	84. Chapter 83

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Eighty-Three**

I reach for the doorknob and feel the cold metal in my warm palm. I secure Hector in a single embrace, pulling him closer to me, for his protection or mine, I am not quite sure. He's still whimpering; growing tired of squirming in my arms but still very upset.

The door swings open and I am greeted by darkness. I walk to the top of the staircase and meet eyes with one of the guards who make rounds inside the mansion.

"Could you?" I ask and he understands. He makes his way to the power control cabinet that Effie had installed by the stock room and switches on the energy source of the mansion. After a few seconds, the museum is buzzing with power. I thank him and switch on the lights in Prim's old room, bracing myself for what's to greet me.

Inside are all the things Prim loves. On the walls hang photos of me, my mother and even my father. A small scratch post and pet cushion stands in one of the corners and at the base of the whole thing, one single name is printed: Buttercup. On the other is some stable of sorts with a wooden sign that reads: Lady.

I walk in slowly, absorbing each and every detail as possible. In the center of the room is a glowing holographic globe. The display is different from all the other rooms probably because it is probably the most advance piece of technology in this museum.

I close my eyes and listen to the sounds that dance on the walls and know that it's our father's lullaby morphed into a wordless melody. I take a deep breath and I can almost smell the flowers from which she was named after. Everything in this room, every object that sits on the carpet is Prim. Her spirit emanates from all the four corners and for once in my life I can feel her presence again.

I look up to the walls and notice how the paint job is a perfect replica of her favorite cakes; the ones that she would beg me to come see with her in the bakery, the ones that Peeta made. I sit on the floor, crossing my legs and gently laying my son on my lap. I begin to tell him the story about my sister and the life we lived and the sacrifices we all made to stay alive.

I know he can't possibly understand me but somehow it calms him down. He stops whimpering and looks into my eyes as though he really wants to know about the aunt he would never get to meet. I rise and cradle him with a single arm so I can point to the photos of his grandmother, his grandfather, his mother and finally, Prim, his aunt.

Soon, he starts to fall back to sleep. I lay him down on the soft carpet and use the blanket to support his head. I roam around the room until finally, I let myself tinker with the glowing hologram in the center of it all.

I lay my palm on it's surface and the light disappears and focuses on my palm. I keep my hand on that same spot, wondering what sort of information it could possibly have that I would not yet know. The light diffuses back to form the globular shape and suddenly the music stops.

"Soldier Katniss Everdeen Mellark." I computer voice says. The hologram has somehow identified me. I wait for some instruction but only silence follows it. I look over to my son and find him soundly sleeping, his thumb in his mouth.

"What would you like to know about your sister, Primrose Everdeen." The voice asks.

"When is her birthday?" I ask just to test Effie's information.

"Primrose Everdeen was born 15:48 on the 30th day of the 5th month." It answers and it's correct. "Would you like to ask another question?"

"Can you tell me what happened on the day that she died?" I ask, my voice trembling.

"I can show you." The holographic globe starts to shift and its colors start to change to form an image that is all too familiar in my nightmares.

"Location: District 13; Command / Person in Charge: Former President Alma Coin / Agenda: Infiltrating the Capitol." The voice announces.

"_Alright is every one accounted for?" Coin asks the people who site around the table in Command._

"_Squad 451 has been located in the care of some Tigris character. A former stylist in the Hunger Games, the 64__th__ up until the 67__th__ when President Snow had dismissed her for an unknown reason." One of the soldiers who I do not know, answers her. "Squad 451 is not too far from the target area."_

"_Perfect." She answers. "Do we have visibility of their whereabouts?"_

"_Yes, Ms. President." The same soldier answers and presses some buttons on the table and the screens rise from the marble surface shows a hazy image of five figures huddled inside the shop. Cressida, myself, Gale, Pollux and Peeta chained to the wall._

How is this possible?! All those times we thought we were hidden from Coin and Snow, a lie. Somehow, Coin was able to get this footage and this is when I start to question Tigris' loyalty.

"_Do we have audio access?" The president asks, looking very impatient._

"_I am sorry to report that we do not have audio access but we do have Ms. Tigris as our contact to relay information." The soldier says immediately. "They plan on infiltrating the Capitol in separate groups and under some sort of cover that will help them blend in with the crowd of Capitol citizens. Soldier Everdeen plans to somehow enter the President's mansion and assassinate him there. Her plans are not certain but it has been agreed that they will leave the shop soon in pursuit of the President."_

"_Then everything is set. Tigris will set the tracker on her clothes and we will have access to the Mockingjay wherever she may go." President Snow pushes a button from under the table and the display of our figures on the screen disappear. "Next order of business."_

"_The medics have been assembled." Another voice enters the conversation._

It's familiar because I have sentenced that very same person to lifetime isolation for his crimes against my family.

Dr. Aurelius.

"_And the girl?" Coin raises an eyebrow to him._

"_I have tipped her as well." He answers and a new image starts to form in their screens. It shows Dr. Aurelius, only taken a few hours ago, wearing his doctor's coat and holding a patient's chart. He enters the ward and calls for my sister. He is seen whispering something into her ear and I can almost see the light in her eyes ignite with his offer of going to the Capitol with the medics. From inside his coat, he hands the medic uniform to Prim and she accepts it. I look closely into the screen and can almost make out what Dr. Aurelius is telling her: "Go now. Your sister will be proud of you." Prim smiles and runs out of the ward, clutching onto her uniform._

"_Good work, Doctor, you may go." Coin dismisses him from the meeting. Dr. Aurelius starts to stand but seems to be conflicted._

"_May I inquire something before I leave?" He asks._

"_Yes." Coin answers._

"_What may be the urgency of bringing the young girl into the target area?" Dr. Aurelius says with a cautious tone. "Why must she die?"_

"_I cannot have the Mockingjay when I rebuild Panem from the ashes. She is unpredictable and she has already succeeded in overthrowing our current leader what's to stop her from doing it yet again? I cannot have unstable and uncontrollable people in the new world we will create." Coin says but it doesn't seem to serve as sufficient information._

She wanted to break me as Snow tried to do as well. But Coin aimed higher and pulled deeper. She knew I loved my sister more than anyone in the world, that includes Peeta. By breaking Prim, she would break me and in doing so, she would secure her the throne when the war was over.

"_Killing her sister will destroy the Mockingjay. We must destroy her wings without killing her completely." Coin says, oblivious to the looks of disbelief from all around the table. "And if we are lucky, it will drive her to madness and will cause her to take her own life. I cannot assassinate her because it will be too suspicious, even if we make it look like she died in action. If we are even luckier, she will be at the vicinity of the target area to witness her sister's demise." She says all of these things with a steady voice, as though she were talking about readjustments to the schedule of Thirteen._

I can feel the tears stream down my face and the anger being reawakened in me. I am glad I aimed my bow at her. I am glad every one saw that I was the one to kill her.

"_I hope that cleared things up for you, Dr. Aurelius." Coin says and waves a hand to finally dismiss him. Dr. Aurelius leaves and the doors are locked behind him._

"_Have the bombs been loaded?" She asks then._

"_Locked and loaded into the same hovercraft that will send the medics into the target area." A different soldier answers. "The medics shall be unloaded to a safe zone. The hovercraft will take flight and remain visible to make it seem that it will be flying back to Thirteen. When out of sight, the invisibility feature shall be activated so it may fly over the target area and release the parachutes."_

"_Are we sure about the bombing procedure?" President Coin says, tapping her fingers onto the marble of the table._

"_Soldier Hawthorne calibrated them himself." The soldier replies. "Although rest assured that he has no information regarding this infiltration."_

"_All is set." Coin says with a satisfied grin on her face._

I don't think I have ever seen her this happy.

"_Give me a visibility of a radius of 5 kilometers from the target area. Let the Games begin!" _

She begins to orchestrate the rebels in the Capitol from her seat behind her screen. She gives orders on where and when to begin or stop shooting. Amazingly, their lack of control of the pods that surround the city does not weaken their resolve. Coin remains very calm as she bosses her soldiers around, killing the innocent and guilty alike. She assigns one of the soldiers seated in Command to keep track of where I am. His screen shifts to and image of Gale and I hanging from the abyss.

When I am shown standing before the children barricaded in front of the president's mansion, the soldier alerts his President.

"_The Mockingjay is on the desired location." He says immediately and presses some buttons that effectively changes the image on Coin's screen into my face looking at the children._

"_Clear the skies. Send down the parachutes." Coin commands and soon the hovercraft with the seal of the Capitol appears above the target area and releases the parachutes. _

"_Fly home." She orders and the hovercraft and it disappears from the sky. "Prepare the medics." She orders and the image is shifted to a group of medics being led by two to three rebel soldiers into the target area._

In the crowd of white coats, I find my sister, looking very scared but determined, holding onto a first aid kit with one hand and tucking in her blouse with the other. I can feel my knees buckle and soon I find myself looking up to the globe as I have fallen to the ground, unable to support myself in the grief that burdens me. The first round of bombs erupts and Coin smiles even wider.

"_Send in the medics." She says and the medics, my sister among them, start running toward the aid of the children. "Is the Mockingjay in the vicinity?"_

_Her soldier answers by splitting the screen, the left containing my image and the other, my sister and the medics._

"_Now, we wait." She laughs. "Any second now… Prepare a hovercraft to capture the Mockingjay." The second round of bombs go off._

So that is how my sister lost her life.

It was the fruit of the pursuit of yet another leader to break me. The voice of the computer speaks again, talking about how a sudden rise of rate of heartbeats per second has been detected in the room. It asks if I need medical help but I can't answer the voice in between my sobs. In his little corner, Hector begins to wake and his cries soon mix with mine but I cannot console him now, not when I can feel my sister's presence everywhere in this room. I remember our conversation about Peeta being in Snow's hands.

"_What do you think he'll do to him?" I asked her. Prim sounded about a thousand years old when she spoke._

"_What ever it takes to break you." She said._

Only, we were talking about the wrong person in the hands of the wrong president. I hadn't realized that even though Peeta's demise would truly break me, it would have been Prim's that would have completely destroyed me. Snow was not the real enemy, even though he posed a threat, it was Coin that had to be contended.

But I did not kill myself. That was the flaw in Coin's plan. She had expected me to commit suicide but I did not. I realize now that it was only the drive of killing Snow that kept me going and when I succeeded with that, I would have killed myself for sure. But something else happened, something neither Coin nor I was planning but maybe, it was part of _Snow's_ plan. I had aimed my arrow at Coin. A well deserved arrow through the chest.


	85. Chapter 84

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Eighty-four**

"Hello?" Peeta finally answers the phone. I can hear the confusion in his groggy voice.

"Katniss?" He replies. "Where are you? Is the baby with you?"

"Yes, Hector's here." I wipe tears from my eyes. I crawled my way out of Prim's bedroom, holding Hector close to me and made my way down to the study room where the phone rests on one of the end tables beside Peeta's paintings.

"Where is 'here'?" He's scared now. "Do you need me to come get you?"

"We're in the mansion." I say. "I want you to get Hector."

"What are you doing there?" He replies, in the background, I can hear Alouette crying, possibly waking up to the commotion I have caused.

"I just needed to know." I sigh, rocking the baby in my arms as he sleeps. I am short of breath. "I need you to come and get the baby from me." I say again.

"Stay there." Peeta says, immediately. "I'm bringing both of you home."

Before I can contest, he ends the conversation and I am left with the monotonous ringing of my phone.

After a few minutes, Peeta comes crashing through the front doors of the mansion and he meets me halfway in the living room. I quickly transfer Hector from my arms to his and he looks at me.

"What are you doing here?" He asks again. "It's the middle of the night."

"The baby was crying and he wouldn't stop so I thought that maybe a walk would calm him down." I reason. "I found myself here and I went in."

"Are you alright?" Peeta kisses my forehead, supporting the baby with one arm and bringing the other around my shoulders.

I nod.

"Let's go home." He whispers. "You need to rest."

"No." I squirm out of his embrace. "Take the baby home. I need to be alone."

"Are you sure?" He asks. "Just let me take him home and I'll be with you wherever you need to go."

"No." I try to smile. "I'll be back before sunrise. I promise."

"Come home with me." Peeta pleads.

"I can't." I whisper, holding his gaze.

"Why?" He moves closer to me, our baby in between our bodies. "I know you. You're going to find some small space to crawl into and there you will finally let yourself breakdown but that's not what you need right now."

"I don't need their questions either." I tell him, remembering my daughter, Finn, Annie and Johanna in the house, probably waiting for Peeta's return with the baby and me.

"In the meadow." Peeta says with a low voice. "That's where I'll meet you."

"They'll wonder where I am when you come home with just the baby." I reply.

"I'll come up with something." He smiles. "I'm not leaving you alone. We all have our demons, Katniss and I'm not leaving you to fend for yourself. We're a team."

"Where in the meadow?" I finally relent.

"Anywhere." He says. "Somewhere I can find you."

He kisses me one last time before he leaves with Hector and I take a deep breath and start moving toward the meadow. The one place I will always find solace in this miserable world.

_Are you, are you_

_Coming to the tree_

_Where I told you to run, so we'd both be free._

_Strange things did happen here_

_No stranger would it be_

_If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree_

I sit beneath one of the trees and let my head rest on the bark. I watch as the moonlight makes the grass look as though it were sprinkled with Effie's silver glitter. I wait for Peeta, trying my best to ignore the crying I can hear in the woods. It's a cry I've heard countless nights; a baby girl squirming beside me, calling for our mother. I know it's a trick of nature, something that wants to be seen but isn't really there.

I hum my father's lullaby, remembering how I would always sing to her when she would wake up in the night, crying and crying until the dawn arrives but it does not work this time. There it is again, her wailing and whimpering somewhere not too far from where I sit; my dead sister, calling out to me or maybe our mother again, unable to be reached from whatever world lies beyond this.

"Katniss." Peeta's voice behind me interrupts the ghost's cries and I turn to face him, holding our book. He sits close to me and I let his arms envelope me, feeling the warmth of his company.

"Gale had nothing to do with her death." I tell him after a few moments of just silence between us. "I know that now."

"How?" Peeta asks me, his fingers getting tangled in my hair.

"I saw it." I say quietly, hearing the crying from the woods yet again. "I saw how Coin manipulated and took advantage of the Rebellion to somehow break me by killing Prim. She was so sure that I would commit suicide after Prim's death."

"Coin deserved to die." I hear him say, the anger in his voice, evident.

"And Gale deserves my apology." I sigh. "All these years I've been torturing him for something neither of us could prove at that time."

"I guess the trip to the museum was worth something." Peeta sighs.

"It was worth everything." I only whisper but I know he heard me. As I lean into his chest, I bury the sound of howling cries in his steady heartbeat, he rests the book on my lap and opens it to the page dedicated to my sister.

"Maybe you'd like to remember her this way." He passes his fingers over the golden paint of Prim's hair and then pulls me even closer to his body. "Happy and so full of life."

"I love her." I weep and Peeta catches my tears.

"I know." Peeta whispers in my ear. "She's okay now; no longer scared or hurting or burning."

And he's right. Of course he's right. I stay in his arms reading the texts that follow her photo almost to the point of memorization. I am grateful for Peeta who is here with me right now because if he weren't I would be in a ditch somewhere, trying drown out the phantom cries of my sister with my own. I am grateful for Effie who is the only person who knew how to bring the truth to me because she understood that I needed some sort of closure with the way I lost my sister; who knew that for me to believe, I would have to see it for myself and that is exactly what she delivered.

* * *

><p>"Katniss." Peeta's voice rouses me out of my sleep. When I open my eyes, the first thing I feel is the soft blanket over my body and the pillow beneath my head. I open my eyes to find Peeta on my left, carrying our baby boy and Alouette on my right, looking at me as though she isn't sure I'm right in front of her.<p>

"Good morning." I try to smile, remembering the events of the night that had just passed. "What time is it?"

"Time for school!" Alouette suddenly cries. She proceeds on pulling me up to a sitting position and then forcing me to my feet.

"It's seven in the morning. I carried you home." Peeta says as we transfer the baby for me to nurse. "Nightmares?" he asks me.

"Always." I breathe in deeply.

"It was just a dream." He kisses me on the forehead and takes Alouette's tiny hand in his. "I'll take her to school today, you need to rest. Your mother prepared breakfast."

"Thanks." I smile and bring my attention to Hector. From the hall, I can hear Alouette and Peeta talking as they make their way to the stairs.

"Why does Mama have nightmares?" She asks.

"Every body gets nightmares, sweetheart." Peeta says. "What are you doing in school today?" He says afterwards, obviously trying to divert her attention.

"But not everybody gets nightmares_ every_ night." She reasons, ignoring the latter question.

"Your mother—your mother and I were scared of a lot of things." Peeta tries to explain. "But a long, long time ago, your mother made sure that you won't have to be afraid of those things we were afraid of."

"Are you still afraid?" She asks. It takes a moment for Peeta to answer but he does.

"No." He replies.

"Do you get nightmares every night just like Mama?" She asks.

"Yes." Peeta answers with a low and desolate voice.

"Don't worry, Daddy, it was just a dream." I hear her answer.


	86. Chapter 85

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Eighty-Five**

"She's asking about nightmares." Peeta says when he enters the house after bringing Alouette to school. "_Our_ nightmares." He takes his coat off and sits beside me in the living room couch. I let Hector sit on his lap.

"I know, I heard." I sigh. "How will we explain?"

"We have the book." He says, tousling Hector's golden hair.

"That won't be enough." I cross my arms. Annie and Johanna come down the stairs, lugging their bags behind them. Peeta and I get to our feet and he brings the baby back into my arms as he helps them bring the bags out the house.

"Don't worry about me, lover boy, I got this." Johanna says, winking at Peeta. He proceeds on taking _both_ their bags anyway. I make my way toward them and say my goodbyes.

"It's actually nice not having a security team, isn't it?" Johanna comments, looking around the almost empty house. "Might just try that myself, if Seven would give me a break from the cameras and stalkers."

"Until the next time?" I smile, extending my free arm and giving them both hugs. They each give Hector a kiss on the forehead and I kneel down to say goodbye to Finn.

"Thank you for letting us stay here, Aunt Katniss." He says when I kiss his forehead. "Can you guys come visit?" He asks before letting me stand again. I secure Hector in my arms as he struggles.

"Sure." I tell him, his blue eyes looking up to me. "Alouette will like that."

"Thank you!" He gives me a wide smile and somehow I can see Finnick _and_ Annie at the same time. I kiss his forehead again when he comes to hug me and Hector.

"I'll give you a call." I tell Annie when I get back to my feet.

"Of course." Annie says. "Say goodbye to Alouette for us!"

"I'll miss that kid." Johanna says and sighs.

"It won't be long until Effie will come up with something else that will bring us back together." I tell them.

"It was good to see them." Peeta says when we close the door after they've left.

"It was." I agree. "How will we handle Alouette's questions?"

"We'll think of something." He sighs. "But I doubt she'll remember any of this when she gets home later. School is a good distraction."

* * *

><p>"Alouette!" I wave my hands when I spot her in the crowd of children coming out of the kindergarten building. She finds me and starts sprinting across the pavement that separates us. I get to my knees and greet her with a hug.<p>

"I made this for you!" She pulls away from my embrace and presents me her clutched fist. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah." I smile down at her and slowly she opens her hand. On her palm is a string of feathers arranged in a ring. When I was a child, I remember my mother hanging a bigger version of this on the wall opposite our bed.

"_It's a dream-catcher!" My father said when he entered our room to sing his lullaby. "Your mother's been telling me about your nightmares, Prim."_

"_Mhm." Prim would answer, embarrassed because whenever she had nightmares, she would wet the bed. She outgrew this after some time but our father wasn't around anymore to congratulate her._

"_Well, you won't have anything to be worried about now!" He laughed, as he sat by Prim's side of the bed._

"It's a dream-catcher!" my daughter exclaims. "I made it into a necklace so you can take it anywhere in case you fall asleep."

I bow my head and she proceeds on putting the dream-catcher around my neck. I take the ring of feathers in my hand, being gentle so that I would not damage it.

"Do you like it, Mama?" She looks up to me, still smiling her brilliant smile.

"I love it." I whisper and give her a kiss. "Thank you, Alouette, it's beautiful!"

Her other hand is still clutched into a fist but I can see feathers poking out in between her tiny fingers. She notices that I have seen and giggles.

"I made one for Daddy too." She shows me a similar one. "So you don't have to be afraid of nightmares anymore."

I look back at her and realize how the roles have reversed; my daughter who worries about her parents' nightmares.

"You're so thoughtful, thank you, Alouette. Daddy will like that too!" I pick her up and her arms come around my shoulders. We walk back home where Peeta and the baby wait for us. We pass by the Victor's Village and Alouette catches sight of the monuments that stand there in honor of all the Victors' of Twelve.

Each of our monuments stand as though in action. Haymitch is in a stance, looking as though he's heard something rustle in the trees behind him. Karen, our first Victor is running, toward or away from something or someone while Peeta and I, stand hand in hand. In my other hand, I bear my bow and in Peeta's is a knife.

"That's you and Daddy!" She points to our statues that stand by each other, our cement hands intertwined.

"That's right." I smile, pausing for a while so that she can see. She points to the lady standing by Haymitch's side and looks back at me. "That's Karen she was—" I'm about to mention the Hunger Games but I stop myself. Peeta and I haven't discussed how we want to teach the children about that part of our lives just yet. "She was an old friend of Haymitch's." I say instead and point to Haymitch's statue.

"Why are you there?" She asks me. I shift her weight in my arms and sigh.

"Remember when Daddy told you about what we did so we won't have to be afraid anymore?" She nods. "Well, the people really liked that and wanted to do something for us to say thank you."

"Can we come up and see it closer?" She tugs on my shoulder, leaning towards and Victor's Village, willing me to move my feet but I can't. I can't step into that village again knowing that it holds all the secrets of the past I haven't the strength to face. My daughter looks back at me when I don't move or speak.

"Can we, please?" She pleads.

"Some other time, Alouette." I tell her, "Daddy's waiting for us." I don't wait for her to protest, I bring her closer to me, secure her in my arms and start walking toward the direction of our house.

"We saw you, Daddy!" Alouette greets Peeta when he opens the door for us.

"We passed by the Victors' Village and she caught sight of the monuments." I tell him as I hang our coats by the door. He kisses me shortly and then notices the dream-catcher around my neck.

"What's this?" He asks me.

"I made one for you!" Alouette interrupts and tugs on the hem of Peeta's shirt. I take for the stairs to check on Hector who is in his nursery. I take him from the crib and bring him down with the rest of the family. It's strange to be having this moment because I have never let myself imagine that I would actually marry some one and have kids. It's a blessing because the Rebellion left so many alone, so many children orphaned and so many parents left without their children.

When I come down the stairs, I notice that Peeta and I are now wearing identical necklaces. We sit down in the living room. I lay Hector in my arms and Peeta sits next to me, bouncing Alouette on his lap. I look to Peeta and wonder if this is the best time to explain things to our daughter. He looks back to me and sighs.

"Do you want to hear a story?" He asks Alouette and lifts her slightly to position her to face us. She greets us with such curiosity and excitement but Peeta and I only look back with worry and anxiety.

Together, we begin to tell her our story.

We try not to scare her, to leave certain details completely out of the plot but her excitement quickly turns into confusion. I wonder if Peeta and I have made a mistake of telling her all of this, that maybe she's still too young to understand, or maybe we're just scaring her, forcing our nightmares to be hers as well but we know that she's bound to hear about the star-crossed lovers in school and it's better that we teach her how to handle it now when everything is still just beginning.

For the first time, we show her our book and introduce her to the people we will always have in our hearts. We explain to her who these people were—are in our lives and tell her all about them and show her the curve of their lips in a smile or the color of their eyes and somehow, I know that she understands that because of what we suffered in the past, she will never meet these people. Maybe now she understands why we have nightmares and why we will never be free of them despite how many dream-catchers we hang on our necks.

* * *

><p>In my dreams, I find my daughter, struggling to keep her baby brother in her short arms. They stand in the meadow, alone, as though they are waiting for someone to come for them.<p>

They emerge slowly from the woods behind my children, their faces and bodies in their destroyed versions. Each person in the face they wore before they were killed.

Prim, her face in complete confusion, just like how she was when she caught site of me right before the bombs exploded all around her.

Finnick, with the panic in his eyes, just before the mutations came to kill him in an attempt to capture me.

Rue, smiling brightly at the sight of me coming to save her, only I was too late to stop the spear that buried into her chest.

Cinna, with all the hope in his eyes, looking through the glass tube that would bring me up into the arena.

My father and his look of utter fear with the realization that something is about to explode inside the mine, too late to stop it, too deep underground to escape.

Among them are all the other people who, until today I believe I killed, walk slowly into the meadow. As they get closer to my children, their bodies start to decay according to the way they were killed. My father and my sister start to combust, their flesh burning as it was when the explosion hit their helpless forms. Cinna starts to bruise all over, his face distorting due to the force of the beating he endured and blood starts to pour from all possible places. Chunks of Finnick's flesh start to disappear, eaten by the mutts, leaving behind bone and blood streaming down his body as he walks toward my children. Rue struggles with the spear in her chest, coughing out blood and crying out in pain.

Alouette starts to back away from them, trying to get a grip on Hector who is now crying. She starts to cry too, whimpering and shivering. They surround my children now and the air is filled with their chanting that gets louder with each step they take.

_Your mother killed us._

I wake with the sound of my own screams. I search for Peeta's arms and his soft voice in my ears telling me that it was just a nightmare. I find him next to me still sleeping, his face in a contorted grimace, his hands gripping the sheets. He's having a nightmare too.

I kiss him softly on the cheek and whisper in his ear.

"Wake up, Peeta." I say as I lightly shake his shoulder. It takes a few more seconds before he comes to but when he does, he gasps for air and his eyes dart from left to right as though something he was looking at disappeared suddenly.

"I'm here." I tell him and his eyes find mine. "It was just a dream."

We fall back into each other's arms, feeling tired. Our bedroom door begins to open slightly and the light from the hall spills into the room. We find our daughter, her arm outstretched to hold onto the door knob above her head. She searches the darkness and finds us both looking back at her. I am about to ask if everything is alright, or if she had a nightmare too and is too afraid to sleep alone in her room but then she starts to talk.

"I heard you screaming." She says to me. "Did you have a bad dream?"

I am left speechless so I just nod to answer her.

"I'm sorry my dream-catcher didn't work." She pouts and starts to make her way to Peeta's side of the bed. He lifts her and sets her down in between us and brings the blanket over her chest.

"I'll keep guard. You guys can sleep now." She says when we settle back into bed, crossing her arms across her chest. Peeta and I kiss her and slowly lay back onto our pillows but only a few minutes have passed and her sleepy eyes start to close even before Peeta and I fall asleep.

"She's so precious." I whisper as we watch her sleep between us.

"She's got all the kindness the world has to offer." Peeta says, brushing away brown locks of hair from our daughter's face as she sleeps soundly.

"No," I disagree. "Some of it is in you."

"Thanks for waking me up." Peeta tells me.

"The least I could do for always waking _you_ up with my screaming and thrashing." I laugh.

"I doubt we'll have nightmares with this one keeping guard." Peeta says as we lay back down.

Sleep comes easily and of course, Peeta is right.


	87. Chapter 86

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Eighty-Six**

"Do you think Gale will be there?" Peeta asks as he forces one of Alouette's stuffed toys into our third luggage.

"I hope so." I sigh. "We have things to talk about." Peeta doesn't reply. He busies himself with Hector who is crawling into the bathroom.

"Peeta." I call for him as he picks up the baby from the tiles. "You know I'm just going to apologize for holding him responsible for Prim's death."

"I know." He says, planting a kiss on top of Hector's head. "Of course."

"You can never trust him, can you?" I frown. "I understand."

"I know you do." He gives me a smile and hands the baby to me.

It's early in the morning and Peeta and I have been putting off packing for so long, we had to do it knowing that our flight to the Capitol will only be a few hours from now.

Many months have passed since the opening of the museum Effie had built. President Paylor has called all of the surviving Victors to a meeting for the 20th Anniversary of the Last Hunger Games.

"I can't believe we have to stay in the Capitol for over a month." Peeta says, zipping up each luggage closed and lifting them upright.

"Effie says that aside from attending meetings with Paylor, we'll be spending half the month preparing for the celebrations." I tell him as I sit Hector on the bed and pull a jacket around his shoulders. "And the other half, attending Monument Reveals and parties."

"It's going to be quite a month." He shrugs. "Alouette will miss a lot of days in school."

"It's fine." I pull a knit hat over Hector's head and secure his shoes. "How much can you miss in kindergarten anyway?"

"We better wake her. It's nearly time to go." I tell Peeta and he makes his way out of the room and into Alouette's. I carry Hector off the bed and let him crawl on the carpet as I make sure that we haven't forgotten to pack anything. After a few minutes, Peeta comes in carrying a sleeping Alouette in his arms, dressed in shirt and jeans under a long pink coat. We bring the children down the stairs, set them down in the living room. I surround Hector with pillows as he sits on the carpet by the sofa where Alouette is soundly sleeping to make sure he doesn't get too far while Peeta and I go back upstairs to take the luggage.

We've just finished getting the bags into the cab we called when I notice that Alouette, who is already belted into her car seat isn't wearing any shoes.

"Shoes." I tell Peeta and laugh. "You forgot to put on her shoes." Peeta is securing Hector in his car seat and, at the realization of his mistake, bumps his head onto the ceiling of the car. "Don't worry, I'll get it." I say.

I sprint back into the house and up the stairs. I take her boots from her room. I'm about to run back outside when I notice the small bear lying on Alouette's pillow. Around its neck is a golden locket.

Claire.

I am jolted back into the past when Alouette was just a baby. Claire was head of her security detail and she was Alouette's first friend. Claire gave her a locket on the last day of their service; something that would remind her that a broken family can still be fixed.

And it was; it is.

I take the bear too, open the locket and at the sight of her face smiling next to our family picture, I am reminded of Harvey.

Harvey was the head of the security detail dedicated to protecting me. On his last day of service, he too gave me a present. _"Remember, it's waterproof."_ He said and handed me a case containing an earpiece.

I run into the master bedroom and rummage through a hidden compartment under my counter top and find the earpiece in the same place I had hidden it from Peeta back when he was not himself.

I hear honking downstairs and quickly stuff the earpiece into the pocket of my coat and run through the hall, holding on tightly to the bear and the pair of boots. I reach the cab and once my door closes we speed through the empty streets of Twelve, guided by the moonlight and the faint rays of the rising sun.

I put the boots on Alouette's feet, careful not to wake her and let Hector play with the bear. In a matter of minutes, we reach the hangar and begin the tedious process of unloading our luggage and the kids from the cab. We rent a pram for Hector and I carry Alouette with a single arm. Peeta takes hold of all of our luggage and, from there, we begin our journey back to the Capitol.

"I hope all of you had pleasant flights." Paylor sits on the head of the long table and looks down at us. Peeta and Annie sit on either side of me. Across table is Johanna, Beetee and Enobaria. We all nod, but stay silent in our seats. The seven of us, gather together on one side of the table, leaving more than half of the other side empty. The absence of so many of our group more evident than ever. Haymitch would normally sit to the right of Paylor and the seat on the other side of Annie would have been Finnick's.

Paylor shuffles some papers in front of her and sighs. "First order of business." She clears her throat. "Educating the youth about the Hunger Games and the Rebellion." She looks toward me and I nod, taking my queue.

"Peeta and I have been talking about how we would want our children to know about the Hunger Games because we recognize that it's inevitable that they will find out about it and ask questions." I say. "We want them to know every detail but only so much so that they would understand but not too much that they would be terrified. That's when we thought of integrating the history of the Games into the educational curriculum."

"How much are we willing to include into textbooks without scaring the children?!" Enobaria speaks up. "I mean there's only so little in our past that won't send chills through _our_ spines and we're grown adults. I say leave it in the past and forget about it. Move on."

"It's not just about whether or not the children will be scared." Peeta says. "Of course we don't want to scare them but it's also essential that they learn about what happened."

"The past will repeat itself." Annie whispers next to me. The room falls silent and we all look to Annie who is trembling. "That past will repeat itself, lest we do something about it."

"She's right." Beetee says. "I believe that this is a good idea."

"Katniss is right, they're bound to know about it anyway." Johanna shurgs. "Might as well tell them the truth rather than have them believe lies and rumors. It's the best way to honor the people who died for Panem."

"How do you expect five-year olds to understand death and sacrifice?" Enobaria scowls.

"My daughter seems to get the gist." I snap. "And it's not like we'll include the gory details into the books of kindergarteners! The depth of learning about the Hunger Games will _progress_ as they get into higher grade levels."

"What about the parents?" Enobaria persists. "Just because both of you agree on teaching your children about the Hunger Games doesn't mean that all the parents of Panem have the same insights."

"We'll take a vote." Peeta says. "Like we always do, to settle decisions on controversies like this." We look to Paylor and wait.

"Before we take a vote, I will need all the details of the proposed plan on black and white." She says to me. "I trust I can count on you with that, Katniss."

"With great pleasure." I reply.

"Good. We'll take a recess for now." Paylor says. "I've got to assemble the other members of the board for the next topic in the agenda."

We all rise from the table, collect our things and leave through the door from which we entered. Outside are several men in suits, bearing different patches that signify who they serve. At the sight of our exit, they disperse from their single line formation and report to their respective Victor. I am familiar with the image of this. They give their salutes and quickly change formation to surround their Victor. None of the men come to us of course but when the crowd of men in suits starts to move on, I spot familiar faces emerging from the end of the hall.

"Harvey." I hear myself say. My feet take me forward as I meet them halfway. Claire is hand in hand with Alouette while Harvey carries Hector with a single arm. I clasp on Peeta's hand and lead him through the hall.

"Mama!" Alouette calls when she sees us. She let's go of Claire's hand and pulls out the locked that is tucked beneath her shirt. She runs toward us and opens the locket to show the picture of Claire. "It's Claire!" She smiles.

"I didn't know you'd be here." I greet them when we finally meet. They give me their salutes and I come closer to hug each of them shortly.

"You're not supposed to know where we go after our mission with you." Harvey says as I take Hector from him. "He's a handsome baby."

"Thank you." I smile, "Peeta, this is Harvey and Claire."

They exchange handshakes. "They were the head of our security team."

"We don't go by Harvey and Claire anymore though." Claire says. "Identities are ever-changing."

"What shall we call you?" Peeta says.

"We work for the President." Harvey says. "I am Alpha, she is Omega."

"Well then shouldn't you be with Paylor?" I ask Harvey.

"We have been tasked to escort you to wherever you would like to stay for the remainder of the recess." Claire says, extending her hand out to Alouette who gratefully takes it.

"Well, we were just going up to our room." I tell them as I adjust Hector's position in my arms.

"Right this way Soldiers." Harvey says, leading us to the elevators. We speed up to our floor level and walk down the hall and into our room. I am about to enter after Peeta, Alouette and Claire when I feel Harvey's palm on my shoulder, lightly holding me back. "What is it?" I turn to him.

"Your earpiece." He says and I quickly turn back to check if Peeta noticed I didn't follow inside the room. Hector squirms in my arms and starts to cry. Perfect.

"I'll take Hector for a short walk through the hall." I tell Peeta when he hears the baby cry. "I don't think he's ready to settle down just yet."

"I'll keep guard." Harvey says and we close the door. We walk down the hall to make sure we won't be heard through the walls.

"You took your earpiece out of its confinements." Harvey says.

"How did you know that?" I ask him, bewildered. Could it be possible that they've somehow bugged our new home as well?

"The earpiece is activated by your touch. It takes your blood pressure and your temperature. If the data matches that of panic, fear or any of the sort, there are hovercrafts on standby for your rescue if need be." He explains. "I got an alert that it was activated only a few hours before your arrival here in the Capitol so I had a feeling that you packed it with you. Your blood pressure was higher than normal but not in the range of 'panic mode' and your temperature was normal. It's the reason why Paylor had Claire and I escort you after the meeting. She needed details but she didn't want to make a scene."

"Well you're right." I tell him, wrestling Hector into a safer position in my arms.

"Why did you take it with you?" Harvey asks, "Is everything alright? We agreed that it would only be for emergencies."

"Everything's fine." I tell him. "There haven't been any attacks from Peeta, if that's what you're thinking. I just took it because I remembered you when I saw the locket Claire gave to Alouette."

"Did you tell Peeta about it?" He asks.

"No." I say truthfully, looking down at my child, ashamed of my dishonesty to my husband.

"That's good." He nods. "It's better that you don't but if he sees it, make some excuse. We don't want to trigger unwanted memories that might resurface the monster we've put to sleep."

"I understand." I reply. Harvey starts to walk down the hall but I don't follow. It only takes a few seconds for him to notice. "But I do need your help." I whisper when he turns to look for me.

"Yes?" Harvey says, making his way back to me.

"Can you get Gale for me?" I ask him. "I know he's not part of the meetings so he doesn't have to be in the Capitol just yet but I need to talk to him; the sooner, the better."

"Well, you wouldn't have to wait too long because as a matter of fact, he _is_ required to attend meetings knowing that he's the head of the military of Panem." He shrugs.

"What?" I gasp.

"He's attending the meeting after this short recess." Harvey tells me. "We're waiting for the arrival of his hovercraft."


	88. Chapter 87

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TROLOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Eighty-seven**

"I'm going to talk to Gale." I tell Peeta in a hushed voice as we rise from the table.

"Sure." He replies and kisses me on the cheek. We collect our things and move out of the Conference Room. "I'll see you for dinner with the kids?"

"Of course." I let him go ahead of me. "Thank you, Peeta." He looks back at me with a questioning expression. "Thanks for letting me do this." I say. Slowly the room empties and when Gale passes by me, wearing his suit, combing back his hair with his fingers, I grab onto his arm.

"Can we talk?" I say when he turns around.

"Sure, Katniss." He smiles but it doesn't come with the warmth it used to when we were children. He leads me down a different hall. He knows this place much better than me. Finally we reach a tall glass door, which leads out to a large garden. He opens the door for me and I step out. We sit on the marble seats erected all around the bricked pavement that intertwines through the garden.

"I went to Prim's room." I start and take a deep breath. "I haven't been there since the Reaping for the last Quell." Gale doesn't say anything. He just looks back at me his face expressionless but his eyes, looking so very desolate and—guilty. "I just want you to know that I don't hold you responsible. Not anymore anyway." I continue when it seems clear that he wouldn't say anything.

"Why?" He asks after clearing his throat.

"Because I know the truth." I tell him. "And I know that it shouldn't have taken me years to believe you when you said you had no idea about Coin's plans. I know it shouldn't have taken a museum for me to be able to remember that you're my best friend and that you would never do anything to hurt me. I should have trusted you instead of punishing you for something I couldn't even prove you did or didn't do." Gale looks down at his hands, avoiding my gaze but I take his hands and force him to look at me. "I'm sorry, Gale. I'm sorry because I ruined everything we had and could have had."

"You didn't." He tries to smile.

"We wouldn't be this uneasy if I had just trusted you." I sigh. "I shouldn't have shut you out."

"It took two people to destroy this relationship." He says. "I'm sorry too."

I pull him into an embrace and slowly, I feel his arms envelope around me as well. "I love you, Gale." I say softly into his ear.

"I love you too, Catnip." He replies and there is no trace of romantic motives in his tone, just friendship and the promise of starting over.

"So how did you know?" Gale asks when we part.

"Effie built this machine inside Prim's room." I explain. "And somehow, it was programmed to detect identities and if it were mine, it would give me whatever information I wanted. It was just a matter of _asking_ how and why she died and who decided it."

"Here," Gale gets to his feet and straightens down his suit before offering his hand to me. "I took you here for a reason."

I take his hand and he pulls me to my feet and quickly leads me through the maze of the garden. I notice the brick pavement progressively changes into a bright white marble, similar to the seats in the outskirts of the area.

"Where are you taking me?" I ask when he walks even faster.

"This garden is actually a memorial." He says, turning very briefly to face me. "A memorial for each and every child who's ever been part of the Games whether or not they got into the Arena in the first place."

"Which means…" I trail off.

"Yes." Gale says, pulling me even farther into the maze, turning left and right at specific corners. "Even those children whose spots were taken by volunteers."

We reach the heart of the maze and Gale steps aside to show me the entirety of the scene. We stand before a massive circle bordered with greenery and butterflies flying from flower to flower. The ground is solid marble and from it, arranged in concentric circles, emerge the stone profiles of children. I start to walk by the margins of the outermost circle, absorbing each and every detail of the smiling faces of the children in marble.

I walk by a boy who stands tall a few inches below my chin. He's looking up to me, his stone face showing the brightest smile I have ever seen. I trace my fingers along his cheek, wondering if his life had been as happy as he seems to be in this frozen state. My eyes find the name engraved just beneath his feet in gold letters.

_Nicolo Gareth Z. Morrison_

I continue on walking, crossing between circles and feeling the warmth of the joy the statues I stroll through the names I notice something. There is no special label for any of the children. No special mark to indicate who the Victor was for their year in the Arena. They are all equals here. Their sacrifice, equally valued and honoured and the loss of their existence, equally mourned.

Deeper into the circles, I find one peculiar image. Two persons stand on the same pedestal, one in front of the other. A shorter girl, maybe thirteen or fourteen years old stands in front of a handicapped woman, probably sixteen or seventeen. Her face is as happy as all the others but unlike them one of her arms is extended backwards, to the person who stands behind her, almost in a protective stance. The woman who is behind the younger girl, is also smiling, although not as bright as the others. There is a trace of worry in her eyes, a sense of helplessness in the way in which she stands and a glimmer of guilt in the way her marble eyes glint against the sunlight. I let my eyes fall on the names that I know I would find engraved by their feet.

_Karen B. Grierson volunteered for Katherine B. Grierson_

So this is Karen; a younger version of her, standing before her own sister. Karen B. Grierson; District Twelve's very first Victor was a volunteer.

"Katniss!" Gale's voice echoes through the heart of the maze. I find him in the center of the circle, waving his arms out to me. I make my way through the circle, passing by tributes whose names have been buried in the past but preserved in this memorial. Finally, I get to Gale and he stands in between Cato and Marvin. This is the 74th and last and innermost circle in the memorial. I already know who the people are behind Gale.

He steps aside and I find a very, very much younger version of myself, smiling like I seldomly did. Following the curve of my arm behind my body, I find my sister, smiling though not as happily as me, she is there. Beneath our feet are the engraved golden letters of our names.

_Katniss C. Everdeen volunteered for Primrose C. Everdeen_

"You only every smile like that when we were hunting." Gale says as I lay my hand on the curve of Prim's jaw.

"This place is amazing." I whisper. I walk to the very center of all the circles and on the ground is a golden symbol embedded on the marble. I walk around the circumference of the symbol and notice that it can be read from any angle.

_~HVA~_

"Did Haymitch…" I trail off, the letters of the symbol slowly finding meaning in my mind. "H.V.A." I read aloud. "Doesn't Haymitch's middle initial stand for Velia? Haymitch Velia-Abernathy."

"He designed this a few months or a year before he got sick." Gale tells me. "He didn't want a grand opening or anything. He just wanted it to _be_. That's what he wanted to contribute."

"This is beautiful." I whisper, still looking down on the initials of Haymitch's name. "Why didn't he tell anyone?"

"I don't know." Gale shrugs. "All I know is that he didn't want a fuss over this." Gale gestures to the thousands of marble statues around us, "Said that making a monument isn't about the grand opening or the pictorials."

"It's about making a permanent mark." I agree. "Thank you, Haymitch." I whisper. "How did he manage to keep this from the media?"

"He didn't have to." Gale says, "All he had to do was keep it from _you and Effie_. The cameras were only interested in you and it was only Effie who had the power to manipulate them. Well, that was the case at that time anyway. You and Peeta were having kids and going on District Tours for charity. He was in the blind spot of the media men and he took advantage of it."

"He's amazing." I smile. "Maybe he wanted to become an architect or a sculptor or even just an artist in general, if he hadn't been reaped for the Games."

"Maybe." Gale agrees and we spend the next few hours strolling around the museum, getting to know the children who never had the good fortune to be alive and witness the end of the Games and the beginning of a better day and a brighter tomorrow.


	89. Chapter 88

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Eighty-eight**

"I should have volunteered." I hear Gale whisper to himself. We are in front of Peeta's statue. He stands with a gleaming smile, his palm on the soft curve of his then undamaged leg.

"We had a deal." I tell Gale. He looks back at me and I can almost feel the regret emanating from his aura.

"I know." He replies. "I should have volunteered." He says again.

"Why didn't you?" I ask him. He doesn't look at me. I wait for him to say something, some explanation I was never even looking for in the first place. When we were young, Gale and I only had each other to count on and we knew that our families depended on us to survive; so if one of us were Reaped, the other must stay to assume the role of the Tribute. Volunteering would have been an act of ignorance and selfishness.

"I don't know." He sighs.

I try to imagine a different set of Games. I remove Peeta from the memories and replace him with Gale. Gale standing beside me as the chariot was pulled into the Opening Ceremony. Gale shaking his head to me just as the countdown ended, telling me not to run for the orange backpack. Gale who I would find wounded near the pond. Gale who I would kiss in the cave. And certainly Gale who would have survived longer than me and win the Games.

"I thought I was doing the right thing." Gale says, interrupting my thoughts.

"You were." I shrug. "You kept _both_ our families alive. That's how we planned it. If you got Reaped, I wouldn't have let you volunteer either."

"But you couldn't have volunteered even if you wanted to." Gale says. "Remember, 'Ladies first!'" He says, mimicking Effie's accent. All the humor aside, I realize, he's right. The system only allowed a girl to volunteer in place of another girl and it can only be done on the moment the tribute was Reaped.

"And as a Tribute, you won't have any say on who volunteers for who." Gale continues. "So if I volunteered, there wouldn't be anything you can do to stop me."

"Either way, we had a pact." I tell him. "Why are we discussing this anyway?"

"It's all I think about." He whispers.

"There's no use dwelling on this topic." I sigh. "It's in the past. _Twenty _years ago."

"I should take you back." Gale says. "They must be waiting for you."

"Thanks." I reply. We weave through the maze. Gale leads the way, not saying a word, just holding my hand and turning left or right when the path forks. We reach the outer vicinity of the garden and he finally lets my hand go.

"Thanks for showing this to me." I smile. "Will I see you again soon?"

"I doubt it." Gale says. "I was only scheduled to be in today's meeting to discuss all things military and security related while the celebration is happening. I'll be back when it actually starts to overlook the safety of all the Victors."

"Everyone will be here for about a month at least." I say instead. "Come see the children, it's been _months_ since they've seen their uncle."

"I will." He says but there is something in his voice that tells me that he plans to separate himself from me for quite a long time, either because of embarrassment or pain. Maybe both.

"Why don't you bring me to my suite." I wrap my arm around his. "The last time you saw Hector, he was so tiny. He's crawling now, did you know? He'll be walking in no time. And Alouette's going into first grade soon."

"I need to go. I can take you as far as the elevator." He says, taking my hand and untwisting my arm away from his. I don't say anything after that. I just follow him into the building and down the hall. He presses the elevator button for me and the doors open with a ding. "Good luck with everything." He says when I step in.

"You too." I smile. The doors slide to a close and the elevator shoots upward and in a few seconds it opens again.

"How was it?" Harvey asks as he walks down the hall from the suite door to meet me. Claire doesn't leave her position in front of our door.

"Good." I remark. "Good at first. We both said sorry and he took me to the memorial that Haymitch apparently built and then he felt guilty because he didn't volunteer in Peeta's stead all those year back."

"At least you fixed things with him." Harvey says. "Fixed as much as you can anyway." He unlocks the door with a swipe of the key and I walk into the living room area and find it empty. I go first to the kids' room but there is no one there as well.

Quietly, I open the door to the master's bedroom and there I find Peeta sleeping with Hector cuddled and secured with one arm and Alouette on the other. Hector isn't asleep but he's lies there quietly playing with Peeta's fingers.

Gently, I take Hector from his arm and into mine. He wakes up with a start, his arm, which previously held the baby, reaching out in the air.

"It's alright." I tell him and his eyes find mine. "I have him."

"I was just putting the kids down for their nap." He says as he pulls his arm from under Alouette.

"I see." I laugh and make my way back out to the living room and let Hector crawl around the carpet.

"You want to go out for dinner?" Peeta asks as he emerges from the bedroom. "We're in the Capitol, the food should be great."

"Just us?" I ask him as I pull Hector away from the base of a lamp.

"We can take the kids, if you want." He says, taking a seat on one of the couches and stretches his arms. "If you don't, we can ask Claire or Annie to cover for us here. I'm sure Alouette and Finn would have a good time."

"I don't want to have to trouble Annie. And Claire will surely have more important things to do." I sigh. "I don't want to take the kids either."

"Too many cameras." Peeta and I say together. I sit on the couch and lay my head on Peeta's shoulder. "I wanted to have our first dinner here with the kids." I whisper. "I know they won't remember any of this but it makes me feel good to be able to take them out for a nice meal."

"We shouldn't have to compromise." Peeta says and then we both stay quiet. Soon, Hector crawls his way to us. He sits himself on the carpet, by the base of the couch and reaches out his arms to me, asking to be carried. I take him and let him rest by my side, both of us leaning onto Peeta.

"How did it go with Gale?" He asks when he and I failed to decide on whether or not we will take the kids with us for dinner.

"I told him I was sorry." I reply. "He took me into this monument that Haymitch built for all the tributes."

"_Haymitch_?!" He gasps.

"I know I was surprised too." I say. "But Gale said Haymitch had organized all of it around the time we were on our Charity Tour."

"I need to see this." Peeta says.

"You should." I smile, "It's amazing."

"Then what?" He asks.

"Then, he got guilty." I continue the story. "Saying things like 'I should have volunteered.'"

"So that's his curse." Peeta sighs.

"His what?" I ask him.

"His curse." He says again. "We all have one. You and the ghosts of those whom you 'killed'. Who you think you killed, anyway. Me with the hijacking. And him with the failure to volunteer. It's something we'll never overcome."

I start to protest and explain to him that those things can be surpassed but then I remember all the nightmares of the dead speaking to me. I remember Harvey's caution of the monster in Peeta, which we've worked so hard to put to sleep but not kill entirely. The monster is still there. We only detained it; not defeat it. And Gale with his guilt; his guilt of failing to volunteer despite our pact.

"Our curse isn't something we can vanquish with time. It never disappears, we just make room for it and learn to go on with our lives." Peeta says when I don't answer.

"Let's have dinner with the kids." I say, getting to my feet and taking Hector with me in my arms. "Never mind the cameras. We worked hard to get this kind of life. We should enjoy the simple things like eating with the whole family."


	90. Chapter 89

**DISCALIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS RO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Eighty-nine**

"Look" Prim pulls on my arm and points to the sky. She traces her finger in the air and she leaves behind wisps of air that shine under the bright sun of the meadow. But I am not looking at her drawing in the air; I am staring at _her._ Her tiny fragile frame, the glint of her golden braid that falls on her shoulders, the slight curve of the ends of her smile and the untucked blouse behind her back.

"How?" I hear myself whisper. Prim stops drawing on the air; the glitters fall onto the grass and somehow I could hear them fall as though a glass was struck by a spoon for toasting.

"What did you say?" She asks, her voice echoing despite the openness in the meadow.

I look back at her. She's Primrose. My sister. She's thirteen years old and she wears the same clothes she wore on Reaping day. It dawns on me that I am not my sixteen-year-old self. I stand before her as the mother I am at the present: older, wiser—happier.

"Where did you come from?" I say, kneeling down so that I can see her eyes.

"What do you mean?" She's puzzled, her head tilts to the right and her eyebrows scrunch up in her confusion. "I've always been here."

"I wish I could make you forget." Peeta's voice rouses me from my dreams. I smile with my eyes still closed, not comprehending any word he said but happy to hear his voice.

"Hmm?" I ask and I open my eyes. It's dawn and it seems that the sun has just risen. Peeta's face is directly over mine and he's looking back at me with such despondency. "What's wrong?"

"I thought you were sleeping." Peeta says, leaning away from me.

"What did you say?" For a moment, I am struck with Prim's face, asking me the same question in my dream.

"I'm sorry." Peeta says before bringing his face to his palms.

"What's wrong?" I prop myself on my elbows. "Why are you sorry?"

"I said that I wish I could make you forget." He continues, "I wish I could erase your memory so you wouldn't have to remember the monster that I was."

"Where is this all coming from?" I sit up and bring his arms around my shoulders. "We've moved past this, remember?"

"I just had a memory." Peeta sighs. He has these occasional bursts of flashbacks, little bits and pieces of that past we had to take away in order to save him from his disorder from the hijacking.

"What was it?" I ask, alarmed.

"It wasn't very clear." He says, bringing his free arm across my body and pulls me closer. "We were in this study room, it was dark and I knew I wasn't— I wasn't myself. You were on a chair behind a study table. It looked like you were struggling."

We were in District One. I remember finding a knife to protect myself from him; I put it behind my back to hide it but he pushed me, causing the knife to be embedded on the seat behind me.

"I saw you and I knew that that part of me wanted you to die. _I_ wanted to kill you." Peeta continues. "I saw the fear in your eyes. The desperation. Somehow, you pinned me down on the floor and you had a knife over your head and I said…"

"Kill me or he'll kill you." I finish it for him. In my mind, that memory is as clear as daylight. "I thought I lost you that night."

"I'm sorry." He repeats.

"I know." I whisper. I don't say anything else because we've had this conversation thousands of times so I just lay my palm on his cheek and force him to face me. His eyes are filled with tears, just as they always are when a particularly horrible memory finds its way back to him. I give him a smile and lean in slowly to kiss him. It takes a while before he responds to my kiss but eventually, he does and soon we're making love.

"We should get up soon." I sigh with a smile. "Effie is expecting us."

Peeta pulls me close to him, his bare chest against my back. "We're always so punctual, let's be a little bit late, just this once."

"The kids will be waking up soon." I laugh.

"Mrs. Mellark, it seems that you're avoiding me." Peeta laughs too. And as though it were clockwork, Hector starts wailing in the other room.

"And, why would I do that?" I turn my head and kiss him lightly before peeling myself away from his embrace. I pick up my nightgown from the floor and bring it over my head. "I love you." I say, standing by the foot of the bed. Peeta's still wrapped around the sheets, his eyes are closed and he has a smile on his face.

"I know." He replies. "I love you too."

"I know." I turn and open the door behind me.

In the kids' room, Hector is gripping onto the railing of his crib and stomping his tiny feet. He sees me enter and starts to frantically reach for me.

"Oh, Hector." I smile and cross the carpet to take him into my arms. "Mama's sorry she took so long to get to you." I kiss his cheeks and taste his tears on my lips. "You're okay, Mama's here now." I look over to Alouette and find that she's still soundly sleeping in her own bed. Hector rests his head on my shoulder and sucks on his thumb. I bring my free hand over to his chest to feel his faltering heartbeat and kiss him on the forehead. I quietly leave the room and bring Hector into the kitchen and secure him on his high chair. I open the refrigerator and take a bottle of baby food and pour it into a plastic bowl. Hector is making baby noises as he bangs the table with his tiny fists.

"Here you go, honey." I set the bowl in front of him and bring a spoonful to his open mouth. The phone starts to ring and it takes me a while to find the phone in this unfamiliar hotel room. I find it sitting on one of the end tables in the living room and set it on loudspeaker.

"Hello?" I answer.

"Wake-up call!" Effie's voice echoes in the living room. "Big, big, big day for the Mellarks!"

"Good morning, Effie!" I call after her as I pry the spoon away from Hector's hand. "What's in store for us today?"

"Get dressed for a tour." Effie announces, "I'll see you in an hour or so! I expect smiles!"

The line is cut and I sigh with a smile. A tour in the Capitol with two babies and a million cameras.

"Peeta?" I call for him and he appears at the doorframe of our bedroom with the bed sheets wrapped around his waist. "Get dressed, Effie said we're going for a tour."

"I feel like we're sixteen again." He smiles when he sees Hector dipping his fingers into the apple sauce in the bowl.

"It's just for now." I tell him as I pull the baby's hands from the bowl and wipe the food from his fingers with a napkin. "She likes to show us around. I think she misses the old days. The good days that is."

"I want some apple sauce too!" Alouette comes running into the kitchen still clutching onto her bear.

"Good morning, Alouette!" I hand the spoon to Peeta and pick up Alouette. She rubs her eyes and brings her arms around my neck. "You're still sleepy?"

"No, I want apple sauce!" She says but rests her head on my shoulder.

"How do pancakes sound?" Peeta tickles her.

"Apple sauce on pancakes?" She asks and we laugh.

"Sure, if that's what you want." He says and kisses her on the forehead before planting a kiss on my lips. "Let me just get dressed."

"Effie will be here in an hour." I remind him and he disappears into the bathroom.

"Aunt Effie is coming!" Alouette cheers. I set her down on her feet and tell her to pick out her clothes and she does.

"Can you say, Mama?" I sit next to Hector and continue feeding him the apple sauce breakfast. "Mama."

"Ga?" He says and the food in his mouth spills on his shirt.

"Mama." I smile and wipe his chin. I feed him the rest of the apple sauce and wash the bowl and leave it in the sink. I free Hector from the high chair and make my way to the kids' room. I see the ensemble Alouette has put together as her outfit for the day. She's wearing a striped sweater under a floor length dress. Underneath the hem of her dress, peaks her little toes.

"Is that what you want to wear?" I ask her as I set Hector into his crib.

"Yes." She smiles up to me and twirls around.

"That's a beautiful dress." I kiss the top of her head and kneel in front of her. "Do you remember Uncle Cinna? From the book?"

"Yes." She says.

"He would be happy to see you twirl in that dress." I smile and she twirls again and the dress becomes alive with her movement. I get to my feet and watch as she begins to lay out her shoes. I get Hector's clothes and change his diaper.

"Can you say Mama?" I ask him again.

"Mama." Alouette replies and I laugh. "I was asking your brother."

"Who's ready for pancakes?" Peeta calls and Alouette comes running. I pull a sweater over Hector's head and put on his shoes. I carry him into the kitchen as the doorbell rings.

"Big, big, day!" Effie calls behind the closed door. I let Hector down on the carpet in the living room and open the door. Effie stands before me, wearing skintight pants, very high heels and an extravagant orange blouse. She hugs me and I let her in the room.

"Aunt Effie!" Alouette jumps from the table, and greets Effie with a hug around her waist.

"You've gotten very tall!" Effie says, "I've got a present for you!" She pulls out a golden pin from her red hair and clips it onto Alouette brunette hair.

"Thank you." Alouette brings her hand up to her hair and smiles. "Do you want pancakes?"

"No, thank you sweetheart, I've already had breakfast." She says.

"Where are we off to, today, Effie?" Peeta says as he lays the last batch of pancakes on the small dining table.

"Well, I thought I'd show you around, before all the commotion of the celebration of the 20th Anniversary." She says. I look over to the living room to check on Hector and find him reaching for the edge of the table and pull himself up on his feet.

"Look." I say to Effie and Peeta. I kneel on the floor a few steps away from Hector.

"Come to Mama, Hector." I say with my arms open. He looks to me and starts to get excited. Slowly at first, he brings one foot in front of the other and brings his tiny hands up to his shoulder level and starts to stagger toward me. He wobbles into my embrace and I carry him off his feet. "You've never done that before!" I kiss his cheeks. "You did a good job, Hector!"

"That little boy is _so_ precious." Effie coos.

"He used to need us to help him balance." I smile at my baby. "Some months ago, we never imagined him to live this long."

"How is his heart?" Effie sighs.

"He's doing great." I tell her. "He had an operation right after birth and it seems to be working for him. We're not scheduled for another check-up until he's about three or four years old."

"Such good news." Effie smiles. I set Hector on her lap and her arms wrap around him protectively.

"He gave us quite a scare, but he's doing fine." I heave a sigh and look over to Peeta. I remember the countless nights we spent just watching him sleep in his crib, catching the fast rhythm of the rise and fall of his chest. From the moment we were told that he was sick, we loved him a million times more. Even Alouette knows that the new baby is sick. She's developed a certain kind of responsibility over her little brother. She shares her toys when she wouldn't even let Finn play with her special bear but she lets Hector have it when he's upset. He's our little prince. "I'll get dressed." I tell them and make my way to the bedroom. As soon as I button my blouse and put on my shoes, Effie hurries us out the hotel room.

Effie walks ahead of Peeta and I. She holds Hector by the side of her waist and holds onto Alouette's hand.

"Why would you lie to Effie?" Peeta whispers.

"I couldn't tell her that Hector's heart is getting weaker everyday." I sigh. "I just couldn't."

"I understand." He kisses my temple and brings his arm around my shoulder. "He'll be fine. We'll figure this out with Doctor Hail."

"We shouldn't have come here." I sigh. A few nights ago, after the meeting with Paylor and my reconciliation with Gale, Peeta and I woke with Alouette calling for us from their room.

"_Mama!" She shouts. I get to my feet and shake Peeta awake._

"_I'm coming, Alouette." I run across the living room and open the door of the kids' room. I find Alouette peering into Hector's crib with such a horrible expression of fear in her face. "What's wrong?" I ask._

"_Hector." She says and backs away from the crib. I look down at the baby and find his squirming in pain. "Peeta!"_

"_I'm here, I'm here." He says, laying his hands on my shoulders. I reach down for Hector but the moment I lay my hands on either side of his small torso, he winces and cries out._

"_I can't even hold him, Peeta!" I start to cry. "I'm calling Doctor Hail." I leave the room immediately and fumble for the phone. I dial her number and count five rings before she answers._

"_It's Hector, he's in pain." I say at once. "What are we supposed to do?"_

"_He's having a hard time breathing." She says and I can tell that she's writing something down as she talks. "Did you pack the emergency kit I prepared for you?"_

"_Yes" I answer._

"_Where are you?" she asks._

"_In our hotel room in the Capitol." I tell her. I walk back into the kid's room and find that Peeta's somehow gotten Hector out of the bed and is gently rocking him back and forth in his arms but the child continues to cry._

"_Alright, you won't have time to go to a hospital." She says. "Listen to me very carefully. Get the kit and open it. You will find a tank labeled 'O__2__'."_

"_Is he going to be okay?" I ask her desperately as I pull the emergency kit out from the depths of our luggage._

"_He's crying, right? I can hear him." She replies._

"_Yes." I open the kit and find a tiny oxygen tank secured on the left side._

"_That's good." She reassures me. "That means he's still getting oxygen."_

"_I have it." I tell her as I release the tank from the kit. "I have the oxygen."_

"_Alright, on the top of the kit, you will find a clear tube." She says. "It's labeled 'cannula'. Take it out gently and attach the larger end to the mouth of the tank."_

_I free the tube from the kit and do as I am told._

"_Is it on?" She asks me._

"_Yes." I answer._

"_Now, on the side of the tank is a green button." She says. "I want you to attach the cannula to Hector's nostrils after pressing that button."_

"_Peeta!" I call and he appears beside me holding onto Hector who is now barely crying. I get to my feet, press the green button and attach the cannula to his nose. Hector takes a deep breath and finally calms down._

"_You're okay." I sigh. "You're okay, we have you."_

_I suddenly realize that I've left the phone on the floor and pick it up immediately. "He's okay now." I tell Doctor Hail._

"_That's good." She sighs too. "Let him use it until the tank is empty. It'll be good for a few days but I'm sure he'll be able to breathe on his own before the tank empties so just observe him."_

"_How did this happen?" I let my palm caress Hector's golden hair as Peeta carries him._

"_During his first operation, we did not completely seal the hole in his heart, for fear that he might not survive the procedure. It was standard protocol to follow for newborn infants. But apparently, his heart didn't hold long enough for his next scheduled check-up. I am very sorry for scaring your family. The hole in his heart is quite large and is causing a mix of oxygenated and deoxygenated blood, which makes it harder for his organs to receive the oxygen needed for proper functioning. The extra blood that flows into his lungs makes both organs of the cardiorespiratory system work harder. His lungs may have been congested." She pauses "I'm going to need to see him. And I'd like to explain to you this sickness in detail. I am very sorry."_

"_We'll fly immediately home." I tell her._

"_There's no need." She says. "I'll make arrangements to travel there. I can't pull you away from your duties when I can adjust to your needs."_

"_Thank you so much, Doctor Hail." I smile, "It means a lot to us."_

"_It's my pleasure." She says and the line is cut._

"_We shouldn't have come here." I sink to my knees and catch my breath._

"Let's enjoy this time." Peeta says, bringing me back to the present.

"You're right." I smile. "Doctor Hail will be arriving tomorrow anyway."

* * *

><p>After the long tour, Effie briefed us on the meeting Paylor had scheduled later tonight about the casting of votes on our proposal to include the Hanger Games history in the educational curriculum.<p>

"It's similar to the votation that happened after the games." Effie says in the car.

"The one about the Games for the children of the Capitol?" Peeta grimaces.

"Yes." Effie sighs. "Although it wouldn't be verbal."

"So there are computers." I say.

"Yes." She replies. "No other person will know what your vote is, which makes a better improvement, might I say."

"Creates less tension between us." Peeta nods.

"Anyway, it wouldn't take long. The process itself will only take minutes but of course all of you will discuss the results and your course of action." Effie continues. The car comes to a stop and outside is the venue in which we will have the meeting. We get out of the car and I unbuckle Hector from his car seat. He's sleeping. I listen to his breathing and it's labored. I look over to Peeta and he's looking at Hector with such a pained expression. He ducks in the car and takes Alouette from her car seat as well and carries her in his arms. The children are tired.

"Thank you for the wonderful tour, Effie." Peeta and I each give her a hug and she kisses our children and gets back in the car wishing us well. The next time we see her would be during the actual celebration of the 20th Anniversary of the Last Hunger Games.

Peeta and I get into the building and ride the elevator to the private floor reserved for presidential use.

"His breathing is irregular." I tell Peeta.

"I noticed." He says. "Do you think Doctor Hail will have a better solution?"

"She sounded like she knew what to do when we were talking over the phone." I tell him. "And it's not like Hector is the first person to ever get this sickness."

"That's true." He nods.

The elevator door opens to reveal a large double door. On opposite sides of the doorframe stand Claire and Harvey. They greet us with smiles and take our sleeping children from our arms.

"We have a seating area over here." Claire says as she secures Alouette in her arms. "Alouette can lay on one of the couches."

"We can take them to your room if you want." Harvey says, carrying Hector.

"No." I tell them. "I like them to be close to us. They can stay in the seating area if that's no trouble."

"I'll have someone take our position here." He says. "We'll watch the kids."

"Thank you so much." Peeta says as he opens the door and lets me in.

* * *

><p>"Let's cast our votes." Paylor announces and the computers hidden beneath the table top, rises. The screen displays the controversy upon which we are divided and a set of options.<p>

_Controversy: Including the Hunger Games History into the educational system  
>Options: You may only choose one.<br>1. Agree_

_2. Disagree_

_3. Abstain_

_Vote:  
>Signature:<em>

_Fingerprint Identification:_  
>I vote, sign my name and stamp my thumb. The others do so as well and in a few minutes, the screens sink back into the table top. The television behind Paylor blinks to life and reveals the result: <em>The board has voted to include the Hunger Games History into the education system.<em> Each of us claps our hands and Paylor nods with a smile.

"Alright." She starts, "Thank you all for your cooperation. Our next course of action now is to draft the curriculum and after which it shall be disseminated to all the schools in Panem for immediate inclusion to their individual classes."


	91. Chapter 90

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Ninety**

"It's quite simple." Doctor Hail starts. We sit in a hospital clinic, the walls and ceiling are white, the floor is covered with a light blue carpet and the smell in the air reminds me of my mother. Doctor Hail has just got into the Capitol and she looks very, very tired. "I wasn't confident with taking the risk when he was a newborn but now, I am sure this operation will be low-risk."

"That's what you said the first time." Peeta says, I can feel the tension in his tone and the anger exuding from him. I balance Hector on my lap and free my hand to take Peeta's. My fingers intertwine in his and he sighs. "I'm sorry." He says immediately. "It's just very stressful."

"I understand, and please I ask for your forgiveness." Doctor Hail looks at our son and back to us. "I promise you, this will never happen again, I will make sure of it."

"Tell us about your plan." I begin.

"Children with VSD, or Ventricular Septa Defect often have trouble breathing and develop slower than normal." She explains. She inputs a code on her computer and a projection of a live heart appears between us. "The heart has four chambers, two atria and two ventricles, these are divided by septa. Generally speaking, the left side of the heart pumps blood to the body while the right side pumps blood to the lungs. Blood travels to the lungs in order to get oxygen. It goes back into the heart where the left side will pump it to the organs and back to the heart. It's a cycle. The septum functions as a division so that the blood on the left side, the blood with oxygen, and the blood on the right side, the blood without oxygen, does not mix." She points with her finger and the heart pumps and functions normally as she had described. "The septum that we are concerned about is this one right here." She points to the south side of the heart and the image enlargens to show the region she's pertaining to. The heart is cut longitudinally to show the parts inside "These are the ventricles and right at the center is your septum."

"That's where the hole is in Hector's heart." I whisper, entranced by the image.

"Correct." She says. She sticks her finger right in the center of the septum and a large hole is formed. The blood from the ventricles on either side start to mix. "This is the scenario in Hector's heart. To show you, let's change the blood without oxygen color to a theoretical color blue." The blood on the right side of the heart changes to blue. The blood around the region of the large hole changes to purple. "You see the two kinds of blood mixing?"

"Yes." I hear Peeta say in such a defeated voice. I can hear the constant panting of my son and finally understand why. His heart and lungs are working harder just to compensate for that hole and the life the have to support. I let got of Peeta's hands and lightly embrace my son.

"This forces his lungs and heart to work harder than normal." Doctor Hail says, voicing my exact thoughts and fears. "These symptoms often appear several weeks after birth. Hence, the scare we previously experienced."

"What can we do?" I ask her, as I look down at my son, clutching onto my braid.

"The high pressure that occurs in his blood vessels around the lungs is due to the great amount of blood being pumped in that direction. This may cause permanent damage if we let it go on longer. The safest course of action is open-heart surgery to seal the hole with a patch."

"But what did you do in his first operation?" I ask her, unable to mask the condescending tone in my voice and this time, it is Peeta who intertwines our hands back together.

"As I have mentioned, he was very young at the time." She begins. "He wasn't even an hour old. I couldn't take that risk. In order to relieve the symptoms, I performed a temporary operation that will reduce the high pressure in his lungs. It is called Pulmonary Artery Banding, it narrows the pulmonary artery, the artery in the heart that serves as a pathway to the lungs, by banding to narrow the artery and reduce blood flow. In the operation that we will do, we will close then hole by patching after removing the band."

"What do you mean by patch, exactly?" Peeta asks.

"We will literally patch up the hole by using the lining of the exterior of the heart. This is called the pericardium. Later, the pericardium will be covered by the normal lining tissue of the heart and will become a permanent structure of the septum." She says and the projection in front of us, starts to fix itself. The purple color that indicated the mixing of blood gradually disappears and the heart returns to the normal heart rate.

"When?" I ask when a silence takes over the clinic.

"As soon as possible." Doctor Hail.

"Will it hurt?" I ask her, as though it were me who were going through the operation.

"Of course not." She smiles. "We will provide him with a similar drug we offer to women in labor. He won't even remember it."

"That sounds good." Peeta sighs.

"I recommend that you bring him back to Twelve." Doctor Hail says. "A familiar environment will lessen the stress during recovery."

"It's settled then," I look over to Peeta. "We're going home. We can't stay here, not even for that 20th Anniversary."

"They'll understand." Peeta nods.

"Even if they don't, we're going home." I tell him.

* * *

><p>In my dreams, my mouth fills up with blood and I am choking. I can hear a child crying in the distance but my vision is clouded with red. I catch glimpses of a pair of blue eyes and flash of brown hair.<p>

"Katniss," Peeta's voice wakes me again. He's standing over me and I unbuckle my seatbelt. "We're home, it's time to go." I look out the window and find the hangar busy with people. Peeta is carrying Hector and I take his free hand. Alouette jumps out from the isle and takes my other hand.

"It's snowing!" Alouette calls as we step out of the hangar. I remove the shawl around my shoulders and give it to Peeta. He wraps it around Hector. From the pocket of our luggage, I pull our Alouette's jacket and bring it around her shoulders.

On our way home, some people look startled to see us back so early but we don't mind them. We unlock our front door and get in the house. The living room smells of bread and sugar. Alouette goes running up the stairs.

"I'm coming, Mr. Elephant!" She calls as she reaches the second floor landing. Peeta and I go up the stairs in silence, feeling tired and worn out. We are greeted by Alouette who is now carrying a blue elephant and dragging her blanket behind her.

"I'll tuck her in." I tell Peeta and he goes into the opposite room to get Hector settled.

"It's bedtime, Alouette." I tell her when she asks if we can play in the snow. "You start school again tomorrow."

"Are you sad?" Alouette asks as I guide her back to her room. I lift her up to her bed and bring the comforter up to her chin. I sit by her side and smile.

"I'm just tired, honey." I kiss her forehead and rise from the bed.

"Is Hector going to die?" She asks and I can feel my heart sink to the floor beneath me.

"No." I say firmly. "We don't say things like that in the house. Your brother is going to be fine."

"I'm sorry, Mama." She sinks into her pillow.

"Your brother is going to be fine." I repeat, not knowing if I'm reassuring myself or my daughter.

I close the lights and leave her door ajar. Slowly, I enter the nursery and find Peeta weeping in front of the crib where Hector sleeps.

"He's just a baby." He whispers, his palms in a praying position. It's a long forgotten practice. Religion has been buried in our history, long before the Hunger Games began and even longer before the Dark Days were upon us, after a certain group of people, by some scientific and mathematic system, proved that there is no "God". And yet here I find my husband, kneeling on the floor, his eyes closed, and his hands together. "Please, please." He says repeatedly. I kneel down beside him and bring my arms around his shoulders and soon his head is on my shoulders and we're both crying.

I can feel myself start to disappear again, feel the warm embrace of the darkness that offers tranquility and isolation from all of this madness. I close my eyes and focus on Peeta's body against mine and the soft panting of the baby in the crib and the darkness recedes and I plant myself in reality.

* * *

><p><em>Reference<em>

American Heart Association (2014 March 26)_. Ventricular Septa Defect (VSD)._ **American Heart Association **Retrieved 2014 April 8 HEARTORG/Conditions/CongenitalHeartDefects/AboutCongenitalHeartDefects/Ventricular-Septal-Defect-VSD_UCM_307041_


	92. Chapter 91

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Ninety-one**

"First of all, Caesar," Peeta smiles at the cameras before us. "We're very, very sorry we had to leave so early and in such a hurry. There was an emergency and Katniss and I felt that we would manage better if we were here in Twelve."

Peeta and I stand in the Square, in front of the massive cameras that work without need of an operator. Each of the lenses follows our movement and a microphone is extended toward our direction. We both wear earpieces that connect us to Caesar who is stationed in the Capitol. The people of Twelve manage to detour around the machines without looking too curious and out of place. It's early in the morning and snow is falling. I pull my coat in and cross my arms, shivering.

"I am also sorry for the inconvenience the emergency brought your family." He says. He doesn't go into detail because we asked him not to. "Don't you fret, Johanna, Annie, Beetee and I are ready to fill your absence here in the Capitol."

"Damn right." Johanna says and we all laugh. "Good luck with everything there in Twelve, we hope to see you soon."

"Thank you Johanna." I smile. "And thank you to everyone there who wishes us well. Peeta and I will have our little celebration here in Twelve to honor the 20th Anniversary!"

"That's right." Peeta nods and the cameras bob up and down. "We will tune in every night."

"We hope to see you and the children soon! And, keep warm down there in Twelve." Caesar says. "Thank you for taking time to be in the show!"

"Thank you for having us, Caesar." I smile and after three seconds, the cameras lose life and shut down.

"That wasn't too bad, was it?" Peeta brings his arm over the crook of my elbow.

"Let's go home." I tell him. Over the past few days, I have been feeling on edge, as though every second I spend away from Hector, the sooner he will be taken from us.

"Relax." Peeta tells me as we walk back to the house. "Listen to me." He stops walking and pulls me along with him. I look into his eyes and notice how tired he also is. I take a deep breath and prepare for another lecture my husband has got for me. "He's going to be fine."

"You don't know that." I tell him, diverting my attention to my feet.

"Yes." He puts both his hands on either side of my shoulder and make me look at him. "I do. We've been through too much hell to be punished again and again."

"No one is in control of our destiny." I frown. "What happens just happens. There is no symbolic meaning behind it or some power of karma that decides fate."

"You're wrong." Peeta says and then he kisses me and brings his arms around me in an embrace. "Stop being so pessimistic. Would _you_ let him go?" he says when we part, our faces inches away from one another.

"No." I say firmly.

"There you go." He says and starts leading me back to our route to home.

When we get home, Alouette is eating bread on the dining table, still dressed in her pajamas. My mother is sitting next to her, cradling Hector in her arms.

"Alouette, why aren't you dressed for school?" I ask as I hang my coat.

"It's a snow day, Katniss." My mother says as she hands the baby to Peeta.

"School isn't canceled, mother." I tell her. Alouette finishes her bread and I tell her to get dressed and hurry to school.

"How was the interview?" My mother asks. Peeta and I have requested her to stay in our home knowing that we'd be spending most nights in the hospital with Hector. She will watch over Alouette and take her to school and to the hospital after to come visit Hector when the operation has been done. I let myself sink into the living room couch and put my feet up on the table in front of me.

"Excruciating." I tell her, with my eyes closed. "I could just feel the eyes of the viewers on us. Condescending us for leaving in the midst of the preparation for the anniversary. As if they had the right to be angry."

"She's been on the edge, lately." Peeta whispers to my mother but I choose not to respond.

"She's doing better than I ever would have if it were me." My mother reassures him.

"I'm ready." Alouette comes down the stairs, dragging her backpack behind her. She comes up to me and climbs up the couch. "Are you sleeping?"

"No." I smile and open my eyes. "Ready to go?"

"Yes." She grins and hops off the couch. I help her put on her back pack and quickly pull her long brown hair up to a loose pony tail. "Thanks." She says and runs up to her grandmother and takes her hand.

"Thanks, Mom." I tell her as they make their way to the living room.

"It's my pleasure." She says and closes the door behind her. Peeta comes to sit next to me. Hector sees me and starts to pull away from Peeta so I take him and let him play with my braid. His golden hair has gotten longer and it falls right behind his ears.

"We better start packing." Peeta says. Hector's operation will be tonight and Peeta and I will be spending the next few nights in the hospital to watch over him. I kiss the baby in my arms and he smiles.

"Isn't he the most handsome baby boy you've ever seen?" I ask Peeta, not tearing my eyes away from my son.

"Aside from me, well, yes." He replies and we both laugh. "You know…" he starts.

"Hm?" I say when he doesn't continue.

"You say that he looks a lot like me but now that he's gotten a bit bigger, he looks a lot like my brother." He says. "Granted, Nan and I did look a lot like each other."

"He's a Mellark through and through." I smile, feeling proud of my son. "Let's get you fixed up." I give him one last kiss on the forehead and do as Peeta had suggested.

* * *

><p>"We're all set." Doctor Hail says as she takes the needle out of the IV line attached to my son's hand. Hector blinks four times and then falls asleep instantly. "The operation will only be for an hour or so. When we bring him back to you, he will be sleeping and by then, we will administer the ointment that will clear the scar."<p>

"Alright." Peeta says, clapping his hands together. He looks down into the tiny hospital bed and kisses Hector before they start wheeling him out of the room.

"He'll be fine." He whispers as soon as the doors close.

The hour that follows feels like a year. Peeta sits on one of the couches by the area where the bed used to be but I pace up and down the small space of the hospital room. We hear a knock on the door and Peeta gets to his feet and I open the door.

"How is he?" My mother asks as she transfers a sleeping Alouette into my arms. Her hair smells of cookies and her skin is as soft as feathers. I wrap my arms around her and let her lay down on the couch.

"They've been working on him for half an hour now." I tell her as she closes the door. "Doctor Hail sad that it should only take an hour at the least."

"This little one had a fit today." My mother says as she sits by the Alouette. "Did you know they're learning about the Games in school?"

"What happened?" Peeta asks her.

"She didn't want to watch the film their teacher prepared for the class." She says. "I picked her up from school early."

"Because we never let her see anything Games related." I nod. "We'll talk to her. What did the teacher say?"

"Well, she couldn't do much about it since she is your child." She laughs.

We spend the remaining time, giving each other space. My mother starts to read her book and Peeta goes back to sitting on the couch, this time, watching Alouette sleep and I pace back and forth, back and forth, wishing I was in the woods. After some time, they return with Hector on the same spot in his tiny bed, sleeping soundly but this time, with a white gauze on his chest. When they've secured the breaks on the bed wheels, Doctor Hail tells us to let the wound rest for a few minutes after which, she will return to apply the ointment.

"Everything went perfectly." She says. "He's a trooper."

"Thank you so much Doctor Hail." Peeta says as we both look down at our sleeping baby boy. A cannula is attached to his nose. His breathing rate is as normal as ever and the computer that monitors his heart rate tells me that too is back to normal. Maybe Peeta was right. He and I must have reached our quota of hell, but for whatever reason, I'm glad my family is safe and sound.

* * *

><p>"Bring that over here, Hector." The toddler staggers to my direction, waving the brush over his head and smiling. "Thank you." I tell him when he reaches me. I pick him up and set him on my lap, combing through his golden locks.<p>

"I saw Uncle Gale on the television today!" Alouette comes running into the bedroom. She rummages through the room and turns on the television with the remote. "Turn it over to the news!" She jumps up and down, bringing the remote control to me and I do as she asks. There he is, Gale Hawthorne, standing with a woman, wearing his military uniform.

"Private Hawthrone, tell us about the preparations made in order to secure the celebration." The woman says. She has shoulder length blond hair and green eyes.

"Well, Ms. Dawn, I've got my men surrounding the entire area, no person can enter the premises without going through security x-rays. We confiscate all weapons upon entry, take DNA samples to account for all the guests and give them trackers so we know their whereabouts." He says to her. "We have assured the safety of all guests, performers and of course, our guests of honor."

The reporter, Ms. Dawn, continues on asking him questions but Hector starts to squirm on my lap and I set him down on the floor and he starts running around the room.

"Why can't we go back to the Capitol?" Alouette asks. "Hector's all better now."

"Oh, you wouldn't like it there, honey." I tell her as I hear Peeta enter the house. "It's very busy and everyone will be taking pictures and you won't get to enjoy any of the games they have there because you'd have to be with Mama and Daddy when we go on interviews with Mr. Caesar." I leave the room and ask Alouette to watch over her brother. I greet Peeta down stairs and he's still wearing his apron from the bakery.

"How are the kids?" He asks after he kisses me on the cheek. I take the apron from him and throw it in the hamper.

"Hector's running all over the place." I tell him. "And Alouette is asking if we could go back to the Capitol."

"Actually, I was thinking the same thing." Peeta says and I start to protest. "Just for a day at the least. Just to show everyone we're doing fine and we've recovered from the mysterious accident that drove us out all those weeks ago."

"You know how much stressful it is there and Hector's just learned how to walk on his own." I frown. "And we'd have to pull Alouette out from school again just when she's just learning to cooperate with the Games curriculum."

"We can go on the weekend." Peeta says as we start climbing up the stairs. "So she wouldn't have to miss school."

"And what do we say if they ask about the accident?" I ask.

"We can tell the truth." Peeta says. "Or we can ask Caesar not to ask us about it."

"Alright." I sigh. "Just for the weekend."

"Thanks." He kisses me on the forehead and we enter the room together.

"Mama?" Alouette comes to me as soon as we close the door of the bedroom.

"Yes, Alouette?" I pick her up. She's gotten so heavy.

"Can you teach me how to shoot arrows?" I set her down on her feet. The image on the television catches my eye and a monument stands in the center of a field stands a gigantic version of my seventeen-year-old self, positioned to shoot from the special bow Beetee made for me.

"Why?" I ask her.

"I want to be just like you." She smiles. "You were younger than me when grandpa taught you."

"Well," I grin, unable to hide my joy. "You can ask your father but it's okay with me."

"How could I say no to this angel." Peeta carries Alouette off her feet and plops her down on our bed. "Just promise me, you'll listen very well to your mother."

"I promise!" She laughs as Peeta starts to tickle her.

"Guess what." I carry Hector from the floor. "Your father has tricked me into letting us go back to the Capitol."

"Just for the weekend." Peeta says as he gets to his feet to kiss Hector. "So, as soon as you're out from school on Friday, we're flying back to the Capitol."

"I better call Effie." I say and make my way down to the study, with Hector still in my arm.


	93. Chapter 92

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Ninety-two**

"Katniss, Katniss!" The sea of people crowd over my children so I bring Hector closer to my body and hide his face from the harsh flashing lights. Peeta brings Alouette into his arms in one swift motion and she rests her head on his shoulder and closes her eyes.

"Is it true that you went back to Twelve because your son is dying?!"

"Are you staying in the Capitol for good?"

"What is your son's sickness?"

I take deep breaths and follow Peeta's steps as the reporters continue to bombard us with their prying questions. Harvey and Claire are leading us through and soon we reach the glass doors of the hotel.

"We're very sorry for the gathering that has taken place outside your hotel." Harvey says as soon as the doors are closed and the shouting is subdued. "I assure you, this will not happen again for the remainder of your stay here."

"We're glad you're back." Claire says. "How is he?"

"He's fine." I smile. "And, Harvey, don't worry about it, we understand how busy you are."

"Your room as usual, is on the twelfth floor." He says and leads us to the elevators. Peeta and I, step into the elevator. Hector starts to squirm in my arms so, as soon as the doors close, I set him down on the floor.

We settle in our old room here in the Capitol. I change Hector's diaper and bring him to his crib. Alouette has fallen asleep in Peeta's arms. When I close the door behind me, I fine Peeta sitting in the living room, still carrying the sleeping Alouette on his lap.

"Do you remember when she was just a baby?" He whispers, looking down at our daughter.

"Of course." I smile. "She used to cry every night. She wouldn't get tired even until the sun rose."

"That's good." Peeta sighs. I sit next to him and brush away the hair from my daughter's eyes. "Good?" I ask.

"I don't remember." He says. "It's like she came into my life like this."

"Try to remember." I look up to him and he looks back to me but doesn't say anything. I kiss him and he gets to his feet.

"She looks exactly like you." He says.

"She's more like you in so many other ways." I smile and stand behind him, admiring our daughter. Peeta brings her to bed, gives Hector a kiss and slides under the covers with me. Soon, we are both asleep.

I wake up with a headache and I grope in the darkness, trying to find Peeta but he's not next to me anymore. I turn on the light on my bedside and squint my eyes in pain. It's four in the morning.

"Peeta?" I call quietly. I find him in the balcony just outside the living room and I slide the glass doors open and wrap my arms around his shoulders. He turns to me with such a tired expression on his face.

"What's wrong?" I ask him. We both lean on the ledge, listening to the quiet of the Capitol. The sun is yet to rise but for now, the moon and stars conquer the sky. I take a deep breath and move closer to Peeta.

"Nothing." He sighs. "You should go back to sleep."

"Peeta." I turn to him and he looks back at me. "Tell me." The cold winds brushes past our figures and I tuck my hair behind my ears. In the distance, I can almost hear the breeze flow through the towering buildings around us.

"Just a memory." He says and turns away from me.

"What was it?" I ask him.

"Why?" He starts, "Why is it that I can remember all the horrible things I made you go through but I can never remember the important things? Things like, what was Alouette's first words or when was she born? When did we move into our home? How did Haymitch die? There's just so many things, so many gaps I've been missing."

"'Mama'" I take his hand in mine. "'Mama' was her first word and she was born during the Summer. We moved in the new house some weeks after you returned from the Capitol." I let myself fall back into the past and remembered how empty I felt without Peeta. I remembered making the decision to be my own person to relieve myself of my dependence on the security team lead by Harvey and Claire. I had promised myself that I would get a job, move on with my life and take care of my daughter and myself.

"Peeta," He turns to me and I wrap my arms around his neck and rise to my toes. "Try to remember."

"I'm scared." He whispers.

"Why?" From the kids' room, I can hear Hector crying.

"We should—" Peeta nods toward the bedroom but I make him stay. "I saw you."

"You saw me?" I ask him.

"I saw you through his eyes." He sighs. "I saw the way he saw you. All the things about you that I loved, I saw in his eyes. And I felt it. I felt how much he hated you, how much he wanted you to die. I'm afraid that if I try to remember, I'll remember all the wrong things."

"Then, just hold onto the things you already remember." I close my eyes and feel his arms move away from my body.

"I'm losing it, Katniss." Peeta whispers. "I lose something everyday. Some memory I once could see so vividly, becomes cloudy each day."

"Stay with me." Is the only thing that escapes me.

"I'll try." He frowns.

* * *

><p>"I'm just going out for a walk." Harvey stands in my way when I leave the hotel room. "Everything's fine."<p>

"Mind if I come with you?" He asks as he steps aside.

"Well, I wouldn't be able to stop you if I wanted, would I?" I laugh.

"No, Ma'am." He says and starts to walk by my side.

"Soldier." I correct him.

We find ourselves in the garden that leads to the monument Haymitch built. I sit on one of the marble stones and call Harvey to sit next to me. I left the room as soon as Peeta fell back into a soundless, and hopefully a nightmare-free sleep. I prepared a bottle of milk and set it next to Hector in his crib so that if he wakes, he won't cry out and disturb Peeta. I tried to sleep but instead, I found myself counting the tiles on our ceiling.

"How have you been, Harvey?" I sigh and pull my shawl over my shoulders.

"Busy," He says.

"I know that. It's a given, what with your job title" I reply. "How have you been since you left Twelve?"

"Better. Believe it or not, it's easier to protect the President." He laughs, and I do too. "What about you, Soldier? How's the family?"

"The children are fine." I start. "Peeta's been remembering some troubling memories but other than that, he's doing very well."

"He's what?!" Harvey exclaims. "Mrs. Mellark, how long has this been going on?"

"Is that bad?" I ask him. "It happens occasionally but for the past few months, it's been happening a lot more frequently."

"We have to tell Doctor Dane and Doctor Williams." He starts to make some calls, repeating the exact words I said to him. He stops talking and starts listening. After a few minutes, the sun begins to rise and the shadows of the marble children of the Games begin to rise as well. Harvey taps on my shoulder and tucks the phone back inside his coat. "We need to take your children away from Peeta."

"What?" I ask him and he starts walking away so I follow him.

"It's protocol, remember?" We reach the elevator and he presses the button.

"It's only protocol when he _loses_ it." I tell him has the doors open and we enter. "He has rights to be with his children."

"You're children aren't safe with him." He says. "Mrs. Mellark, he's returning."

* * *

><p>"Cake!" Alouette is screaming when we get back to the room. I look into the kitchen and find Peeta icing a small cake. I look back at Harvey and silently tell him, <em>Look, he's fine. <em>Hector comes staggering into my direction so I meet him halfway and pick him up. He tugs on my hair as we enter the kitchen. I hear Harvey leave the room but I'm sure he's out in the hall, waiting for me to leave with the children.

"Good morning!" I greet Peeta and he turns around and presents the lilac iced cake to Alouette. "Alouette, what do you say we go down to Aunt Annie's room and play with Finn?"

"Really?" She says after bringing a spoonful of cake in her mouth.

"Sure." I smile and take my seat and let Hector rest on my lap. "Cake in the morning, Peeta?" I ask him as he removed his apron.

"I couldn't sleep." He says. "Where did you come from?"

"Out for a walk." I sigh and let Hector reach for a slice of cake. "I couldn't sleep. Is it okay if I take the kids to Annie's?"

"Sure." He smiles and starts to eat the remaining slice of the cake.

After we all eat breakfast, I get the kids dressed and packed to spend the day with Annie. I call Annie before we leave and she says that she's more than happy to take the children. We are about to leave the room when there is a knock on my door.

"It's Gale." The guest says and Peeta opens the door. Gale enters; he wears his usual suit with the seal of the President and District Two. Alouette comes to greet him and I warn her to be careful not to ruin Uncle Gale's suit with the cake on her cheeks.

"It's alright." He says as he lifts my daughter off her feet.

"Good morning." I smile and sling the baby bad over my shoulder.

"I just wanted to pass by and invite you to the Rebels' Monument reveal later this afternoon." He says.

"We're going down to Aunt Annie's!" Alouette says happily.

"We'll see you there." I tell him. Peeta starts cleaning the dishes. I give him a quick kiss before leaving with the children and Gale.

"Alright, Alouette, you know the rules." I tell her as she skips through the hall.

"No fighting." She recites. "Always say thank you. Clean up my toys. Share my toys with Finn—"

"Finn and?" I ask her.

"Finn and Hector." She grins. "And, always stay with Aunt Annie."

"Good." We reach the elevator door and Harvey presses the button for us.

"Don't pick them up from Annie's until we give you the go signal." Gale whispers and I look over to Harvey. He was contacting Gale.

"Hi, Gale." I sigh.

"You should have told me sooner." He says.

"Let's not fight." I tell him. "I didn't realize it was going to be a problem."

"You shouldn't have let your security team go all those years ago." He says.

"You're really going back that far?!" I grit my teeth. "You know, this is already hard for me. You don't have to lecture me, Gale."

"I'm sorry." He sighs. "I just worry about you."

"You don't have to." I tell him. The elevator doors open and I gather Alouette and let her press the number four.

* * *

><p>"Describe every detail." Doctor Dane instructs me and I do as I am told. We sit around a small round table and every seat is filled. Doctor Dane and Doctor Williams were the two doctors who performed the total memory loss procedure on Peeta. It has been so many years since I last saw them and to speak truthfully, I have always wished that I would never have to but here we are today. Gale sits to my left and Harvey is on my right. The two doctors sit in front of me and one seat is left empty between Doctor Dane and Harvey.<p>

"It started a few months ago," I tell them. "Actually it started a few years back but it only happened frequent enough for me to notice, a few months ago. It often happens when he sleeps. In his dreams." I swallow and they wait for me to continue. The doctors furiously take notes on the computers that emerge from the table and Gale starts to contact someone from his earpiece. "When he wakes, he's somewhat disoriented but I didn't find that abnormal because our dreams always made everything vague. I would ask him if it were a nightmare and he would say it was a memory."

"Did he say how he's able to distinguish from the two?" Doctor Williams asks without removing his eyes from the computer.

"No." I say. When they don't speak, I continue. "After that he would be very depressed. He would tell me how much he regretted making me suffer through that other personality of his and I would comfort him."

"Any particular memory?" Doctor Dane asks.

"The last time we were here, he talked about how he remembered the incident in District One." I look over to Gale, knowing that he also remembers that moment. "He described every moment that took place there but instead of it being only in his perspective, it was a mix of his and that other person's. Only this morning, I found him awake in the balcony and when I asked him what was troubling him, he said that he _felt_ everything the other person felt." I pause and wait for them to say something but they don't. " He said that he's afraid to try to remember all the memories of our children because he's afraid he'll remember the bad memories. He also said that with every day that passes, he feels as though he's forgetting something too, some memory he had already retrieved." When I stop, the doctors continue to type in their computers.

"Impossible." Doctor Williams sighs.

"It seems that his Dissociative Identity Disorder is resurfacing." Doctor Dane says.

"Correction." Doctor Williams replies, "We were never able to treat it, we only tried to evade it by removing his memories because it seemed that the memories were triggering the outbursts of the other personality."

"The problem now is controlling the recall capacity." Doctor Dane nods. They speak to each other as though they are in some zone and Harvey, Gale and I are completely out of sight.

"But it clearly shows that we have weakened this other personality." Williams says and begins to type vigorously in his computer and Dane leans in to see the screen. "Mr. Mellark seems to still be aware and in control of himself but the chart shows that that control will not last for so long. He is gradually forgetting the memories that make-up his identity and is being bombarded by the memories of the other person."

"What are you suggesting?" Doctor Dane says, leaning back into his own seat.

"We start again." Doctor Williams says. "Only this time, we control the memories he will be able to recall."

"What?!" I finally interject and both Doctors look to me, startled. "You're suggesting _another_ total memory loss procedure?!" I look to Doctor Williams "That's what you mean, isn't it?"

"Yes, Mrs. Mellark." He replies. "The data clearly shows that we've weakened the other personality and another dose of total memory loss strongly suggests that we will be able to finally rid him of this burden." A series of charts and tables are projected from his computer but I cannot decipher their implications.

"We'll have to observe him of course, find out what triggers to resurfacing of these particular memories and more importantly, what causes him to forget the ones he has already retrieved." Doctor Dane says.

"I won't have it." I cross my arms. "He's been through so much. He's lost too much already. We keep trying treatments that only redirect his reaction from the Dissociative Identity Disorder and those don't solve the actual problem. There must be another solution."

"Of course there is but for now, Mrs. Mellark, this is all we have." Doctor Dane continues. "We must work with what we have if we wish to help Mr. Mellark as soon as possible."

I rise to my feet and storm out of the room feeling more defeated than ever. I run through the maze of corridors and find the elevator.

"Katniss wait!" I can hear Gale calling for me but I let the elevator doors close between us. Inside the lift, I sink to the floor and focus on my breathing.

There must be another way. This is the Capitol, the most advanced city in Panem. There must be an easier, more efficient way.

Beetee.

I reach for the control panel and press the number three. The elevator moves sideways and diagonally and then finally, downwards. I get to my feet when the elevator starts to slow down and exit when the doors open.

"Please help me." I sit with Beetee in his living room, feeling restless after relaying to him everything the doctors discussed with me.

"Of course I will help you." He says, pushing his glasses up to the bridge of his nose. "I will do everything I can." He smiles and he takes my hands in his and I begin to relax.

"Thank you." I sigh. "Thank you so much."


	94. Chapter 93

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Ninety-Three**

We sit in Beetee's living room while the doctors discuss the possible courses of action that will put an end to Peeta's disorder. The room is dimly lit, the curtains are drawn and the light setting is put to low. I sit nearest the windows, Beetee sits across from me and the two doctors are on either side of me. I watch them throw ideas back and forth and I can feel their restlessness, see the way their knees vibrate anxiously.

"The blood transfusion was obviously a fail." Doctor Dane says. "I feel that it has little to do with the venom _in_ his blood and more with the venom _inside_ the brain."

"But whenever we attempted to remove his memories the stress levels put on his brain was significantly greater than normal." Doctor Williams replies. "If we do this again, we have to be very cautious because this time around, we expect to have to increase those levels in order to make change happen."

I try to listen to them but in the hour that follows, I can barely understand what they're saying. I start to tune them out and think of what I would do if their brainstorming produces no real solution.

I would take the children home with me and let life go on. It will be hard to raise them on my own but it's not something I haven't done before. This time around, I have money. I can easily get a job and earn more if we need it. The children will understand, I will have to make them understand. Maybe Peeta will forget everything again and it will make it easier to leave him behind. Maybe one day, I'll be a stranger to him again and it would be easy for him too; to move on and forget the darkness that is his past— our past. I hope he finds someone to love when I am but a golden figure in a memorial.

My eyes fall onto Beetee and I notice that he's not saying anything, not contributing to the discussion. I watch as his face. He is thinking. I am not a stranger to this expression, I've seen it a thousand times during the Rebellion when he and Gale would be creating yet another weapon or formulating a strategy to win the war.

"What is it?" I speak up and lean into Beetee's direction. He blinks once and then looks at me. The doctors stop talking.

"I know what to do." He says.

* * *

><p>"It just doesn't end does it?" I sigh and sink next to Annie. Johanna comes in the room with a tray of cups of coffee and lays it on the table in front of us.<p>

"Well, it seems Beetee has the solution." Annie says as I hand her a cup.

"We all thought the memory thing would work." Johanna says and takes her place next to me. "I warn you, don't hope too much."

"I know." I tell her. "I'm sorry for always bringing the kids over to your room." I tell Annie.

"It's fine." She smiles. "Finn takes good care of them."

"He's grown up so much." I tell her and take a sip of coffee. I can feel the warmth spread through my fingers and down my throat.

"He has." Annie nods. "He and Alouette get a long well."

"What does Peeta think you're doing when you take the kids out?" Johanna asks.

"He thinks I'm spending time with you and the children." I say and put my cup back on the tray.

"You should talk to him about it." Annie says.

"I wouldn't know how to say it." I sigh. But in truth, I am more afraid of what he'll say.

"Does it matter?" Johanna says, "That man loves you. Speaking of that, I've got some news. I'm—" The phone starts to ring and Annie gets up to answer it.

"It's Peeta." She says and I take the phone from her.

"Hi." I smile.

"Hey, Effie just called." He answers, "She'll be picking us up in a few minutes."

"The interview, I forgot." I suddenly remember. "I'll meet you in the room." I put the phone back in the cradle and say sorry to Annie and Johanna for my abrupt departure.

I gather my children and we say our thanks and close the door behind us. We go through the hall and in the elevator. When I unlock the door to our room, I let Alouette pick out her clothes and I bring Hector with me to the bedroom. Inside I find Peeta lying on the bed with his eyes closed. He's already dressed in a navy blue suit and black tie. I sit on the bed next to him and he opens his eyes.

"Hi." I smile when his eyes find mine. I secure Hector in one arm and brush away the hair from Peeta's forehead. "You look tired." I frown. He has such a downcast expression on his face, dark circles around his eyes and an overall weak vibe that emanates from his presence. I take a longer look at him and the image is so familiar to me. I am jolted back in the past. Peeta has just been rescued from the Capitol and I am running to him, running and running. In the brief moment after I have finally reached him, I saw this face.

"Are you alright?" I sit Hector down on the bed and focus on Peeta. "What happened today?" He takes a deep breath and props himself on his elbows and gives me a weak smile. I take both his hands and feel his cold skin against my warm palms and wonder if he can feel anything through the numbing coldness of his skin.

"Nothing. I feel better now that you're home." He says and I plant a warm kiss on his cheek.

"You'll be able to rest easy once we get home tomorrow." I tell him as he gets to his feet and takes the baby with him as he rises. I think of the solution Beetee proposed based on the theories he made. I hope he's right. I hope this will be good for Peeta and for the children.

I help Alouette into the dress she chose while Peeta changes Hector's diaper and puts him in a nice white shirt and navy blue pants. I wrestle Hector into a navy blue jacket that matches his pants and comb his unruly blond hair. Alouette asks if I could braid her hair and I do. Soon there is a knock on the door and there is Effie ready to escort us into the studio where Caesar and thousands of people wait for us.

We spend the rest of the afternoon smiling at cameras and answering Caesar's questions. We wave at the crowds and try our best to keep the children in a good mood. We talk about how wonderful the celebration is and how proud we are of the progress Panem has made since the Rebellion but we ignore the news of our mysterious emergency that forced us out of the Capitol.

"Thank you, Caesar." I give him a hug and I can smell his vanilla perfume all over his suit. His arms envelope me and for a moment, I can feel all the unanswered questions we have asked him not to include in the interview. We part and he tousles my children's hair and give a hand shake to Peeta. We say goodbye and Effie takes us into our car and soon we are going back to our hotel.

"This is our new reality isn't it?" Peeta says as we fold up the children's clothes and pack them in our luggage.

"What do you mean?" I ask him.

"Well," He sighs. "We're leaving tomorrow night but soon there's going to be another event here in the Capitol that'll make us come back."

"It's certainly better than what we would have had if the Hunger Games were still going on." I tell him and zip up the luggage I've been filling. "Don't you like it?"

"It's just surreal." He says. "One moment we're in the Seam, the next we're in the Arena and now, we're here."

"Enjoy it." I tell him and wrap my arms around his neck. "We worked for this. We _suffered_ for this."

"You're right." He says and finally smiles. We finish packing half of the clothes and decide to go to bed.


	95. Chapter 94

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Ninety-Four**

"Can't it wait?" I plead with him. "Can't we go home first?"

"The medicine will expire if we don't act fast." Beetee sighs.

"If we don't do this, how long will I have before he totally forgets?" I ask him.

"The rate is exponential." He starts. "At the most, you'll have a few weeks before it gets worse than it was during the Rebellion."

"Can't it be done in Twelve?" I frown because I already know his answer.

"He has to stay here." Beetee says to me. "I'll be here with him and make sure everything goes as planned." I sigh and nod.

"Maybe I should stay here too." I ask him. "Are you sure this will work?"

"No. I'm not a doctor but" He pauses and takes my hands. "But it's our best shot. You should go home. You won't see much of him once we start."

"If it comes to it—" I pause and fight to swallow my sobs. "Just promise me you'll tell him that I love him."

"It won't come to that." Beetee says.

"Promise me." I say again.

"I promise." I nod one last time and turn to leave. I close the door behind me and leave Beetee with his new invention and his documents all laid out on his desk. For a moment, I think of going back to tell him that maybe I've made a mistake. Maybe I can live with this. Maybe, somehow, I will be able to teach my children not to trust their father too much. Maybe I can teach them to run. Maybe I can do all those things just so I can keep Peeta with me even if he's slipping away and one day he'll forget everything that makes us, us.

For the millionth time since that hot summer day, I wish Haymitch were here.

* * *

><p>It's dawn and I wake up gripping onto the sheets of our bed. Peeta starts to stir in his sleep and in a few seconds, he's awake. He comes closer to me and holds me like he does whenever I wake screaming from my nightmare but this time I pull myself away from him.<p>

"What is it?" Peeta says when I sit up.

"It's the baby." I get to my feet, remembering the suffocated look of my son's face when all the air in his lungs escaped is tiny chest. I quickly slip out of the sheets and rush out of the room with Peeta following after me. "Katniss!" he whispers as we pass the living room. I pull their door open and find my children soundly sleeping.

"It was just a nightmare." Peeta catches up to me and envelops me in his arms.

"It was real." I whisper, feeling the room engulfing me. "I was so sure it wasn't a dream."

"I know how it feels." Peeta says. He takes my hand and leads me back to our room.

"Is it always that terrifying?" I ask him when he lays the blanket over both of us.

"Sometimes it's worse." He says. "Just sleep it off."

"I want to go home." I sigh when he turns the lamp off. "It's been a really long weekend."

"We're going home tonight." He says and kisses my cheek. I can feel his warmth around me as he pulls me into an embrace. I am reminded of all the years we've spent together. All the awkward kisses we shared in the Arena and all the passionate ones we've kept to ourselves. I take his hands in mine and silently promise to him that I will raise our children and I will not let a day pass without telling them how amazing their father was. I will tell them the story of how you saved my life and how I saved yours. As his breathing slows to a familiar rhythm I know that for all the terror ahead of us, I will forever owe the boy with the bread for the immense joy he has given to me.

I take a deep breath and count to ten. When I've reached the last number I let Peeta go. I give him up to Beetee and to the small chance that he will be able to return the only man I will ever love back to me.

* * *

><p>"Can't you stay?" Effie sighs as she takes her seat next to mine.<p>

I look toward my daughter who is standing in front of a camera, delivering her lines. She had practiced saying "Thank you for inviting us here! I had so much fun." over and over. She smooths down her skirt, straightens posture and smiles at the cameraman. She waits for her queue and takes a deep breath.

"Hector needs to rest." I tell her. "And Alouette needs to go back to school."

"Will you at least try to make it to the Closing Ceremony?" She asks.

"You know we can't, Effie, that's why we're having this shoot." I tell her, effectively ending our conversation. Peeta comes into view carrying Hector in his arms. I rise from my seat and take the baby from him, preparing for my turn in front of the camera.

After long hours, we've finally wrapped on our video, which will be shown upon the conclusion of the 20th Anniversary in compensation for out absence. Effie congratulates Alouette for her amazing work in front of the camera. When we get up to our room, Peeta and I tuck the children in bed for their nap.

"I'll take a short nap." Peeta says after quietly closing the door behind him. "I've got a headache. It's probably from all the lights in the studio."

"Alright." I smile. "I'll continue packing." I walk up to him and give him a quick hug. He goes into our room and closes the door.

There is a knock on the front door and I open it to find Harvey.

"Hi." I say and step aside to let him in. He remains on his spot

"No thank you, Soldier Mellark." He says. "I just wanted to inform you that I'm just outside the door if you need me."

"You're always outside my door." I smirk. "Get in here. We're leaving in a few hours and I could use some help packing up Alouette's toys."

"Why did she bring so many toys?" Harvey asks as he picks up yet another stuffed bear from the floor of our living room.

"We didn't." I tell him. "So many people brought gifts."

"You can donate these if Alouette will let you." He says, placing the bear in one of the luggages. I start to fold the last set of Alouette's clothes and stack them up on the table in front of me.

"She won't even notice." I laugh. Harvey only smiles. For a moment, we remain silent and then Harvey drops the purple elephant he was holding.

"What is it?" I ask him and he puts his index finger on his lips to quiet me. From his coat pocket he brings out a familiar device. It is flashing a red light and I know what it means.

"Get the children out of here." Harvey says but I'm already in the kids' room taking Hector out of his crib. I rouse my daughter from her sleep and reluctantly she opens her eyes. I almost pull her out of bed. I secure Hector in a single arm and very carefully carry my daughter in the other. When I stagger outside of the living room, Harvey has already entered my bedroom and is slowly approaching Peeta who has fallen to the floor, shaking and grunting.

I steal my eyes from the site and walk out the door. I almost bump into a man in a suit and when I stop to look, I find the hall filled with Harvey's men. They part and make way for me, all except Claire. She comes to me and takes Alouette from my arms and carries her.

"Follow me." She says. The men all around us have started to move into our hotel room.

"No." I say. "Alouette, honey, will you let Claire carry your brother instead?" My daughter groans but raises her sleepy head from Claire's shoulder.

"Nap time's over?" She asks rubbing her eyes as Claire sets her down. "Are we going home now?" I transfer Hector into Claire's arms.

"Not yet." I tell her. "Follow Claire. Don't let go of her hand. Watch over your brother."

"Mrs. Mellark you have to come with us." Claire says. "I have orders to take the _you_ and the children."

"We both know that's not happening, Claire." I tell her. "Take my children somewhere safe. I'm staying with Peeta."

I watch until Claire and the children have entered the elevator. Only when the elevator doors close do I allow myself to look back into our hotel room. I make my way through the see of men in suits and find that only Harvey is with Peeta in the room.

I plant myself just under the doorframe and watch as Harvey pulls my husband from the floor, take both his hands behind his back and handcuff him. Peeta is out and I notice the empty injection in between Harvey's fingers.

"_The rate is exponential." _

Beetee's words ring in my ears and I realize that he's right. The longer we tolerate this, the more frequent this will happen and the faster he will forget. I heave a sigh to release all the worry and the confusion and the fear. I take a step inside the room when one of the men places a gentle hand on my shoulder to stop me. I brush his hand away without even looking back to see who it is. I kneel down beside Peeta and look at his face.

"What did you do to him?" I ask Harvey.

"It's just a weak tranquilizer." He says. "He'll wake in a few seconds."

"Will he be…" I trail off rethinking my closeness to Peeta.

"He should be himself." Harvey says. Peeta starts to stir and Harvey starts to pull me away from Peeta. I move a few steps away and wait to see if he's changed.

"What's happening?" Peeta asks as he opens his eyes. I feel as though a stone that's been resting on my shoulders have been lifted. I fall to my knees and craw next to Peeta. Harvey takes the handcuffs off him and leaves us. Behind the closed door of our room, I can hear the men shuffle out of the room.

"Peeta." I whisper to him as I wrap my arms around him. "Peeta we have to talk."

I help him to his feet and we sit together on the bed. I rest my head on his shoulder and I can feel his arms on the small of my back. I take deep breaths wishing that I didn't have to do this.

"You're sick." I tell him. "And you can't go home with us because you have to be treated here."

"How long?" Peeta asks in a low and desolate voice. I look up into his blue eyes and see that he doesn't resist. He doesn't question any of my words. Maybe he has always known.

"I don't know." I start to cry quietly. "I don't know how long."

"Do the children know?" He sighs.

"No." I say.

"Can you promise me something?" He asks and looks down at me.

"Anything." I try to smile. He uses his thumb to wipe the tears from my cheeks.

"If I don't come back tell the children good stories of me." He grins and then frowns.

"I promise." I whisper. "Will you promise me one thing too?"

"Of course." He says. He pulls me closer to him and I climb up to his lap and wrap my arms around his neck and rest my head against his.

"Come back to me." I whisper.


	96. Chapter 95

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Ninety-Five**

I wake with the dim sunlight on my face. I take a deep breath, keep my eyes closed and search for Peeta. My arms only find emptiness and I am reminded of the painful goodbye we had had the night before.

"_We're all set." I sighed as I walked over to Peeta. I sat next to him on our bed. He pulled me closer to him, resting his head on mine as I fit myself to his body like a puzzle piece._

"_Did Beetee say if we can call each other?" He asked._

"_He didn't say anything against it." I told him. "I'll give you a call once we get home."_

"_I'll wait for it." He said. We spent the rest of the night cuddled around each other's bodies. We didn't talk. In the morning, when the sun rose, we crawled out of bed and pulled our luggage out the door and carried our children with us through the hall, into the elevator and out to the car._

"_Alright." I said to Alouette. "Say goodbye to Daddy."_

_Peeta handed me Hector, and picked up Alouette. He kissed her on the forehead and gave her a tight hug. "Be a good girl for Mama." He said and Alouette buried her head on his shoulder and wrapped her arms around his neck._

"_Come home with us." She whimpered. _

"_I can't, sweetheart." Peeta said, looking over Alouette's small shoulders to meet my eyes. In our silent conversation, I send him my love and my sorrow. "I need to stay here. I'll come back real soon."_

"_When?" She asked, pulling away from her father's shoulder and looking into his eyes._

"_Soon." Peeta repeated. He gave her one last kiss and hug before setting her back on her feet. He walked to me and I kissed him, our son between our bodies. When we parted, he rested his forehead on mine and looked into my tired eyes. _

"_I love you." He whispered. I gave him a small nod and swallowed my tears. I secured my son in a single arm and let my fingers linger on my husband's golden hair. Peeta took Hector from me and kissed his rosy cheeks and quickly handed him back to me._

I pull the sheets over my head and close my eyes and for the first time, welcome the nightmares in my sleep. When I wake yet again, I find my daughter shaking my shoulder. I layer of sweat has set on my face and made my pillow damp. I squint in the sunlight on my face and notice that Hector is behind Alouette, clutching on her nightgown. I rise to a sitting position and take Hector and sit him on my lap. Alouette climbs up the bed and sits next to me.

"Breakfast time." I tell them. We all go downstairs and find the kitchen empty. I manage to prepare breakfast for Alouette. She's not used to microwaved soup in the morning but for today, it will have to do. I get her dressed and pull out the stroller from the basement under the stairs. I prepare another bowl of soup for Alouette to bring for lunch and then we go on our way to school.

As we walk through the streets of Twelve I imagine if this would have been the life I would have if Peeta did not come back home all those years ago when we only had Alouette. I would wake up every morning searching for him and get disappointed each time when I realize why he's no longer sleeping next to me. I would pull myself out of bed and make breakfast for my daughter then take her to school.

And then what?

"Bye!" Alouette says and pauses in front of Hector's stroller to hive him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"I'll be here when you get out." I call after her and she waves goodbye. I watch until she reaches the door before I wheel Hector around and start walking away.

"Anywhere you want to go today, Hector?" I ask him and he replies with baby sounds. "To the bakery it is."

We make our way to the bakery and find Peeta's workers in the kitchen. I set Hector's stroller in the small office next to the kitchen and take him in my arms.

"What can we do for you today, Mrs. Mellark?" One of the workers asks.

"I'm just here to see things over for Peeta." I tell him. "Go on with your business. Don't mind me." I take a seat in the office, rummaging through Peeta's papers and find everything extremely boring. I look over the photos he has of me and the children. A few minutes have passed and the same baker knocks on the door and brings in a plate of cheesebuns. I thank him and he leaves. I pinch off tiny pieces and feed Hector. I decide to move out of the office and bring Hector into the shrine Peeta had made for his family.

"This one is Uncle Nathan. Everyone called him Nan." I point to Peeta's portrait of one of his older brothers. He has the same blue eyes. His dirty blond hair sets him apart from Peeta but they still look extremely similar. Just looking at this painting makes me ache for my husband. Hector starts to squirm in my arms so I let him stagger next to me as I guide him to the next painting.

"This handsome gentleman is your grandfather." I smile down at Hector who looks back up to me with his silver-gray eyes. "Grandpa Gareth." It seems that Peeta had gotten his blue eyes from his father. Hector grips onto my index finger. We take a few steps to face the next painting.

She looks down at us with her sharp green eyes and small grin. Her red hair falls to her shoulders and Peeta painted his mother in her baking apron. "This is Grandma Caroline. She wasn't very nice to your Daddy but she was his mother just the same." I guide my son to the last painting, feeling as though Caroline's eyes are following our movement. "This is Uncle Richmond but he was called Rotty." Rotty had brown hair, similar to mine but his was almost red like his mother's. Seeing his family makes the emptiness feel a little less infinite. I let Hector walk around the bushes. He picks some flowers and pulls out the petals and then offers me the stems. When lunch time came, I let the bakers make us something to eat. Hector munches on a croissant and I eat my platter of freshly baked cheesebuns.

We spend the rest of the afternoon in the house. I clean the living room and the kitchen. Hector is crawling around the carpet in the area between the dining room and the living room. In the process of cleaning, I start to feel a sense of normalcy. When Peeta is away in the bakery, I spend my time reading to Hector or cleaning the house. Sometimes Greasy Sae comes over to bring us food and I sit down with her and we talk about how we both miss the Seam. Today, no one knocks on our door.

"Nap time." I announce as I wipe my hands dry on a paper towel. I carry Hector up the stairs and cradle him in my arms until he falls asleep.

* * *

><p>"How was school?" I ask Alouette when she comes out the door.<p>

"The same." She grins. "They asked me what it was like in the Capitol."

"And what did you say?" I ask as I push Hector's stroller forward.

"I told them I want to go back." She answers.

"Why?" I ask her.

"Because that's where Daddy is." She doesn't look to me. We continue to walk and when we reach the bakery, both of us stop and we look through the closed glass door. I take her hand in mine, grip onto Hector's stroller and keep on walking because there was nothing left to see there anyway.

* * *

><p>"How are you?" I ask Peeta.<p>

"The same." He says, sounding tired. "They've started me on a special diet. You wouldn't like it."

"I wouldn't follow it if it were me in your place." I grin.

"That's for sure." He replies and I can almost hear the smile in his tone. "How are the children?"

"They're asleep right now." I tell him, wishing that I had told Alouette to stay up so she can talk to Peeta. "I can wake Alouette if you want."

"No don't wake her up." He says. "She needs her sleep."

"She needs you more." I frown and grip the phone tighter. "She's always dropping hints that she wants you to come home."

"Really?" He sighs.

"How long do you think you'll be there?" I ask him.

"Quite some time." He says. "I'll give it a few weeks. Beetee has explained his theory to me and how the treatment works. They said that they'd be able to start tomorrow."

"That's good news." I sigh in relief. "What time is it there?"

"It's 4 a.m." He says. "Believe it or not, people are still partying at this hour. This celebration feels like it's not ending in two weeks."

"That's the Capitol for you." I smile. "You should sleep." I bite my lip knowing that goodbye will come next. I bring my knees close to my chest.

"I should." He says in a low voice. "I don't want to."

"You have to." I tell him. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"Goodbye."

"Goodbye."


	97. Chapter 96

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Ninety-Six**

"Would you make a fist for us, Peeta?" He hears the nurse ask and tries to do his best to follow. "Try your left hand." It's a simple request but the doctors poking and prodding on his open skull made it harder.

"Good." The nurse says when finally, he had made his fingers close over his palm. "How are you feeling?"

"Like my skull's been opened and my brain's being poked by sharp things." He grinned at his own sarcastic comment.

"We'll be done in a few hours." The nurse smiles. "We need you to try to keep your eyes open." He obeys and sees the white cloth that is tented over his face.

"Can I go home after this?" He asks in a groggy voice.

"If everything goes as planned, yes, you can definitely go home when you're good and strong." The nurse answers. Peeta sighs. "What can you see, Mr. Mellark?" The nurse asks.

"A white cloth." He answers.

Outside the tent, the doctors work on Peeta's open skull. Another nurse takes a piece of cloth and wipes the sweat from Doctor Dane's forehead. He has been working on Peeta for two hours now. Doctor Williams stands next to him, prepared with Beetee's contraption. Each doctor had a task. Doctor Dane's was to drill through the skull and reach the brain. Once that was achieved, he was to make space for the machine that would be embedded in the patient's brain by removing the malfunctioning part that causes the outbreaks and the Dissociative Identity Disorder. The task of embedding the machine was Doctor Williams's.

"I'm almost through." He says to Doctor. Williams. "I'm taking away as much as I can."

"Don't rush, Dane." Doctor Williams replies. "We've got time."

"Done." Doctor Dane says and raises his hands up to chest level. He steps back immediately and Doctor Williams takes his place.

"We're done?" He hears Peeta ask.

"Glad to hear you so alert, Mr. Mellark." He says walking around the working doctor and nurses to peek under the cloth over Peeta's face. "We're halfway through. You're doing great." Peeta takes a deep breath and smiles.

In the next half hour that follows, all his resolve had gone. His whole body felt limp. It was as though a great boulder was set over his chest and it made it hard for him to breathe. Doctor Williams asks for the machine and the nurse carefully places it on his extended hand. The machine is no larger than a third of the doctor's little finger and it weighs even less. He takes the machine in his other hand and carefully embeds it into the space provided by Doctor Dane. Upon the recognition of Peeta's brain cells, the machine is activated. A blue light turns on. From the window that is set up close to the ceiling, Beetee observes. Doctor Williams looks up and see's Beetee nod ever so slightly.

"Alright." Williams says with a smile behind his doctor's mask, "That's it. Let's close this."

Peeta's eyes were closed yet again. He didn't want to spend another second staring at the boring white cloth and the labor of breathing took all his focus.

"Peeta, we're almost done." The nurse says, looking into the cloth. She was shocked to find the patient's eyes closed. "Peeta, you need to keep your eyes open for us."

And so with much effort, Peeta opened his eyes and the tent was gone.

"Tell us what you see, Peeta." The nurse asks, nervous.

"Butterflies." He almost smiles. The ringing of the alarm of the many machines attached to his wrist was the last thing he heard. His eyes roll back into his head and into the darkness he falls.

* * *

><p>It has been exactly two weeks since we left the Capitol. The celebration of the 20th Anniversary of the Last Hunger Games will officially come to an end tonight. Alouette was bouncing with joy the previous night because she knows that the video we shot before leaving will finally be revealed on national television. It is early in the morning and I have learned that in order to prepare a decent breakfast, I have to wake up an hour earlier than my children. It gets a little easier each day to wake up alone on a bed for two. I pull my robe over my shoulder and slip into my shoes. Sometimes, it scares me how time teaches me how to go on without Peeta. Maybe it's a good thing. Once the actual procedure started, Peeta wasn't allowed to make any calls. I haven't spoken with him for eleven days. I don't know when he's coming home and I certainly don't know how the treatment is going. The children too are learning to go on. Alouette doesn't whine as much and it seems that Hector gets used to the lack of being thrown in the air for fun.<p>

Greasy Sae came over last week and brought with her some bags of frozen food that I can cook. She looks out for me especially when she knows that Peeta isn't in Twelve. I glide down the stairs and set the table for three people. I pour oil on the pan and set it over the electronic stove. When the oil is hot enough, I crack open an egg and begin to cook.

"Alouette." I whisper as I peek through her bedroom door. Her blanket covers her from head to toe. I walk to her bed and sit next to her. "Good morning." I smile as I pull the blanket away from her head. Her eyes open and blink. "Breakfast is ready. Get dressed and meet us downstairs to eat." I kiss her on the forehead and carry her off the bed and onto her feet. I close the door behind me and walk across the hall, into the nursery. Hector is almost always awake before everyone else is. He doesn't cry out or make noises. He just lies in his crib and waits for me to come and pick him up.

"Good morning, baby." I say as I lift him from the crib. "Did you have a nice sleep?" I lay him on his back on the changing table and pull the straps over his chest to secure him. I grab a new diaper and change him. I walk out the hall with Hector in a single arm and knock on Alouette's door to make sure she's getting ready.

"Time to go, Alouette." I tell her through the closed door. "We're leaving for school in a few minutes." I go ahead and open the door and find her back in her bed, sleeping. "Up, up, up!" I call, feeling like Effie. She grunts and rises to a sitting position. "On you're feet, Alouette." I tell her and she swings her legs over the bed and stands. "Get dressed. I won't say it again."

In the dining room and sit Hector in his high chair and set a bowl of baby food in front of him. He likes to do things on his own so I leave the spoon in the bowl and prepare a plate of eggs and bacon for Alouette. She comes down sluggishly and sinks in her chair.

"You know what day it is today?" I ask her, taking a bite of bacon.

"What?" She asks.

"We get to see our video on television." I announce and she instantly brightens up. "A lot of people will be watching it so I'm sure you're school will take some time to show it to everyone after class."

"Really?" She smiles.

"Yes." I answer. "Now finish your food. The faster we get out of the house the sooner you get to school."

I walked Alouette in school. It took much longer because Hector insisted on walking. He wined every time I tried to put him in the stroller so Alouette and I walked in the pace of her one year old brother. "Have a good day in school." I tell Alouette when we reach the gates of the school. "I'll be—"

"You'll be here when I get out, I know, Mama." She laughs and stands on her tiptoes so I can give her a kiss on the forehead. "Bye!"

* * *

><p>"Say 'Mama'" I enunciate to Hector and he looks back at me with such an excited expression.<p>

"Ba!" He exclaims.

"Mama." I repeat for him.

"Ba!" He repeats, even louder this second time. I laugh and sit him on my lap. We sit on the carpet in the living room with the television turned on. We're waiting for the broadcast of the Closing Ceremony. I've put everything I will need at arms length in case Hector decides to act up while the show is going. To my left is the baby bag filled with clean rags and empty bottles. Next to the bag are powdered formula, a pitcher of warm water and a bowl with a jar of baby food sitting in it. To my right are his toys: a stuffed rabbit, which is his favorite among Alouette's toys, a set of plastic keys he likes to chew on and his folded blanket. Next to the toys are two pillows and a soft sleeping mat, for when naptime comes.

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls! Welcome to the Closing Ceremony of the 20th Anniversary of the Last Hunger Games!" Caesars voice booms through the house. The camera pans out to show the immense number of people gathered in the Capitol, waving flags and cheering. The seal of Panem is shown and the anthem is played. The show goes on with the entrance of the victors and our absence cannot be overlooked. Beetee, Johanna, Annie and Enobaria step out of a stretch limousine, looking grand as ever and wave at the people and smile at the cameras. Caesar talks about our absence and quickly introduces the prepared clip we had shot before leaving.

The video opens with a short clip of the whole family walking around the Capitol. I am about to talk about how thankful we were to have been invited when the phone in the study room started to ring. I should have put it here with my supplies. I set Hector down on the carpet and surround him with pillows and press pause on the remote.

"Hello?" I say to the caller.

"Mrs. Mellark, it's Doctor Williams."


	98. Chapter 97

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Ninety-seven**

He came home as a stranger knocking on our door. I turned the knob and he looked at me and blinked. Once. Twice. Thrice…

* * *

><p>"Good morning!" I smile as I enter Alouette's room with Hector in one arm. Alouette greets us with a grunt and turns to her side. I set Hector down next to her and let him pull her hair.<p>

"No, Hector." She mumbles, scrunching up her nose. Hector pulls his thumb out of his mouth and presses it onto his sister's cheek. "No, Hector." She says again bringing her small palm to her face.

"Time to get up, Alouette." I order and she sits up with her eyes still closed. I give her a quick kiss on the forehead and she opens her eyes.

"Morning." She mumbles. I get off the bed to give her space.

It's been almost three weeks since I got the distress call from Doctor Williams. They told me there was a complication but they didn't specify what kind of complication and to what degree of graveness. I asked them if Peeta was healthy and they diverted the conversation to discussing medical terms that I hadn't the capacity to comprehend. In the end, I put the phone back in its cradle, turned off the television and put Hector in his crib so I can be alone.

_At least he's alive._ I kept on repeating in my head.

Sometimes, I would drop Hector over the Leevy's apartment and go to my woods and just sit under the tree closest to the cliff Annie had described as Lover's Leep. I would only leave when it's time to pick up my daughter from school.

"Anything you want to eat when you get home?" I ask Alouette before leaving her room.

"Can we go out in the woods?" She asks and for a moment I just stare at her. She's never asked that before.

"Why?"

"I just feel like it." She smiles.

"I'll tell you what." I come back in the room and sit on my heels with Hector on my lap. "If the sun is still up by the time you finish your homework, we'll go. But only for a little while because your brother will get antsy."

"Deal." She smiles and we shake on it. Hector and I go down stairs and I feed him some baby food.

"Say 'Mama'" I tell him, holding the spoonful of applesauce between our faces. "Mama."

"Ma!" He says and I get excited.

"Mama." I tell him again.

"Ma!" He says. I go ahead and bring the spoon to his lips.

"One syllable at a time." I tell him. He looks back at me with his silver-gray eyes and smiles, spilling the applesauce I just fed him all over his chest. I take a napkin and wipe the mess off him.

"I'm ready!" I hear Alouette thunder down the stairs. We eat breakfast together and I listen to Alouette's stories of her adventures in her dreams while feeding Hector. Once we're done, she helps me bring our plates into the sink and gets her backpack ready for school. It's a short walk to the school. Hector sits in his stroller nodding in and out of sleep. I let Alouette skip a few steps ahead of us.

"Can we swim in the lake later?" She says.

"Sure." I agree. "But only if you promise to dry off before going back in the house." I discovered a long time ago that parenting is really just bargaining with your children so they understand what's important and that they have to work for the things they want. Alouette seems to be responding well to that kind of approach.

"Have you talked with Daddy?" She says after a few seconds. I stop walking and it takes a moment for her to realize that no one's following her. She turns back and looks at me. "Have you?"

"Yes." I lie quickly and start walking to catch up to her. "Yes. He usually calls late at night and you're asleep."

"Oh." She frowns and takes my hand. "Well, if he calls again tonight, can you wake me up? I promise I'll go back to sleep, I just want to tell him something!"

"I'm not sure I agree with waking you up in the middle of the night, specially if there's school in the morning." I say as we reach the school gate. "What did you want to tell him? I'll tell him for you."

"I'll just tell him when he comes home." She says. Whatever it is, I don't pry it out of her anymore. I just bend down and kiss the top of her head and wish her a good day in school.

"Be good." I tell her. "I'll be here when you get out." She nods and turns toward the school.

* * *

><p>I stood on my feet as steady as a tree but I felt like a wave inside, collapsing on the shore and then being pulled back into the ocean, back to him. He had a terrible scar across his right head, a 'U' shaped dent that stretched from the top of his ear to the edge of his eyebrow. Half his hair was shaved off and he looked absolutely crushed and tired. I waited for him to say something or do something but he just stood on our porch, looking and blinking. It was as though he was looking at me but he wasn't <em>seeing<em> me, almost as if he was looking through me and not at me.

* * *

><p>"So tell me the real reason you wanted to go here." I ask Alouette as I help her over a large buttress root.<p>

"We're talking about you in school." She says as I set her on her feet. I decided to leave Hector with Greasy Sae while Alouette and I toured the woods. "And my teacher said that when you were little, you spent a lot of time here."

"Well, you're teacher is right." I smile. We walk deeper into the forest. I lead Alouette through the hunting route Gale and I used to follow so she can see a lot of turkeys and deer.

"I just wanted to see it for myself." She says. We are passing an old and rotting tree trunk. Gale and I called that our back-up trunk because that's where we kept our extra arrows, knives and strings of rope in case we fell short during the hunt. I don't bother telling this to my daughter because I know she'll want to see the arrows and I don't want her near weapons. I'm not even sure if it's still there. "My teacher said that the Capitol wanted to make this an official memorial but they couldn't because our mayor won't let them."

I think about what she says and immediately realize why. Back when Twelve was just in the process of rising from the Rebellion, the new mayor had given me a thank-you gift of his own: he left the woods out of reach from the renovation or renewal. The failure of the Capitol to turn the woods into a memorial may have also been his doing. Silently, I add that theory to my long list of goodness I witness each day.

"If Mayor Mellor had let them turn this into a memorial, we won't be able to walk around the trees like we are now." I tousle her hair. "Maybe we should send something over to the Mayor's house to say thank you."

We reach the lake and I tell Alouette that she can swim. One toe in the water and she recoils immediately. "It's too cold." She shivers and sits on a rock to put her shoe back on. "I don't think I want to swim."

"What do you want to do?" I ask her.

"Let's pick flowers." She says. "We can put it in a vase or we can plant it with the primroses in the garden."

"Good idea." I smile. "You can help me pick out a vase tomorrow!" I say because I really didn't want to plant anything next to my primroses. That part of the garden is too special. We leave the lake and start walking back the same way. I let Alouette run around the place and I hold the bunch of flowers she hands to me whenever she gets back to me. "I want you to remember this path, Alouette." I call after her when she runs to pick wild daisies ahead of us.

"Why?" She asks, running back to me and handing me a few pieces of the flowers.

"This was the route Uncle Gale took when—"

"When the bombing started during the 3rd Quarter Quell." She cuts me off. "We learned about that in school."

Most of the time I forget how much she knows about our lives. She is essentially being taught the life of her mother, father, aunts and uncles. She's just in lower school so they don't teach about the specifics of the rules of the Hunger Games or like Reapings or sponsors. They discuss those parts in passing and focus on larger, more major events in the recent history.

"That," I nod. "And because this is the route we will follow if we're able to get you a bow."

"Really?" Her eyes get wide.

"Really." I tell her. I bunch all the flowers in one hand and reach for her. "Alright, we have too many flowers and the sun is about to set. Time to go home." Our hands link and I lead her through the woods and out the fence.

* * *

><p>He took one step closer to me and my initial instinct was to push my children behind me. But instead they ran through the small space that separated us and embraced him. He looked down at the small happy faces that greeted him and my nature took over.<p>

* * *

><p>"Thanks for watching over him." I tell Greasy Sae as I take the sleeping baby from her arms. He feels heavier now.<p>

"It was no trouble." She smiles. "Ava had a good time with him. He was such an angel." I see her granddaughter peek out of the living room and I give her a wide smile and mouth a thank you. She blushes and sinks back on her couch and hums to herself.

Alouette and I walk home with Hector snoring lightly on my shoulder. We get in the house, leave our shoes by the door and I tuck them in for the night. Drained from the day's activities, Alouette falls asleep immediately. I walk through the silent hall and welcome the darkness of my room. I sink in my bed resisting the urge to stretch my arm over to the other side to reach for someone who isn't there. In my dreams I chase my daughter through the woods, warning her of sinkholes and traps that Gale and I might have forgotten about. There is a second where I lose her and I am left with the singing of the mockingjays. They sing the remade version of my daughter's laughs and all of a sudden they sing the altered voice of her screams. I chase after the sound of her crying but it's coming from all directions and I can't figure out which way to go. I wake up sweating and screaming.

"Nightmare?" Alouette peeks through my door looking worried. I scramble out of my bed and run to her, still one foot in my nightmare. I embrace her and feel her smallness in my arms.

"Just a dream." I say when I let her go. "What time is it?"

"Dawn." She says. "Do you want me to come and sleep on your bed?"

"Yes." I smile and take her in my arms. I carry her to my bed and tuck her in before lying next to her. We wake up a few hours later. And I don't bother trying to go back to sleep. I go down stairs and start to cook breakfast.

I am feeding Hector bits of bacon when Alouette finally wakes up and comes down the stairs to eat. She's still wearing her nightgown and dragging her blanket down the steps and through the dining room.

"Morning." I say as she climbs up to her seat. I pass her the plate of breakfast I prepared for her: bacon, mangoes and some cheese sticks. "No school for the weekend, what do you want us to do?" She takes a bite of her cheese stick and looks to me.

"I think I want to stay in the house and watch television." She grins.

"Alright." I agree. "Stay in it is." I leave the remaining bits of bacon in Hector's bowl and he goes ahead and throws the very first piece he gets to the floor.

"No." I tell him. "Do not throw your food on the floor." I pull the bowl away from him and get to my feet and take my plate with me and leave it in the sink. From the kitchen I can hear a knocking on our front door so I quickly wipe my hands on my shirt and go answer it. As I pass the dining room, I see Alouette wrestling Hector out of his chair. I'm afraid she'll drop him so I run to them and steel Hector out of Alouette's hands and tell her not to try that again. Setting Hector on his feet I sprint to the front door. I can hear the steps of my children behind me as they follow suit. I turn the knob forgetting that it's locked and quickly turn the notch and finally open the door.

And there he is. Without any warning, he's standing in front of us. Everything happens all in slow motion. He blinks, his eyes somehow bluer and deeper than the ocean. His 'U' shaped scar catches my sight. The children scramble past me and run to him. Hector trips midway but I catch him and he squirms out of my arms and into Peeta's. After almost two months of him not being here, suddenly, he's back.

"Would you like some breakfast?" I hear myself say, feeling weak in the knees.

"Yes." He answers and steps toward me. "Yes." He says again but I barely heard it. He buries his head in my shoulder and envelopes me with his free arm and I pull him closer to me, feeling how thin he's gotten and how warm his skin is even through his layers of clothing. My fingers linger on the back of his neck and his on my back, pressing me even closer to his chest. In one careful motion, he sets Hector down without even letting me go and then kisses me full on the mouth.


	99. Chapter 98

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Ninety-eight **

"You'll get used to these giant roots once you get taller." I tell Alouette as she gets to her feet after tripping on a buttress root for the nth time.

"Will you let me use real arrows today?" She asks as she catches up to me. I adjust the bow and quiver that hangs on my shoulders and look at my daughter. She stands taller everyday and her hair falls down to her waist now. The weight of the bow feels like home on my shoulders and watching my daughter struggle under the weight of hers sends such nostalgic emotions.

"Not yet," I smile. "But soon."

* * *

><p>Peeta came home three days ago. We showered him with hugs and kisses. I spent the night awake, not because of nightmares but because it was absolutely surreal to have him there next to me. I watched him sleep, observed the way his chest rose and fell into a peaceful rhythm. He is back to normal, for good this time, Beetee had made sure of that. He had created a machine that would manage Peeta's outbreaks. It was embedded in his brain and it served as the replacement of the piece of his brain that contained the ability to change Peeta's identity. My husband is finally free. Morning came with his luggage and boxes and boxes of gifts from Effie but the best came in a black suitcase. The moment I saw it, I knew what it contained.<p>

"Alouette!" I called and she came running down the stairs. Peeta came after her, carrying our son.

"What is it?" She asked me, her eyes gleaming with excitement.

"Open it." I said, unable to contain my joy.

At her touch, the suitcase locks began to click open. The top lid rose and in it was a bow. It looked very similar to mine except it had different markings. Mine was slick black, meant to go with my Mockingjay armor whereas hers was medium to dark brown and contained the markings of the bird from which she was named. Alouette sat on her heals and reached out for the bow. With her small palm on the grip, the bow seemed to ruffle its feathers to greet her.

"Woah." Alouette sighed.

"There's a note." Peeta said, sitting next to Alouette and reaching for the note that was placed under the bow.

_To my dearest Alouette, I heard you wanted to learn how to shoot. Well, I hope you enjoy my little invention for you, your mother surely did. Make sure to listen to your mother. She knows best when it comes to bows and arrows and aiming. Shoot straight. Uncle Beetee._

"Thank you, thank you, thank you, Uncle Beetee!" She bounced with joy, pulling the bow out of the case. Peeta steered Hector of the way of Alouette.

"Be careful, Alouette!" I called after her. I inspected the box and find that Beetee has included some special training arrows in a quiver. I took it out from the box and put it on the coffee table in the living room. "How do you feel?" I asked Peeta as I sat next to him on the couch. Hector reaches for me and Peeta sets the baby on my lap.

"Better now that I'm home." He smiled and I scoot in closer to him.

"Will your hair grow back?" I joked and passed a light hand over his scar.

"Will you still love me if it didn't?" He laughed. I looked in his eyes and smiled, "Always." I said. "Now cook breakfast because the kids are tired of having the eggs and bacon I cooked for the past three months."

* * *

><p>"Don't pull too hard." I say to Alouette as she struggles to aim for the target I set for her. "Breathe in and let it go." She does as I tell her and the training arrow hits the center of the board. "Good job! That was great!"<p>

"Did you see that?!" She looks to me.

"I did!" I cheered. "Let's keep practicing!"

"_Now, don't pull the string too hard or it will snap and hit your beautiful face." My father advises. "Remember Katniss, this is just a practice bow. When we get enough money, maybe your mother will let me get you a real one." I pull the string and let the arrow fly. It finds it's home in the belly of a squirrel. My father picks up the squirrel and examines it. It's entrails leak out of the wound and my father gives me an embarrassed grin. "You'll get better with practice. Hopefully your mother will still be able to cook this."_

The sun is setting and Alouette has shot an arrow at the center of the target a total of fifteen times. I decide to talk with Peeta about letting her use real but blunt arrows. My daughter and I walk through the woods. She hops over the roots and picks flowers as we go along. In a strange way, she is a mix of me and my sister but I can't ignore the part of Peeta in her that emerges in the way she speaks and cares for others. When we reach the meadow, we find Peeta struggling to set up a mat on the grass while keeping Hector secured in a single arm. Not far from him sits a basket of bread that makes the meadow smell like home.

"Peeta!" I call and he looks up and squints against the bright setting sun. Alouette runs ahead of me, her bow and quiver bouncing on her back.

When I finally catch up to them, I take the quilt from his hand and lay in flat on the grass. "I didn't know we were having a picnic." I smile at Peeta before giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"Hector and I felt lonely at home without our girls." He shrugged. "I thought we'd spend a day in the meadow."  
>"Dad, Dad, Dad, Daddy!" Alouette jumps up and down in between us. "I shot the middle of the target fifteen times today!"<p>

"That's great!" He says, kneeling down on the mat and tousling her hair. "Why don't you take Hector out in the grass to play." He sets Hector down on his feet and holds onto his baby hands until he's balanced. Alouette and Hector play in the grass not too far away from our picnic mat. She's dancing with him, holding both his hands over his head and teaching him where to step.

"How do you feel?" I ask Peeta as I lie next to him, propped on my elbows. I find myself asking this question less and less each day.

"Great." He smiles and takes a deep breath. "It's finally over." I don't ask what he means because I know that he's talking about the nightmare that was his illness. Beetee had said that his little invention would take care of the poisoning _and_ the nightmares without harming his memories. I almost wanted to ask him to put the same machine in my brain but I know that would be too much to ask.

"Alouette's ready to shoot real arrows." I say, watching our children dance. Hector is about to fall but Alouette catches him before he trips face first in the dirt. I sigh in relief.

"She's turning into a mini-Katniss." Peeta laughs.

"Being with her in the woods makes me realize how much she's learning in school." I tell him, remembering how she knew about how Gale led the people away from the bombing.

"I hope she doesn't have nightmares." Peeta says voicing out the fear I once had.

"I don't think she will." I shrug. "I think this will make her braver. I think teaching about it in school will make every child more brave and less scared because they are made to understand that we can make change happen if we're united and courageous enough to make it happen."

We spend the rest of the day in the meadow. The children dance and play while Peeta and I watch them from a far, basking in the sinking sun and breathing in the fresh air of our little haven that was once a graveyard. When we came home that night, Alouette begged me to sing the lullaby my father used to sing for us, "The Meadow Song" she calls it; and I did. Both my children fall asleep to the sound of my voice singing a song that holds such a profound meaning. They hold out until the very last line and finally when I stop singing, they let their eyes close and soon they are both peacefully asleep.


	100. Chapter 99 (Post Epilogue Part One)

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY**

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**Post Epilogue**

**One**

I wake up to the sound of my children bickering.

"Hector!" Alouette sighs in disbelief. "It's _my_ turn! You got to drive the craft the whole day yesterday!"

"But I need to pick Susie up from her place." Hector bargains. "I'll be back in like thirty minutes, Ali, come on!"

"That's not the point! The rule was we get to drive it in alternating days! Tell your stupid girlfriend to just meet you at the movies." She answers. "Daaad!"

"Susie is not stupid!" Hector bellows. "Mooom!"

I contemplate on ignoring them but decide otherwise. I sit on the edge of the bed, feeling tired from yet another restless night of nightmares. Peeta still lies sleeping on the bed. I don't bother waking him up. I hear Alouette and Hector thundering down the hall and soon enough, they burst through the door to our room.

"Mom," Hector says. "Tell Ali that I can pick up Susie before she goes to wherever she disappears to."

"First of all," Alouette starts, "It's my turn to drive the craft and second, I don't disappear, I go to _work_. Mom, tell him the rule."

"Alright, alright." I sigh and get to feet. "Let's move this downstairs, your father is sleeping." We move out of the room and I stand between my children to keep them from clawing at each other. In the dining room, I get them seated on the table as I reheat leftover for breakfast. When I get back in the dining room with a plate full of spaghetti the children are back in their heated discussion. It takes them a moment to realize that I've sat on my usual place and have already started eating the spaghetti.

"One by one." I say when they both stop talking. "Hector you go first."

"I get that there's a rule about driving the car only every other day but can we just please disregard that just for today?" He pleads. Hector stands taller than Alouette now but his silver-gray eyes still have the same Seam look on them. He has the same blond hair Peeta had when he was this young but Hector's is cut shorter so that the light curls don't even touch his shoulders. Alouette is a grown woman now. She is working part-time as a secretary in the Communications Office of the Mayor. I asked Mayor of Eleven a favor by letter her work there because I needed to get Alouette out of sight of all the cameras that continue to stalk her. They seem to have a special liking to her, maybe because she's a spitting image of me when I was younger, except for the electric blue eyes her father had given her. Both of them still go to the same school Peeta and I went to. They're learning about every small detail about the past Peeta and I helped evade.

"Why?" I ask Hector. "What's going on with Susie?" Susan Chuck is Hector's girlfriend and they've been together for almost two years now. Susie has Chronic Skin Cancer caused by the medication she's been taking since she was an infant. She was born with it, the doctors said, and the only way to treat the cancer was to get monthly injections of the cure but the problem is that the cure has a side effect which makes the patient dependent on it lest the cancer comes back. "She called me up this morning." He says. "She said she needed to see me."

"Oh come on." Alouette rolls her eyes. "We all know she just wants you because you're you."

"Alouette!" I scold but I know she's right. Cancer or not, Peeta, Alouette and I saw right through her the moment Hector brought her home. Alouette is single but has a wonderful group of girlfriends. She's had three maybe four boyfriends but all of them turned out to be "spies" that only sold her secrets to the press. We suspect Susie is the same but so far, she and Hector have been doing fine together so Peeta and I don't speak a word about it.

"Did she say anything else?" I ask Hector.

"No but she sounded sick." He shrugs. I can see how bothered he is.

"Alouette, your turn." I say after patting Hector's shoulder.

"It was Hector's turn to drive yesterday, which was the main reason why I couldn't go out with the girls." She rolls her eyes again. "But today is _my_ turn and Hector goes ahead and demands that I let him drive. Plus, I'm already late for work."

"I wasn't demanding for the craft!" Hector says defensively.

"Alright, we'll do it this way." I push my plate of spaghetti away. "We'll make an exemption for Hector." Alouette starts to protest but I wave her off and she quiets down. I turn to Hector, "Provided that if at any point that it's your turn to drive and your sister _badly_ needs the hovercraft, you will let her drive. Is that fair?"

"What's the definition of 'badly' needing the hovercraft?" He asks.

"You'll have to clear that with me or your father." I tell them. "Does that plan work?"

"Alright." Alouette says, crossing her arms over her chest. She is wearing a blazer over a white blouse that is tucked in a pencil skirt. Her nametag says, Alouette E. Mellark; Secretary to the Office of Communications of Eleven.

"But first, Alouette needs to go to work and seeing that Susie's place is out of the way, you're just going to have to send the craft home for Hector." I tell Alouette. "And he'll bring it back before you're out of work." They both nod and I tell them to start eating and they do.

When both kids have left the house, I go up to the room and find Peeta still soundly sleeping. I sit on the bed next to him, seeing the light bounce on his white and blond hair. I give him a kiss on the cheek and he turns and wakes up.

"Good morning." I smile and sink into the bed next to him. His arms envelop me and pull me closer to his body. "It's late."

"Did I miss anything?" He asks groggily.

"Just the morning drama." I laugh. "Both the kids wanted to drive the craft. We're going to have to buy another soon. All of Alouette's friends live outside the district and Hector's girlfriend lives in Thirteen."

"Let them fight over it." Peeta says. "It teaches them to share."

"I'm going to have to leave soon." I tell him and he turns me over so that I'm facing him. I lay my palm on his shoulder and bury my face in his neck.

"Can't you call in sick?" He says. "I'll call our factory, tell them I can't come in today."

"And what would we do here?" I ask him, grinning slightly.

"We'll have a little bit of fun." He growls, his hands traveling up and down my back. "Alouette doesn't get out until sunset and Hector even later in the night."

"Plutarch needs me." I tell him, remembering Plutarch telling me that today was a very important day. "We need to prepare the voting machines and they're having us shoot a promo for the coming election." I pull myself away from him even though I wanted so bad to stay that way.

"Hurry home." He says.

"I will." I smile and get in the shower.

Peeta and I have found ways to keep busy now that our children have gotten older. Believe it or not, I work with Plutarch in the Capitol. We make little videos that serve as promos that show nationwide. The promos usually revolve around the rights of the people as citizens as well as their corresponding responsibilities; right now, we're orbiting around the right to vote, the right to make choices and the responsibility to make the right decision. An election for the position of Panem's President is coming up in a few months, so he and I are very busy. Peeta on the other hand has expanded his bakery into a full force factory. District Twelve is now Panem's major source of all kinds of bread. We're earning more money and each year, the whole family travels around Panem for the Charity Tour where we maintain the different institutions we built all those years ago when it was just Peeta and me.

"Is Johanna running?" Peeta asks when I get out of the shower. We haven't released the official list of candidates so only our committee knows.

"Yes." I smile as I pull my blouse over my shoulders. I turn around and Peeta comes over to zip me up.

"That's great!" He says. "I hope she does well during the campaign."

"Paylor's convinced she'll win." I tell him. "I think she's excited to turn down the reigns."

"Who else is running?" He asks.

"William, Boggs's son." I tell him and he's shocked. "I know."

"A married couple running against each other." He shakes his head, laughing. "Well, Johanna's got my vote."

"We'll see how Panem decides." I say, wearing my black slacks and reaching for my heels. Peeta gets in the shower and I comb my hair and get it in a braid. Before I leave, Peeta peeks out of the shower and I give him a kiss. I get into my hovercraft and punch in the route to the Capitol. When I land, Finn, fresh out of school and new to the workforce greets me. I've employed him as my private assistant.

"Good morning, Aunt Kat." He says, handing me a clipboard that shows my schedule for the day.

"Morning, Finn." I smile and we walk across the hangar and into the car. "I see I'm meeting with Beetee today."

"He's got some new ideas for the promo shoot and brought some blue prints for a revised version of cameras he wants to pitch to the team."

"Looks like we'll have a busy day." I say, looking down to the schedule. "How's Annie?"

"She's doing great." Finn says and closes my door. He runs across the hood and enters through the other side and sits next to me. He tells the driver where to take us. "She's really hitting it off with George. A few nights ago he asked me if it'd be alright if he asked her to marry him and I said it was cool." George Spencer is Annie's boyfriend. They've been together for almost three years now. It took a very, very long time for Annie to move on. We were so happy for her when she brought George to one of our dinners. She looked nervous but we all saw how happy she was with him and even though it took us longer to trust George, we all wished them well. He's very respectful to Finnick's memory. Twice a year, he accompanies Annie to Finnick's grave and steps back to give her space. On Finnick's birthday they would lay some shells on his grave because he used to collect them when he was young. On the day he died, she would set down a written letter next to the shells they had left all those months ago and George will always be there so Annie would have a shoulder to cry on and a pair of arms to keep her warm despite the heat of the sun in Four.

"That's great news." I smile and squeeze his hand.

"We have arrived." The driver announces and I open my door and step out of the car. Finn and I walk into the Communications Building ready to face another day at work.


	101. Chapter 100 (Post Epilogue Part Two)

**Post Epilogue**

**Part Two**

When it came, I wasn't afraid. I knew it would come today. They gather around me. My family.

Alouette is looking down at me with a child in her arms. Karen Primrose M. Odair. Her tiny little thumb in her mouth, her long lashes fall like curtains over her olive green eyes. She's clutching onto her mother's hair just as Alouette did when she was a baby. The child's dirty blond hair is up in a braided bun. Alouette turns to Finn and transfer the child in the father's arms as my daughter leans down to me, "We love you." She whispers in my ear after kissing me on the cheek. "Are you sure?" she asks for the millionth time and I give her a weak nod and smile. "Mom, I'm pregnant." She whispers before straitening up again.

I already know this. No matter how hard she tried to hide her countdown in long sleeved blouses or large bangle bracelets, I saw it in the way she and Finn shared swift looks to each other every time some conversation would take a turn toward the pending adoption of Hector and Susie or any talk related to babies.

I knew that look all too well.

I had called up her doctor and found out that it would be another girl. She wants me to take the medicine from the Capitol, the same one that was offered to Haymitch. She decides to tell me this now because she wants to change my decision. Or maybe she wanted me to know before it was too late. But I will remain firm.

By Finn's side are Hector and Susie. They've just received a letter confirming their adoption and I can still see the rivulets of tears falling down Susie's face. I hope it's tears of joy and not sorrow. We all knew it was coming for me but only I knew that it would be today.

At the end of my bed stands a young boy who is only tall enough to see over the bedframe. His sea green eyes mirror his father's. His unruly hair and wounded elbow is often the cause of the frustrations of Alouette. "Let boys be boys, Alouette." I used to tell her when little Brockton Finnick came home from school with a bleeding knee and yet another bruise on his shoulder. She had asked the teacher if there was a fight but was told that Brock was just rough housing yet again. "I just don't want him getting hurt." She sighed and called for Brock to come over and he obediently did. He stood before his mother, his sea green eyes swimming in tears. "I'm sorry, Mama." He pleaded and Alouette kneeled down in front of the boy and embraced him. "Don't be sorry. Just be careful next time." I heard her say to him.

"Come away from there, Brock." Finn orders his son. "Say good bye to Grandma." Brock walks slowly to my side, opposite to his parents and aunt and uncle, and trails his little fingers on my blanket. He looks down at me and starts to cry. "Grandma, please?" He whimpers. "I don't want to say good bye."

I try to raise my voice but the pain overcomes me. "You don't have to say good bye." I whisper to him as he embraces me, his arms draped over my thin and frail shoulders. "I will always watch over you. I love you, Brockton."

"Okay." He gasps for air. "Okay, I love you too Grandma." He rises and wipes his tears away.

"She'll be alright." Alouette says, going around my bed to comfort her son. "She'll be with Grandpa and Aunt Prim and Granddaddy and everyone else from the book." She says with her palm gently patting his son's cries away and her other around mine. I squeeze her hand with all that is left of my strength to say thank you for acknowledging my decision and letting me go.

"She'll be in the book too, right?" Brock asks and silently, my daughter nods, as if opening her mouth to speak up again will release all the tears she's working so hard to keep.

"She will be in millions of books, Brock." Hector says. "No one will ever forget your Grandma."

"Uncle Hector is right." Finn smiles, shifting little Karen from one arm to another. "She will live even longer than any of us. It won't be good bye, not really." I smile up at all of them. Alouette and Hector sit on either side of me both my hands in theirs.

"We love you." Hector says. "We love you, you know that?"

I nod and close my eyes. When I open them again, I see Peeta standing at the end of my bed where Brock was. His excited face is peaking through the space between my children's forlorn and desolate faces, as if he's been standing there for so long, waiting for me to come to him and now he knows I'm going. He's not old and gray. He's young and strong. He's the Peeta I stood by all those years ago in a chariot pulled by horses. A smile creeps up on my old and wrinkling face and all of a sudden, I feel light and free from all the pain and all the guilt that I have never learned to overcome.

"Are you in pain?" Alouette asks, letting go of my hand and brushing away the silver hair away from my temple. "Mama, we can give you something for the pain."

"No." I whisper. "Not in pain." I'm happy to go. My children are all grown up, married and are parents now. They have jobs and a steady flow of income. There is only so much I can do for them and I have done it all. They are equipped to face a world without me in it.

I knew that it would come today.

In the months that had passed, I had been seeing glimpses of the dead in the corner of my eye. The family would be having dinner while the children play in the living room. When I stole a look to check on my grandchildren, I saw a shadow pass behind Karen who was sucking on a rubber duck. The glint of blond hair was unmistakable. It was Prim, passing by Karen as if to check on her.

Other times, I would be walking by the meadow and just a little past the tree line, I would hear a voice call out, "Katniss!" I would look back to find the fading silhouette of a man who is irrefutably my father in his brown leather jacket and black boots.

Sometimes I would see Haymitch or someone from the Games and the Rebellion but that would be rare. It would always be my sister or my father. Most of the time it was my mother who came to visit me. I would catch her walking down my corridor and then disappear through the door of the old nursery of the children. Each day would pass and I would see the ghost of my family become clearer and clearer but I never saw Peeta.

I knew it was getting close when their vivid images made it seem that I had one foot in reality and another in whatever kind of life came after this one. A few weeks before today, I caught a glimpse of Peeta. He was his old self, trudging across the kitchen as if to remind me to check the oven for the bread that he would usually leave there for me. My family had stop visiting; it was only Peeta this time. Each day I would sit in the living room, my eyes peeled wide open to hopefully catch his ghost. Most of the time he did come to me and I noticed that with each passing day, he would look younger and clearer. Every time I try to reach for him, he would disappear, leaving me to question if my own delirious mind had created all these ghosts of the ones I loved to most to somehow soften the blow of death.

"Can you give us a moment?" Alouette says and Susie, Finn and the children leave the room. "He's here isn't he?" Alouette asked. I had confided in her when I called her to come home to Twelve. She had called her brother in Thirteen, fearing the worst from my health and instructed him to bring the best doctors and medical care available in Thirteen.

"Daddy's here?" She asks me again.

Peeta walks over to Alouette's side of the bed. He lays a palm on my forehead and I close my eyes and focus on his touch.

"Right here." I whisper and smile.

"Dad, you take good care of her." Hector says, tears rolling down from his eyes. He's looking at me with such a pained expression.

"Do you remember when your father died?" I asked my children. I don't look at them. I have grown tired of the pity in their eyes and the begging in their voices. I looked at Peeta instead. "Do you remember how scared he was?"

"Yes." My children both say. "The doctors said that the machine in his brain had finally given out and he was trapped in a sort of nightmare." Alouette appends.

"Your father says that he's proud of both of you." I continue, speaking for Peeta. "He says that he was scared to leave us behind when it had happened. But he was mostly scared because he would be all alone and what was worse was that he wouldn't have us to guide him. He says he's sorry he had to go so suddenly. He was tired of the terror and it made him weak. He says he'll take care of me. He says to let me go because he is lost without me."

I look away from Peeta and back at Alouette and Hector. They're crying now, uncontrollably shaking and saying "I love you.", "I'm so sorry, I should have been a better child.", "We'll take care of the children and make sure they always remember you. Both of you."

"Shh." I quiet them both. Hector is embracing me. He head is nestled on my shoulder, his hands on either side of my shoulders. Alouette soon joins the embrace and I can feel their weight on me. I can feel the heat that tells me that they are very much alive and well. "Shh." I say again. "Listen, both of you." They rise and look down at me. Alouette has taken my hand in hers again. I remember how tightly she griped on my hand when I walked her home from school as if determined to never let go from me. It feels the same now.

"When your time comes." I start. "Don't be afraid. Your father and I will be there for you." The nod. "Teach your children to be good people. Be better parents to them than I was to you."

"Don't say that, Mom." Hector whimpers. "You were the best Mom in the country, the whole universe."

"He's right." Alouette smiles. "The best."

"Promise me." I tell them.

"I promise." Alouette whispers.

"Promise." Hector says. I close my eyes and smile, feeling the lightest I have ever felt in my life.

* * *

><p>"In the end, she wasn't afraid. She welcomed Death into her arms as though he were a long lost friend she had lost in the Rebellion. It seemed to me that it was some sort of reunion for her. She wanted to die when she was younger, she wanted to escape the terrible world she lived in, but she didn't die then, she had far too much left to do for us. That night, she wanted to die because she felt she needed to be somewhere else, she wanted to go because she had done all the she was supposed to and all that she can for her family and for this country, she knew that we were ready to be left alone. But who can be prepared to lose their mother only a few short years after they lost their father? No one. Although she explained all these things to us, the truth is, Hector and I tried really hard to understand why she wanted to go. Maybe she felt lonely without Dad. Maybe she had grown tired of this world. The plain truth that we had accepted is that she was ready to go, and when my mother gets going, she doesn't let anyone stop her.<p>

To you, she was Katniss Everdeen, the Volunteer from Twelve, the Mockingjay, the Girl on Fire, the Hero of Panem. To me, she was Mama, everything from teacher to best friend. She was everything to me and to my family. We stand together here and now, forever united in blood and in history to remember our mother who died three nights ago. She was and forever will be Katniss Everdeen the brave young girl who stood before the cameras during the Reaping, pushing her only sister behind her and screaming, 'I volunteer! I volunteer as Tribute.' She was and forever will be the Victor of Twelve. She was and forever will be The Mockingjay, soaring in the sky watching over the nation she had worked hard to save. She is and will forever be a mother to me and brother, a grandmother to our children and a beacon of hope to all of you.

Together, let us raise our hands to say thank you to this woman who lost everything to the tyrant who once ruled Panem. Together, let us raise our hands to say good bye to this woman who changed the face of the future, all those years ago when she raised her bow in open defiance to the treacheries we were all so afraid to resist. Together, let us raised our hands to send our love to The Fallen Tributes and Victors and Heroes, may they rest in peace, trusting that we will honor and preserve the nation that they had entrusted to our hands." I bring my three middle fingers to my lips and then raise them straight above my head. The immense crowd that has gathered from all over Panem follows after me in our silent tribute to my mother. Hector is standing to my right and our hands link and I can almost feel the sorrow emanate from him. To my left is my husband, Finn, carrying Karen in a single arm. Brock stands next to him, looking very timid and confused. Past him is Aunt Effie, she is trembling, barely able to raise her own hands without shaking. To my right side, past Hector is Susie, carrying the newborn baby boy, Harrison in her arms. We watch as millions of people raise their hands, their movement almost like a wave of the ocean, slowly at first and then all of a sudden gaining momentum. All of them have raised their hand in a three-finger salute of District Twelve.

_It means thanks, it means admiration, it means good-bye to someone you love._

**end of story**

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><p><strong>DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY<strong>

**IT BELONGS TO SUZANNE COLLINS**

**THIS STORY BELONGS TO ME.**


	102. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS and AUTHOR'S NOTE

**ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS/AUTHOR'S NOTE**

I published the first chapter of this book on May 2, 2011 and, three years later, last June 16, 2014 I published the last. After one hundred chapters (and a half chapter) and over 170,000+ words, I hope I was able to live up to your expectations. I hope that I helped you preserve the wonderful memory of the Girl on Fire. I hope you can learn to overlook the small grammatical and continuity errors I have made throughout this story. Understand that I was writing this throughout the course of my high school life and the beginning of my college life, so I may have committed some small mistakes and forced you through long hiatuses because I needed to focus on my studies.

Please know that I have been reading your reviews and I thank each and every one of you who took the time to post a comment about how you felt about the chapter, be it positive or negative, know that I cherish each one. I hope you extend a hand and help me advertise this story to friends and family who share the same passion for the epic trilogy by Suzanne Collins. I also trust that this story will not be plagiarized in any way and that any form of copying or republishing will be reported immediately to me (via private messaging) and the authorities of this website. Know that I will bring this story down if ever I hear news of this and will no longer continue to publish my future writings here.

I look forward to your support as I do plan to write another story, a prequel to The Hunger Games book to be precise, about the other characters of this story. It will revolve around the Victors of Panem as well as other characters who became part of Katniss and Peeta's life throughout the trilogy and throughout my story.


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